He closed his eyes when her lips covered him, his hips doing a little involuntary thrust that he couldn’t control, but she opened more and took him in.

  She must have liked that because she grabbed his hips and had him move in and out of her mouth as she sucked him off and he was pretty damn sure he was going to come fast.

  Damn it. He wanted this to last, but he wasn’t sure anyone had ever done that to him before.

  “Jesus, Marissa. Slow down.”

  “You’re the one moving, I’m just taking it all.”

  He let out a laugh. “You’re moving me,” he said and tried not to grind his teeth when she did it faster. It was like a game to her and he was being controlled.

  “Stop talking,” she said. “I need to concentrate.”

  He wasn’t sure he could say another word after that because she dropped one hand from his hip and started to slide it up and down his cock with her mouth and working him over to the point he was tensing and ready to explode.

  “You need to stop,” he tried to warn her.

  “Or not,” she said. She’d never finished him off before and was surprised she wanted to now, but if she was willing, he did all he could.

  He closed his eyes and just let himself feel while she moved faster and applied more suction.

  His legs were shaking and his hands went in her hair to hold her head there. She didn’t seem to mind and then he just started to jerk and spasm while she continued to suck and lick him.

  When his arms dropped down to his sides, he realized he’d been watching her and her eyes were on him, a big grin on her face.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

  “You. You look ready to drop from exhaustion. I guess I’m not getting much out of this. Or do I need to do the work?”

  She pushed him on the bed, on his back, and then climbed on top of him. “What has come over you?”

  “You,” she said. “Just you. I guess it’s always been you.”

  What every man wanted to hear. What he’d waited to hear for months. Maybe wanted to hear nine years ago.

  She straddled his hips and started to stroke him up and down, getting him hard and then impaling herself on him.

  He was exhausted and found that he couldn’t do much more than lie there and watch her while she rode him like he was some prized stud she never wanted to get off of.

  He felt himself building up again and could tell by her movements she was ready to let go herself.

  Then she squeezed him hard with her muscles and just stopped moving, letting him feel her coming all around him. It was all it took, him grabbing her hips and slamming into her again and again until he had nothing else left to give.

  The next morning Marissa woke up to the smell of coffee. Even on their vacation Ryder was up before her. She wasn’t used to not being the first one up at the house.

  She went into the bathroom and showered for the day, then walked into the kitchen, her arms around his back and running up his chest.

  “Good morning,” she said, kissing his back.

  He turned in her arms and placed a kiss on her head. “Morning to you too. Sleep well?”

  “It’s hard not to in this place. The house is gorgeous. The view even more so. Even the bed might be more comfortable than yours and I didn’t think that was possible.”

  “You’re more than welcome to stay in my bed all the time,” he said.

  He was always making comments like that and she didn’t respond, just like she wasn’t going to now. “So, what are our plans today? One more day and then back to the real world.”

  They’d be back to his place tomorrow and then she and Tommy were leaving on Sunday for the week. The following weekend was a big July Fourth celebration party in Charlotte at his aunt and uncle’s house. Her car was packing on the miles and she knew as much fun as Tommy was having, he was struggling with all the time in the car too.

  Ryder moved away from her and filled her a cup of coffee and took the cream out. “We can just hang out by the water and maybe get dinner tonight. Most of the food is gone or will be. No use buying anything to cook tonight.”

  They’d been picking food up as they went rather than planning it all out like she always wanted to do. “That sounds good to me. Tommy loves to eat out. You know that.”

  “I like to be able to do this for him,” he said.

  “I know. You’re spoiling us.”

  “You spoil those you care for,” he said. “Those you love.”

  “I’m trying to do that to you too,” she said back. “I can’t compete financially.”

  “I’m not asking you to. I just want you to be with me,” he said.

  Again another comment. “I’m working on it, Ryder. You know I love you.”

  “I do. It’s not something that you can jump into. I get it,” he said, sighing.

  “And let’s not talk about it anymore today.”

  He nodded his head and they changed the subject. She was determined to have a great time on their last day of vacation.

  But it wasn’t meant to be when later that night they were leaving the restaurant after dinner and she heard, “Marissa?”

  She turned to see Kevin standing there on the sidewalk. One of her few exes. One that had a problem with her being a single mother. They’d dated when Tommy was only two and it lasted almost four months. They hadn’t seen much of each other in that time and he always complained about her not having much daycare. Not making an effort to be with him when he was falling for her. When she realized that and didn’t feel the same, she broke it off.

  “Kevin,” she said. “Funny running into you here.”

  “Yeah,” Kevin said, looking at Tommy and then Ryder. They’d just left the restaurant and were walking back when Kevin spotted her. “So it looks like the bastard’s father decided to step up and be a man and take the kid or you just went back to him after not saying who he was?”

  “Ryder,” she said, but it didn’t matter. Ryder had Kevin up by the shirtfront and lifted in the air.

  “Watch your mouth about my son,” he said.

  “Dad,” Tommy said. “People are watching.”

  Ryder looked over at Tommy and dropped Kevin down and shoved him away. “Get out of here before I do more than lift you off the ground.”

  Ryder turned and stalked off and got in their car, Marissa grabbing Tommy’s hand and pulling him in too.

  They drove back to the house in silence and she asked Tommy to go to his room and play while she and Ryder talked.

  “How could you do that in front of Tommy?”

  “That’s the type of guy you dated?” he asked. “One that said those things about your son? About our son?”

  Now she could see where the frustration was coming from. “We were twenty-four and young,” she said. “It didn’t last long because he hated that I had a kid and couldn’t spend time with him. He’d never said those words to me though.”

  No, Kevin hated that she was a mother, but he knew enough to not insult her kid to her face. Why he did it now she’d never know. Maybe he was pissed because she’d broken up with him. She just never felt much for him though. Not like he might have wanted.

  She was starting to think there would never be anyone she could feel anything for like she had Ryder. That is until he just did this.

  “I don’t give a shit,” he said. “The guy is a loser. I could tell by looking at him. All he is missing is a white tank top and a beer stain on the front.”

  “Really?” she shouted. “You’re one to talk. All the women you dated probably wore white T-shirts to have water sprayed at them.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “That has nothing to do with this.”

  “You don’t think so? Why is that?”

  “Because I wouldn’t bring someone like that around my kid.”

  “I didn’t bring him around Tommy. And Tommy was the problem. Kevin didn’t want to be put second and I’ve always said my son comes first.”

  “That’s right. He comes first for me too, but you know what? You’re holding him over my head.”

  “What are you talking about?” she said. Her face was red, she knew it. She felt the heat. “If anyone is holding anything over anyone’s head it’s you and you probably always will. I’ll never be free of what I did. I don’t even know how many more times I’ve got to say I’m sorry.”

  “You have no clue. You can’t see past what you did wrong to see what maybe you could do right,” he said and walked away from her.

  Those were the last civil words they’d said to each other before she left his house on Saturday—a day early.

  37

  Without Thought

  “Ryder. What are you doing here?”

  After Marissa left an hour ago, he couldn’t sit in the house any longer.

  It’d been a miserable twenty-four hours. Between the fight outside the restaurant, the words they’d said and the silence after, he was ready to put his fist through a wall.

  The last thing he expected though was Marissa to pack up the minute they got to his house and tell Tommy they were leaving.

  Here he thought they could talk it out and move forward, but she walked out the door with Tommy whining and almost in tears at having to leave a day early.

  As much as he wanted to argue with her to grow up and stay, he didn’t. It wasn’t worth it because he knew damn well he’d end up saying more to cause a bigger fight.

  “I needed someone to talk to,” he said.

  “Where’s Marissa and Tommy?”

  “They left.”

  “I thought they were staying until tomorrow,” Diane said. “Grant, get in here. Ryder is here alone and he’s upset.”

  He shouldn’t be surprised his mother could figure that out. He went and got a beer and opened it, then poured it in a glass and sat at the island. “We got into a fight last night. It’s been a tense day. We drove home barely speaking and the minute we got back, she told Tommy to get their stuff because they were leaving.”

  “That’s a little harsh to do that to Tommy,” she said.

  “Diane. It’s not our place to judge. Why don’t you tell us what happened, Ryder?” his father said. “Or is it private?”

  “It’s not,” he said and told them about the fight. “I should have realized it wasn’t going to be as easy as it’s been the past few months.”

  His mother walked up and slapped his arm almost spilling the beer he was putting to his lips. “Whatever made you think love was easy? Not only that, didn’t running your mouth without thought cause part of this nine years ago?”

  “It wasn’t just on me,” he argued, but he realized again that he did have a fast temper and should have weighed his words better. “She said some things back.”

  “I’m sure she did and you had it coming. We’ve told you for years that those bimbos were nothing but trouble.”

  “But I wasn’t hiding anything from anyone like she was.”

  “No,” his father said. “You weren’t and if you can’t move past that then you’re never going to last. I guess the question is, what do you want, Ryder?”

  “I want Tommy in my life. I want Marissa there too.”

  “They will always be in your life,” his mother said. “How do you want them there is the important question and maybe you don’t know the answer to that.”

  “I know the answer,” he said back, dropping his shoulders.

  “You look just like Tommy when he’s told he can’t have something,” his mother said. “You better figure it out and get some knee pads.”

  “What?” he asked.

  His father started to laugh. “For begging. You better be ready to get on your knees and ask for forgiveness.”

  “I’ve done nothing wrong,” he argued.

  “Really? It looks like you’ve both done a lot wrong to those of us on the outside. Marissa isn’t going to get off that easily either. It seems to me she says she is sorry an awful lot. She seems to be trying when she doesn’t have to.”

  “I could take her to court,” he said.

  “You could, but you said you wouldn’t. As a mother, you will do whatever you can to protect your child, trust me on this.”

  “That’s right. A father would too, right, Dad?”

  “You’re right, Ryder. And no one can fault you for your parenting other than doing what you did in front of Tommy. But if you guys want each other and it looked like you did to everyone in the family last week, then you need to figure it out.”

  “That means not walking out and sulking from an argument,” he said. “We need to talk it out.”

  “Guess you’ve matured a lot in nine years,” his mother said nodding her head.

  “Meaning what?”

  “Meaning you didn’t talk it out with Marissa before. It seems to me she did exactly what you did to her.”

  Shit. His mother was right.

  “Are you going to tell me what is going on or make me wait all night?” Cody asked her.

  They’d gotten home to see Cody mowing the lawn for her. She’d completely forgotten she’d asked him to do it and was shocked he was there when she pulled in. Probably not as shocked as he was to see her though when she’d said she’d be home on Sunday.

  “Let me see if Tommy is sleeping before I start to talk.”

  She walked into Tommy’s room and saw him curled in a ball hugging a stuffed horse Ryder had bought for him in one of the shops. They’d gone horseback riding on the beach and she’d never seen Tommy so happy before. When they’d walked in a store and saw a stuffed toy like the horse he’d ridden, Ryder picked it up and gave it to him as a reminder of their first family vacation.

  She felt her eyes start to fill, a few tears escape, and then walked back to see Cody sitting on the couch.

  “You’re crying. You hardly ever cry. I feel the need to drive to Durham and mess Ryder up.”

  “Don’t,” she said. “He’s probably just itching for a fight.”

  “Then tell me what is going on or I’m going to do it anyway.”

  Her brother hadn’t been a big fan of Ryder’s early on, but he was slowly won over along with her parents. They’d all thought she was moving fast, but she hadn’t thought so.

  She wasn’t thinking that now that her heart was breaking again.

  “Fine. I’ll tell you what happened.” When she was finished spilling her guts Cody just looked at her.

  “Seriously. I told you Kevin was a dick back when you were dating him. The guy was a wuss that wanted you all to himself. You were too good for him and we told you that.”

  “You’re going to take Ryder’s side on this?” she asked, stunned.

  “No. I’m not taking either of your sides. I’m just telling you that I might have reacted the same way.”

  “But I told you that Ryder normally walks away if it means something to him. He only reacts if it doesn’t or he is playing mind games.”

  “What is wrong with you?” Cody asked. “That was almost ten years ago. We’ve established you were both young and stupid and you’re going to hold what he did then to now? Do you want him to hold what you did against you forever?”

  “No.” And then she remembered the words she’d thrown in his face and what he’d said back. That she couldn’t see past what she did wrong to see what she could do right.

  She could forgive herself and make a life for them. She was the one holding it over her own head. The Fierce family wasn’t doing it to her. She was doing it all by herself.

  “Your face just paled. What are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking I’m such an idiot.”

  “You are. You walked away from him just like he did all those years ago. You were crying back then and asking what and why he was saying what he was and you never got your answers. You can’t walk away anymore. There’s Tommy to consider. Whether you two work it out or not, you have to deal with him and if you can’t talk things out, it will never happen.”

  She didn’t fight for Ryder years ago and demand he explain why he said what he had, but she wasn’t making the same mistake twice. “How did you get to be so smart?” she asked.

  “By watching my big sister be so stupid.”

  She laughed. “Get out of here. I need to call Ryder.”

  Once Cody was gone, she grabbed her phone, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. Doing this over the phone was the worst and she had no one to blame but herself. It seemed like she had so much to keep blaming on herself.

  She should have stayed and talked it out with Ryder. She’d seen it on his face that he was going to argue with her but didn’t.

  Was he trying not to make matters worse? Most likely. And she realized that maybe he was trying a lot harder than she was at things and it was a bitter pill to swallow for a woman that was always calm and in control.

  Not this time. Only one person had ever made her lose it all and it was Ryder Fierce.

  But she was going to take it back because if she didn’t she’d regret it for the rest of her life. She’d be damned if she was going to regret one more thing.

  With a forced bravado, she hit the button to Facetime him. She needed to see his face when she said what she was going to. It was as close as they could come, being apart.

  When he finally picked up, she said, “Where are you?”

  “Ten minutes from your house. We are going to talk and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  She burst into tears and started to laugh at the same time. Guess she wasn’t the only one that realized they needed to do things differently this time around.

  “Drive faster,” she said and disconnected the call.

  It wasn’t even ten minutes when her front door opened and she got up and moved toward him. “Why are you crying?” he asked.

  “Because I was calling you to apologize and try to work this out. To say how sorry I am that I just left the way I did. It was stupid and childish and I just saw that here I was making the same damn mistakes that I did years ago.”

  Ryder pulled her into his arms and held her like he did that first time months ago. She sobbed in his arms because her world was changing and she was scared and so tired of doing it alone.