“No.” Adan shook his head, speaking for the first time. “If we beat him, we’ve proven our strength. But if we find a way to do it without killing him, we’ve proven our confidence. And our cunning.”

  Idrissa sighed. “I don’t want to be confident.”

  Adan smirked and kissed her on the mouth. Her face flushed as she turned away, rolling her eyes while fighting a smile. Oh yeah, he was definitely the guy for her.

  “This is because of what I almost did to Byrn, isn’t it?” Kai asked.

  Everyone fell silent and turned to me.

  I faced Kai. “This is about ruling with justice instead of vengeance.”

  “Fine.” Idrissa sounded resigned. “We’re going to lay out all these traps so Cohen comes to us exactly where we want him. And then we’ll make sure he can’t fight back. But how are you going to actually return the magic?” She looked at me. “That kind of spell isn’t exactly something you’ve been trained for.”

  Kel was the only one who could teach me how to wield the magic in the way we needed most. I’d been trying to reach her for the last couple of hours, but so far, nothing. That left only one other choice—and I hated it.

  “That’s the part I have to figure out,” I admitted.

  “Leave that part to me,” Silas said.

  “To you?” Idrissa looked unconvinced.

  But Silas looked past her to me. “Trust me,” he said.

  Part of me wondered if he knew how crazy that request even sounded. But in the end, I nodded; I didn’t have any other choice.

  “We all know what we need to do,” I said. “We’ll gather what we need and meet at Silas’.”

  “What are you going to do there?” Presley asked.

  “Whatever I can to buy us enough time to make this all work.”

  Grudgingly, the others agreed, and, one by one, they left to set their own assignments in motion.

  Oscar stayed behind and ambushed me the moment the others were gone.

  “You think it’s a bad idea,” I said.

  “It’s a terrible idea,” he agreed.

  I walked over to where he sat on the mechanic’s stool.

  “You’re worried about me,” I said.

  He threw up his hands. “Of course, I’m worried about you. Dammit, Ash, this isn’t a game. This is your life.”

  “Exactly. It’s my life, and I get to choose how to live it.”

  His expression hardened until it resembled the steel frame of the motorcycle set up for repair behind him. “Your mother should be the one risking it all. She’s the reason we’re in this damn mess.”

  “She is risking it all,” I said, hating that it sounded like I was defending her. Oscar cut me a look that said he was thinking the same thing. “She’s dying, Oz. And despite what she did to me—and Silas—I think it’s hurting her to see us put our lives on the line for Cohen. She hates him too.”

  He mumbled something about the devil in disguise, but I let it go. He had a right to his opinion. I couldn’t ask him to change it. Not when I was still coming to grips with my own feelings about her.

  “Please, Oz. I can’t do this without you.”

  He scowled—mostly because we both knew he wouldn’t refuse.

  “She doesn’t deserve what you’re asking,” he said roughly.

  “I’m not asking you to do this for her,” I said. “I’m asking for me.”

  He didn’t look any less pissed at my words. If anything, he looked ready to hit something. In all the time I’d known Oscar Lawson, I’d never seen him look violent. Angry, pissed, irritated, resolved, badass—all of those were versions of him I’d seen. The way he looked now—it reminded me of my father.

  “My dad had that look in his eye,” I said. “The night Vorack came to our house.”

  Oscar blinked, and some of the haze cleared from his eyes. He didn’t look ready to commit violence anymore. Now, he just looked sad.

  “You think I’m going to get killed,” I said.

  “No, kid,” he said quietly. “I think I might die trying to save you.”

  Kai snorted, startling us both as he pushed off from the doorframe where he’d apparently returned to eavesdrop. He strode into the room with anger simmering softly on the surface of his skin. He looked at Oscar and said, “Get in line.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I had to talk to her again. My mother. I tried thinking of another way, but there just wasn’t one. Silas came with me, which might have been a terrible idea, but going alone with only my emotions to keep me company would have been worse. Kai had offered, but I’d sent him out with Crater and Oscar instead. If our plan was going to work, we had a lot to do and little time to do it in. On top of that, Silas’ little trick had worn off, and no matter how many times he tried casting it again, nothing happened. The magic had finally won out, and no amount of coaxing or shoving was going to get rid of it now.

  “Dammit, this gift is useless,” Silas said after the third failed attempt to Band-Aid me.

  “Maybe it only works once,” I said. “The gifts you borrow.”

  “This is bull shit,” he muttered and then fell silent as we approached the cabin.

  I didn’t disagree there. It would only take one slip of my control to bring that entire cabin down to the ground. Maybe with Silas there, I wouldn’t cause a natural disaster.

  Again.

  My mother was awake when I walked in with Silas at my heels. She sat up at the sight of us together, her excitement painfully obvious when her eyes landed on him.

  Not me.

  “I didn’t think you’d come back,” she said. “Not so soon.”

  Her head was down like she was weighted with guilt. I had the strange sensation that she was hoping one of us would tell her it was okay or let her off the hook.

  That person wouldn’t be me.

  “Believe me, it’s not by choice.”

  “Ash.” She softened, and I looked away. “Silas.”

  He scowled at her. “We’re not here to rehash the past,” he warned.

  “I never wanted to lie,” she said sadly. “Not to either of you. Life has a funny way of making a mess of the things you want to keep clean.”

  “Keep us apart, you mean,” I said with a snort. “That was your way of keeping it clean.”

  “Was I your dirty little secret then?” Silas challenged.

  “Of course not.”

  She hesitated, and I had a feeling whatever sad story she was about to tell, Silas didn’t have the control left to hear it. Maybe I wouldn’t be the one to tear down these walls after all.

  “It was a few years before I met Caleb, at the summer solstice celebration—”

  “We’re not here for that,” I cut her off.

  “What are you here for?” she asked,

  “We need your help,” I said, hating every bit of how those words sounded.

  Her head came up. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

  Eager.

  Ugh. My stomach twisted in a disgusted knot at the way she leaned forward, wanting to please us. Him.

  “I need you to help me control the magic,” I said. “To make it listen to me.”

  Some of her excitement dimmed.

  “Why?”

  “None of your business,” I said.

  “You’re going to give it back,” she said sadly.

  She turned away, but not before I saw the ringing disappointment in her face.

  I fisted my hands, and Silas pressed in closer like he knew.

  “Just fucking show us what we need to know,” he said flatly.

  My mother looked up sharply. She eyed him and then finally sighed heavily. Her expression took on lines of exhaustion and age and of defeat. I couldn’t quite dredge up sympathy, but I felt sorry for her in a different way.

  Pity.

  She’d gambled on, well, her whole life—and ours.

  And she’d lost.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind, guilt tugged at me. Because if I lost tonight with Cohen, I’d sacrifice her life too.

  I couldn’t think about that now.

  “I don’t know the spell you’re asking for,” she said, and all my hopes dimmed. “But… the magic will listen if you make it part of you,” she added.

  “Of course it’s part of me. I told you, the necklace broke, and the magic chose me.”

  “Yes, and now you need to choose it, too.”

  At my silence, she said, “How close are you to losing control right now?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Right now,” she said, “the magic is in charge. Until you take back control, it won’t listen to anything you tell it.”

  “So how do I take control?” I asked.

  “You’ll need some herbs,” she said, resigned. “To help calm your nervous system while the magic integrates properly. And some hot water. A tea is probably the easiest thing.”

  “Which herbs?” I asked.

  She rattled off a list, and I opened the door long enough to call it out to Corbin. He ran off to find Cherise, who would hopefully have everything we needed. I ducked back inside in time to hear Silas say, “not likely.”

  “What?” I asked.

  My mother didn’t answer.

  “She wants to meet Kai,” he said with a snort.

  I looked back at my mom. “Why?” I wondered.

  “He’s your mate,” she said. “He’s important to you, so he’s important to me.”

  Now, I snorted too.

  My mother looked confused.

  Instead of arguing or spouting off the angry words building in my throat, I sighed. “He’s not good company right now.”

  She studied me. Then Silas.

  “The curse,” he said pointedly.

  “He’s not tethered,” I said. “Or not anymore. He was, but then the magic— Anyway, it’s not safe.”

  She nodded. “I can see why you blame me for so much.”

  I didn’t bother to contradict her and, instead, swallowed against the lump of emotion lodged in my throat. Ugh. Why did I still have to care? Even after everything.

  Dark, twisty vines sprouted from my hands, reaching for the floor where they began to burrow into the hardwood floor. Silas’ hand brushed my wrist. His fingers pressed against my skin, and the magic winked out.

  My mother stared, jaw half-open.

  “You just…” She looked up at Silas. “You have magic.”

  “I can take magic. I don’t have much of my own.” His words were sour, but my mother didn’t seem to notice.

  “That was amazing,” she said. “Silas, what you can do, it’s incredibly rare. And special. And it is magic, despite what you may think.”

  She looked back and forth between us, and I could see as something new took over the resistance that had been there before.

  “And Ash, the magic inside you is beautiful. I can see why it chose you. The way you express it is truly magnificent—”

  “The way I express it?” I echoed. Anger shot through me. “I express it like a lunatic psycho killer. I nearly took out my entire pack that first night, and every second since has been a nightmarish effort in trying not to kill everyone around me. And you’re looking at me like I’m some sort of mystical sideshow.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize you’d been struggling. Is that why you want to know how to control it?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Just tell us what we want to know. We don’t have time for this,” Silas said darkly.

  My mother looked between us, her eyes lighting as she finally realized what all this meant. “You can use this,” she said. “Trick Cohen into thinking the magic is gone for good. And maybe—”

  “We’ve already discussed a plan,” he said.

  She flinched, clearly realizing she’d been left out of the strategy meeting.

  “Right,” she said almost to herself—and then to me, “The magic isn’t as monstrous as it probably seems right now. The thing you have to realize is that it has no brain. No consciousness. No emotion or attachment or will of its own.”

  “It feels pretty willful to me,” I said.

  She shook her head. “It responds to its host. Whatever you’re feeling or wanting, even subconsciously—the magic meets your desires where they live. It serves only as a tool to do your will. An extension of who you already are. Once you realize that, taking control becomes easier.”

  “So, you’re saying I’m a natural disaster,” I said.

  Silas looked like he kind of wanted to smile at that.

  “Shut up,” I muttered.

  My mother nodded encouragingly. “It can’t overpower you unless you let it.”

  Before I could respond, someone knocked on the outside of the cabin door, and Corbin poked his head in. “The herbs you requested.”

  “Thanks.”

  I took the bag, and Corbin left.

  “Now what?” I asked.

  “Mix the herbs into the hot water,” she said. “Once they take effect, your nervous system will relax, and we can merge your two parts.”

  “And this will stop the magic from trying to kill me?” I asked.

  “It will bring balance,” she said, which I noted wasn’t the same as not dying.

  “I need to stop almost killing people,” I said. “I don’t know if balance is enough.”

  “You want to anchor your mate, correct? To do that, your magic and your wolf side must become one.”

  I looked at her, startled.

  “What is it?” Silas asked.

  “The words for the spell,” I said. “A hex and a wolf must become one.” I looked back at my mother. “I always thought that part referred to you and dad.”

  She smiled as if sharing a secret. “I wrote the spell so that every line had multiple layers. I wanted to make it unbreakable, and generational prophecy was the best way to do it. Not just the blood of one but the blood of many. So, you were right to think it was about your father and me. But it’s also about you. With this magic. And with Kai.” She looked at Silas. “And with each other.”

  “How could you know all of these things would line up?” I asked. “Kai and Silas and all of it?”

  She shrugged. “I didn’t know how they would align, only that they would. I willed it with the power gifted to me by the goddess. The magic—the universe—does the rest.”

  “And we just— What? Have no say over any of it?”

  “Of course you do. Free will is always a factor.”

  “A demon and a wolf must choose each other,” Silas muttered.

  My mother nodded at him. “That’s right. It’s always a choice.”

  “And what about death over life, life over death?” I asked.

  She hesitated. “As I said, I don’t know how it will fulfill, only that it must.”

  “Why can’t you just do this yourself?” I asked, throwing my hands up in frustration. “No more cryptic hints. I can give you your magic back right now, and you can just do it for me.”

  I reached for her but she shrank away, shaking her head. “Life over death,” she whispered almost to herself. Then to me, “I gave up that side of me. The curse demanded it. That was my price.”

  “So you can never do magic again?” I asked.

  “Never.”

  “So many damn rules with this shit,” Silas muttered.

  “This is why the curse hasn’t broken yet,” I realized. “Not because I haven’t given the magic back. But because not all of these requirements have been fulfilled.”

  My mother didn’t answer. I could tell she was just as unsure about that last part of the prophecy as I was. Disappointment shot through me then. Here I’d thought she held all the answers; all the missing pieces.

  “Drink’s ready,” Silas said.

  He held the cup out for me, and I took it, sipping on the warm liquid. When I was sure it wouldn’t burn my tongue, I gulped it. Silas took the empty cup and set it aside.

  “Now what?” I asked.

  My mother straightened. “Now you say the words. Invoke the magic. But remember, you are in control, Ash. The magic itself is merely a tool. An extension of yourself. Much like your wolf. See them both as part of you. Equals. Each one available as you call on it and dormant when you don’t. Understand?”

  “In theory,” I said uncertainly.

  “Close your eyes.”

  I did as she asked.

  “Now breathe,” she instructed.

  Silas stepped away, and I felt the moment his gift left me. The magic slammed into me, surging to the surface. The air crackled around me. I sucked in a deep breath and held it.

  “Let out that breath, Ash. Slowly inhale. Now, slowly exhale. Think about your strength. Not your wolf. Not the magic. You. Before you were any of this. Think about your will to survive. To protect yourself and to protect the people you love. Think about your determination. Your mission to create a life for yourself. For these people. Feel that strength. The essence of who you are. And breathe.”

  I did as she asked, prepared to shove aside any resentment her words conjured—and the overwhelming force of the magic as it responded. But to my surprise, neither of those things happened.

  Instead, my body began to relax.

  The magic built, just as it always had, but now it seemed to hang suspended. Like a puppet whose strings had been abandoned. Underneath it, shoving it aside with the force of the predator I knew her to be, was my wolf.

  She rose so fast I nearly gave in to her urge to take me over.

  No you don’t, I told her as I shoved her back. Not yet. Soon.

  She huffed and retreated.

  I concentrated on the parts of myself that remained without her. On being in control of the beast inside me. And when the magic rose again, I channeled that same inner boss bitch.

  And, to my shock and relief, the magic listened.

  Curling inside my gut like a coiled snake, it waited, silent and lethal if I chose to wield it as such. But for now, thank the goddess, it was calm. I was still a hot mess, but at least now, my wolf was here for the party.

  Finally, I opened my eyes.

  My mother stared back at me, her gaze shining with watery eyes that were full of pride. “I knew you could do it.”