“Look who’s sitting over here all by herself.” A familiar voice commented.

  I looked up to Amber and her trademark shock of red hair leaning over me.

  “Amber!” I hopped out of my seat as quickly as possible for someone as pregnant as me and pulled her into a hug.

  “How have you been, sweetheart?” She asked.

  We had been texting and messaging almost nonstop, but we hadn’t seen each other in person for weeks. Amber had been busy with work, but she loved sending me a random gif or video link to spark conversation.

  Amber laughed as she stood back and looked me over. “Very cute dress. I approve.”

  She looked stunning in a dark blue dress with a high slit to show off her long legs.

  “I was worried you wouldn’t. I’m glad my look for tonight has the Amber Leigh stamp of approval.”

  She winked as she sat in the chair beside me.

  “Isn’t that someone’s seat?” I asked.

  Amber shrugged. Her nonchalant attitude wasn’t misplaced. Who was going to tell the billionaire’s soon to be wife that she couldn’t sit wherever the hell she wanted?

  “The nerd ass cavalry has arrived,” Amber snorted.

  She pointed across the room to the crowd of wrestlers goofing off. Nick and Zeke had joined their ranks. The brothers posed with their arms flexed. The pair looked handsome dressed up, except for the rainbow-colored fringe that dangled from their sleeves. Her future husband didn’t look any less nerdy as Joe grinned for photos behind a pair of oversized sunglasses.

  “Men. Am I right, or am I right?” Jessa shook her head in mock disapproval as she pulled out a chair at our table.

  She too, looked stunning, showing off her toned arms in a sleeveless red dress.

  “We love em, so what does that say about us?” I asked.

  Amber and Jessa rolled their eyes. But their little grins agreed with me. After the required amount of goofing off for the cameras, the guys joined our table. Joe wandered over first. Before sitting down, he flagged down a waiter and arranged for the place cards to be reorganized. Of course, the waitstaff swarmed and straightened everything so we could all sit together.

  “Don’t feel bad. Joe will make sure they get a good tip.” Logan said as leaned over my chair.

  Love telepathy.

  He kissed my forehead before sliding into the chair next to me. He plopped his championship on the table with a thud.

  “How you holding up?” I asked.

  “I’m good. Thanks for asking. You ready to eat?” He smiled.

  “Very much ready. My expectations have been raised let’s see if the Frank Gotch Awards can meet them!”

  Logan

  The selection of award winners was more or less expected. I was pleasantly surprised when El Brio sat down at the table in front of ours. He received a lifetime achievement award. The ageing luchador looked quite dapper in his suit and brightly colored mask. It amused the hell out of me when luchadores paired their masks with suits. The contrast of ridiculous and fancy never failed to make me smile. Sadly, the same couldn’t be said for Nick and Matt’s alteration to their suits. Their rainbow tassels looked totally stupid, and I took every opportunity to tell them that.

  “Whatever.” Nick grunted.

  “Dude! We have to get a picture with El Brio!” Zeke grinned.

  Jessa jabbed his arm, reminding him to keep his voice down. He was right though. El Brio was a living legend and I very much needed to shake his hand.

  “You doing alright?” I whispered to Elle as the two-hour long song and dance of awards and long-winded speeches finally finished.

  “I’m fine.” She nodded.

  Although originally skeptical Elle enjoyed the overpriced food. Her face splitting grin as she munched on the baked chicken told me everything I needed to know.

  I reached out and grazed my hand over her stomach. “Can I get you anything?”

  “I’d love some more to drink.” Her beautiful brown eyes widened as bait.

  “No problem.” I rubbed her stomach once more before setting off towards the bar.

  Elle had become addicted to lemonade. The sugary tang sent her into a frenzy, and it was the cutest thing. Thankfully, many of us wrestlers were either straight edge nondrinkers or recovering alcoholics, so these events usually had a good menu of nonalcoholic things to drink. I tapped my hand on the bar and it became increasingly clear that I wasn’t getting served anytime soon. With a sigh, I sat down on a barstool when as voice said in Japanese,

  “Whole milk or soy tonight?”

  Fucking hell…

  My spine stiffened as Takarai Nobuyuki slid onto the barstool beside me. Yuki’s usually windswept brown hair was neatly brushed on his head. His muscled frame filled out the low-profile suit gray he wore. Like always when he smiled at me his eyes crinkled around the edges with gentle affection. My heart skipped a beat.

  “… I had no idea you’d be here.” I said in Japanese.

  He chuckled softly, “I didn’t either. This trip came together last minute. A few American companies are interested in me, so here I am.”

  Yuki and I hadn’t been in a room together in nearly 5 years. We broke up then wrestled against each other in a series of matches that was so well received the company stretched things out between us for a year. That year was hell. Heated screaming matches in between sordid fuck sessions. I was so broken at the end of it I contemplated killing myself. None of that was Yuki’s fault. We wanted different things, and I didn’t want to let him go.

  “What can I get you?” The bartender asked.

  I blinked at him utterly bewildered as my stomach twisted itself into a series of knots.

  “Ice water.” I mumbled.

  Yuki asked for a glass of milk.

  “It’s good to see you.” Yuki said once we were on our own again.

  Good. Good?

  I ran my hands down my thighs. Was this good? Anxiety assaulted my heart. This didn’t feel good. This feeling wasn’t foreign either. It was one I hadn’t felt in years. One I had forgotten. One that I once thought was love.

  “…Good to see you too Yuki.”

  I was sure I hadn’t been on his radar, but I often checked up on him. Of course, our work kept me informed of what he’d been up too. Last year he dropped a championship after a 300-day run. Late night clicks onto his social media profiles kept me aware of his life outside the ring. But I couldn’t remember the last time I had done that. The compulsion didn’t exist anymore. Or so I had thought. Maybe if I had still been checking, I’d would have known he would be here tonight. I could have prepared myself instead of having the wind knocked out of my lungs. The bartender returned with our very uncomplicated drink order.

  “I’d like it if we could talk. Maybe catch up?” He asked before drinking his milk.

  I nodded as my heartbeat pounded in my ears. He licked at the bit of milk on his upper lip.

  God…

  “We’ll find a quiet place to talk. Yes?” He asked again.

  “Just let me drop this off,” I stammered.

  I hopped off the stool and headed to the table. I watched Elle talking and laughing with our friends and I wanted to vomit. I felt tugged in both directions. I swallowed. I needed to keep my head together. Everything would be fine. We both needed closure. I sat Elle’s glass of water on the table and patted her shoulder reassuringly.

  She looked up at me with a furrowed brow, “Are you okay?”

  Dazed, I nodded and walked over to Nick.

  “Will you make sure Elle gets back to the room tonight?” I asked.

  He nodded and asked, “But why? Where are you going?”

  In Japanese I flatly said, “The deadly striker.”

  Wrestling commentators had given Yuki the nickname of the deadly striker due to his knockout inducing kicks to opponents’ heads. Instantly both Hudson brothers knew who I was talking about and at the same time their jaws dropped. On that note I turned on my heels. Yuki was waiting for me by the elevators. Again, he flashed me that soft smile of his that I had once convinced myself was only for me.

  “Up to mine?” He asked as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

  I nodded. Yuki pushed the button for the 15th floor, and I pressed myself against the far wall. The elevator lurched before shooting us upward.

  “I don’t think I will be biting you.” He laughed.

  My eyes widened. He grinned. His English had gotten really good. It had to be for the mainstream American market. But his voice sounded sexier in his native tongue. I shivered as my mind recalled nights of whispered dirty things in my ear. Our relationship had been a crash course in me quickly learning Japanese. I only needed the basics for wrestling but falling in love was much easier when there was a common language, no matter what shows like 90-day finance said.

  I followed several steps behind we entered his room. I swallowed hard and stuffed my hands into my pockets as I stepped over the threshold. When I didn’t automatically burst into flames, I said a silent prayer of thanks. Yuki shook off this suit jacket and tossed it over the desk chair. His white linen shirt clung to his muscles. My jaw clenched.

  “Are you wrestling this weekend?” he sat on the edge of the bed.

  I nodded and leaned against the wall for support.

  “Ah, the promoter told me there was lots of wrestling this weekend. I was thinking of watching some of the smaller shows.”

  Although Yuki was a top talent in the wrestling world, he never lost his love of independent wrestling. Smaller shows could take risks story wise and character wise that bigger promotions couldn’t.

  This is small talk. You’re both stalling!

  I stood there with no idea what to say. Over the years I had run through countless scenarios in my head where I finally had the chance to talk to Yuki again. In those fevered daydreams I bared my soul to the man. Tears were shed. Kisses were had. But now, today, none of those daydreams fit. All those biting words had disintegrated in my heart.

  “You okay?”

  I blinked. Yuki’s lips tugged upward. His face only sported that expression when he was about to surprise an opponent with step up enzuigiri or surprise someone with something slightly more sordid. He patted the mattress beside him. As if pulled by an invisible thread I crossed the room and sat next to him.

  Yuki wrung his hands in his lap. “I’m glad we ran into each other tonight. Can I admit something to you? …I’ve missed you, Logan. I’ve missed talking to you, I’ve missed being your friend.”

  I chuckled. My friendship with Yuki was born out of professional admiration and a burning, baffling crush. When I was a teenager searching for more wrestling to watch and new moves to try, I found a match of his. This breathtakingly sculpted man moved so effortlessly around the wrestling ring I knew I wanted to someday be on his level. I someday wanted to wrestle him. That’s what I told myself. My repeat pausing of the grainy Myspace video to stare at his beautiful face wasn’t anything remotely close to professional.

  “I’ve missed you too Yuki.” I admitted.

  He reached up and cupped my cheek. My breath caught in my throat. Yuki’s large hands were rough on my skin. They always had been and still were. A familiar warmth spread through me. Yuki’s eyes met mine.

  “My Lochan” he huffed.

  His warm breath bushed my face. Yuki’s lips were inches away from mine. I closed my eyes. This was a moment I dreamed about. A moment that kept me awake for years.

  A moment that felt wrong.

  A moment that didn’t fit what I wanted anymore.

  I pushed off the bed and turned back to a stunned Yuki. “I’m sorry Yuki, but I can’t... I’m seeing someone.” I sighed.

  “Oh! I’m so sorry Logan. I had no idea!” He stammered.

  “Yeah I…” I sighed again. My shoulders dropping as I exhaled.

  “Is it serious?”

  I snorted, “Yeah.”

  “Love?”

  I nodded, “…She’s having my kid.”

  Yuki flopped back on the bed like I had downed him with a clothesline. His laughter filled the room.

  “My Lochan as a dad. I like that image!”

  “If you like it so much, why are you laughing?” I crossed my arms.

  “Unexpected is all. My Lochan is tender, patient, and caring. He will be the best dad.”

  I smiled. “Thank you my Yukisama.”

  Yuki brushed me off with a wave of his hand, “Tell me about her? You have any pictures?”

  I sat on the bed this time without any confusing motive clouding my head. I pulled out my phone as showed Yuki some of the pictures I’d taken of Elle during our babymoon.

  “She is very pretty, and very lucky.” He smiled.

  His face shined with softness towards me.

  “You don’t get to be jealous.” I mocked as I returned my phone to my pocket.

  He sat up on his elbows and exaggeratedly rolled his eyes.

  “She may not have stolen my Lochan from me, but I can act like it.”

  I shook my head. “No, you can’t! I won’t allow it!”

  “I’m kidding. She seems like a good person. If you’ve fallen for her, she has to be.”

  My heart swelled when I thought of her. Her sweet smile. Her caring nature. Her snort snore she only did when she was dreaming. Her silly little pout she used to get her way. Her encyclopedia like knowledge of animation. She was amazing… and she loved me. Me.

  My relationship with her was lightyears from my relationship with Yuki. With Elle I was myself, there was no pretense to us being together. With Yuki toxicity clouded everything. Despite our chemistry he made it clear that I wasn’t enough for him. I always reached for him, and he always pushed me away. But time had proven I was enough. I was loveable because Elle loves me.

  Yuki and I caught up. We laughed and smiled like when the past was good. We were okay. I was okay. When I glanced over that the bedside clock almost three hours had passed. It was time for me to go. Yuki walked me to the door, where we stood awkwardly. I wasn’t quite sure how to wrap things up. There was no shouting. There was no screaming. There was no hate fucking. We had clearly grown into slightly more mature adults. I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet. Yuki shook his head before pulling me into his arms. Like so many times before my head settled against his shoulder. He felt the same, although everything, even us had changed.

  “…Take care of yourself my Lochan.”

  I inhaled deeply. His familiar cologne burned my nostrils. Yuki’s arms squeezed me so tightly my toes clenched.

  “You too my Yukisama. You too… I need the chance to kick your ass in the ring at some point.”

  Yuki stepped back and held me at arm’s length. A derisive scowl painted his face.

  “Ha! That will never happen!” He exclaimed in booming English as if he was cutting a promo on me the doorway of his hotel room.

  We laughed. As I left his room and started down the hall my body felt lighter. Like a ball and chain, I didn’t realize had been weighing me down had finally fallen off.

  Closure. It tastes so sweet.

  Elle

  Takarai Nobuyuki was an incredibly sexy man. With the body of finely sculpted god, I could see why Logan would be attracted to the physical. But things were clearly much deeper than that. That much was obvious when he stumbled over to the table with the completely wrong drink looking shaken. Before the scene had even registered, I was worried. Zeke and Nick explained with a simple point of their fingers. I looked over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of him.

  Shaken indeed.

  I watched Logan leave me behind. Once he was out of eyeshot, I turned back to pitying faces from our friends.

  “I’m okay. Everything’s okay.” I said as I rubbed a hand over my stomach reassuringly.

  Amber huffed loudly. Everyone turned towards her. Annoyance painted her face.

  “Elle, you’ve told me countless times how much you love Logan. I and everyone at this table knows how much he loves you. He’s downright annoying with that shit.”

  “Not sure what you mean by countless.” I interjected.

  Amber rolled her eyes, “You talk about it a lot. He’s so great! I love him so much!”

  “No, I don’t!”

  “Yes, you do.”

  “Whatever,” I muttered.

  “Whatever indeed because you’re distracting from my point. My point is that you two are crazy about each other. You light each other up and make each other better. I know that Logan is silly, but I doubt he would do anything to jeopardize what he’s built with you. He loves you too much to fuck things up.”

  Amber’s heartfelt speech had the entire table nodding along. She was being indignant, but she was also totally right. I wasn’t going to tell her that, but I did acknowledge it mentally. I loved Logan and he loved me. I trusted him. He wouldn’t hurt he. But could allow myself to feel a little bit self-conscious once I was back in the hotel room alone. Absolutely!

  Once things had died down our group was going to continue hanging out up in Joe’s suite. Despite desperate pleas from everyone not to be a party pooper, I declined. I was very much looking forward to climbing into bed and vegging in front of the TV. Before I left Amber grabbed me by the shoulders. She made me promise that I wouldn’t create a disaster in my head. She dug in her nails and pulled a promise out of me.

  That promise didn’t mean my curiosity wasn’t set ablaze. My fingers switched at my side as I rode the elevator up to my floor. No sooner had the hotel room door closed behind me I peeled myself out of my dress and bra. I let out a deep sigh the moment my boobs were free from their ‘extra support’ prison. Hormones and baby growing powers had my breasts feeling very sensitive. Often these days my breasts felt heavy, hard, and saggy all at once. I wasn’t convinced of the tradeoff, increasing of two cups sizes paired with unpredictable aches and pains.

  I kicked off my shoes and rolled my naked, pregnant body into bed. Propped against the headboard I grabbed my phone and looked up Yuki. I had seen some of his matches before I knew who he was. He was an amazing wrestler. He wasn’t as widely known in the English-speaking world, but every wrestler he’d worked with spoke highly of him. Yuki’s years long, off and on rivalry against Logan was one that critics held up as an all-time great in the decade’s long history of GJPW. It had been five years, but hardcore fans still gushed about their matches all over the internet. High running emotions paired with palpable lust made for more emotional wrestling, apparently.