“I missed you, Shoshanna.” He said it so low she almost didn’t hear.

  “What?” Her voice came out like a little stutter. This was all moving so fast, taking up her entire life, and everything was changing in a matter of weeks.

  He nodded, looked down at her lips, and before she knew what was happening he had his arms wrapped around her and his lips on hers. Her back met the wall in her foyer, and she moaned into his mouth. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help myself around you,” he murmured against her mouth and kissed her harder this time.

  “Wait,” she said and placed her hands on his chest, stopping him. Looking into his eyes when he pulled back an inch, she thought about everything they needed to talk about, but right now having him so close felt so good.

  “I missed you, Shoshanna. I know how crazy that sounds, but for the last few weeks you’re all I’ve been thinking about.”

  She breathed harder, stared into his blue eyes, and something in her just snapped. She didn’t want to think about anything else but this moment. She pressed her mouth to his again, and kissed him just as hard.

  Their tongues slid along each other, and she knew if she didn’t stop this now she would beg him to take her upstairs and forget about dinner all together.

  Slipping her hands between their bodies, she started tugging on his belt. But faster than she anticipated Toby stopped her. He pulled away; his warm, minty breath coasting over her lips.

  “Why did you stop?” Even she could hear how needy she sounded. His gaze was on her lips, and his erection pressed against her belly.

  “If we don’t stop I’m liable not to control myself and take you right here.” He said the words, and she could hear the heat and arousal laced with them.

  Sliding her hands up his tattooed arms and stopping at his biceps, she gave him a light squeeze. “Just kiss me.” She moved an inch closer until her breasts were pressed against his hard chest. She noticed the way his breathing changed to a faster, labored beat.

  He closed his eyes and groaned, but didn’t respond verbally. Then he cupped her face and kissed her until she couldn’t think straight.

  “I want you, baby,” he murmured against her lips. “But we should talk as well.” He pulled back but kept his gaze locked on hers. “You have no fucking clue how much I want this right now.”

  To solidify his words he gripped her wrists in one of his hands and moved it between their bodies. Her palm came in contact with his rock hard cock. Feeling for his zipper with her fingers, she slowly pulled it down once she found it.

  His grip tightened on her wrist, and then he slowly loosened his hold and stared into her eyes. Shoshanna slowly brought his zipper down and it sounded obscenely loud, but she refused to stop.

  Slipping her hand through the fly and through his boxer briefs, she felt the hot and hard length of his shaft. The piercing at the tip was warmed from his body heat and clothing, and she moved her thumb over the crown, smearing his pre-cum around.

  When she wrapped her fingers around him she loved that the tips didn’t touch. His chest rose and fell fast and hard, and he lifted his arm and placed his hand on the wall beside her head.

  The wetness that coated her panties caused the material to press against her pussy, rubbing along her folds and teasing her clit. Shoshanna licked her lips and pulled his shaft out from the confines of the material. He closed his eyes when she started stroking him from root to tip, and a tingling sensation slammed into her pussy.

  “Kiss me, Toby—”

  He didn’t let her finish the words before his mouth was on hers and his tongue slipped past her lips. His cock felt like it swelled in her grasp. When he groaned and jerked his hips forward that tingling intensified and moved up to her nipples. He didn’t stop kissing her as he started a slow, steady thrust of his hips in her grasp.

  He fucked himself in her hand while he devoured her mouth.

  He moved the hand that wasn’t beside her head lower until he had one aching and full breast in his big palm. It felt so unbelievably good as he moved his fingers over her nipple, not doing anything more than torturously teasing the stiff peak.

  “Oh God, Toby, you’re making me feel so good.”

  “I’m just starting with you, baby, and I don’t have any intentions of ending any time soon.”

  18

  Touching her was torture, pure, agonizing torture. The way she responded to him had his cock harder than fuck. Dirty thoughts slammed into his head, images of her beneath him, her smooth, soft skin bared to him.

  He ran his palm over her nipple, nearly groaning when the little bead tightened further under the material of her shirt.

  Toby took her mouth harder, worrying that he might be too rough, too demanding, but unable to help himself. There had never been another female that had him in knots, yet Shoshanna had done just that.

  Her head fell back against the wall, and he latched his mouth onto her throat. She tasted sweet, like honey, and the flavor bathed his tongue in everything that was Shoshanna. His dick throbbed, demanding to be buried inside of her. Pushing her would be disastrous, and besides, they had all the time in the world.

  He had no plans on going anywhere, not when it was clear she was just as into this as he was.

  “That’s it, baby.” He pressed his erection further into her hand, and they both groaned. He started a slow thrust against her and loved that her breathing changed in response. “The things you’re doing to me.” If they kept this up he would come in her hand in just a few, short strokes.

  Her mouth was by his ear, and she whispered, “It feels so good, Toby, but if we keep going we won’t leave this house.”

  He squeezed her breast, the mound soft and giving. Toby had no problem staying in with her wrapped in his arms and crying out from an orgasm. He moved his hips into her a little harder, and she gripped his bicep with her free hand.

  The image of him sliding his hand up her inner thigh and touching her pussy, which he knew would be wet, slammed into his head violently.

  “We have to stop, baby.” He licked up the side of her throat before latching onto her mouth again. They had to stop. He had to stop or he’d take her right here. He wanted Shoshanna so damn badly, but Toby also wanted to talk to her, get everything out in the open, and see where she was then.

  Pulling back and cupping her cheek, he stared into her eyes, took in the fact her lips were parted, her cheeks blushed from her arousal, and felt her tighten her hold on his cock.

  “You’ll never know how much I want you right now, but I think we should get something to eat, talk about some shit, and then revisit this later once everything is all out,” he said.

  She let go of him, looked down at his chest, and then nodded. When she lifted her gaze there was this hesitance in her expression. She licked her lips, and in a soft voice said,

  “Yeah, we really do need to talk, Toby.”

  19

  Shoshanna glanced out the passenger side window and watched the houses pass by in a blur of color and speed. They had only been driving for the last ten minutes, but it had been in silence, with this heavy weight surrounding them. She felt the strong weight of his hand on hers and looked down.

  Toby slipped his fingers between her much thinner, smaller ones. They drove like that for the next five minutes, and when he pulled into town and stopped at the little Italian restaurant that had just opened up this past year, she felt her heart speed up. When was a good time to tell him about the baby?

  Should she do it now where they were sitting in the privacy of his car, or maybe wait until they were inside where the crowd could be a buffer? Toby wanted her now, but how would he feel once she laid this down in front of him?

  He pulled into a parking spot and cut the engine, and for several moments they just sat there. He turned and looked at her face, and then lowered his gaze down to where their hands were entwined. “Is this okay, Shoshanna?” he asked in a soft, deep voice.

  She smiled. “We’ve had sex, so holding hands is totally okay.” She looked down at their hands and covered the back of his with her palm. “This is nice.” Shoshanna felt like a teenage girl again. The butterflies in her belly started to go wild, and beads of perspiration dotted the area between her breasts.

  He shifted in his seat, and she couldn’t help but glance down at his big, strong thighs. Her eyes widened when she saw the bulge pressed against his fly. Oh. God. He was aroused.

  She licked her lips again, the damn things suddenly so dry.

  “I guess we should go in and eat,” he said, smiled big, and squeezed her hand all seemingly at the same time. Before she could open the door he was climbing out of the car and making his way around the front bumper to her side. He opened the passenger side door and helped her out. She had never been with a guy so attentive to her, so nice and genuine.

  They made their way into the restaurant, and didn’t have to wait for a table in the back. It was intimate, covered with a plastic red and white checkered tablecloth, and even had a small candle in a wine bottle sitting in the center.

  Once seated with their drink order placed, Toby leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. The way he looked at her told her that this conversation wouldn’t be lighthearted.

  Whatever he had to say was serious, but not as serious as what she would tell him before this night was over. She glanced down at the table, needing to break their intense stare, and thought about how this was actually going to end.

  They were both so young, so inexperienced when it came to something like this. She wasn’t ready for a baby, and she had to assume neither was Toby. But whether they were ready or not didn’t matter, because she was going to have his child, and she was going to keep it with or without his help.

  “Shoshanna, look at me.”

  The way he said those words had her wanting to do what he said. She didn’t think of herself as a pushover, but the rough timbre had her automatically responding and it wasn’t something she could help. He held her gaze for a suspended moment.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  No, she wouldn’t tell him about the pregnancy right now, but she would when they were alone again.

  “Why me?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. He leaned back in his seat as if he was surprised by her question.

  “Why you?”

  She nodded.

  “Honestly, I don’t know what it is about you that has me so drawn.”

  “Um, thanks?” She had no clue if that was a compliment or not.

  He smiled and then chuckled. “I meant that in only the best of ways. Why not you is a better question.” Before he could elaborate the waitress came by with their drinks.

  “I just don’t know what you’re trying to do here with me.” A date didn’t constitute a serious, monogamous relationship, she knew that, but for her this was more than just a one-night stand.

  “I’m going to be honest and lay everything out there, Shoshanna, because that is one of the reasons I wanted to see you again … to be honest with you.” He rested one arm over the back of his chair and straightened his leg out the side. “My home life was shitty, my father a drunk that liked to beat his wife and son, and that was all I ever knew until I could fight back.”

  Her heart went in her throat at his words. “I am so sorry. I had no clue.”

  He shook his head. “No one did, not really. My dad could hide shit pretty well. He partied, made friends, and everyone loved him.” Toby started messing with the napkin in front of him. “But then he’d take out his anger and frustration on my mom and me, hit us because he thought he was stronger.” He stared at her eyes now. “That is, he used to until I started fighting back.”

  He exhaled roughly, looked at the ceiling for a moment as if he was trying to get his bearings, and when he spoke this time it was filled with so much emotion.

  “I party too much, probably shouldn’t even be drinking alcohol, and have gotten into my fair share of fights. I shouldn’t be with the women I associate with, should be more responsible. We shared a connection back then, Shoshanna, and I knew I needed to be a better person. I have never felt anything else like it since.”

  Her breath stalled at his words.

  “I won’t sugarcoat my life, and I don’t have much to offer.” He leaned forward another inch. “But despite the rumors you heard, which I won’t deny are probably true for the most part, I do know that I want you.”

  “Toby—”

  “Please, baby, let me finish.” He took a deep breath. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I want to be honest and tell you where I stand.” He took a deep breath and looked away. A frown marred the area between his eyes, and for a moment he seemed so vulnerable and lost.

  He schooled his features and looked back at her.

  “Whether you believe this or not, I want you, Shoshanna. I think about you constantly, have since that year in high school. I was just a stupid asshole that got into too much trouble to have the balls to do something about what I wanted.”

  This whole conversation had turned into something so much deeper. Here he was, baring his soul because he wanted her? “I just don’t understand. You never even spoke to me in school, didn’t even know I was alive until we knocked into each other at school.” She swallowed. “And so much time has passed, Toby. After one night of sex, and you having to be gone due to … due to your father passing, you’re now saying you want me for something more, like a serious commitment?” she asked sincerely, not sure if all of this was actually happening.

  He took her hand in his. “Yes, all of that and more, Shoshanna. I want you, and I know you want me, too. Whether or not I deserve to be with you is your call.” He squeezed her hand gently. “But I promise I want to show you that I do want this more than I have ever wanted anything, Shoshanna.”

  “This is so crazy, Toby.”

  He smiled softly. “I know, baby, and I swear I can’t even begin to describe why I feel this strongly, but I promise I do, and it feels fucking incredible.”

  You might think differently when I tell you about the baby.

  “Can we start over?”

  “I’d really like that, but I have to talk to you about something also, Toby.” Laughing couples and happy families surrounded them. Their voices were low, intimate, yet their conversation was deep and intense.

  Before she could say anything the waitress came to take their order. Was she really about to do this? It was hard to believe, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes and wanted to believe him so badly.

  She just wanted him so much, and hoped that all of this worked out in the end.

  20

  They had left the restaurant half an hour ago, and now sat on the hood of his car overlooking Silver Springs Lake. The moon was full and high in the sky, and Toby had put a blanket under them so the chill from the metal didn’t seep through their clothing.

  For a man that had a reputation for being rough around the edges, so to say, he was actually very gentle and kind.

  Maybe the years since he had been out of college had really changed him like he said? He was more mature, more honest and giving now. It was strange, but she liked it. The only problem was how would this all go when she finally told him about the baby?

  She stared at the lake that was clouded by the darkness of night and then glanced at Toby. “My mother thinks I am a failure because I don’t live the life she wants.” Shoshanna didn’t know why she was telling him this, maybe to get a little closer, a little more connected to him? “She came from a poor home, worked all her life until my father made it big with his investments. Then it was like she changed, just transformed into this person that was high class and forgot where she came from.”

  “Money changes people. That’s why I have made it my mission to stay poor.”

  She chuckled, knowing he wasn’t hurting for money in the field of hard labor he did. “I just wish we were closer, and she accepted that I am just a regular, nothing special girl.”

  He looked at her, all serious, and then said, “You are special, and fuck anyone that thinks differently.” Toby smiled. “No offense to your mom, that is.”

  She smiled, feeling light when she was with him. He didn’t say anything for several moments, and neither did she, but the quiet was nice, comfortable even. He lay back on the hood, reached out for her hand so she was forced to lie back as well, and then Toby lifted his hand and stared at the sky.

  She watched as he started to pinch his thumb and forefinger together, and knitted her eyebrows in confusion.

  “What are you doing?” she asked softly and then chuckled when he looked over at her.

  “When I was young, maybe four or five, I used to stare out my window at the stars.” He looked at the sky again. “I used to try and pinch the stars, take away the light because I thought if there wasn’t any more in the sky my father wouldn’t be able to see me.” He chuckled, but it was humorless.

  “Oh God, Toby, that breaks my heart.” She felt emotion clog her throat at the mental image of a small, vulnerable little boy trying to make it through every night without getting hurt.

  “I used to hate my dad, wished I was stronger so I could fight back so he couldn’t hurt me or my mom again.”

  She wanted to comfort him, but knew trying that right now wasn’t the best option.

  “And then I did grow up, got bigger, and could fight back. But still he didn’t stop, not until I broke his nose and he had to explain to the ER staff how he had gotten it.” He sounded pissed.

  “We don’t have to talk about this.”

  He shook his head. “I want to. I want you to know about me and my life.” He looked at her then. “His job relocated him, and so he and my mom left. They had been living out of state for the last few years, and even though I wanted my mom to move in with me, get away from my dad, she didn’t. She wouldn’t, like she was stuck in this toxic state. I tried getting her help, but that upset her to the point she cried, said I was making things worse.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I feel like a failure because I didn’t force her to come with me.”