“Girlfriend.”

  I skittered to a halt. “Girlfriend?”

  “Yes. I'm bisexual.”

  “Oh. I thought you were too narrow-minded to swing both ways.”

  “Now who’s making nasty little personal judgements?”

  “I suppose I don’t really know much about you at all.”

  “No, you don’t, and that’s more my fault than yours, I freely admit.” He held out his hand. “Hi, I'm Pel Kani. I'm a big fan. Can we have dinner together?”

  “I don't know. My manager doesn’t think I should get involved with my public.” Still, I reached out and took his hand. It felt warm and strong around mine. “Are you really a fan?”

  “I like the films I’ve seen, but I like what I’ve seen of you even more. I, uh...had a wonderful time that night. The next morning was awful because you seemed to be so, so...not you. Like someone playing a game. It was too much like my ex.”

  “Oh.” Thinking back, I supposed I hadn’t made it easy for him. “I, uh, enjoyed it too. Until you said that stuff. Which I might have misinterpreted slightly.”

  “Slightly. But I'm sorry for that.” He squeezed my hand. “One more chance? Please?”

  Bastard. He knew how to use those eyes. “I think the budget will allow the scene to be reshot. Once. But screw up your lines again, and you’re sacked off the production. Got it?”

  “Got it.” Then he grinned. Such an utter bastard.

  Chapter 9 — A Fresh Start

  Two months later, Matsin hosted a dinner for the five of us, a mini-celebration for a few reasons. He’d been quietly reacquiring as many of Urei’s artworks as he could, and had been busily converting a greenhouse in the garden into a little gallery. It wasn’t exactly a secret, considering Urei’s telepathy—though Matsin had been taking lessons in how to shield his thoughts from his lover, for both their sakes—but Urei had assiduously avoided going into the area until Matsin was ready.

  Now, glasses of fine wine in hand, Mum, Pel and I, as well as Carll and Reta, watched as Urei was allowed to see his collected works on display in a proper setting for the very first time. I swear the squirt cried as he hugged Matsin, and then Pel. I had to admit it made a beautiful show—and an expensive one, though Matsin had apparently managed to write off some of the cost through some arcane tax dodge. I didn’t want to know and I was sure Urei didn’t care at all.

  “You should have one in the new house, Jesevo,” Mum said. “Matsin doesn’t have room here for more.”

  “I can make room,” Matsin said rather fiercely. “From now on, if someone is stupid enough to get rid of an original Ges, then I want to buy it. If they don’t appreciate it, then they don’t deserve it.”

  The implication of his tone was that none of us did either, but we were used to his possessiveness about Urei’s stuff by now, so Mum didn’t take offence. “A little studio would be nice. You could decide what to do with it later.”

  “Sure, Mum. Whatever works.” I’d finally let her know I’d be moving out, because the apartment was too small. To my surprise, she said she’d been thinking of moving herself so why didn’t we buy a really big house together, with plenty of room for privacy and guests, an office for her, space for me to work out in or rehearse. Our existing apartment could be leased out—she couldn’t quite bring herself to sell it just yet, which was fine by me.

  As soon as we made that decision, Matsin smartly presented us with a choice of houses near him that he’d been keeping an eye on. We chose one with a huge garden and six bedrooms, walking distance from his house, with all the facilities we wanted or could want. I was due to move in two weeks, once the legals were all finalised. The nice thing was that Mum would be able to work from home more, so I would see more of her and her days should become less stressed. She said she should really start to give up some of her duties—code for resigning from the ESF. I was all for that.

  Pel was the only one of us still planning to live in his original home. I sure wasn’t going to be inviting him to move in any time because I was rather enjoying his slow courtship. We’d done no more than kiss since that afternoon in the garden, but we’d been to dinner a few times, gone out for easy walks, seen some films together, and I’d spent a day helping at a charity event for his legal centre. He’d been on his best behaviour but I hadn’t had the impression that it had been an effort or anything. It was more like...he was showing me the side of him that I’d liked so much, and proving that his crappy remarks were something he wouldn't repeat in a hurry. Or at all.

  Urei found it all funny. Apparently he couldn’t easily read Pel’s mind—something about him having natural shields—but he could read mine, and he knew where I wanted this to head.

  “Just sleep with him already,” he’d said more than once while he sketched me in the garden.

  “No. Not until I trust him.”

  “You can trust him. I trust him.”

  “And that would be because you’ve known him all your life and he’s never hurt you.”

  “Well yeah. But that’s enough. You can trust him.”

  To him, it was so simple. And since he was so happy with Matsin, he wanted everyone to be the same. To be truthful, so did I, but Pel had made a mess of things the first time around and I needed it to be right this time.

  Tonight, in the twilight, walking around the scented garden, sipping the lovely wine, with Urei and Mum having a conversation in the distance and Matsin’s cultured iciness cutting in from time to time, I felt at peace. I’d healed, I had work coming up, I had a new home, and my world had regained the balance I’d lost that night after the club.

  “You’re smiling,” Pel said, sliding his arm around my waist.

  “I'm happy, that’s why.”

  “Then I'm happy you’re happy.” I rolled my eyes. “No, I am. You weren’t, when I met you, and not just because you’d been beaten up. There was something rather hunted about you. I thought that was why you took the drugs.”

  “No, that’s because I can see dead people.”

  “‘Want me to demonstrate?’” he quoted, and then he laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a scary son of a bitch.”

  “Acting. I'm a pussy cat.”

  “No, you’re scary, but not in that way.” He set his glass down on a granite pillar peeping out behind a shrub. “Will you get angry if I kiss you?”

  “Matsin could give you the probability.”

  “Oh bugger Matsin,” he murmured, pulling me close to lay his lips on me.

  See, this was easy, and good, and sweet, even with Urei giggling in the background when he spotted us. Pel was heaven like this, holding me firmly against his toned body, his mouth commanding and knowing. I wanted to let myself go, fall into him, give into my longing for him. But I found it so hard to believe this wasn’t an act. Same problem he had with me, I suppose.

  “Gentlemen, I believe dinner is ready,” Matsin called, cool irony in his voice—but then he almost always sounded like that.

  Pel set me free, reluctantly. “You’re driving me around the twist, I want you so much.”

  “Well, uh...this isn’t about you. You got what you wanted, now it’s my turn.” Might have been more convincing if my voice hadn’t gone all husky from lust.

  “Yes, it is. I’ll wait, Jay.” He took my hand. “Dinner?”

  I discreetly adjusted my pants. “Sure.”

  Though I was still living at Matsin’s house, dinner with him and Urei wasn’t at all usual. Either I was out, with Pel or at Mum’s, or they were. Urei and I ate together more than Matsin and I did, but then before Urei’s kidnapping, before our lives had changed forever, Matsin and I had spent more time fucking than anything else. I think I liked it better this way. We’d become better friends, for sure.

  So tonight was a treat as well as a celebration. Matsin had hired a caterer to give Reta the night off. The food was fine, probably. I don’t know. I spent the evening thinking about Pel’s kisses and the promise to wait. The problem was, I didn’t know if I’d ever be completely sure. If I cared about him less, then it wouldn’t matter. But I didn’t want to be rejected twice.

  “Hon, what do you think?”

  “About what?”

  Urei giggled and poked Matsin in the side. “Luiz, I don’t think he’s heard a word about it,” my manager said in an irritatingly patient tone.

  “About what?”

  Pel grinned at my confusion. “About the permanent gallery he’s negotiating for on Urei’s behalf.”

  I turned to Matsin. “But you just built the one in the garden.”

  “Yes, but that’s too small, and will eventually only house...special pieces.” The two of them shared an intimate look. I tried not to gag. “I want a place where the public can come and see Urei’s art.”

  “Sounds great. When does it open?”

  He sighed. “If you’d paid the least attention...oh, never mind. Luiz, would you like some more wine?”

  I tried to concentrate after that, but my thoughts kept drifting back to the problem with Pel. After dinner, we sat on the upper balcony to drink coffee and liqueurs, looking out over the subtly lit garden and the twinkling lights of Matsin’s neighbourhood. Soon to be mine too. I should be ecstatic, but something was still missing from my life.

  Mum and Pel excused themselves to use the loo. The second they were out of earshot, Urei pounced. “Why are you making it so hard, Jay? He’s mad about you, you’re mad about him. It’s easy.”

  “You keep out of it, squirt. Three months ago you were a virgin. I don’t need advice from you.”

  “He couldn’t make a bigger hash of it than you are,” Matsin said, stroking Urei’s arm. “But perhaps Jay should be left to make his own decisions, Ur. Your brother can be a bit of a sod.”

  “Not like you,” I couldn’t resist saying.

  “I have no charming side. That’s the difference between him and me.”

  Urei grinned and kissed his cheek.

  “Oh cut it out, you two, you make me sick.”

  “Jealousy’s so unattractive on you, Jay.”

  I poked my tongue out at Matsin but then turned serious. “What’s the probability of things working out okay between him and me? I mean...if I took him to bed, into my life.”

  He looked at me over his glasses. “Do you really want that answer? It’s like knowing when you’ll die. Takes all the fun out of it.”

  “I need to know. It’s driving me nuts.”

  “But what if the answer isn’t what you want to hear?”

  “I can handle it,” I insisted.

  “Very well. Urei, be my witness that he said that. The probability is—”

  “Of what, Matsin? What are we talking about?”

  I nearly groaned as Pel came through the glass screen, sat down and gave me a smile. “Never mind,” I said, glancing warningly at the other two.

  “More than fifty percent,” Matsin said sweetly.

  “How much more?”

  “What are we talking about?” Pel asked.

  “Nothing. Just something to do with work. Shouldn’t have brought it up, not tonight.” I felt like throwing something at Urei’s smirk. Knock it off. Remember I'm the reason you and Matsin are together.

  Nah. We’d have found it each. It was destiny.

  You’re making me sick.

  He grinned and cuddled up to Matsin again. Little weirdo.

  No one was in a hurry to go home, since none of us were working for the next three days—no one but Matsin who was always working. Though even that had changed since Urei’s arrival. He actually took whole half-days off at a time, without calls or messages, to be with Urei. Carll still hadn’t got over the shock of it.

  But finally Mum yawned. “I should go.”

  “You’re welcome to stay over,” Matsin said politely.

  “Thank you, but I sleep better in my own bed. Pel, shall we share a taxi?” Carll had the night off too, at Urei’s insistence.

  “Of course. Let me get my—”

  I gathered my courage up and cleared my throat. “Actually, Pel...you’re welcome to stay over too.”

  Everyone looked at me, and I flushed. “If you want to,” I mumbled.

  “Go ahead, dear,” Mum said, patting his arm and grinning at me. “Matsin, maybe I’ll take you up on that offer, head back in the morning.”

  “Of course. We won’t need another room made up for Pel, will we?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

  I scowled back. “I hate you.”

  “Of course you do. Let me show you your room, Luiz. Good night, Jay, Pel.”

  As he, Urei and Mum headed from the balcony, I mentally yelled at Urei. How much more than fifty percent?

  Don’t know. That’s something you can figure out on your own.

  I hate you too.

  Sure you do. Good night. Give Pel a kiss for me.

  I resisted, barely, the temptation to make an extremely vulgar finger gesture.

  Pel hadn’t moved from his seat. “So,” he said as we found ourselves alone.

  “Yes. Uh.”

  “Looks like everyone knows where I’ll be spending the night. Looks like they all think they know what I’ll be doing too.”

  “You don’t have to. You don’t even have to sleep with me. We don’t need to have sex—”

  He reached over and stopped my babble with a finger on my lips. “I want to sleep with you. I want to have sex with you.”

  “Me too. Uh, I mean, with you, not with me. Because that would be stupid.”

  He put the finger back. “You always this talkative when you’re nervous?”

  “Yeah.”

  He slipped off his chair and knelt beside mine. “Tell me what you want.”

  “You. But only....”

  “Only if I don’t turn on you and call you nasty names.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I think it’s unlikely,” he said, expression grave but with a little twinkle in his dark eyes. “For one, your mother threatened to shoot me if I upset you. Matsin told me he would make sure I never worked in this town again, and Urei said he’d cry. Besides....” He cupped my cheek. “I know you too well to do something like that now. I care too much.”

  I gripped his wrist. “I don’t need my mother, my manager, or your brother to protect me. You ever call me a whore again and I’ll knock you out. Then shoot you.”

  “Yes, you will. So, cognizant of the risks, and with no malice aforethought...shall we?”

  I stood, then pulled him up and into my arms, gripping his shirt and hauling him into a none-too-gentle kiss, which he seemed to like as much as I did. “I have a confession to make,” I whispered against his ear. “I like it rough. I like being tied up, and held down, and treated badly.”

  “Be nice and spank you?” I nodded, cheeks on fire with embarrassment. “I think I can manage. I'm not such a fan of straight sex either.”

  I pulled back. “You’re just saying that to get me into bed with you.”

  He grabbed my wrist and forced it high behind me, making me stand on my toes. My cock throbbed in anticipation even though my heart raced, just a little, in fear. “No,” he said, his voice low and dark. “I'm not.” He released me, but only to wrap his arm around me and hold me against his broad, muscled chest. “But I’d like to have a chance to talk about this later. Set the boundaries, that kind of thing.”

  Matsin hadn’t done that. But Matsin had formed my tastes as much as anything and would have stopped if I’d said no. I never had. Pel was different though, and I didn't want to screw this up.

  “We can talk. But get it straight—I bottom, but I don’t submit. You tie me up, you don’t own me. Respect me or walk.”

  “I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he murmured against my ear. “So...bottoming is your preference?”

  “Are you slow?”

  He laughed. Loved his laugh. “Just making sure.” He bit my earlobe and a tingle shot right down to my toes, making me shiver. “Then I suggest you get yourself ready and find out if Matsin’s left any lube and condoms around. I’ll be in your room. Impatiently in your room.”

  I shoved my knee between his powerful thighs, forcing them apart so I could rub my leg against his crotch. He arched and moaned a little, gripping my shoulders.

  I smirked at his loss of control. “Think you’ll last that long?”

  “Make it quick, Jay. It’s been a long, long time coming.”

  I grinned at the pun and cupped him, pressing his erection through his trousers. “A whole lifetime, actually.”

  He pulled me against him and kissed me bruisingly, wonderfully hard. “And not a minute too soon.”

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