Star looked far out to sea. Despite the cold wind whipping up around the cliffs now, she didn’t feel the chill, was warmed by at long last knowing who her father was, which helped her in turn to know who she was. She didn’t feel sad now that she had never got to know him; she accepted that he was a man of the cloth and, despite his shortcomings in his twenties, there must have been a whole lot of good in him, and for that she could be eternally grateful. Maybe she should go to a service at the church and see if anything was said about him. In fact, if it wasn’t too late, maybe she could go to his funeral! Should she tell Auntie Flo? Flo wasn’t a gossip so there would be no harm. That’s if she believed it at all, of course. Star thought of how her aunt had mentioned his passing just the other day and had spoken so highly of him!

  Grief suddenly stabbed through her. Poor Estelle, no wonder an air of melancholy had stayed within her all this time. She had made a sacrifice, let go of the man she loved for his greater good, putting her own happiness aside, and what’s more had stayed true to her word that she would never tell anyone what had happened between them. In a bittersweet way, this made Star feel safe inside, now she understood what had happened. And proud of her mother, who had been so strong! It also made her realise again just how hard it was, to find true and lasting love.

  Star’s thoughts then turned to Kara. The revelation that the Reverend Matthew Nesbitt was Kara’s real father would lead to all kinds of repercussions. She had asked the solicitor if there were any other letters that he was giving out, including ones to Kerensa Anne Moon, but of course he was unable to disclose that to her. She didn’t go on to share with him any of the contents of her own letters, especially not how she’d just found out that Kara was her half-sister, in case word somehow leaked out to her friend before she heard it from the horse’s mouth.

  But what if Kara was never told? Star asked herself. Would the responsibility fall on her to reveal this devastating truth? She knew that not only would it destroy Kara, but it would also destroy the wonderful Joe Moon. His relationship with his younger daughter was so important to him. Their bond had become even closer following the trauma of Doryty leaving them for her new lover in Spain. Star had been envious of that bond all her life, especially whilst growing up. Ironically, it now emerged that in fact, the two girls shared the same father!

  Whatever the Reverend Matthew Nesbitt had, one thing was the ability to make sure that his secrets were kept safe. Star looked up at the sky and called to her angels. The universe would do right by her, she was sure. She also truly believed that the Reverend Nesbitt would do right according to his faith – that he would let Kara know the truth that she too was his daughter. It would be wrong to give the incendiary knowledge that Kara had a sibling to Star alone, and expect her to keep it all to herself.

  The stars were already aligning for at long last she knew what she had wanted to find out her entire life: the identity of her father. As for Kara and Joe, she could only hope that their love, which was stronger than the tides that had taken poor old Diggory Pickett away to his death, would overcome such a shocking revelation.

  Poor Estelle. Love was so weird! Why couldn’t it just be directed at the most suitable candidate? Why could you not choose who you fell in love with? It would be a whole lot easier to make sure that the course of true love did run smooth if that beating organ within didn’t just run riot and do its own thing. Or was it doing its own thing? Did the heart actually know more than the human brain? Were its matchmaking skills to be reckoned with? Her gut had always been right in the past, so why not her heart too?

  Star was filled by a sense of enlightenment and energy. Maybe for the first time in her life she should stop being fearful of rejection? Maybe for the first time in her life she should listen to her heart and act without fear! Estelle had been prevented from expressing her feelings: because the man she loved had already given his heart to God, so she really had no chance. The thought that her mother had been faced with that huge obstacle to love and happiness made Star’s own obstacle of a huge ocean and an abusive out-of-work actress seem far, far less daunting.

  Maybe her father’s last message from the grave was the only one she had ever really needed. Love had indeed blindsided her when it had come so unexpectedly into her life, and she was damned if she was going to watch it go.

  Chapter 51

  Billy was just securing some solar lights around the Happy Hart to make it look Christmassy when he spotted Darren walking along the quay. ‘It’s your day off today, isn’t it, bro? What are you doing down here so early?’

  ‘I wanted to see you before you started work.’

  ‘You OK?’

  ‘Mum told me this morning that the old man doesn’t want me at their place for Christmas dinner.’

  ‘For fuck’s sake! What is wrong with him?’ Billy was furious. ‘Well, if he’s going to be like that I won’t be there either. We can all go to Joe and Pearl’s for the day, instead of me having lunch there then coming to Mum and Dad’s in the evening with Kara.’

  ‘You can’t do that to Mum. She’s upset enough about it all as it is.’

  ‘So, I’ll have to sit there without you whilst he’s being a miserable sod and see Mum in tears. Great! One happy fucking Christmas this is going to be.’

  ‘I should have just kept my gob shut.’ Darren sighed. ‘Can you imagine what he’ll be like when I tell him I am seeing someone?’

  ‘Are you? Seeing someone, I mean.’

  ‘Um … it’s early days.’

  ‘Do I know him?’

  ‘Nah. Nah.’

  Billy knew it wasn’t the right time to push it. ‘I’m pleased for you, bro, and as for keeping quiet, no way. You did the right thing. We’ll get through it and I know that Joe and Pearl will welcome you with open arms.’

  ‘Have you seen Star lately?’ Daz asked. ‘I just wondered how her mum was. I can’t believe the baby’s not Conor’s. He took it well though, considering.’

  ‘I think he was slightly relieved, to be honest. And Estelle is due home this week, I think.’

  ‘She was lucky.’

  ‘She bloody was. Ah, here’s my girl, wonder what she wants?’ Billy said as Kara pulled up in her Passion Flowers van.

  ‘Just thought I’d say hi/bye in case I’m going to prison, now a solicitor’s asked to see me,’ she said.

  Billy laughed. ‘Let’s hope you’ve been left millions in someone’s will.’ He leaned in and gave her a kiss. ‘Call me as soon as you’re done, OK? And don’t worry, sweet cheeks, I’m sure it’s nothing serious.’

  Kara waved and tooted at the pair as she headed off up the hill.

  ‘What’s all that about?’ Darren was now helping to fix up the lights around the float.

  ‘Oh, it’s just she got some random letter from a solicitor in Penrigan, saying she was to meet one of the partners there this morning and he would explain why on arrival.’

  ‘Hmm. Curious. You’ve got me wondering why now too.’

  ‘Gentlemen!’ Conor appeared looking slightly the worse for wear.

  ‘You look like shit, mate.’

  Conor grinned. ‘Just a bit tired, that’s all. You didn’t warn me about Natalia from the dry cleaners. H – O – T,’ he spelled out.

  ‘You didn’t waste your time.’ Darren looked slightly shocked.

  Billy said wittily, ‘Not like Daz, who used to shag Kara’s fifty-year-old boss, and she was H – R – T!’

  ‘Filth, the pair of you.’ Darren couldn’t help but smile. ‘And there was me thinking you were really hanging out for me.’

  Conor scanned the sky then gave Darren a friendly punch on the arm, saying, ‘The only thing that’s on the turn round here is the weather, my friend.’

  A laughing Darren jumped off the float. ‘Have a good day you two, I’m off home.’

  ‘It’ll be all right,’ Billy called after him. ‘We’ll sort it.’

  Star waved at Darren as she pulled up at the quayside and got out of her car.

  ‘Blimey, it’s like Clapham bleedin’ Junction down here this morning,’ Billy greeted her.

  ‘I was going to see if Kara wanted breakfast at Frank’s before work, but I can’t get her on her mobile,’ Star told him.

  ‘She’s driving. Got some random letter from a solicitor in Penrigan.’

  Star felt slightly sick. ‘Ah right, she’s gone there now, has she? That’s early.’

  ‘She’s got to be there for nine but didn’t want to be late for traffic on the main road.’

  ‘OK.’ She kept her tone casual. Conor blew her a kiss from the back end of the float. She waved back, unsmiling.

  ‘Your mum’s coming home this week, isn’t she?’ Billy added.

  ‘Yeah, yeah. Tomorrow. Right, I’m starving. I shall get Frank to do me one of his legendary fry-ups.’

  ‘You feeling all right? You look a bit peaky.’

  ‘Yeah, just a bit tired, that’s all. I’m going to park outside yours, if that’s OK?’

  ‘Course it is. Right, I’d better get these cars loaded or we’ll be late for the off. See ya.’

  ‘Bye.’ Star put up her window, bit her lip and thought for a second. Breakfast could wait but being there for her mate when she was about to receive such life-changing news couldn’t. Texting Skye to keep an eye on the shop, she revved the engine on her little car, then swiftly turning around, she headed towards the main road and Penrigan.

  Chapter 52

  Jack turned his key in the apartment door to be greeted by blaring house music and the squeals and shouts of what sounded like a home full of very drunk young women. Since returning from Hartmouth, he had found himself staying at work longer and longer, and when he and Riley did infrequently dine together, more often than not they would then head off to separate rooms to watch preferred stuff on TV or head out with their different sets of friends. It was as if since his return, a mutual barrier had been put up between them. He was, however, quite relieved and surprised that Riley’s incessant whining whenever he was late home had ceased; even her jealousy seemed to have subsided slightly.

  New York was great at Christmas time; shop window displays were dazzlingly festive and the smart bars and clubs were buzzing with after-work drinks and parties. Great, if you were in the mood to party that was, but Jack felt like he’d had a bereavement. Nothing seemed to bring him joy of any kind. Seeing Star pregnant with another man’s child had spelled the end of something that could have been so great. He kept trying to pull himself together, thinking he was being ridiculous, but every thought led him back to the funny and smart, blue-eyed blonde that was Steren Bligh: the only woman for whom he had felt what he assumed must be love. Why, oh why, had he been such a limp dick! And how could he fight this feeling? For as hard as he tried it just wasn’t going away.

  Tired from working late on reports, he decided not to even make conversation with his girlfriend’s drunken crew. Instead he sneaked into the kitchen, grabbed himself a cold beer and a pack of pastrami from the fridge and headed to their bedroom to enjoy both. No one had seen him. Sitting propped up on a couple of pillows, he thought about his next step. He had seen Human Resources the other week and they’d informed him that his managers were delighted with his performance in his new role. So delighted, in fact, that now that his initial short contract was coming to a close, would he be happy to sign for another year, commencing just after New Year?

  The question was, could he bear another year in New York? Moreover, could he bear another year with Riley? The twelve-year age gap had never proved a problem before, but now that he was approaching thirty-seven, and hearing the boom-boom-boom of the bass beat of whatever song had been cranked up, and her incessant nagging about them not going out clubbing enough, he was beginning to wonder. Living with Riley meant he had a home. But if he were to stay solely for a cheap roof over his head, what kind of person would that make him? It wouldn’t be fair at all. And meeting Star had confirmed that, although he did care for Riley, he clearly wasn’t in love with the girl.

  Maybe it was time to go home? Stay with his parents in Bristol for a while, then find another job and a place of his own back in Blighty. He sighed deeply. At the moment none of the above excited him, especially the thought of living with his parents again, albeit briefly. And the defeated way he was feeling, it all seemed too difficult to contemplate. If Star was in the mix, then it would be easy. He would pack a bag, book a flight and head to Hartmouth. He would live in a tent in the dunes of Penrigan Beach if he had to. Whisk her off her tiny little feet and tell her again that he was sorry and that she was the only woman for him. That conversation, even if she was still with Conor, he would now be brave enough to have. However, a boyfriend was manageable, but a boyfriend and a new baby on the way? No. It was not even an option.

  He was just flicking through the TV channels to try and find some British football, when the bedroom door flew open and in came Riley. Lifting up her top to reveal a sexy lace bra, she then popped a nipple out and, after pushing it right in his face, she began gyrating sensually around the bed. ‘My sexy little Jack.’ She then fell on to the bed and whispered, ‘You just wait until they are all gone, I am going to ruin you.’

  Before he had time to answer, there was a huge smash from the living room, then an even bigger scream. Pushing Riley to the side, Jack ran out to find Riley’s friend Brooke in a heap, sobbing. She had been dancing on the glass coffee table and it had given way. Helping her gently to her feet, he checked her for any big cuts or broken limbs and was both amazed and relieved to find none. Jack then turned the music off. He was feeling furious. ‘Your father will want that replaced,’ he said grimly and told his girlfriend, who had waltzed back into the room, ‘I’ve had a hard fucking day, Riley, and I want some bloody peace. So, can I suggest you all fuck off out of here!’

  ‘“I need some peace”,’ Brooke mimicked, the alcohol obviously acting as an anaesthetic to her pain. This made Jack see red. He went to the coat rack and threw every single coat he could see down in front of them. ‘Now take whichever is yours and please leave.’

  ‘Jack, don’t be so embarrassing,’ Riley flounced. ‘This is my daddy’s place, not yours, and I can do what I want, when I want.’

  ‘We’re going, it’s all right.’ The more sober of the group began herding everyone out like sheep.

  ‘You staying here?’ Jack addressed Riley, who was now staggering in front of him. The front door slammed, and the giggling entourage made their way to the lift.

  ‘You’re an ugly, boring pig, Jack Murray. That’s what you are.’ Riley pointed right into his face.

  ‘That’s nice. The spare room’s made up; I’m going in there tonight.’ He knew not to rise to her taunts when she was in this kind of state.

  ‘Good.’ A shower of spit came flying out of her mouth towards him.

  Wiping his face disgustedly, Jack said, ‘You need to take a long hard look at yourself, Riley Roberts.’

  ‘Look at myself? How about you look at yourself, Jack, with your crooked teeth and that bushy beard. My friends think you’re lucky to have me. You’re punching above your weight, honey. I could have anyone I wanted.’

  A vision of a smiling, beautiful and calm Star kissing him goodbye at the door to her flat the day he had first met her suddenly came into his mind. Anger would be futile at this moment. Just four simple words would suffice. ‘I am leaving you.’

  ‘Ha ha. Leaving me? What, for that slut in England, you mean?’

  ‘No, Riley. I am leaving you because I deserve better than to be treated like this. I have tried so hard with you. I deleted all Star’s numbers and we vowed to try and make it work. But you’re impossible.’

  ‘Do you know what? I don’t care any more. And do you want to know why I don’t care, Jack? Because I’ve met someone else too, that’s why,’ she smirked, revealing teeth stained with red wine.

  ‘You’re lying.’ Jack felt angry rather than hurt.

  ‘I’ll show you a photo if you like.’ Riley fell back on to the sofa and reached for her phone. ‘I met him in the Hamptons, he’s called Eric,’ she slurred. ‘Where’s my wine?’

  Jack ignored her, but she was not letting up.

  ‘He is far richer and more handsome than you and his screenplay is in the hands of a top film producer. He knows, see. He knows how to do it.’ She began to laugh wildly.

  Jack bit his lip and sighed resignedly. Maybe the outcome of their relationship had always been written in the stars. Riley Roberts’ currency was based on looks and wealth, and despite his indiscretion with Star, he much preferred to trade in kindness and integrity.

  Chapter 53

  It didn’t take long for Star to get to Penrigan, even less time for her to spot Kara’s Passion Flowers van parked up on the road near to the solicitors. Ordering herself a bacon sandwich and coffee, she sat in the cafe window opposite the door of Bright & Company and waited until her friend eventually reappeared looking white-faced and devastated. Star immediately went to the door and called her name. Almost in a trance, Kara crossed the road and joined her inside the cafe.

  Once sat down, Kara began nervously fingering the fake flower table decoration. Her voice was barely audible when she asked, ‘How long have you known?’

  ‘A couple of days. I just hoped that the randy rev would have the decency to tell you too. That he wouldn’t leave it to me to spill the beans. Oh, Kara, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s not your fault, is it? He was the one spilling his bloody biblical beans! Trust my mother to fuck things up again. I hate her so much! Poor Dad.’ Kara wiped her eyes and while she did that, Star ordered two cups of tea in order to give her a moment.

  ‘It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?’ Kara said dully. ‘I look like Doryty, so it was never that glaring. Big sister got Dad’s looks and slighter build. I’m tall and broad, like him. “Our dad”. That’s bat-shit crazy! We are half-sisters. Skye really is my niece. I just can’t take it all in.’