‘I wonder if anyone will be ordering a proper headstone for him?’ Star said, pulling her scarf tighter around her in the cold. ‘I was rather hoping that there might still be some cards or wreaths on here so we could have a snoop.’

  ‘Steren, I don’t want to know anything about Matthew’s family.’ Estelle was firm in her delivery. ‘I found out online that his parents had died, and he was an only child, so … let’s leave it that way, shall we? For me, doing that honours his memory and also honours my promise to him.’

  ‘I agree, and Kara does too.’

  Star noticed the look of relief that spread across her mother’s face.

  ‘I thought Kara might meet us up here today?’ Estelle quizzed.

  ‘We’re coming up together on Christmas Eve – just the two of us. She had a last-minute Christmas order in for Crowsbridge Hall today, and being honest I think she wanted to visit on her own, in peace.’

  Estelle nodded in understanding.

  ‘I do want to tell Auntie Flo though,’ Star told her mum. ‘My bond is so great with her that I can’t not.’

  Estelle Bligh sighed. ‘If we are to be one close family, which I want us to be now, then she should know. It would be lovely to spend some time with her, now I’m not hiding behind my addictions or lies. There is so much I have yet to learn about my mother, and Flo, for that matter, while there is still time.’

  Star asked gently, ‘How are you getting on with your support group, Mum?’

  ‘It’s bloody hard breaking the habits of so many years, but now I’ve gone through the first really tough bit, I’m strangely beginning to enjoy it. One day at a time and all that, but at the moment sobriety is suiting me. I’ve even come off my benefits, and whilst I wait for my clairvoyant readings to pick up – don’t faint – I’ve got a job two days a week working in the health shop in Penrigan.’

  Skye giggled. ‘The health shop, Granny? You’ll be stopping smoking soon.’

  ‘I’m contemplating patches, but contemplation is as far as I’ve got.’ Estelle kissed her granddaughter on the forehead.

  ‘Good,’ the young girl said seriously. ‘I like having the new you around.’

  Estelle felt so moved that for a moment she couldn’t speak.

  ‘And around I shall be, for you two and the new little baby Bligh who will be coming in just a couple of months.’

  ‘Have you had any feelings or seen whether it’s a boy or a girl?’ Skye asked.

  ‘Nooo.’ Estelle dragged on the word and then, shutting her eyes tightly, she intoned, ‘I see a man with two names. On the pier. Steren, it is your time now.’

  Skye took both her mum’s and gran’s hand. ‘Come on, you witches. Goodbye, Grandad Nesbitt,’ she acknowledged the grave in front of them. ‘Maybe I should become a nun, to keep these two on the straight and narrow, what do you reckon?’

  Chapter 60

  ‘What’s going on?’ Star asked Pat Dillon in reaction to the commotion at the top end of the market.

  ‘Some work’s being done up at Tasty Pasties, by the look of it,’ the woman told her.

  ‘They’ve put hoarding up around the sign and are closing for the whole day on Wednesday. Bad timing if you ask me, what with this week’s festivities an’ all. Mrs Harris came down for some extra carrots and onions earlier, but she was holding her cards very close to her chest when I asked her what was happening. I reckon it’s been sold already.’

  ‘That was quick. Especially as it’s freehold, that one. Philip Gilmour must be laughing. He’s sold it just in time for Christmas so he can run off into the sunset with wads of cash and the new boyfriend Charlie told me about.’

  Pat’s eyes filled with tears.

  ‘Oh Pat, I’m sorry – I wasn’t thinking. Are you sad about Darren?’

  ‘Yes.’ She swiped at her eyes and said angrily, ‘Charlie laughs about every other bugger – oops. See? I say everything wrong my bloody self! You can’t say this, and you can’t say that.’

  ‘It’s OK,’ Star soothed. ‘The PC police aren’t listening. But I know what you mean, you do have to think before you say anything these days. Where is Charlie anyway?’

  ‘Just on his way back from the wholesaler. We’ve had so many pre-orders in for Christmas we’re working sixteen-hour days at the moment. It’s hard getting through it without Daz. What am I going to do, Star?’

  ‘It’s a tricky one.’

  ‘Tell me about it. I love me old man, course I do, but those twin boys are my bloody life.’

  Star was thoughtful for a second. ‘I think the answer is time. As time passes he will realise he’s missing Daz. I said something indirectly to him the other day. Probably shouldn’t have, but maybe all these things might sink in. He’s obviously not prejudiced towards Philip, so I don’t really understand his issue. And also, him having to work so hard without Daz on the stall at the moment, that’s another thing to make him think.’ She looked into Pat’s eyes and said kindly, ‘Try not to worry too much.’

  ‘Bloody men! I mean, Star, what do we need ’em for really? I think once we’ve procreated we should just throw ’em out so they can run off and sow their seed elsewhere. I’m sure they’d love that. Just think: we wouldn’t have to put the toilet seat down or pick up wet towels or hear the words “What’s for dinner?” ever again. Then us ladies, we just make sure we have a good network of friends and a brothel full of firm, toned young men on every street corner.’

  Star laughed out loud. ‘Good on yer, Pat. That sounds like a great plan. Ouch.’ She winced and put her hand on her abdomen.

  ‘You all right, darlin’? Go in and sit down. Take the weight off for a minute.’

  ‘I’m fine, just a little twinge. I’ve still got around twelve weeks left, so we don’t want him popping out just yet.’

  ‘Oh, I didn’t think you’d found out the sex?’

  ‘I didn’t and I know I shouldn’t say this, but I do really want a little boy. I hope if I keep saying it, he will be one.’

  ‘I always wanted boys. Lovely they are. Mind you, I’m biased and don’t know no different. You at your auntie’s for Christmas again this year?’

  ‘No, we’re going to Bee Cottage. Pearl is a great cook and she wanted a houseful, so Joe has invited me, Mum, Skye and Auntie Flo. Billy, Kara and Jen will be there. And Pearl’s sister, husband and two kids are coming in the evening.’

  ‘Blimey, a right old knees-up.’

  ‘I know – and guess who’ll be the nominated driver.’ Star was awkward for a second. ‘I hope you’re OK about Daz joining us too?’

  Pat looked sad. ‘I was waiting for him to say what he was doing.’

  ‘Shit, sorry, Pat, with days to go I just assumed he’d have said something to you by now.’

  ‘It’s all right. I’d guessed already and Billy and Kara are going to come to us in the evening now, so we’re not on our tod all day.’

  At that moment a young lad wearing a fake moustache and beret riding an old-fashioned bicycle with a big basket in the front braked sharply in front of them. He had a string of onions around his neck and his mouth was crammed with braces. He handed Star and Pat a piece of paper and in the worst French accent possible said, ‘Bone jaw, mad hams. I invite you to zee opening drinks at zee new and improved Tasty Pasties on zee twenty-third of December at five-thirty p.m.’ Then he was off again, stopping at each unit as he made his way down the hill.

  Star looked closely at the flyer. ‘Intriguing. We shall have to go.’

  ‘You bet we will. French, eh? Maybe, it’s gonna be a deli or something?’ Pat frowned. ‘I bloody hope they keep selling them pasties though. I will miss ’em if they don’t.’

  ‘Snail pasties, nice.’ Star laughed.

  Pat was amused, but just then Charlie Dillon’s voice could be heard calling his wife’s name from inside the fruit and veg shop. ‘Talk of the devil,’ she said. ‘He must have parked out the back. OK, I’d better get in there. Ta-ta, luv.’

  ‘Take care and if I don’t see you before, I’ll see you for a frog’s leg or two on Wednesday.’

  ‘Ooh la la – you’re on. Au revoir!’ Pat wiggled her big bottom in the usual faded tatty jeans she wore for the market and sashayed her way inside.

  Chapter 61

  ‘Non, je ne regrette rien,’ Florence Sibley warbled. She was getting cobwebs off the ceiling with her feather duster whilst belting out her favourite Edith Piaf track when Star struggled up the wooden steps to the flat.

  The old lady clutched her chest. ‘Ooh, Steren love, you didn’t half make me jump. Wait a minute – let me turn this noise off. What are you doing here on a Tuesday anyway?’

  ‘I finished work and I – well, I wanted to have a word.’

  ‘That’s nice. I’m just back from doing the church flowers and then suddenly saw cobwebs in every corner.’

  ‘Hello, hello, hello, hello.’

  ‘Hello, Boris.’ Star put her finger in to stroke his head. He promptly pecked her. It hurt.

  ‘Ow! You are such a naughty boy.’

  ‘Naughty boy, naughty boy.’ The budgie started flying around his cage in a whirr of blue and yellow feathers.

  ‘Tea?’ asked Florrie, when suddenly a screeching sound came from her ears. She frowned in concentration as she adjusted her hearing aids.

  ‘Have you got any herbal tea, Auntie?’

  ‘You know I don’t buy that expensive muck. Tastes like floor sweepings. I’ve got milk or water, tea, coffee or lemon squash.’

  ‘I’ll have a hot lemon squash then, please.’

  The two sat down by the fire with their drinks, Star as usual sitting in her great-uncle Jim’s armchair.

  ‘Funny you were singing in French just then,’ she remarked. ‘Tasty Pasties is reinventing itself with some kind of Franglais theme, we think. The grand opening is on the twenty-third – that’s tomorrow, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yep, then it’s two days until the big day,’ her auntie said cheerfully. ‘I need to go downstairs and get myself a new dress as we are going to Bee Cottage. For once I’ll make an effort.’ She beamed. ‘I’m looking forward to a bit of a party. Are you sure you’re OK to give me a lift home in your condition?’

  Star caressed her bump. ‘Of course. Skye is coming to get you and I will take you home whenever you’re ready, or you can always stay with us. You can have my bed and I’ll get in with Skye.’

  ‘No, I like my own bed, you know that. Anyway, what’s the matter?’ the old lady asked perceptively. ‘I can tell you’re not here for small talk.’

  Star took a deep breath. ‘It’s actually very big talk, Auntie Flo. I have shared everything with you through my life as you know, but I had to think twice about telling you this.’

  ‘Is it about Estelle?’

  ‘Yes, but it affects all of us. Estelle is doing so well, by the way. She’s still sober and has got herself a job at the health shop on William Street, so hopefully you will see more of her. She is getting the bus in, which stops just up the road from here. She wants to see you, Auntie.’

  ‘Good, that’s the best present I could ever have. I can’t wait to catch up with her at Christmas, now that she will be able to hold a conversation that’s not full of vitriol against the world.’ Florence Sibley had hopes but no illusions.

  ‘It will be a test for her with lots of alcohol flying around, but she’s up for it.’

  ‘Steren, stop avoiding the real issue now, please.’

  The young woman cleared her throat. ‘You know you told me how sad it was that the Reverend Nesbitt from Penrigan Catholic Church had died from cancer far too soon?’

  ‘Yes, such a sorry business.’

  ‘Also, you know how closed Mum has always been about telling anyone who my father was?’ Star braced herself. ‘Well, it was him. The Reverend Matthew Nesbitt was my dad.’

  ‘Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Mother of God!’ Florrie put her drink down with a shaky hand.

  ‘Estelle has thrown up some challenges to this family before, but dearie me – a reverend?’

  There was a pause while Star waited for the news to sink in. It wasn’t long before Florrie spoke again.

  ‘He should have known better,’ she said angrily. ‘He betrayed his faith. No wonder God took him early. I am just so pleased it wasn’t my vicar. I mean, the duplicity of it all! The sheer hypocrisy! How could he preach the word of the Good Lord with a clear conscience and have done such a thing? It beggars belief. I am very upset.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have told you.’ Star’s voice wobbled.

  ‘No, no, you did the right thing. I just need time to absorb it. Mind you, I bet your mother was flaunting herself in front of him and in that red suede miniskirt she used to wear. You could practically see her knickers,’ Florrie snapped.

  Star’s ‘she wasn’t actually’ fell on her deaf ears.

  ‘The basic fundamentals of our dear Lord’s Prayer,’ Florrie went on. ‘Luke chapter eleven, verse four: “Lead us not into temptation.”’

  ‘Hear me out, please, Auntie. It’s a very sad tale, if truth be told.’

  ‘I don’t know if I’m more cross at him or her to be honest,’ Florrie ranted on.

  ‘Auntie! Please – just listen for a second. The Reverend Nesbitt – my father – wrote me a letter, to be given to me by his solicitor when he died. He wrote that it happened like this: Mum went to the church to find solace after Granny Lilian died.’

  ‘She did?’ Flo’s voice softened.

  ‘She had lost her way. Like I imagine you did too. The reverend wrote especially to explain all of this, to state his side and ultimately ask for forgiveness, I believe. He told me she had been frightened and felt so alone. He met her over a period of years, Auntie. As a friend. They were the same age, they would chat in the church and he made her feel safe. And say whatever you will, and I know it wasn’t right on his part, but Estelle had no faith or allegiance to anyone but herself. They fell in love.’

  Florence Sibley was listening with her full attention now.

  ‘They made love – once,’ Star continued quietly, ‘and created me. When Matthew chose God, not me or Mum, it did break Estelle’s heart. But for many years he had given her peace and solace, and then when I was born I hope that she found happiness from having his child. Now that he’s dead, I pray that she will let him go and allow herself to grow. This revelation has taught me that life isn’t perfect. Love isn’t perfect.’

  ‘And we are all human.’ Flo sniffed, her Christian spirit of charity and kindness restored. ‘Poor Estelle,’ she murmured, ‘and poor you, Steren.’

  ‘I actually feel blessed that I was created from a loving place and I can hold that knowledge forever now.’

  Florrie nodded. ‘And I have it on good authority that Matthew Nesbitt was a lovely man. He did so much for the community, and it makes sense now that he did an awful lot for single mothers especially.’ The old woman managed a little laugh.

  Florence Sibley heaved herself upright, kissed the crown of her great-niece’s golden head then, before going through to the kitchen to put the kettle on again, she asked, ‘Are you burying all of this with him? Not going to take it further?’

  ‘No, we’ve decided to leave things be. We see no point in stirring up anything within his family. And Mum kept his secret right to the end.’ Star reached out a hand to her great-aunt. ‘I think you need to sit down again. You see, I’ve got something else to tell you.’

  ‘What is it? Oh dear, I’m not sure I can take many more surprises.’ Florence Sibley sat herself down, uttering a silent prayer to be able to cope with whatever this new shock turned out to be.

  ‘It appears that the Reverend Matthew Nesbitt is also Kara’s father. Before Mum, he er … spent time with Doryty Moon.’

  ‘What!’ Florence screeched, which made Boris join in from his perch. ‘Oh my goodness – if the Pope knew!’ She went on grimly, ‘Somehow his story doesn’t seem so beautiful and romantic now. Kara, that poor girl … she loved her grandfather so much and adores her dad – and to have that snatched away from her is terrible. And how awful for that dear man, Joe Moon.’ Florrie sniffed. ‘I never did like that wife of his – Doryty Moon always thought she was too good for Hartmouth. Did the dirty on Joe, passing Kara off as his own, as well as deserting him later on. It’s a wicked world, Star love.’

  ‘I know. But evidently it was also a one-off with Doryty. A single moment of temptation. However, when she found she was pregnant she was more hard-faced than Mum, who’d really loved him and he her. Doryty made sure she fleeced him for maintenance on the quiet.’

  ‘She was a right tart, that one. Would drop her drawers for anyone, I reckon.’

  ‘Auntie!’

  ‘Well, it’s true.’ Florrie pursed her lips. ‘But the reverend should have known better in both instances.’

  ‘Yes, he should, but he didn’t. We are where we are, and nothing can be changed.’

  Flo managed a smile. She got up from her chair again with difficulty, releasing a succession of little sounds. ‘Oops, windipops, it’s not easy being my age.’ While Star suppressed her laughter the old lady went on, ‘Well, you’re from good stock, my girl, and at least we know that now. But I would not love you less whoever your real father was, and let’s face it: with Estelle we knew he would never have been an accountant.’

  ‘I love you, Auntie Flo.’

  ‘Till death us do part, my dear child. Till death us do part.’

  Chapter 62

  Kara popped her head into Star’s as she made her way to Passion Flowers. ‘Busy, isn’t it?’ she said.

  ‘Morning. I know, but we mustn’t complain.’ Star stretched her aching back.

  ‘I won’t, and you know what? Your Skye is so efficient, bless her. She has got me totally organised. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her now. But how are you managing?’

  ‘I sent all my overseas orders out a while back, just got to deliver a local one at lunchtime to Penrigan. This guy is so funny. He’s called Sid, and I’m struggling to get a sense of his age. Anyway, he’s so precise about his instructions. His partner is at home in their house, so he asked if I minded meeting him at Penrigan Pier as he’s pretending to go for a walk on the beach. She has no idea of the gift he has in store for her.’