“Hey,” she mumbled.

  “Hey?”

  It was good to see her. I couldn’t lie to myself. Thoughts of her and her gorgeous body frequently replayed in my head during solo sessions. But she ducked out on me without so much of a goodbye. That was a like taking a baseball bat to my ego.

  “Can I talk to you?” she asked, her voice not above a whisper.

  “We’re getting ready to open. I’m kinda busy.”

  Her shoulders fell like my words were a pin in the balloon of her confidence. It was a shitty thing to be so mean, but it felt good to toss back some of the hurt she gave me.

  “Please? It’s kinda important.”

  Elle finally looked up. Her eyes were red. She was clearly upset. Her expression iced the urge to be an asshole.

  “I’ll be back in a few,” I shouted over my shoulder to Zeke and Nick.

  Elle didn’t hear the high fives and maniacal laughter behind me as I stepped outside.

  “Do you have time for a coffee?” Elle asked as she headed in the direction of the coffee shop on the corner before I could answer.

  I double stepped to catch up with her quick, tiny legs.

  “I try not to drink much coffee, but since you’re buying, I guess I have time for a quick cup.”

  “Cool.” She mumbled; her head still stooped.

  I expected a giggle, or a snort, or a laugh. Anything other than a chilly ‘cool’. I slid my hands into my pockets as we walk into the coffee shop. Thankfully, there wasn’t a wait because I couldn’t stand much more of Elle’s awkward shiftiness. The way she gobbled up the brownies at my place it surprised me that she didn’t order some overly sweet drink, instead opting for a cup of ice water.

  She grabbed us a table while I stood at the counter waiting for my drink. This whole thing felt silly. She ran out on me and now I was expected to play nice and have coffee. These sorts of dynamics were confusing, and I always felt lost. I racked my brain, trying to figure out why Elle suddenly popped up. The way my brain was wired skewed towards the negative. I couldn’t help but wonder if my newfound wrestling ‘celebrity’ brought her back around. I bite my lip to stop my own laughter. I wanted to bust a gut at my ego. I’m no one, so that can’t be it.

  The barista handed me my coffee, and I snorted at the cute lopsided panda in the foam. Goofy panda’s almost too cute to drink. Amusing distraction aside, I took a deep breath before heading over to the table, where for some mysterious reason Elle waited.

  “So, what’s up?” I asked as I pulled out my chair and sat across from her.

  Elle opened her mouth, only to pause, then close it again. Head stooped; she still wouldn’t look at me. It was getting annoying. I was beyond frustrated.

  “If you’re not gonna say anything I’ll start. Running out on a guy in the middle of the night is super shitty. I mean, if a guy did that to a girl, there would be pitchfork mobs going for his fucking head. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you’re here to apologize because you suddenly feel guilty?”

  My sudden outburst felt like a dragon puffing smoke at their wounded prey. I didn’t mean to get angry, it just spilled out. Elle shifted uncomfortably in her seat before shaking her head no.

  “Well, what is it then?” I huffed.

  “…I’m pregnant.”

  Why would I care about-

  Blood rushed to my ears, and every muscle in my body tightened. My sense of gravity turned on its head. For a second, it was like I was free-falling from the top rope to the ground outside the ring and there was no one there to catch me.

  “Excuse me?” I spat.

  “I’m pregnant,” she repeated, her tone quiet but firm.

  Elle finally raised her head to meet my gaze. Her eyes were wide, huge brown puddles of worry and fear.

  “We used condoms!” I sputtered.

  “Yeah.” Elle nodded.

  “Two of them!”

  “Maybe you didn’t put them on right?”

  I slammed my hand down on the table and shouted, “I know how to wear a fucking condom!”

  Elle’s shoulders shot up to her ears and everybody in the shop, employees included, turned to gawk at us. The spotlight I shone on us tempered my confused fury. My outburst simmered around us until a barista started up the coffee grinder. I appreciated the noisy interlude. Our audience turned their attention back to their own bubbles, leaving me and Elle on our own once again.

  “…Maybe one broke?” She offered a likely explanation.

  “…Maybe.”

  Elle grabbed her cup of ice water but didn’t move to drink. She’s barely able to hold it together, and I’m having outbursts about condoms. I’ve jumped out the ring, and I’ve definitely hit the floor. I’m winded. I’m an asshole. A massive asshole. Recovering myself, I ran my very damp palms down my jeans.

  “…What do you need from me? What can I do to support you?” I asked.

  She shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure it all out.”

  Waist deep in the news of her pregnancy, I didn’t stop to think of the paths from which this announcement could lead. Adoption, abortion, custody agreements. My head was already spinning at 150 mph, then circumstance put the pedal to the metal and the roller coaster launched off the fucking tracks at the speed of light.

  “Well, Elle, whatever you decide, I’ll support you.”

  “Thanks…” she muttered, “The universe might decide for us.”

  My brows knitted together in confusion. Hadn’t the universe already done that?

  “…Uh, lots of women have miscarriages…” she explained.

  My stomach twisted. We were both unsure what we wanted, but it seemed cruel that a body could suddenly stop supporting a pregnancy. I had never thought about it much before, but I considered myself pro-choice. It just made me sad that such an important decision could be taken out of one’s hands. I wished there was something I could do, or something I could say to make things okay until Elle made her decision.

  “…I don’t wanna pressure you or anything but, um, I have an appointment next week. If you would like to come?” Elle asked, her jaw tight like she expected me to lash out at the idea.

  “I’d like that.” I said before my mind fully processed the idea.

  Like a fragile knight, she lowered her shield and let out a shaky breath. Like I’d hope we’d do the morning after weeks ago, we finally exchanged phone numbers. With the promise to text me appointment details, Elle rushed out of the coffee shop, leaving her water untouched, and disaster behind her.

  It’s me, I’m the disaster.

  I looked down at my coffee cup. Goofy panda melted, his cute smile disappearing into the sweet caffeine. Much like my expresso companion, I wasn’t smiling either. The ground under my feet was unsteady, like the aftermath of an earthquake. Or even more apt, my brain was mush, like after one of my concussions. But medical support wouldn’t help me now. I put a lid on the goofy, melted panda and wandered back to the bar in a daze. Zeke and Nick shouting at each other yanked me from my thoughts of bellies, spit up, babies, and diapers.

  “What the hell happened to you?” Nick asked as he spun around on a barstool like a child.

  I blinked and my surroundings come back into focus. The brothers stared at me. I ignored them and slumped onto an open stool beside Nick.

  “Matt, I need a drink,” I dropped my head onto the bar. My forehead hit the glass with a loud thump.

  “Dude, you don’t even drink,” He deadpanned.

  I groaned. It sounded less like exasperation and more like a badger dying on the side of the road.

  “What’s your problem?” Nick asked once his childish fun ended, and he stopped spinning.

  I sighed, “…Elle… She just told me she’s pregnant…”

  Zeke slammed his hands on the counter, sending vibrations through my skull.

  “Holy fucking shit! DUDE! I was kidding about the sex talk! I didn’t think you really fucking needed it!”

  Elle

  Anxiety and morning sickness were not a good mix. 100% do not recommend. I spent the morning hugging the toilet. Laptop on the floor with me, I pressed send on the first act of my script to my friend/producer Dani. Then the vomiting came back. I couldn’t tell if it was my out-of-control hormones or my out-of-control anxiety. When the puking stopped, and I spent the required extra 20 minutes making sure my guts were thoroughly empty, I shot a text to my aunt, asking/pleading for lunch. Trish owned a boutique downtown, and one of the many perks of being a boss meant she could duck out for a long lunch with her favorite and only niece.

  “Wow. You look like shit,” Trish smirked as she met me at the door.

  I rolled my eyes. “Good to see you, too.”

  “I’m serious. Are you okay?”

  I sighed, “Honestly, not really.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Buy me something to drink and I’ll tell you all about it.”

  Several food trucks parked around the park in the early afternoons. A perfect place to gain customers. I bit the inside of my cheek as we surveyed the trucks. Any other day, all the options would have been mouth wateringly exciting, but today all the combating smells made my stomach twist. Hands in pockets, I cursed my aunt’s inability to make up her damn mind. A lifetime later, she finally settled on a fried chicken salad, and I got a mango boba smoothie. We sat on a bench near the swings. I took a slow, long sip of my smoothie. My eyes closed at the cool, wonderful sweetness in my mouth. When I opened my eyes, Trish stared at me with raised eyebrows.

  “Sooo, what’s up?” she stabbed her salad like it stole from her.

  Mentally, I tossed up a quick prayer.

  “…Don’t freak out but, I’m pregnant…”

  Little chunks of salad fell out of Trish’s mouth.

  “I said don’t freak out!”

  “How can I not freak out!? I didn’t know you were dating anyone!”

  I shrugged, “You don’t have to be dating anyone to you know…”

  “You’re gonna have to explain it to me like I’m 5.”

  In-between sips of boba I tell her about trying to distract myself from the screenplay, how I found Save Point, about Logan the grumpy bartender/wrestler, who was 10 types of awesome in bed, and how I ducked out while he was still asleep.

  Trish slumped back on the bench. “No. Fucking. Way! I can’t believe you left while the man was still asleep! I know I raised you better than that!”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. I had always been able to have candid conversations with my aunts, but emotional things were always black and white to them. I could never find the strength to tell them that I’d always been the girl good enough to fuck, but not good enough to date. The one time when I decide to act first and save myself from the hurt, I end up pregnant.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I groaned. “I don’t know why I did that. It was a dick move…” I leaned over and rested my head on Trish’s shoulder.

  “Do you know what you’re going to do?” she asked.

  I shook my head, “No! No idea! I mean I always thought I’d have kids, but when I was older. I barely feel like a real adult. I just got a handle on paying my insurance every month. I don’t think I can handle a baby.”

  “Did you pay it this month?”

  “Yes,” I sighed.

  “Seriously, Elle, sometimes despite all our planning, life takes us on its own path. This can be a bump in the road or a new path for you. There’s nothing saying you can’t figure out being an adult while also being a mom. On the other hand, there’s nothing saying you have to go through with this either.”

  She was right. But it was still a struggle between those two points in my head. Trish sat aside her salad and pulled me into a hug.

  “I love you and you know Renee and I support you in whatever you do.”

  “I know, but it’s nice to hear. I love you too.”

  Resting on Trish’s shoulder, I looked up to a dad carrying his baby to the swings. The little one wore a bright pink head shaping helmet. Her white flip-flops matched her romper, which was decorated in little ice cream cones. Dad placed the baby in the swing and gave it a gentle push. The little one’s giggles filled the park. She was having the time of her life. It was funny to think that we as people were all like that once. Tiny and helpless yet filled with unabashed joy. A worldview that couldn’t be replicated, but it could be accompanied. I could guide a child through the ups and downs of life. Through the sleepless nights, the sore gums, and the skinned knees, I’d reach for moments in time like a sunny spring day when I could push them on the swing. Those drooly giggles would fill my well, giving me enough strength to start again the next day. I’d clutch those moments with all my might, and it would be worth it.

  Damnit…

  I made my decision.

  I’m having this baby.

  Logan

  My friends were assholes. If I weren’t carpooling with Nick and Zeke, I’d kill them. Davis was holding down the bar, so the bounty on his head was still valid. What to Expect When You’re Expecting, the 5th edition waited for me alongside my paystub Monday. The dumbasses laughed and laughed. Monday was my night to bartend, but I stormed off. To tame my anger, I spent the afternoon working out, then playing video games, before baking a lemon glazed pound cake. As a peace offering, I brought it into work the next day. In hindsight, I should have poisoned it.

  But if I did that, I’d be in jail, and not riding high off a very good show. Obsidian Mason and I wrestled a fun match. Playing up a new persona, I fed into the crowd reaction with some highflying, over the top moves. It was close, but I won. Right before the show, I pitched the idea of doing the post interview in the ring. Breathless, I leaned against the ring ropes and respond to all questions in Japanese. Across all pro wrestling, overt racism seemed to always earn a reaction. The crowd booed the roof off the place. Smirk on my face, I headed backstage only to be confronted by TY Blue the MWA World champion. We stared each other down before I gave the title belt on his shoulder a loving pat and walked off.

  On the ride back home, Nick and Zeke buzzed about comments online. I’d done big things overseas but never directly in America. I had a cult following amongst devout wrestling fans, but nothing considered mainstream. Now people were asking about my past work, and fans were giving recommendations of my top matches. The attention felt good, but it wasn’t the first thing on my mind. Elle’s doctor’s appointment in the morning loomed like a dark cloud and built my anxiety up like a wave, overriding everything else. It was a joke gift, but I started reading What to Expect. It was informative and it presented in an easy to access manner. I wished Nick would drive faster so I could get home, shower, crawl into bed, and read more of the book.

  I noticed I was gripping the steering wheel tightly as Elle climbed into my passenger seat. We’d seen each other naked. I’d been inside her. I had no idea why I was suddenly nervous.

  “Hi,” Elle mumbled.

  “Hi. How are you?” I pulled into traffic.

  “Okay, I guess. I mean vomiting aside.”

  I frowned.

  “Don’t worry. I’ve got a bag in my purse,” she patted her Marvel purse reassuringly.

  “Have you been throwing up a lot?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” was the first thing I managed to say.

  She shrugged. My grace and politeness allowed for a quiet car ride. I dropped Elle off at the entrance and parked in the crowded parking ramp. I guess if the person I was with was in labor, I would park crooked too. I made my way into the building and after some directing from the front desk, I found Elle in the maternal waiting room with a clipboard and a small brown paper bag.

  “What’s that?” I asked as I sat in the seat next to her.

  “Pee,” she said without looking up from her paperwork.

  I frowned. I never really thought about it before, but pregnancy involved so many bodily fluids. I knitted my fingers together and looked around the room. A heavily pregnant woman rubbed a hand over her belly. A young couple across from us held hands and stared at each other with dopey, lovesick eyes. Everyone had their little bags of pee.

  “Weird question,” Elle asked.

  “I’m sure it won’t be weird,” I said, still thinking about the little bags full of pee.

  “What’s your last name? I know your ring name, but I need your legal name to put on the paperwork.”

  “Smith.”

  “Logan Smith,” she wrote my name and phone number under an emergency contact space.

  Just as Elle finished writing, the nurse called us back. In the bright lights of the exam room, I sat in a chair in the corner and as out of the way as possible. The nurse got Elle’s height, weight, and blood pressure. She left the room with Elle’s bag of pee. I watched Elle out of the corner of my eye. Sitting on the exam table, she kicked her little feet back and forth. Direct eye contact was clearly not an option. A knock on the door interrupted the surrounding tension. Doctor Mercer was a short redhead with an assortment of freckles across her cheeks. She introduced herself and shook Elle’s hand.

  “Who’s this?” Dr. Mercer said as she noticed me in the corner.

  “My boyfriend Logan.” Elle said quickly.

  Suddenly, there was a ringing in my ears. Dr. Mercer shook my hand. I shifted in my seat and tried not to call attention to the label Elle assigned me. The appointment was a blur as Dr. Mercer patiently answered all Elle’s questions. She sent orders off for lab work, and since Elle didn’t know the date of her last period, she also ordered an ultrasound.

  Dr. Mercer sent us home with a couple of packets of information on pregnancy. I held onto them while Elle went to the front desk to make her next appointment. Still avoiding eye contact, we walked to the car in silence.

  “…I didn’t know what else to say. I couldn’t say that’s Logan, the one-night stand who knocked me up,” Elle breathlessly explained as I attempted to back out of the parking spot without hitting any of the dreadfully parked cars next to me.