“Sometimes you can’t force people, Toby. Sometimes they just don’t know how to live outside of what they know.”

  He nodded and grabbed her hand, tightening his fingers around hers, looking almost sad and lost. “Does it scare you that I want you as much as I do?” Toby said, and pushed up on his elbows. He leaned in close, his gaze staring right into hers.

  She didn’t miss the way he changed the subject, but it was probably so hard for him to deal with. “No, but I still wonder why me.”

  He took her hand and brought it up, looking at each of her fingers. “Your hands are so small, so tiny compared to mine.” He held his hand flat with his palm facing hers, and then placed hers on his so their palms were pressed together.

  The act seemed strangely intimate, especially when he started tracing each of her fingers.

  “It should frighten you, because it scares the hell out of me.” He looked at her again. “I know this is fast, so fucking crazy, too, but it feels right, doesn’t it?”

  She licked her lips and nodded. “Yes, it does,” she said in a soft voice. “It’s like we just met, even though I’ve known you forever, but it feels good and right, Toby, as crazy as that sounds.”

  He brought her fingers to his mouth and kissed them as he watched her. “I missed out on years of being with you, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.” He lay back on the hood again, breathed out roughly, and stared at the sky.

  Could he hear her increased breathing? Every touch and look from him sent a thrill of desire through her, and had this warmth moving through her that didn’t have anything to do with arousal.

  “This doesn’t feel like a passing, fleeting moment for me, Shoshanna, and although I don’t know why it is so strong, I am not about to question it. This is the first time I’ve felt anything remotely real and good in my life, and I don’t want to lose that.”

  Her heart raced at his words, and her gaze was on his lips as he spoke. When he didn’t respond she lifted her gaze to his. Everything else around them faded as Toby leaned up once again, and lowered his head toward hers. Her heart stopped at the first, gentle brush of his lips against hers.

  He intertwined their fingers together, holding her tightly. With his other hand he cupped the side of her face and tilted her head, deepening the kiss. At the first swipe of his tongue against her bottom lip she moaned and opened further.

  The kiss was heated and penetrating, and all he did was drag his tongue along hers, tease and tantalize it until she was chasing it back into his mouth and doing the same.

  His deep, vibrating groan resonated all the way to her core, sending shockwaves throughout her entire body.

  He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. “I want this, Shoshanna. God, I want this so badly, baby.”

  She opened her eyes just as he leaned back. If she hadn’t been sitting down she would probably be a pool of liquid on the floor. He ran his hand over his hair, causing the strands to stand on end. His aroma invaded her senses. It was clean and crisp, like soap and motor oil, with a touch of freshly cut lumber.

  “I have something to tell you, Toby.” She really didn’t want to break this spell they were in, but he needed to know about the baby. Her words were hushed because she anticipated, almost feared, how he would react. She didn’t want this to end, but the truth needed to be said.

  “What is it, baby?” he said in a low voice, and then cupped her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. The way he looked at her right then, serious, genuine, had her holding her breath. For a heartbeat they stared at each other. With his gaze locked on hers, and his thumb on her cheek he said, “You’re too good for me, but I will not be going anywhere, because I want you, Shoshanna. You can tell me anything.” He flicked his gaze to hers and then looked at her mouth, as if the sight mesmerized him.

  She looked away from him for a second, and then heard him sigh softly.

  “Look at me, baby.”

  She looked at him, so scared to say the next words.

  “You can talk to me about anything.”

  “I am pregnant, Toby, and the baby is yours.”

  21

  Toby stared at Shoshanna, tried to wrap his head around what she had just said, but he felt like someone had just kicked him in the balls and run off without him being able to catch his breath.

  He stared at the small picture she had just handed him, and stared at the black and white image that would forever change his life.

  “Please say something,” Shoshanna said, her hands twisting together, and her nervousness tangible.

  He lifted his head from staring at the picture, looked at her with what he knew were wide eyes and a stunned expression, and then stared at the picture again. Shoshanna was having his baby.

  She was pregnant, carrying his child, and he was going to be a father. It was a tiny, bean shaped thing, but his baby. “I don’t know what to say, Shoshanna.”

  And he didn’t. He had never seen himself with someone for a long period of time, let alone having a child. But he wanted to be with Shoshanna, and knowing that she was his now and carrying his baby made him … happy.

  He looked at her again, anticipation and excitement filling him. He couldn’t help it. She watched him with wide eyes, her lips parted, and probably scared as hell.

  “Please say something.” Her voice was soft. “Are you just as frightened as I am? Are you going to leave?” There was a slight waver in the way she spoke.

  “We’re going to have a baby, Shoshanna,” he said softly, still so fucking stunned that he wasn’t sure what to say or how to react.

  “I wasn’t sure if showing you the picture was a good thing, but when I saw the ultrasound when I got the pregnancy confirmed, I thought—hoped—you would want to see it.”

  He reached for her, and before she could say anything he had her in his lap. They were young, but he knew how he felt. Toby felt high, a little frightened, yeah, but he was ready for this. He went with his instincts, and they were feeling good.

  “You’re happy? This doesn’t freak you out?”

  Toby leaned back. Her eyes were still wide, and before he could think about what he was doing, or the major impact this had on his life, he leaned down and kissed her softly. “I am not worrying about the negative, but only the positive of this. I will be a father, and you’ll be the mother of my baby, Shoshanna.”

  She stared at him, bit her bottom lip, and looked so nervous. “This is so fast. I mean I’ve known you my entire life, but it’s like we are strangers, and now we are having a baby after a one-night stand.”

  He shook his head. “I always saw you. I was just too blind, Shoshanna. I can see now, and what I see is what I want.” He cupped her cheek. “I want you, and I want this to work. I want to be a father, a better one than my old man was.” He leaned in and kissed her softly, so softly it was just a brush of his lips along hers.

  “I was so afraid you’d leave as soon as you heard. I thought that you would turn your back because you…”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “Because you didn’t think I wanted more from you than pussy? Because I should have been a man and not let you run. I should have told you that I wanted you, wanted to be able to hold you and call you mine.” He shook his head. “I didn’t care about anyone but myself, and didn’t appreciate what was right in front of me. I didn’t allow myself to go after you after it all went down, because I was afraid, Shoshanna.” He smiled.

  She looked away, her cheeks turning pink.

  “It’s okay, baby. I was all of those things and more.”

  She looked a little apprehensive after he said those things.

  “And you don’t think I mean any of the shit I just said?”

  She pulled away, looked at her hands, and then shrugged, “I’m just afraid, Toby.”

  He couldn’t blame her for the shit she had seen and heard about him, and of course he couldn’t deny any of it. “I won’t sugarcoat who I used to be, or how I have lived my life now. But with you I feel something different, something pure and good. I have since I really noticed you. It’s been my loss that it took so long for me to work the balls up to go talk to you, but then you were gone far too soon.”

  He felt like a pussy for saying all this, but it needed to be said. He wanted to say it.

  “Maybe this is fate ensuring that I don’t fuck this up, Shoshanna? Maybe this is the world telling me that you are right for me, and that I need to hold on and cherish you.”

  She didn’t answer right away, and there was a part of him that thought maybe she had come to her senses and realized that he was worthless, and not going to be good in her life. It would serve him right to have something he wanted right at his fingertips only for her to leave him.

  “Just give me a chance to show you that I won’t fuck this up, and that I can be a good guy, Shoshanna.”

  She smiled, cupped his cheek with one hand, and said in a soft voice, “You are a good guy, Toby.”

  He held her close, and for the next hour all they did was lie there on the hood of his car, not a light in their vicinity except for the stars above. And for the first time in his life he didn’t have to imagine a world without stars where there was only darkness to keep him sane.

  He had a feeling, warmth inside of him, that said this woman right here was the only light he needed in his life.

  22

  One month later

  They sat around the dining room table at her home. She and Toby hadn’t moved in together yet, despite the fact they had talked about it, and he wanted them to live together.

  It was just all of this had gone so fast, and although she had been knocked up during a one-night stand by the town bad boy, Shoshanna wanted to go slow with the rest of this.

  At least until the baby was born.

  But Shoshanna was so nervous right now, because not only was she carrying Toby’s baby, but she also was sitting across from Toby’s mother, who had come to town, and her parents, who looked uncomfortable as hell. Yes, they had told each of their families about the baby today, in one go, and now the silence descended. And although

  Toby’s mother had been more than ecstatic about the situation, even lit up with the idea of her moving back to Silver Springs to be closer, Shoshanna’s mother was a different subject all together. Her father just looked scared as hell, but he also looked a little fatherly as he glanced at Toby. Otherwise he was handling this far better than Shoshanna’s mother.

  “Well, I don’t know what to say,” her mother said, picked up the napkin that was on her lap, and dabbed her mouth. “You’re pregnant by a man you hardly know.” She stood, gave a forced smile, and moved out of the room.

  Her father went to stand, but Shoshanna stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Toby grabbed her arm and gave her a sympathetic smile. She didn’t mention that she’d known Toby all through school, but that they just didn’t know each other, if that even made sense.

  She wasn’t about to explain any of this to her mom.

  “You need me?”

  She shook her head, so touched that he would face this with her.

  “No, Dad, let me handle this, because the way she just acted is totally uncalled for.” Yeah, she had just sprung this on her mom, and she probably was surprised and nervous about it all, too, but her leaving like some kind of petulant child was ridiculous and embarrassing.

  Shoshanna moved out the front door and saw her mom sitting on the porch, a cigarette in hand and her focus on the street.

  “Mom, the way you’re acting is ridiculous. You think this is easy on me—”

  “Come sit down next to me, Shoshanna.” Her mom cut her off, and the soft sound of her mother’s voice had Shoshanna a little taken aback. She looked over her shoulder, smiled at her, and patted the cement beside her.

  Her mom snubbed out the cigarette, and slid over to the side to give Shoshanna a little more room.

  When they were sitting beside each other they were silent for several long moments, and then her mother exhaled as she shifted on the step to face Shoshanna.

  “I know that I am hard on you, and I know that I snub my nose at a lot of things.”

  The fact her mom was admitting this was strange, especially since she was pretty much admitting she had been in the wrong. Her mother was always proper, always acting like her shit smelled like roses, and although Shoshanna would always love her, the annoyance over that fact drove her mad.

  “I know this is hard to believe, especially with the way I have been acting, but I only want the best for you.” She looked at the road again, and a kid rode by on his bike. “I never made it a secret that I came from nothing, worked hard for what I had, and then suddenly your father made it big, the money was rolling in, and I changed.”

  The last part was said with almost shame, and Shoshanna felt something inside of her change as she stared at her mother.

  “Mom…” Shoshanna wasn’t sure what to say in response.

  “I don’t want you saying anything, honey. I just want you to know that I guess anymore it’s like second nature for me to be like I am. I have this wall up, trying to keep anything out that frightens me or isn’t what I want.” She looked at Shoshanna again. “But you’re going to have a child of your own, and I want you to know that I love you, and that you’ll make a wonderful mother.” She was silent for a moment before she continued. “You’ll be a much better mother than I was, of that I have no doubt.”

  The tears started to come, not just because she was so hormonal, but also because her mom was being honest with her. She opened up to her, showed her this vulnerability that made Shoshanna feel like she was human as well. “I felt like I never measured up to what you wanted.”

  “Oh honey.” Her mom pulled her in for a hug. “I am the one that has failed you as a mother, and I am sorry for that. I just want to be a better mom for you, and I don’t want this wall between us. I’ve built it up to keep others out, but it has also kept you out as well.”

  They sat there in silence, the sound of the birds chirping filling the air, and the dusk settling over the sky. A nice peace surrounded them, one that she had never felt with her mom. She wanted this all the time, wanted to be able to talk to her mom about baby stuff, go out to lunch without having to feel like she was a failure.

  This was a side of her mom she had only seen very early on in her life, and those memories were fading fast. But this was a step in the right direction, in the area that brought them closer, and Shoshanna couldn’t wait to explore more of it, and grow as a person with her mom.

  The front door opened, and she looked over her shoulder to see Toby standing on the other side.

  “Toby, wait,” her mom said, and Shoshanna stared at her mom as she stood and walked over to the man she was falling in love with. “I want to apologize for my behavior. I can see you care about my daughter very much, and the fact you are taking care of her and your child is very mature and admirable.”

  Toby looked a little taken back as well, but he smiled. “I love your daughter, and have no plans on ever changing that.”

  Her heart sped up, and when her mother pulled Toby in for a hug, she smiled at him. Her mom left them alone, and Toby moved over to her.

  He sat down beside her, pulled her in close, and when he rested his hand on her belly it was like the world had finally fallen right in place.

  “I will be the best father I can be to you, and never let you down,” he spoke softly to the baby, and she smiled wider. “And I will always try and make you happy, Shoshanna.”

  She leaned back and stared at him. “And you are, Toby. I love you.”

  He cupped her cheek, smoothed his hand back behind her neck, and pulled her in for a kiss.

  Yes, the world had definitely fallen into a good and perfect place for her … finally.

  23

  Ace hung up his phone and smiled. Toby was going to have a baby. It was a crazy fucking thought, and one he didn’t think he’d ever see, but he’d heard the happiness in his friend’s voice. He put his cell in his front pocket, and walked into the bookstore.

  He searched the small room that was only about a thousand square feet, trying to find Lauren, and smiled when he saw her standing on a stepstool trying to reach a book. She stretched, her body on full display, her ass wrapped in a loose flowing skirt, and not hiding that the woman was curvy as fuck.

  But he shouldn’t be thinking of her like that, shouldn’t want the woman that had been there for him when he moved into this town all those years ago. His freshman year of high school had been one of isolation, but then he had met Lauren, and she had helped him through his anger and pain, the need to always want to lash out.

  He had been cruel to her at first, wanting to ignore her kindness because he couldn’t believe someone would want anything to do with him.

  He thanked his father for that distrust. But she hadn’t given up on him, and when she had come to his place and seen that his dad had smacked him around, something between them had clicked.

  Ever since then she had been by his side, and the only other person besides Toby that he’d felt close with.

  He walked up behind her, inhaled the scent of strawberries that always seemed to surround her, and clenched his hands at his sides. She was twenty-three, the same age he was, and he had wanted her from the moment she had spoken to him all those years ago.

  “You’re going to end up falling on your ass,” he said and chuckled when she looked over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at him.

  Lauren climbed down, smoothed her hands along her skirt, and grinned. She looked fucking beautiful, so fresh, pure, and the nicest person he had in his life. Her reddish blonde hair was in a loose braid and hanging over her shoulder, the long strands nearly touching her waist.