We. A little glow filled him, because Ryan meant them. Bleu and Ryan. That he could help too.

  “Sit. Visit. Eat some of this food so I don’t have to put it away.”

  “We can so do that.” Bleu had to laugh, because he’d had at least two plates of uneaten nibbles today. Now he would eat.

  “What do you want, guys? Pizza rolls just came out of the oven.”

  “Poppers and pizza rolls!” came as a chorus.

  Ryan stood, the air moving, and then Bleu smelled hot coffee. “I put just a little cream and sugar, babe.”

  “Thank you.” He found the mug and drank deep, enjoying the bitter and sweet and creamy before the scent of tomato sauce and bacon overwhelmed everything.

  Oh hell yes.

  He was all over that.

  “These are homemade pizza rolls,” Ryan said, taking his hand to show Bleu the shape. “The other side is poppers with bacon, but I would fork that.”

  “Okay. Is there ranch to dip in?”

  “Right here.” Ryan handed him a little bowl deal.

  “Cool.” He used his fork for the poppers, because yeah, he would inevitably wipe his eyes or something with jalapeno fingers, and Ryan had said they were sliced, not whole.

  The pizza rolls were addictive, and he found himself reaching for them, over and over. “Is there crack in these?”

  “I think there’s gotta be. I could eat a dozen more.” Ryan was laughing, leaning close. “They’re good with the ranch, even.”

  “Aren’t they? I love ranch on anything. My palate isn’t any more refined than it’s ever been.”

  “Oh God, neither is mine. Pizza. Hamburgers. I’ve had sushi in Japan and fancy cheese in France, and I’m still an American snack food guy.”

  “I like sushi. Fancy cheese is okay if it doesn’t smell like feet, but really, I’m happy with a bag of Doritos and a Milky Way.” It was okay to say that here because Geoff wasn’t listening.

  “Oh, I like sushi too, but here I just get spicy tuna. In Japan there’s stuff you can’t even imagine. Fish eggs that explode like Pop Rocks.”

  “No shit?” He tried to imagine fish Pop Rocks. That was… wow. Rough.

  “Yeah. Here, have a bite with ranch.” Ryan pressed a bite of pizza roll to his mouth.

  He dared to nibble at Ryan’s fingertips, just barely, just teasing. After all, Ryan knew he wasn’t attached now, right?

  So did everyone else, apparently.

  “Ryan, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten, then?” Stoney asked.

  “Nakji. They’re baby octopus, and you eat them alive. I had them in Korea.”

  “Alive?” Bleu shook his head. He couldn’t help it. “Don’t tell Geoff.”

  “Never. If he was here, I would have said durian fruit.”

  “That smells bad. I’ve read about that.” Bleu searched his memory. “Rotten onions, right?”

  Stoney made a gagging noise.

  “Kinda, yeah. It’s wow. Okay, everyone else has to play.”

  “Mealworms,” Tiny said immediately. “Steamed.”

  “Rocky mountain oysters.” That was Stoney.

  “Sweetbreads. They’re fucking nasty.” Angie sounded almost affronted.

  “There was this hors d’oeuvres in Chicago once that was puff pastry filled with squid ink, salted cod, and raisins. I thought I would die.” Ford coughed in an exaggerated way.

  “Salted… and raisins?” He didn’t even want to think about whatever squid ink was. He was still traumatized from when he found out honey was bee vomit.

  “It tasted like really chunky black cum.”

  Everyone started moaning and gagging at that.

  “My poor virgin ears!” he cried, flailing wildly.

  “Shit. You wish.” Stoney’s snort made him laugh. “Do you even remember being a virgin, Bleu?”

  “Nope. I was born experienced and wickedly good at this whole sex thing.”

  “I know better,” Ryan sing-songed.

  Everyone laughed, but the game went on, with stinky tofu and fermented ant eggs coming up. He couldn’t imagine a better time with friends.

  Sad, really, because Dan had been his best friend for a long, long time, and Bleu didn’t even miss him. Somehow he needed Dan to back off the worry and get back to being… just the good guy and art fiend Bleu had first met.

  He let that little pang go. Right now he was having a ball with these people that were almost like family. It was enough.

  Ryan leaned close. “You going to invite me back to your cabin to spend the night, Bleu?”

  “I think I am, Mr. Shields.”

  “Very cool.” Ryan laughed, taking his hand as cowboys started to shuffle around and say good night.

  “You guys need anything before I take Stoney to bed?” Ford whispered over.

  Bleu thought he could hear Stoney snoring softly.

  “I think we’re good,” Ryan said just as quietly.

  “You fellas feel free to stay as long as you need to,” Ford said. “Stoney. Come on, baby. Let’s go to bed. Tiny’s got this.”

  Oh, so sweet.

  Ryan hummed, deep in his chest, so whatever he saw had to be as lovely as he was imagining.

  “Let’s sneak off too. Unless you need us, Tiny.”

  “Are you kidding?” Tiny kept his voice low. “I got ten kids out there desperate to earn as many hours of money as they can.”

  “Fair enough. Come on, Bleu. Let’s go.”

  He nodded and found Floyd’s harness. “Come on, boy.”

  Floyd yawned audibly. Yeah, it was past all their bedtimes. He took Ryan’s arm with his other hand, feeling a great sense of… togetherness, maybe.

  Whatever it was, he was going to enjoy it. Dammit.

  They wandered back through the snow, and he let Floyd go to do his business before they went in.

  When they made it to his cabin, Bleu was relieved that Dan was either in bed or not around. No weirdness.

  They went back to the bedroom, easy as pie, both of them settling into a routine like it was nothing, like it was meant to be. The shoe was going to drop, of course it was. The party was Saturday, and then things would be over. He’d go to Santa Fe, and Ryan would go to Boulder, and they’d go to work, and things would be down to a few phone calls. Still, he could enjoy this now, couldn’t he?

  He let Floyd out of his harness before Ryan looped an arm around him, leading him to his bed.

  Yeah. He would focus on the now. Hard.

  Chapter Thirteen

  RYAN woke up feeling warm and happy, just…. Yeah. Saturday was a good day. The best day.

  He checked the clock. The exhibition wouldn’t wait, but he had time for a nice leisurely breakfast before he had to go prepare.

  Bleu had kissed him early this morning, whispering something about Floyd and snowmobiles and love before disappearing and leaving him to his dreams.

  Grinning, he rolled out of bed, his everything needing stretching. First he had to hit the head, though. He made his way into the hall, looking for the bathroom.

  He felt energized and ready to go, to let himself play on the pipes and show off a little bit. It was easier now, to just let it all hang out, because he wasn’t worried about ruining his career.

  Washing up after he did his thing, he licked his teeth. Ew. Okay, so go get cleaned up first. Then breakfast. Then event.

  When he left the bathroom, though, he ran smack into Dan.

  “Oops! Sorry, man. Sorry.”

  Dan chuckled softly. “Usually that’s Bleu who smacks into me. Good morning.”

  “Morning. He’s off snowmobiling. Is Floyd gone already?” He would walk the beast if Quartz hadn’t picked him up.

  “He’s not here, so I’m assuming he went to doggy day care.” Dan sighed. “I do wish he would have stayed home. Snowmobiles aren’t safe.”

  He glanced at Dan before leading the way to the main room. He was glad he had pants on. “You know, he needs to experience things.”

  “Of course he does, but does he need to experience dangerous things? He’s always trying to…. He does things I wouldn’t do, and he’s blind, for fuck’s sake.”

  He couldn’t even yell at the guy. Hadn’t he felt unequal to the task of taking care of Bleu? The thing was, Bleu had easily learned to get along on his own. Even out here on the ranch, Bleu got around with Floyd like a champ.

  “It’s not like he’s out there alone, Dan. I know, believe me, but he’s so capable. It surprised me.”

  “Was he this bad before? I want to be there for him, I really do, but he just pushes me away….”

  “Bad?” He paused, pondering that. “I think he’s way more adventurous now. But I know he doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone. If it freaks you out that he’s blind, he’s going to try to make things easier for you by not being around.” Which was exactly what Bleu had done for him back in the day. God, he was an idiot.

  “It doesn’t bother me that he’s blind. It bothers me that he’s got a death wish, that he won’t accept his limitations.”

  “What are his limitations?” They’d sunk down across from each other on couch and chair respectively. “I mean, why can’t he ride on the back of a snowmobile or ski? He was a natural, by the way. He has as much chance as anyone of getting hurt, sure, but only as much.”

  “He’s special. He can express things in sculpture that I can only barely understand. I want to keep that gift safe. That’s reasonable, right?”

  “That’s sweet.” How did he put this? “But I’m not sure it’s okay to put him in a bubble to preserve his art, man.”

  God knew he’d resented Phil for watching everything he put into his mouth, for treating him like a commodity instead of a lover.

  Dan sighed. “I wish I could change me, Ryan, but I can’t. I know it’s not fair to want to change him. It’s just really complicated.”

  “Of course it is. You’re a good friend, man. Just try hard to let him do what he wants to do, huh?” Listen to him, being all psychologist.

  “Yeah. What about you? Are you a good friend? A weekend tryst? What are you to him?”

  Ryan bristled, but then he took a deep breath. Dan had been perfectly open with him. He could return the favor. “I want to be a lover. Full-time. We have a lot to figure out, but I still love him.”

  “I love him too, but I’m not in love with him. I’m in love with his art, and he was in love with the idea of being a couple. I hope you two work out, for his sake.”

  Oh. Oh wow. Okay. Okay, that was… way more decent than he’d expected, and that made him a little ashamed of himself.

  He smiled. “Thanks. Have you had breakfast? I need to hop in the shower, but then I’m heading to the dining room.”

  “I haven’t, no. Do you mind company?”

  “Not a bit. Meet you there in about twenty?” Dan was a part of Bleu’s life. He would try to get to know the guy.

  “Sounds good. I’ll go grab a coffee from the lobby and give you some privacy.”

  “Thanks, man.” He smiled, figuring they had a truce, if nothing else.

  He grabbed his bag and headed into the bathroom. Light breakfast, coffee, and then he had an exhibition to do.

  Then he would see about convincing Bleu to do more than let the weekend end.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “OH my God! It’s so cool!” The world was whipping past them, the buzz of the snowmobile like a thousand angry red wasps, the vibration scary and fascinating and wonderful all at once.

  Bleu was out of his mind with excitement. He clung to Stoney, feeling every bump and jump of the sled. Stoney had called it a sled…. He laughed. This was so not sledding.

  This was… flying. They were flying. They hit something and the world fell out from under them for a second, and they were soaring before the snowmobile hit the ground again and they were off.

  He whooped, and he felt Stoney laughing, ribs just shaking.

  “You having fun, man?”

  “This is amazing!” he yelled back. “Faster!”

  “Hold on!” They cornered, and he had this feeling of thin air, as if they’d gone over the edge of something. Then they whipped back on a trail, the sound familiar already. “Lean left with me!”

  He leaned hard, laughing loud as they cornered fast and furious. There was a loud scrape, but the sled righted, and Stoney chortled.

  “You’re doing great, man. You want more?”

  “God yes. Please. I want to know.”

  “I hear you. Okay, this is tricky. We’re heading down a long hill. When we hit the bottom, it will be a powdery bowl. Do exactly what I tell you, okay?”

  “I will.” He was great at following directions. Spectacular, even.

  They stopped for just a moment, and he could feel Stoney adjusting his weight.

  The sled revved up, and they began to move, the wind moving faster and faster, almost burning his cheeks with the speed of it. The incline of the snowmobile tilted sharply, and they both leaned into the drop, the icy air stealing their breath.

  Bleu felt it just before the land changed, the angle trying to yank him up and back, and Stoney gunned it, pushing them straight across the bowl of powder he’d mentioned. “Lean right!”

  They leaned again, spinning the sled again. He could feel the whole kit and caboodle start to sink, and Stoney hit the gas, lifting them out of the snow.

  How fascinating was that? Gravity was an amazing thing.

  They drove around the snow bowl a few times; then Stoney laughed and slowed down. “You about ready to go back, man? There’s hot chocolate waiting for us.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  “Cool. Okay, we have to go up the hill the other way. Remember what I told you about going up?”

  “Don’t lean back. I remember.”

  “Right. Here we go!” Stoney pushed it, the motor whining.

  They headed up, and he fought gravity, his abs tight as he tried to push up the hill. They were moving real well, so he thought he was doing just fine, and Stoney wasn’t tense or stressed, so yay.

  This was the best thing since skiing. Seriously. “So much fun!”

  “I know, right?” Stoney hollered back. “This is the best—”

  A crack sounded, sharp and loud, and then it felt like they were upside down, like they were literally flying through the air, the seat of the snowmobile trying to disappear from between their legs.

  The sled flipped, Stoney shouted, and Bleu lost his breath when he hit something soft and hard and freezing cold.

  Then everything just… went away.

  Chapter Fifteen

  THE half pipe was just freaking perfect today.

  Ryan tipped off the edge, swooping down one side and up the other, catching air in an easy 360 before coming back down. That gave him room for at least three more aerials on the way. He felt loose and in the zone, not having to worry about points, not having to compete against anyone.

  The air made his whole face cold, even with the goggles and his hat. Man, it was freezy. He whipped back up the pipe, getting enough height to do a 450. Ryan landed it, which made the crowd cheer. He did one more big front catch aerial, not bothering to spin, before landing and slipping down to the bottom of the pipe.

  Ryan pumped his arms as he crossed the finish line, snow spraying everywhere.

  Hoots and hollers followed him as he unhooked his boots, and a shit-ton of folks stopped him for photo ops.

  He signed everything that was thrust in front of him—skis, boards, helmets, hoodies. Ryan really wanted to get back to the ranch and see how Bleu’s snowmobiling had gone, but this was his job, and he needed to do it well.

  Besides, they had all of the late afternoon and the party to enjoy together.

  “That was awesome, babe!” Phil came to him once he got up the hill, clapping him on the back. “You caught some amazing air!”

  “It felt damn good.” He grinned over. “Remind me when we’re not at work to punch you in the face for trying to warn Bleu off, would you?”

  “Hey! I was just trying to make things easier.”

  Ryan stared.

  “Okay, I was being all weird, but I did have your best interests at heart.”

  “Weird. Bitchy. And you have to be nice from now on, okay?”

  “Fine. I’ll be good.”

  He fastened Phil with a look.

  “I will. I swear. If he’s what you want, go for it.”

  “He’s who I want.” No question, no hesitation.

  “Good. Come on. Do the shaking hands with the bigwigs pics, and you can head out.”

  “I can totally do that.” He liked meeting the guys, liked the fans. This was one of the good parts.

  They made their way up to the VIP area, where both hot chocolate and booze was flowing. Phil introduced him to dozens of expensive-looking folks, and he caught up with a few buddies from the circuit.

  So much fun. He only wished Bleu was here to experience this.

  Soon. He had a few more exhibitions set in February. One in Idaho and one in Utah. Maybe he could get Bleu to go with him.

  That would be fun as….

  His phone buzzed in his jacket pocket, and he grabbed it. Ford Nixel. Weird.

  He hit Accept. “Yo.”

  “Are Stoney and Bleu there with you?”

  “Uh, not that I know of. I’m at the VIP right now. Did you want me to try calling Bleu?” What the hell?

  “Can you? I can’t reach Stoney, and he was supposed to be back over an hour ago.”

  His heart kicked into high gear. “You got it. Call you back in a minute.” He moved away from the crowd, then dialed Bleu.

  The ring went straight to voicemail, Bleu’s voice on the line. “Hey, leave a message and I’ll get right back to you.”

  Shit. He called Ford back, worry knotting in his belly.

  “Anything?”

  “No. You?”

  “No. I’m going to send Tanner out to see if he can find them. There’s a storm coming this afternoon, of course, because we’re having the party.”

  “Of course. I’m on my way back.”

  Ford was trying to act like it was no big, but Ryan was worried.