Amber returned and tossed my bag into the trunk. She climbed into the driver’s seat and handed me a washcloth and a bottle of water. I cleaned up my irritated face and slowly sipped on the water. The coolness of the water loosened the tightness in my chest. Baby girl’s foot or butt pushed against my side. Her movement reassured me.

  I love you little one.

  Logan

  I stood frozen, only able to blink as Elle stormed off. I didn’t understand her reaction at all. I said some mean things, but she ruined the fun. Everything surrounding me continued as a tag team walked around me to get to the stage for their entrance. I swallowed the lump in my throat, grabbed my belt off the floor, and stepped off to the side. There was a mix of confused and pity looks from my coworkers as I leaned against the wall. I cast my eyes downward as a flush crept up my neck. I shrugged out of my suit jacket, tucked it and my title belt under my arm before slinking away.

  I stomached my frayed nerves and ducked into the locker room. I wasn’t above stowing away in a cloud of sweaty ball funk. I sat on a bench in the back corner, closed my eyes, and zoned out. No one bothered me until Zeke and Nick came looking for me. I had no idea how long I’d sat there but the moment my eyes opened I was eager to get back to the hotel. Elle just needed time to cool off, then I was sure we’d be able to talk everything out.

  This is all one big understanding.

  “You alright man?” Nick asked as he pulled off his boots.

  I nodded. The brothers were still hopped up on excitement from winning their match. They chirped animatedly as they changed clothes. They were overdue for a title shot, and they had every right to be happy. I felt a twinge of guilt for not being supportive in the moment, but thankfully, they didn’t seem to mind. I grabbed my bag and let out a heavy sigh before standing up and following Nick and Zeke out of the locker room. A fangirlish squeal greeted us. Still wearing his headset, Joe grinned at me like a lunatic.

  “Social media is blowing up!” He shouted and slapped my back.

  I stumbled forward, surprised at Joe’s strength.

  “Great!” I gave him a faint smile.

  His enthusiasm let me know that he hadn’t heard or paid attention to anything happening after my segment.

  “Gotta go Joe. We’ll talk!” I shouted over my shoulder as I started to walk away.

  “Damn right we will! This is huge man! Huge!” His laughter bounced off the stadium walls and rattled inside my head.

  I ignored arguments against canceling our after-show game night from the guys. I put my foot down, forcing Nick and Zeke to slink down the hall towards their room in defeat. They didn’t think things were a big deal. I clearly had nothing to worry about. I paused in front of my hotel room door. I shimmed my shoulders and let out a breath.

  We can talk this out. Everything will be fine.

  Head held up I unlocked the door and stepped into a quiet room. My buoyed confidence quickly sank. My duffle bag slid off my shoulder and fell to the floor. My eyes darted around the room. All of Elle’s things were gone. Her bag, her hair care products, her charger, her laptop, everything. I sat on the edge of the neatly made bed as silence roared around me. I ran my hands down my face. Everything could still be worked out. Everything would be fine. I’d come home in the morning and curl up beside a sleeping Elle and we’d talk.

  Everything will be fine.

  That line repeated in my head nonstop. Through my shower and through my fitful night’s sleep. Through the agonizing car ride with Nick and Matt’s incessant yapping. I just needed to talk to her, touch her, hold her, then everything would go back to normal.

  I unlocked the front door and was greeted by nothing. Silence. I tossed my bag onto the couch and peeked into Elle’s office. Empty. I sprinted upstairs. Our bedroom was empty. I stood in the hallway and stared at the closed door in front of me. I flexed my toes into the carpet. With a shaky breath, I opened the door to baby girl’s room. It was empty. My legs shook before giving out from under me. I crumpled into a ball on the floor near the crib. I hugged my knees to my chest as sobs racked my body. My tears soaked into the comfortable carpet I’d picked for my daughter. My daughter I might not get to meet.

  This house was meant to be a proper home for our fledging family. One filled with laughter and warmth. It hadn’t been lived in long, but it was our safe space. Our place to love. Now it was just a bunch of rooms filled with stuff. Useless, stuff without a family to use any of it. I was stupid. So fucking stupid.

  When Joe had pitched the idea of using Elle’s pregnancy in a storyline, I thought it sounded like a great idea. Adding a bit of real life to the drama inside the squared circle was something fans ate up. I experienced it myself and seen it work for others. Elle was a wrestling fan! I thought she would be excited to take part, but I was wrong.

  I’d hurt her.

  I’d broken her trust.

  I disregarded her feelings.

  I’d put our unborn child’s health in danger.

  All the things I said I wouldn’t do to her, I did all at once. My chest tightened, and it felt like my heart was shattering into a million pieces.

  I cried myself to sleep in the nursery. I had no idea how long I lay in a pool of my own tears, but when I woke up the light through the window was dimmed. My head pounded against my skull. My whole body felt scratchy, dry, and lifeless. But that didn’t stop my tears threatened to start again. I dragged myself out of the room and retreated downstairs. Baby girl’s room represented hope, and I didn’t want to be near anything hopeful. I resolved to stay downstairs. At least the new couch was much better for sleeping.

  I’d tried calling and texting Elle, but everything bounced back. She blocked my number. Elle didn’t want to talk to me. That was a cold ice pick to my soul. I knew Elle had to be at her aunt’s house, but I didn’t dare step foot over there. I could clearly picture Trisha and Renee having a shotgun and not being afraid to use it.

  Day and night blended into together. I only knew several days had passed because Davis texted asking where I was. I didn’t reply. My body felt like it was encased in concrete. I couldn’t breathe or focus through the fog in my head. This was worse than my last concussion.

  Dazed, I scrolled through the MWA tag on social media. Wrestling reporters praised the raw emotion of the segment. They said that Logan Cole vs TY Blue was building into a must-see clash. Those same reporters tried digging up information about Elle. Everyone wanted to know if she was really having my kid. My stomach twisted at the vile, hateful, racist, and downright evil comments a large section of so-called fans spat toward Elle. They called her every name and slur in the book. They found her social media accounts and analyzed her photos. Simple things like a 3-year-old photo of a bowl of cereal clearly meant she had a personality disorder. They compared her to Yuki, who some insisted was my true love. Others insisted that the pregnancy was totally fake, and Elle was just a crappy actress. They backed up their argument with links to pictures of fake pregnancy bellies. My jaw clenched. I subjected her to this. She was right to leave me.

  I’m a fucking idiot.

  Elle

  “I just wanted to tell you none of this affects your job with me.” Dani smiled on my computer screen.

  “Glad to hear it.” I sighed.

  It had been an entire week since Logan had included my pregnancy into his wrestling bullshit. A week since we broke up. A week since I’d been wallowing in my sadness on the foldout bed in my aunts’ den. Apparently, the social media fallout had made its way to Dani, who was in no way, shape, or form connected to the wrestling world. She wanted to hop on a video call as soon as she pieced things together, but I needed a few days to collect myself.

  My long crying fits and unwilling to get up to do anything other than go to the bathroom worried my aunts, and they forced me to make an emergency appointment with Dr. Mercer. My blood pressure was creeping up, so she warned me to take it easy. In bed, eating muffins and crying were the only things I was capable of, so I hoped it qualified as easy enough. My cell phone dinged, and I glanced down to a notification that someone was trying to gain access to my account. I groaned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Just someone trying to hack my social media again.”

  There had been at least 20 attempts every day for the past week.

  “What was he thinking?”

  “I don’t know.” My bottom lip trembled, and I gnawed it between my teeth to keep my tears at bay.

  It didn’t matter who asked, Dani, Amber, my aunts, or myself, I didn’t have an answer. I’d lay awake at night trying to figure out Logan’s reasoning and couldn’t. That disconnect haunted me. It stabbed my chest and chilled my blood. Everything we had gone through, and I never imagined that he could have been so selfish. Baby girl kicked my left lung, and I sighed.

  “You’ll let me know if you need anything?” Dani asked.

  I nodded. Her face added a welcome touch of the familiar to my world. I wasn’t acting like it, but I was desperately happy we talked.

  “Great. I’ve pushed back final notes and collaborators meetings until a couple of months after you have baby girl. You still haven’t picked out a name, have you?” Dani’s eyes narrowed.

  “Not yet.”

  A name was something I wanted to pick with Logan. A decision I thought we could come to together, but that was no more. Hell, the whole path my life was on was no more. I had no fucking idea what I was doing or where I was going, and it was suffocating.

  “Love you! Keep me posted on how you’re doing!” Dani blew me a kiss.

  I waved and closed my laptop.

  What do I do now?

  I was on a wave of missing Logan, then hating him. My feelings ebbed and flowed with little reasoning. At night, I curled up onto my side and hugged a pillow to my chest. I wanted him. I missed him. His strong, muscular arms around me. The warmth from his body. I needed him. Eyes squeezed closed and tried to push thoughts of him away. But my mind always returned to him. Behind every corner in my mind was Logan. His smile, his white boy curls, his goofy no rhythm dance moves, his tender kisses. All those good and wonderful things tarnished by his stupid, pointless betrayal.

  Logan

  “Wake up dumbass!”

  I shot upright in a blind panic as my eyes adjusted from sleep. I had dozed at some point, and now the TV played infomercials. Davis stood over me, laughing like an idiot. Nick and Zeke sat next to each other on the loveseat. I adjusted my boxer briefs, then rubbed my eyes.

  “What time is it?”

  “2 AM Asshole!” Davis exclaimed as he sat next to me.

  They had all come after closing for the night. I bit my lip. I didn’t want company, I didn’t want to be around people. There was only one person I wanted to be around and since I couldn’t be with her, so I wanted to be alone. Loneliness was what I deserved. I wasn’t sure how that was going to work, being part owner of a bar and a wrestling champion.

  “What the fuck?! How did you guys even get in here?!”

  “Remember the spare key you gave us in case of emergencies?” Nick grinned.

  Here I was thinking he was the smarter brother. Totally need to take that back from him.

  “I’m assuming you haven’t been eating. Here.” Nick reached down and handed me a container from the bar.

  Besides water, the most I’d eaten were handfuls of Fruit Loops and Cheerios out of the box. The scent of fried food filled my nose and my stomach growled. I popped the lid and stared at a bunch of mozzarella sticks. My hunger evaporated in the face of my memories of Elle’s comically cute face as she shoveled the fried cheese into her mouth. I closed the lid and tossed the container onto the coffee table.

  Nope not hungry.

  “Are you ever coming back to the bar?” Zeke asked.

  “Also, what about MWA? Are you going to drop the belt?” Nick piped up with a second question.

  “I don’t care about any of it. I quit.” I ran my hands down my face.

  “Fuck off.” Davis huffed. “No, you don’t. I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. A girl broke up with you, big fucking deal. You were stupid for buying her this house, but we’ve all done stupid shit for sex. Besides, Elle was no Yuki and-”

  Before Davis could finish his shitty thought, I clocked him square in the face.

  “FUCK!” he shrieked as he slid off the couch and onto the floor.

  Davis curled up into a ball and whimpered. Nick and Zeke exchanged knowing smirks and didn’t move one muscle to help him.

  “Oh, look what happened. What I said would happen! Don’t bleed on my carpet fuckface.” I relaxed against the couch cushions.

  “…So, now that we got the kicking Davis’ ass section of tonight out of the way, are we going to talk?” Zeke asked loudly over Davis’ dramatic blubbering.

  “What’s there to talk about?” I shrugged before dragging my ass into the kitchen for a bottle of water.

  I chugged half the bottle and groaned as the cool liquid hit my stomach. Nick stepped over Davis, who was still dying on the floor and joined me. He leaned against the opposite side of the counter and stared at his hands.

  “…I hate to be the one to say it but you’re spiraling Logan.” he mumbled.

  The plastic bottle crumpled loudly as I crushed it in my fist. Water shot out the bottle and splashed on my hand and arm. I wasn’t doing well, but I wasn’t spiraling.

  “I’m fine,” I said through gritted teeth as I tossed the now crushed bottle in the sink.

  “Where’s the bathroom?” Zeke asked as he popped up behind his brother.

  I pointed over my shoulder to the small bathroom across from Elle’s office. Images of Elle working hard at her desk with all her books on the shelf behind her flashed in my head.

  Fuck.

  Why couldn’t I stop thinking about her? Awake or asleep, she was there. Smiling, laughing, eating, just being her and it made my heart ache. I sighed. Zeke helped Davis up onto a barstool and handed him a wad of tissue paper. Streaks of blood colored his stupid face. The sight pleased me greatly.

  “You’re not okay Logan. We’re your friends. We wouldn’t lie to you.” Nick pressed.

  “You punched Davis. I mean, we’ve all wanted to, but you did it.” Zeke said, doing his best not to laugh.

  “He got lucky! My guard was down!” Davis’ shouting was muffled by the toilet paper.

  I rolled my eyes, “No luck. I’m just that good. I told you what would happen if you said anything else out of line about the mother of my child, the woman I love. Just the consequences of your actions.”

  “Consequences of my actions, so I guess just these are just the consequences of yours then?” Davis glared from behind a massive wad of tissue paper.

  “What?”

  “Genuine reaction, my ass Logan! You could have told her. You should have told her! This is what you do! You pull partners to you only to then push them away. You want love, only to run when shit gets real. Whenever shit is going well, you burn it to the ground and act like the wounded one even though you’re holding the fucking matches!” Davis dropped his bloody tissue onto the counter.

  A tingling burn attacked my throat. Seizing me with the full weight of knowing what Davis was saying was true. Eyes wide, I glanced up at Nick and Matt, who looked at me with desperately gentle eyes. Their pity and contempt were things I’d faced before. I’d always had been able to brush off their concerns because I knew I was right. But this time was different.

  Davis narrowed his eyes at me. “So, you fucked up, are you going to own up to it?”

  His eyes pierced my fucking soul. Even a broken clock was right once a day, and my friends were right. I was a moth who loved the idea of the flame and worked my whole life flapping my wings to get close to it, to feel the heat. Only to freak out and run away in the end. I’d been running my whole life. It needed to stop, but I didn’t know how.

  My fingernails pressed into the countertop. I watched the pink behind my nail beds fade into white. My world kept spinning, and I was desperate to keep myself from floating away.

  “…I-I fucked up! I love her! I love Elle more than anything and I fucked it all up! I always fuck it up.” my voice trembled.

  That admission was heavy. Even with Yuki, I’d convinced myself that our time together was a messy game of tug of war. Things were more one sided than I ever cared to admit. My chest rose and fell manically as I fought for breath.

  “I know it seems bad now, but after things cool off, maybe it can be repaired?” Zeke shrugged.

  “How? Our entire relationship is tied up in this stupid storyline! How can I get out of that?!” I scoffed.

  “Joe is understanding, and his fiancée is close with Elle. I doubt he’d fight a rewrite. It doesn’t have to be complicated. She’s your girlfriend… well, was your girlfriend and she’s having your kid. You could make an impassioned plea to Elle live on TV.” Nick suggested.

  I shook my head, “No. I dipped our relationship into the wrestling waters once and I think that’s more than enough.”

  “You could cut a promo about how becoming a family man hasn’t changed you. You’re still the best in the ring. That could be the last word on it, and it would still be a part of things without directly involving Elle.” Davis mused.

  I, Nick, and Zeke raised our eyebrows at him. Davis had a good idea, and I never expected him to contribute anything positive towards my relationship with Elle.

  “… I actually I like that idea,” I admitted.

  “Great!” Davis slapped his hand on the counter and grinned. “Now I’m going home to get some fucking sleep. I want to see you at the bar tomorrow. Showered and teeth brushed. I will drag your ass there if I have to!”