Things most definitely wouldn’t be smooth sailing if she went, but she also wanted to say fuck it, like Toby had put it. She wanted to say screw everyone. This was her last year, the last year she’d have to put up with everything, right?

  It was tempting thinking about going and joining the fun, but she wasn’t a fool and knew that she’d never fit in, therefore she was putting it behind her and focusing on things that mattered.

  3

  “A party?” her mother said in her prim and tight voice. “I don’t think you going is a good idea, Shoshanna. You have studying to do.” Her mother looked down at the invitations she had spread across the table. “Darling,” she said to Shoshanna’s father, “Do you think these are too cheap looking for the garden party next month?” Her mother lifted the invitation to show her husband, but her dad was busy looking at something on his laptop.

  “Whatever you like, sweetheart.”

  Shoshanna left the sitting room because she knew the conversation was over between her and her mother. And it was in that moment she said screw it. She didn’t want to be here anymore, didn’t want to deal with the stress and drama and controlling nature she felt her mother was exerting.

  Maybe it was childish, maybe it was dumb, but she didn’t care. She felt like she was about to tear out of her skin.

  When she got to her room she silently shut the door and stared at her closet. She didn’t need her mom’s permission to go to a party. She was eighteen, could do what she wanted, even if this boldness and wild streak was so not like her.

  But Shoshanna was sick of being a nobody, was tired of not being noticed, and when she did have attention on her she was classified as a geek.

  She went over to her closet, pushed through all the cardigans and skirts, khakis and blouses, and finally found a shirt that was semi-decent for a party. She grabbed one of the only pair of jeans she owned, and a pair of ballet flats. When she was dressed she went over to the mirror on the back of her door and looked at her reflection.

  Her long dark hair was flat and lifeless, so she grabbed an elastic tie and put it in a ponytail. Her glasses were the next thing to come off, and she grabbed the new set of contacts her mother had ordered for her this afternoon. Once she was dressed, and had gotten rid of the geeky frames, she stared at her reflection once again; she felt a little tingle of excitement and fear move through her.

  She was actually going to do this, and whether it was a horrible idea or not was still yet to be determined.

  4

  Toby pushed his way through the throng of people that filled the house. Students from the high school and also from the local college were piled in the small house of one of the football players.

  A drunken girl stumbled out from an empty room with Deacon all but fucking her right there in front of everyone.

  She pushed him away and shook her head, and Deacon left her to grab the next available girl that walked by. She giggled and pressed her tits into his side.

  “Toby.” Marilyn’s whiny, slurred voice told him she was drunker than shit, which was an immediate turnoff. Unhooking her arms from him, he gently pushed her away.

  “You’re piss-ass drunk, and you know how annoying you are when you get like this.” He wasn’t trying to be a bastard, but for the last several months he’d been feeling off about her. Yeah, she was a bitch, picked on the less popular girls at school, Shoshanna mostly, and that pissed him off.

  He wasn’t an asshole like that, even if he had a reputation at school for being a bastard.

  She pouted her red painted lips and took a step closer to him. “Come on. I know how you like your dick sucked, how you like your balls in my mouth, too.”

  He gritted his teeth when she tried to grab at his crotch. He wasn’t in the mood for this shit. He was thinking of Shoshanna, had been for a while now. Yeah, he’d been noticing her for a long time, but she’d always been a quiet girl, the reserved and smart one. He wasn’t good enough to approach her.

  Hell, he barely passed his classes as it was, and she excelled at everything she did.

  He shook his head at Marilyn’s advances. So what if he liked to fuck? It was a natural desire, but anymore he had been thinking of one person, one girl that he’d known for years, but just now started talking to.

  He could admit to being a pussy, a wimp and intimidated by Shoshanna.

  He looked at Marilyn, saw her weave slightly and start giggling. His dick shriveled up in his fucking pants at the sight of her.

  Toby hadn’t had sex with her in longer than what was probably normal for a couple, but the fact she was so damn possessive, telling him who she didn’t want him talking to—even hanging out with—had sent him over the edge and left distaste filling him.

  Toby didn’t want her anymore, didn’t want this fucked up relationship where it wasn’t based on real feelings but instead on sex and status.

  “I saw you talking to that geek today,” she said in a slurred voice. “I don’t want you talking to her again. She’s below us, Toby.”

  “Shut up, Marilyn.” He brought his beer to his mouth and glanced around the party. He wanted Shoshanna to come, wanted her to take him up on his invite. Hell, Toby wanted to get to know her better. There was more under those glasses and plaid outfits she wore.

  She was smart as hell, beautiful, too. Shoshanna didn’t care what people thought, or at least she portrayed a strong exterior. But some of the things he’d heard Marilyn and her posse say to Shoshanna had to cut her deep.

  “I’m serious, Toby. You’ll ruin our reputation if you want to hang out with her.”

  He didn’t give a shit about reputation. “Why are you such a bitch to her?” he asked and turned to face Marilyn.

  “I’m not a bitch. She’s nothing to me.”

  Toby knew that wasn’t the case. Marilyn targeted Shoshanna harder than the others, but he had a feeling it was because the other girl intimidated her, even if Marilyn would never admit it. He finished off his beer, staring at Marilyn the entire time.

  “You are a bitch, a big fucking bitch, and frankly it’s old as hell.” He set his bottle on the end table closest to him. “You and I are two totally different people, Marilyn. I don’t care about status or being liked. I don’t give a shit if anyone likes me in fact.” Why had he stayed with her for so long, ignored the fact she was cruel, cold, and heartless?

  “I could have anyone, Toby, don’t forget that.” She pursed her lips, turned and left him standing there. He watched her walk into the kitchen and start talking to Rye, one of the other players on the team.

  She placed a hand on the guy’s chest, looked over at Toby, and smiled. She was flirting with him, purposefully trying to make Toby jealous. Little did she know he was done with her, had been for a while.

  But he’d stayed around for God only knew what reason. Fuck her.

  He moved away from the kitchen and headed to where there was a keg set up in the living room. He shouldn’t even be drinking, shouldn’t be letting himself around this toxic shit because of everything that went on with his old man, but he was on edge right now.

  The living room was packed, and a small line was formed for the keg. He didn’t want any more beer and didn’t want to even be around these people right now. He found his way down the hall and to where he knew the bedrooms were.

  There were two people making out against the wall by the door, and he pushed them away. Once inside he shut the door and sat on the edge of the bed. She wasn’t coming here, and he couldn’t blame her.

  Shoshanna was better than this shit. She was better than he was.

  5

  Shoshanna had arrived at the party half an hour ago, found a bottle of beer in a cooler at the front door, and drank it before she even hunted down Toby. She still couldn’t believe she was here, yet the people surrounding her, the music blasting, and everyone drinking and nearly screwing against walls in every available inch of this place screamed that she was really here.

  They ran in totally different circles, were polar opposites in everything, yet she had found her way here, and worked up the courage to actually put herself out there.

  Toby was gorgeous and had a body that rivaled statues of marble she’d seen in her textbooks. But he was most definitely not for her.

  Just thinking about the time she had seen him coming in from football practice last year, in nothing but a pair of loose fitting shorts and a t-shirt that was soaked from sweat and sticking to his hard chest, had her body heating.

  Then Marilyn had all but bounced up to him, giggling and saying something to him that had him grinning.

  No, Toby Mason was too dangerous and experienced for her, and besides, she had enough going on in her life that worrying about actually having any kind of chance with him wasn’t possible.

  She tossed her empty beer bottle in the trash and walked around the living room. No one paid attention to her, but a few glanced her way. She was dressed out of character for sure, but she knew they noticed who she was, and probably wondered why she was even here.

  Heck, she’d wondered that as soon as she decided to come.

  She wandered around for a few more minutes, and when she saw Marilyn and a few of her friends hanging around the football players she veered off to the side and headed down the hallway. No way did she want that confrontation.

  She might stand up for herself if the opportunity warranted it, but she wasn’t about to jump into the lions’ den. This was a bad idea all around, she realized, and she decided just to say forget it and head home. But the bathroom called to her, and she opened the first door she saw.

  A couple was in the center of the bed having sex, and before Shoshanna got an eyeful she closed the door.

  Going to the next room she knocked on the door, and when she didn’t hear anything she pushed it open. The room was dark, and she couldn’t see anything right away, but then she saw a form lying on the bed. When she saw it was Toby she felt her heart start to beat faster.

  Was he sleeping? He obviously wanted to be alone if he was in here while a party was happening.

  “Toby?”

  When he didn’t respond she moved closer, and saw he had his eyes closed and a pair of earbuds in. She moved into the room and reached out to lightly touch his thigh. He jerked upward, grabbed her wrist in a tight hold, and when he saw who it was, he let it go.

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I thought you were Marilyn.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that. He stood and walked over to the door, shutting it and facing her again.

  “Sorry, those people out there are pissing me off, so I came in here for the quiet.”

  She nodded, knowing what he meant.

  “You came,” he said in a soft, yet deep voice.

  “Yeah, and I honestly don’t know why.” Shoshanna wasn’t going to lie. She didn’t know why she was here, not really. She liked Toby, had for a while, but she felt out of place with him in a way, like being here was wrong and she didn’t belong, in any sense of the word.

  He sat back on the edge of the bed and gestured for her to take a seat beside him. After a second she sat down. They stayed like that for a few seconds, neither speaking, but this comfortable feeling filled her momentarily.

  “I saw Marilyn in the kitchen, figured you’d be with her at the party.”

  He didn’t speak for a moment, and she tried to see his expression in the shadowed room.

  “I don’t love Marilyn, have never felt anything more than a passing lust. She’s heartless, cold and cruel—”

  Okay, well, the conversation certainly switched to a different level. “But you stay with her?” Shoshanna asked.

  He exhaled. “I do a lot of stupid shit, Shoshanna, and I don’t even know the reasoning behind most of it.” He looked at the ceiling, maybe thinking deeply, or just not knowing what to say. “I’m not good enough for you, not even to be friends. You’re too fucking good for all of this.” He looked into her eyes. “You’re too good to let people less than you make you feel like shit.” He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek, and her heart stalled.

  This was too intimate, too deep for her. He was with Marilyn, even if he’d said he didn’t love her, had never cared for her genuinely.

  “And staying with her when I know nothing more meaningful could ever happen between us makes me just as shitty as everyone else.” He shook his head slowly. “But with you I can see more. I want more. I want to know you better. You’re honest and true.”

  She moved her face in the other direction. Thoughts bombarded her, desires and wants, and she knew that she couldn’t do this. She could never be with a guy like Toby, a guy that had a reputation of being wild.

  She’d never be able to keep up with him, with his needs or wants. “I can’t do any of this, Toby. I don’t even know what this is.”

  Coming here had been wrong; she’d felt it in her bones. But sitting here with Toby, being close to him, and feeling his warmth had felt so right. She turned and left the room, pushed past Marilyn, who was making out with one of the football players, and left the party and everything that could have happened, behind.

  She was a scared fool, childish and insecure, but most of all she was afraid of what she felt for Toby, and for what could happen between them.

  6

  Five years later

  Toby definitely was a ladies’ man, and that was putting it lightly. He also had confidence, not the arrogant kind, but the type that told people he knew who and what he was, and he was proud of the fact.

  Shoshanna grabbed her newly filled shot glass, brought it to her mouth, and tipped it back as she stared at Toby Mason. God, she wanted him just as much as the next woman, and had wanted him for far too long. She set the now empty shot glass back on the table and leaned back in the booth.

  Tabitha, the friend she had come to the bar with tonight, was currently getting them another round of drinks. But she had been at the bar for the last ten minutes flirting with the guy serving drinks. It was depressing, but not only because today had been so shitty.

  Hell, Shoshanna didn’t even drink that often, but not getting the promotion she had been all but promised, and her boyfriend dumping her last week for some big-breasted bimbo and because Shoshanna hadn’t been willing to have sex with him when he’d demanded it, drinking seemed like the best kind of medicine to loosen her up and help her worries fade away.

  Besides, the longer she drank the more she hoped she’d stop thinking about the one guy that was wrong for her on every level. This whole week was just one big cherry-topped shit sundae.

  Tabitha finally came back to the table with a couple more shots, set one down in front of Shoshanna, and took a seat across from her. But her focus went right to the bartender, and Shoshanna knew exactly what Tabitha was going to say before she parted her red painted lips.

  “I am so going home with him tonight,” Tabitha said and started to sip her shot. Shoshanna wanted to tell her that she was supposed to toss it back, not milk it like it was some kind of sophisticated drink.

  But she kept her mouth shut, tipped her drink back, and went back to staring at Toby. God, for knowing him nearly her entire life she would have thought this desire for him would have faded, especially after she knew his reputation around town.

  Living in the small town of Silver Springs meant everyone knew each other’s business, and there were no secrets and only scandals.

  If there was one person in town that was considered a bad boy all around it was most definitely Toby Mason.

  He was big and strong, feared by everyone in Silver Springs because of his reputation for fucking shit up that didn’t go his way. He had been like that during high school, too, having this confidence and strength that everyone noticed, and that no one wanted to challenge.

  People moved out of his way on the sidewalks, no one badmouthed him, and the women seemed to want him even more because of it. She had known Toby since grade school, and once he had gone through puberty, it was like an avalanche of testosterone had moved through him. Had he just gone back to forgetting about her?

  They were no longer in high school, and he was still the gorgeous, big, muscled bad boy that got pussy at the drop of a hat. She, on the other hand, was still the geeky girl with the chubby body, pin straight brown hair that couldn’t be styled, and black-rimmed glasses.

  She might be a woman now, curvier and plump, but she was average on every fucking level. Even the girls that paid Toby attention now were thin, with perfectly styled blonde hair, big tits, and self-confidence that oozed from them.

  She doubted he’d even realize she existed, because he certainly hadn’t when she was in school with him. But on the heels of that thought came the memory of them sitting on that bed, nearly kissing, and Toby telling her she was better than all of the shit the people said about her.

  He’d told her she was better than he was. They had shared a moment, shared a connection. She’d felt it in her body, and had wanted so badly to kiss him that night. But he had been with Marilyn, and it was wrong.

  All of it had been wrong. So, she’d run, run from the temptation to be with a guy that she shouldn’t, and forgot about everything that had to do with him.

  She’d ignored him after that, kept her distance, and after a while things had gone back to the way they’d been. Things were better if she didn’t try to get with the town bad boy. But when she’d allowed herself to look at him, watch him, she’d seen this anger rise up inside of him.

  He’d seemed more violent on the field, more rage-filled.

  She pushed the thoughts of the past away. He looked the same as he did in high school, although there was something a little more dangerous about him now. His black hair was still short, brushing slightly over his forehead. And God, his body was a work of damn art. All hard muscles barely restrained under his t-shirt.