Dante fixes me his signature serious stare, while Theo bounces like a hyper puppy, and Tai only nods, already in his own headspace. I pause in front of Dmitri’s drum set, taking in the metallic black sheen of his instruments and feeling his concerned gaze on me. “Hey… you okay?”

  “Yeah, just nervous.”

  “A bigshot singer like you? Nervous?”

  I run a hand through my hair, stepping closer. “Yeah, I mean… what if…” I heave a loud sigh, taking another drink as I try to clear my thoughts.

  Rarely do I lend a voice to these demons that haunt my mind, whispering and weaving visions of my inevitable failure. It’s difficult for anyone else to understand the internal battles I fight with myself on the daily.

  Because it isn’t necessarily something that can be seen, is it?

  When they look at me, they see a man who appears to have it all, grabbing life by the balls.

  And that… that couldn’t be further from the truth.

  Insecurity consumes me, obsessed with the opinions of others.

  Afraid. Always so afraid.

  Believing I will never live up to their standards.

  But ever since we spoke our truths, got it all out on the table, I find it impossible to hide myself from him any longer. With him, I feel seen. Safe. And so, inexplicably, my mouth can’t seem to hold back the words that escape.

  “Do you ever worry you aren’t good enough? Like… like you’re some sort of phony, a fraud, and it’s just a matter of time until everyone else realizes it? Until the world discovers you’re not everything you pretend to be?”

  Regret floods over me as I hear the questions slip out.

  This is Dmitri—the musical genius who can play every instrument and has the body of a Greek god. Literal perfection in every way. “Of course you don’t, and I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry, it’s stupid—”

  He grabs my hand, stopping my downward spiral. “It is not stupid, Eric. Your feelings are always valid. Always.”

  He waits until I offer him a weak smile before he continues. “Never feel like you are anything less than spectacular, because you are. Incredible. Exceptional.” Something behind his eyes tells me he could never lie to me, not about this. “I am in awe of you daily. The guys in this band are all talented, but you? Fuck, Eric, you’re the star. You shine so fucking bright. Don’t you ever doubt that, do you hear me?”

  “You’re not just saying that because you’re my…” I trail off, shy eyes meeting his.

  “Because I’m yours?” He grabs my hand and gives it a quick squeeze. “No, baby, that’s not why. I’m telling you this because I want you to believe it as much as I do. Because it’s true.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I say, taking a deep, steadying breath. “Okay,” I repeat, this time with greater conviction.

  “Now, get up there and show them who the fuck you are.”

  When I approach the microphone, I’m still nervous, but calm. Back in my element. As the curtain rises, I glance over my shoulder at Dmitri once more, who gives me a sweet, supportive smile.

  Stage lights as hot as the sun beat onto my cheeks, and the roar of the crowd builds into an earsplitting crescendo as I step forward. They cheer even louder as a slow smile spreads across my face and I pull the mic to my lips.

  “Good evening, Charleston!”

  Ears ringing, throat scratchy, and drenched in sweat, I lug the last of the equipment back to the bus. “Fucking fantastic show tonight!” Tai bounces over to my side, throwing his arm around my shoulder and digging his knuckles into my hair with a friendly ruffle.

  “Back at you, motherfucker.” I knock him off balance with a sweep of my leg behind his knees, and a loud laugh barks out of me as he stumbles and almost falls. After grabbing my shoulders for support, he throws me a glare and runs towards the stairs. “Dibs on the shower, bitches!”

  Dante shakes his head, going through his fucking checklist for the fifth time. “I swear, he barely says a word until after shows and then you can’t get the fucker to shut up.”

  Dmitri’s deep voice rings out from behind me. “He’s right though, that was a great show. Biggest stage I’ve ever been on, but I didn’t even have a chance to be nervous because everything went so smoothly.”

  He circles around to my front, a narrowed stare following Tai as he climbs onto the bus. A touch of jealousy burns on his face, no doubt from that affectionate display. “You were amazing,” he says, quieter as he approaches me with his eyes back on mine.

  “Thanks, I was, wasn’t I?” Dante says from behind his clipboard.

  A snorting laugh escapes Dmitri’s nose, accompanied by a subtle eye roll that only I catch. “Want to walk with me and get rid of some of this energy while these three fight over the shower?”

  My stomach swoops at the suggestion in his words, and I don’t miss Dante’s raised brows from behind his stack of papers.

  “Sure,” I respond, far too eager as he flashes me a small smile. His hair is soaked, plastered to his forehead, and his clothes cling to him.

  It’s sinful, honestly, the way his body peeks out from underneath the damp fabric.

  If I weren’t so selfish for time alone with him, I’d give him a few minutes to clean up. But ever since our brief encounter earlier, I’ve been desperate for some one-on-one attention.

  Even though it’s pitch black out, the street is lined with lights, illuminating our path as we walk. The relentless chorus of cicadas rings around us, transforming our little strip of sidewalk into a private world where only the two of us exist.

  We don’t say a word, but it’s a peaceful silence.

  Tranquil.

  Once the bus disappears from view, Dmitri scans our surroundings before taking my hand and leading me into a tree-dense area nearby. Leaves and shadows create a canopy that shields us in darkness.

  He tugs me closer, and my heart does funny things in my chest as I lose myself in his eyes.

  “You’re incredible,” he whispers as he presses his lips against mine. I instantly melt into him, gorging myself on his lips and inhaling the manly, sweat-heightened scent of him. “Listening to you up there, with that amazing voice… fuck, Eric. I know you’re singing for everyone, but a small part of me likes to imagine that it’s meant only for me. Pretend that your words are all mine.”

  “Even the cheesy love songs?” My tone is intended to be teasing, but I miss the mark. In search of more praise, wanting him to admit he’s just as drunk on me as I am on him.

  Kiss me and tell me I’m pretty.

  Apparently, I am a needy partner.

  “God, yes,” he says, dragging his teeth along my lower lip and tugging my mouth open. “Especially those.” My heart pounds as we claw at each other, searching for more as our lips and tongues glide together.

  His mouth leaves mine, and the soft brush of his lips moves down my neck. “Those pretty girls in the audience dream of having you… and hell, probably half of the guys, too. They all want their little piece of you, but they can’t have you. Not like this. You don’t belong to them, do you?”

  “N-no,” I stutter as he pops my button and tucks his hand into my jeans. “Dmitri…” I whisper as he palms me, sliding up my raging cock. He strokes me in long, steady swipes, and my hips buck against the pressure.

  “Say it. Say you aren’t theirs.” His hand travels further down, gripping my balls and tugging before going back to stroking me.

  My fingers wrap around his forearm, muscles and tendons flexing as he rubs.

  “I’m not theirs.” The adrenaline of the night races through my veins, mingling with the raw, potent need I have for him.

  A level of need I’ve never known before.

  His hand moves quicker, matching the breakneck rhythm of my heart. Trapped inside my jeans, my cock is pounding, and he moans against my neck when he swipes a thumb over my leaking tip.

  Headlights approach in the distance, but he doesn’t stop, rutting his cock against my hip as he jerks me. “Are you mine?” he rasps as the car drives past. If they looked hard enough, they’d have a perfect view of the two of us leaning against this tree. Sweaty, flushed faces slack with Dmitri’s hand in my pants, both of us on the brink of madness with this need for each other.

  Why does that turn me on so much? The thought of being caught sends me into a tailspin, tightening my hold on his arm and using it for leverage.

  “Yes,” I gasp, thrusting harder against his palm.

  “Say it, Eric. Say you belong to me. Tell me you’re mine; That those pieces of yourself that you give away on that stage are only for me. No one else.” His desperation has my every muscle tensing, release tingling in my lower body and working down my spine. “Say it!”

  The way he begs will be my undoing, because I know in that moment, I’ll never deny him a thing.

  Never again.

  “They’re yours, Dmitri. I am yours.”

  “All of you?” he demands. “Everything?” He’s still pumping me with one hand while he shoves at my jeans with the other. He pushes them low on my hips, exposing my swollen crown, pink and glistening, ready to burst.

  “Every… every… fuck, everything. Yours, all yours. Fuck, I’m—” His hand slides to my balls again as he bends over, lips circling my exposed head.

  My hips arch as I bite into my lip, trying to contain my moans as I come. Hot spurts shoot into his waiting mouth as my cock pounds, trapped between my jeans and my stomach. Lips sealed around me and tongue lapping at my release, he doesn’t let go until I slump against the tree.

  After a few panting breaths, I glance both directions and see the street is still empty. I drop to my knees and yank his pants down, just enough to expose him. “Fuck, Eric… baby, wait. I’m sweaty.”

  “Don’t care,” I mutter, wrapping my fingers around him and giving him a few strokes. I glance up at him, a teasing grin on my face. “What’s a little extra seasoning between friends?”

  “Friends?”

  My smile spreads as I inch closer, his eyes never straying from the sight of me on my knees before him. “Well, maybe a little more than friends.” My tongue flicks out across his head, and his eyes roll back in their sockets before he refocuses on me. “Maybe a lot more.”

  “Fuck,” he groans, his lips twitching in a grin even as he swells in my hand. “I’m already close. It won’t take much.”

  “Good, I want to see you lose control,” I say, wrapping my lips around his straining cock and grabbing the back of his thighs, yanking him deeper. His palms hit the tree as he pitches forward, rocking his hips as I suck him. My tongue slides along his length as I bob, and I cough and sputter when he bumps my throat.

  “Sorry,” he gasps, trying to pull out, but I grip his legs and tug him forward again. “Oh, fuck,” he grunts as another blast of pre-cum splashes on my tongue, and he thrusts faster. The distant glow of a new pair of headlights catches my attention, but his eyes stay locked on mine, his body growing rigid.

  I’m entranced by it, the heady flavor of him, the velvet slide between my lips. Captivated by the sight of him losing himself in me—because of me.

  Nothing compares to the way he looks at me like I’m nothing less than the center of his universe.

  He’s certainly mine—the axis upon which everything else rotates.

  As I hollow my cheeks and suck with all my might, his delicate whimpers get louder. The passing headlights create a mesmerizing kaleidoscope of shadows across his stunning face as he falls apart. He swells in my mouth as he grunts, “Shit, I’m coming, baby.”

  Again, he tries to pull away, but I lock him in place. If he thinks I’m missing this, my first real taste of him, then he’s sorely mistaken.

  He moans loudly as he slams his hips forward, the first salty blast of his release hitting my tongue. Streams of his cum flood into my mouth, and I swallow what I can, but the rest seeps from my lips and creates a creamy coating around his cock.

  It’s more than I expected, savory and heady.

  Undeniably him.

  As the pulses gradually subside, I use my lips and tongue to clean him, ensuring not a single drop goes to waste. Once satisfied, I rise to my feet and drag his mouth to mine. For a few tranquil minutes, we kiss as if we have all the time in the world, before he sighs and rests his forehead against mine.

  “We probably need to get back.”

  “Yeah, probably,” I whisper, dragging him in for another kiss. We finally separate ourselves, walking hand-in-hand until the bus comes into sight. Guilt eats at me as I slide my hand from his, but the smile he gives me is genuine and understanding.

  He lets me shower first, and by the time he’s cleaned himself up, we’re both exhausted. Wishing I could snuggle into bed with him, I do the next best thing and climb up into my bunk above him.

  I’m staring at the ceiling when my privacy curtain ripples, Dmitri’s head popping up in front of mine. Without a word, I lean forward, meeting his lips in a silent, secret goodnight kiss that pastes a smile to my face as I drift to sleep.

  21

  The following morning, we all sleep in, our exhaustion from the show causing us to ignore Tai’s obnoxious snoring and Theo’s restless tossing and turning. How such a diminutive man can make so much noise is beyond me, but everyone was so tired that it didn’t even matter.

  Dante bunked underneath him—surprise, surprise—which at least put Tai further away from mine and Eric’s bunks.

  Minor victories.

  Blinking my eyes open, I am greeted by the soft, golden glow of sunlight streaming through the curtains, while the distant murmur of voices drifts in from beyond the closed pocket door.

  I sit up and rub my eyes, sliding my feet onto the floor and shuffling like a zombie towards the bathroom. “Good sleep… or should I say, hibernation?” Dante calls from the living room, and I glare without a word.

  “Anyone in there?” My voice is groggy and hoarse from sleep, and Dante responds with a shake of his head while Theo just stares. As I walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me, I realize I forgot to put on a shirt, leaving my bare chest exposed. While it typically wouldn’t faze me to be shirtless around the guys, Theo’s persistent attention continues to make me uneasy.

  After relieving myself and brushing my teeth, I splash water on my face and catch a whiff of my armpits, wrinkling my nose as I scrub them, too. I’m still half asleep as I open the door and almost collide with Eric, who looks just as exhausted as me.

  “Morning,” I mumble, and he grunts an unintelligible response and leans against my shoulder, nuzzling into my skin. His lips press against my collarbone as my hand snakes around his lower back, and a smile spreads over my face as I look down at him, all sleepy and mussed.

  Before we got together, I never would’ve guessed that he’s a cuddler, but he transforms into a koala bear in the most adorable way, snuggling and wrapping his limbs around me.

  A curious hum sounds from the other side of the room, and Eric freezes before clearing his throat and pulling away from me. Cheeks flaming, he mutters a quiet, “Excuse me,” and shuts himself in the bathroom.

  As I shoot a menacing glare at a very unaffected Dante, his toothy smile tells me he doesn’t even have to ask the question to know the answer, while Theo’s eyes are fixed on the ground.

  Back in the sleeping cabin, I pick out comfy clothes—sweats and a t-shirt—since we’re only driving today. The smell of bacon reaches my ears as I pull my shirt over my head, and I perk up when I step into the kitchen to see Theo cooking.

  “Fuck yes, I’m starving.”

  “Yeah, worked up quite an appetite last night, I’m sure.” He’s talking about the show, and logically, I understand that, but all I picture is Eric pressed against the rough bark of the tree.

  Throughout the night, the words that passed between us swirled through my mind in an endless loop. The demand that he give me all of him, the promises in the heat of the moment, kept me awake despite my exhaustion.

  The brief goodnight kiss I gave him only left me craving more, a drop in the ocean of my insatiable need for him.

  As if my thoughts have conjured him, Eric emerges from the bathroom in basketball shorts and a band shirt.

  He pops back into the sleeping quarters to put his things away, then meanders to my side. Without a single word, we both collapse onto the couch, the mere foot of space between us far too much for my liking.

  I wonder if he’d be mad if I just pulled him into my lap.

  Probably.

  Would it be worth it?

  Probab—

  “Have you guys checked out any of the reviews yet?” Dante asks from his seat at the table, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “The only thing I’ve reviewed today is Tai’s snoring,” I joke. “Zero out of ten, do not recommend.” Everyone chuckles as Tai slides open the door.

  “I do not snore,” he argues, and we laugh harder.

  Dude snores like a freight train full of lumberjacks.

  “Anyway,” Dante says, drawing our attention back to him, “listen to this. ‘Falling Absent starts their tour with a top-tier performance that no one saw coming. Vocalist Eric Woodard has always held the audience in the palm of his hand, his growling, passionate voice pulling out the emotions of his music like few others can.’” I reach over and grip his biceps, giving him a shake as he grins down at his lap.

  “A new drummer in their line-up, newcomer Dmitri ‘Sticks’ Belikov, joins guitarist Dante Barrera, bassist Theo Wheeler, and keyboardist Tai Hiyama, creating a powerful dynamic in the band that we haven’t seen from them before now. In the wake of last night’s explosive show, tickets are vanishing in record time and social media is erupting with chatter. Hashtags #FallingAbsent #FaceOfAnAngelVoiceOfADevil #SticksGotTricks are leading the pack this morning, with concertgoers sharing pictures and videos that are spreading like wildfire.”

  All five of us have goofy grins on our faces—even Dante—as he finishes reading the review. Tai and Eric both have their phones out, checking out social media and reading the posts they find out loud to the group.