Copyright © 2023 by Brittanee Nicole

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  For the women who want everything and never settle.

  I hope you find a love like Jay.

  A best friend like Sophie.

  And breakfast for dinner when it all becomes too much.

  CONTENTS

  Quote

  Prologue

  1. You’re On Your Own, Kid by Taylor Swift

  2. In My Place by Coldplay

  3. What a Time by Julia Michaels

  4. Déjà vu by Olivia Rodrigo

  5. Maybe by Matthew Nolan

  6. I Miss You, I’m Sorry by Gracie Abrams

  7. About Damn Time by Lizzo

  8. Push by Matchbox Twenty

  9. I Want You Back by NSYNC

  10. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Sleeping at Last

  11. It Ain’t Me by Selena Gomez

  12. Demons by Imagine Dragons

  13. Never Be the Same by Camilla Cabello

  14. If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes

  15. Elastic Heart by Sia

  16. Sway by the Perishers

  17. Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift

  18. Stubborn Love by the Lumineers

  19. Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa

  20. Mercy by Shawn Mendes

  21. Someone to Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

  22. Already Gone by Sleeping at Last

  23. War of Hearts by Ruelle

  24. Another Love by Tom Odell

  25. Apologize by One Republic

  26. Someone To You by Banners

  27. Roses by The Chainsmokers

  28. Circles by Post Malone

  29. Don’t Give Up On Me By Andy Grammer

  30. Let It All Go by Rhodes and Birdy

  31. Turning Page by Sleeping at Last

  32. Falling Like the Stars by James Arthur

  33. Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay

  34. Go Easy on Me by Adele

  35. Give Me Something by Seafret

  36. Breathe by Anna Nalick

  37. Atlantis by Seafret

  38. Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

  39. When We Were Young by Adele

  40. Heal by Tom Odell

  41. Set Fire to the Rain by Adele

  42. The Night We Met by Lord Huron

  43. Keeping Your Head Up by Birdy

  44. Labyrinth by Taylor Swift

  45. Love Me Again by John Newman

  46. Cardigan by Taylor Swift

  47. Dandelions by Ruth B

  48. Mess is Mine by Vance Joy

  49. Your Song by Elton John

  50. Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran

  51. Only You by Parmalee

  52. Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban

  53. Still Falling for You by Ellie Goulding

  54. Only You by Harry Connick, Jr

  55. My Girl by The Temptations

  56. Feels Like by Gracie Abrams

  57. Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur

  58. Marry Me by Train

  59. A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay

  60. Brown Eyes Baby by Keith Urban

  61. Unconditionally by Katy Perry

  62. Us by James Bay

  63. Not About Angels by Birdy

  64. Yellow by Coldplay

  65. I Like Me Better by Lauv

  66. Ode to a Conversation by Del Water Gap

  67. All I want by Kodaline

  68. Karma by Taylor Swift

  69. Yellow by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

  70. Unsteady by X Ambassadors

  71. Riptide by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

  72. Hands to Myself by Selena Gomez

  73. Million Reasons by Lady Gaga

  74. Wild Horses by The Sundays

  75. The Rose Tattoo by Dropkick Murphys

  76. Wildfire by Seafret

  77. Something in the Orange by Zach Bryan

  78. Paris by The Chainsmokers

  79. Riptide by Vance Joy

  80. Die First by Nessa Barrett

  Acknowledgments

  Also by Brittanee Nicole

  “I defy you, stars.”

  William Shakespeare

  Romeo and Juliet

  PROLOGUE

  The Scientist by Coldplay

  Jay

  “And you’re sure he’s dead?”

  The man sitting across from my desk looks at me blankly for a beat, as if bored with the conversation. “He’s not in charge of the Mob anymore. It’s been handled.”

  “And the debt is paid?” I ask again.

  He flicks his wrist, checking the time on his watch. “So long as you keep your end of the deal, the debt is paid.”

  I smile genuinely for the first time in over a decade.

  Men like Evan McCabe understand two things: money and power. I have both. Now he does too. I hold out my hand across my desk. “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

  He shakes my hand and stands. Before he leaves, he spins back to me. “There’s only one thing I haven’t figured out.”

  I cock a brow. “What’s that?”

  “Out of all the things you could have asked for with this deal, why a women’s magazine?”

  I laugh at the question. For thirteen years, I’ve kept the truth about why I paid someone else’s debt from those who sought to collect it, and there’s not a chance that I’ll ever let anyone have that kind of power over me again.

  I shrug. “I love women.”

  He laughs as if it’s a joke. And to an extent, it is. I may be known as the playboy of Boston, but I’ve only ever loved one woman. And I still do.

  Once he’s gone, I settle back into my office chair and open up the account I’ve logged into over and over for the last thirteen years and pick a song.

  It’s time to take back what’s mine. It’s been thirteen long and lonely fucking years, but it’s time to go back to the start.

  I click on the link and upload the song. “The Scientist” by Coldplay.

  1

  YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, KID BY TAYLOR SWIFT

  Cat

  “You’ve done all your homework?” I ask as I tap my nails against my desk and absently watch the people congregating on the sand outside my office window. It’s only May, and yet Bostonians are already flocking to the beach in their shorts and sunglasses, sporting smiles while they toss frisbees and scan the shoreline for treasures.

  Chloe sighs on the other end of the phone. “Yes, and I did extra math.”

  I laugh. I hate math. “And your mother said it’s okay?”

  “Cynthia is fine with it. Come on, please,” she whines, for once sounding like the eleven-year-old she is. It’s surprisingly heartening. Usually, she acts like she’s my mother.

  “It’s weird that you call her that.”

  “You call her that,” she volleys back.

  “She’s not my mother,” I say, focusing on my screensaver. Cynthia, Chloe, and me in front of the Eiffel Tower for her eleventh birthday. My heart aches for them both.

  “She’s not my mother either.” It’s not said in a bratty way. Rather, it’s a statement of fact.

  With a sigh, I ignore the comment. “I’ll be there tomorrow. And yes, if your mother says it’s fine, I’ll take you to the fashion show.”

  “And to L’Etoile?”

  This one is always scheming. Last time I took her to her favorite restaurant, the server assumed she was older than she is and poured us each a glass of champagne. I let her have a sip, and I swear the entire experience went to her head.

  Smiling, I reply, “And L’Etoile.”

  Chloe cheers on the other end of the phone, the sound buoying me like it always does.

  “Tu me manques,” I say, closing my eyes and wishing away the hours between now and when my flight to Paris leaves so I can spend all my time with them.

  “Miss you too,” she says quietly, though she holds back the additional word I know she wants to include along with that sentiment.

  “Put your mom on the phone, ’kay? I’ll see you soon, Love Bug.”

  I slide my mouse back and forth to wake up my computer and pull up my flight information while I wait for Cynthia to take the phone.

  “You hear anything more?” I ask once she’s on the line. Ownership of the magazine has changed hands, but we’ve heard almost nothing about the identity of the investor or what their plans are.

  For years, we’ve operated as if we run the place. Well, Cynthia did anyway. She’s been the editor in chief since long before I started working at Jolie.

  But since the beginning, she’s had faith in me. When she traveled back and forth to Paris, she left me to run the Boston office. Then she met Peter, and because he lives in Paris, she and Chloe now live there too. It isn’t exactly the greatest thing in the world, but I deal with it.

  Cynthia hums, as if she’s not concerned. “We’ll know soon enough. The announcement is scheduled for next week. They’ll fill me in before then.”

  “Right,” I admit, sounding a lot more sure than I feel. The mystery behind this investor and the way things have gone down
eat at me. But if she isn’t worried, then I’ll do my best not to be either. “My flight says it’s on time, so I’m going to get ready. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “I still think you should stay at the apartment,” Cynthia says, her tone full of concern.

  I smile, but it’s forced. “It’s important that you guys have your own space.”

  “We don’t need space from you,” she murmurs.

  I can imagine Peter doesn’t share the sentiment. For years, I stayed with Cynthia and Chloe when I traveled to Paris, but once Peter came into the picture, I quickly became the proverbial third wheel. An outsider. Peter is trying to be a father to Chloe, and I can’t be anything but appreciative of that. She deserves it. Having me around confuses the situation.

  I’m not her mom. I’m just…me.

  “It’s fine. I’m getting in late, and I don’t want you to have to wait up. I’ll be by in the morning with breakfast.”

  “If you insist,” she says with a sigh. “Have a safe flight.” Then she hangs up before I can reply.

  I laugh to myself. She definitely fits in with the Parisian crowd. She has little time for emotions and is incredibly focused on work and what brings her pleasure. But when it comes to Chloe, there is no one she loves more.

  My phone vibrates before I have time to spiral about Chloe, the acquisition, or any of the millions of files and projects for Jolie that need attention. “Hey, Irish,” I say as I pick up the phone.

  “Almost ready?” my brother’s best friend Frank asks, always all business.

  “Nope. I have a few more things to do. You mind coming up?”

  He laughs. It comes out gruff, scratching at that part of me that demands attention every once in a while. “You need to come, Princess?” he says in a teasing voice, never one to beat around the bush.

  I bite my lip, already feeling the ghost of his fingers wrapped around my throat while he takes me from behind. “Yes.”

  “Take off your panties and be bent over that desk when I walk in. Quick and dirty, Cat. We don’t have much time.”

  I smile as I shimmy my panties down my thighs. “Ticktock, Mr. McCabe. I’m waiting.”

  2

  IN MY PLACE BY COLDPLAY

  Jay

  The only time my brain shuts down and allows me a reprieve from the guilt and planning and scheming I’ve been consumed with for years is when I’m gliding across the ice. As my stick connects with the puck and sends it flying into the net, I can’t stop the cocky smile that spreads across my face. “Take that, motherfuckers!”

  My brother Hayden grumbles from the net, “Next time, it’s Hansons against the rest of you. I’m tired of having Kevin on my team.”

  Kevin skates up next to me and glares. “That was a cheap shot you took back there.”

  I laugh it off as Gavin Langfield, the owner of this rink, skates up and claps me on the back. “No way, Hanson. We’re keeping this one. Maybe if you stayed on this side of the pond more often, you wouldn’t be out of practice, and you could block your brother’s shots.”

  Hayden grumbles again. To be fair, he’s running on only a few hours of sleep. He flew in from London late last night. He runs the European operation of Hanson Liquors, while Garreth and I handle business here in Boston.

  Garreth, being the grumpy bastard he is, didn’t show up this morning. He rarely joins us for our Thursday morning skates, but I don’t miss a single one. My time with the guys on the ice is the only thing that’s helped me get through the past decade.

  Beckett Langfield, Gavin’s brother, offers me a fist bump. “This has been fun, but I have to get to the office. Drinks tonight?”

  “Can’t. I’m heading to Bristol this afternoon. Not sure what time I’ll be back,” I reply, skating back to the bench.

  Gavin whistles in surprise behind me. “It’s time, then, huh?”

  “Time for what?” Kevin asks, as if I haven’t been counting down to this moment for the last few years.

  Hayden laughs as he drops to the bench and snags his water bottle. “Time for my baby brother to get his girl back.”

  The drive to Bristol doesn’t bother me as much as it normally does. My phone is connected to Bluetooth and shuffling through Kitten’s Songs, and for once, I find myself smiling as I listen to the soundtrack of the early part of our relationship.

  For years, I beat myself up over how we met. Stewed in the what-ifs.

  What if I’d been open with Cat when she first told me who she was? Would things have gone differently? Would she have accepted my truth? That I had started out hating her family. That her father and my mother had an affair that cost my mother her life. That because of their indiscretions, I set out for revenge. But that when I met her, I was willing to give all that up.

  No. She probably wouldn’t have believed me. Would have hated me. Even if she hadn’t, keeping that secret from her family, from her brothers, would have eaten at her.

  Instead, I’ve watched her from a distance for years. Pined for the woman whose heart I broke. But I had to keep my distance. The Mob knew I wasn’t responsible for the stolen money. They knew I was protecting someone. I couldn’t let them see me even talking to Cat. There was no way I’d be able to hide my love for her if we were face to face, and the men who were watching me wouldn’t hesitate to dig into our relationship if they knew one existed.

  She was my weakness. Is my weakness. The only person I’ve ever truly cared about. The one person I’d give up everything for.

  By staying away from her—by hurting her—I protected her.

  And now that the last of the two men who were present when my father uttered her name is dead and the debt is paid in full, I’m taking back what’s mine.

  I pull into the circular driveway and turn off my music, allowing the car to settle, along with my heart rate. I’ve been coming to meet with Theo James in secret for the last thirteen years. He’s like the father I never had. Or maybe who my father was before my mother cheated and his sole purpose in life became revenge. With a long exhale, I let go of the comparison.

  Theo stands on the front porch waiting for me. Just like he did all those years ago when he finally told me the dirty truths that changed everything.

  I step out of the car and suck in the warm spring air. Birds chirp, and the sun beams down on me. Even though Bristol is just over an hour from the city skyscrapers in Boston, it’s like a completely different world.

  “Jay,” the old man says as he strolls up to greet me with his hand extended. When I put my hand in his, he pulls me in for a hug. I don’t get the feeling that Theo James is a big hugger. I think he just knows that I’m starved for affection. “It’s good to see you,” he says in his gruff tone as he pulls away and leads me toward the house.

  “Is Carolyn home?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. His wife is never home when I’m here. We’ve always kept our meetings between the two of us. But after today, that will change. “She’s in Nashville visiting with Cash. I swear that woman has more energy than any of her grandkids. She’s been like a mother hen worrying over Carter and Chase these last few weeks, wishing she could get Carter to settle down. Flew straight to Nashville from Boston, since she made a stop to visit with Cat too.” He winces as he says her name. But it’s not a sore subject anymore. In fact, all I want is to know more. How is she? Is she happy?