“I’m kinda tired. I think I’m gonna watch cartoons in bed. Goodnight, Logan.” She said over her shoulder from the bedroom doorway.

  Doing my best to not show how fucking crestfallen I was, I nodded. “Okay. Sleep well. Goodnight.”

  The bedroom door closed behind her, and I let out a heavy sigh.

  Stupid prepackaged meals!

  It took a massive amount of inner strength not to cancel my Chef Bear meal plan right then and there. Things were going so well, so naturally, I fucked it all up. Maybe Davis’ pessimism wasn’t misplaced. I was shit at relationships, and this wasn’t even one. Why did I ever think things could be different? I ran a hand through my hair before heading towards the gaming room to lose myself in a game until my eyes wouldn’t stay open any longer.

  Elle

  Embarrassed by my behavior last night, it took a hell of a lot of effort to sheepishly poke my head out of the bedroom. The house was quiet, but the inviting scent of coffee lured me out of hiding. I grabbed my coffee creamer out of the fridge and my eyes widened as I headed towards the coffee pot. On the counter next to the pot sat a mug and an envelope with my name on it. My stomach churned, and I pursed my lips in effort to keep vomit at bay. While eyeing the envelope, I quickly I poured creamer and coffee into the mug and took a swig. A satisfied sigh escaped my lips. Happy with the ratio, I turned my attention to the ominous envelope. I steeled myself with a deep breath and ripped it open. A card flopped on the counter and my forehead crinkled with confusion.

  Elle,

  I’m wrestling tonight and I won’t be home until tomorrow. I’m sorry about that. Hopefully, you’ll be watching. I’m also sorry about last night. I’m very used to doing things on my own and my own way. By staying in that mindset, I can’t be a good partner roommate co-parent. I’ve left my card for you to pick up food, seasonings, and clothes for yourself. I want you to feel comfortable here, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. Please don’t worry about the cost, just get everything you need.

  You and Blobby take care! I’ll talk to you later!

  -Logan

  My breathing slowed and my hand smoothed over my still flat belly.

  “Blobby, your Daddy wants us to be comfortable… He’s a wonderful Daddy.” I whispered to my stomach.

  I swallowed hard at the words I just spoke. Despite us co-parenting together, and despite us now living together, I hadn’t referred to Logan as Daddy before. The realization spread warmth through my body. I struggled with the idea at the start of things, but the current image in my head made fatherhood look amazingly good on Logan. I took a long sip of coffee and tried to decide what I needed to share this space with him. Any other time, I would have felt dirty using a man’s credit card to buy things for myself. But Logan’s insistence was different. There was nothing attached to it.

  At the nearest box store, I added groceries to my cart. I imagined myself as the low rent version of Pretty Woman. I tried to get things besides sweets, but the heart wanted what it wanted, and I couldn’t talk myself out of buying a box of chocolate bars and four boxes of cereal. Proper seasonings secured, I headed to the clothing section for jeans, leggings, and several shirts. Reluctantly, I grabbed a pair of stretchy pregnancy pants. I knew I would need them sooner rather than later, but that fact didn’t help me feel any less self-conscious. I sighed and accepted my fate.

  I bought a pair of sports bras because I had no idea what size my breast were, or how big they would get. I added two packs of underwear to my cart, and I was ready to check out. As I turned my cart, a pair of red, lacy panties stared at me from the hanger. I narrowed my eyes. There was no reason for me to buy them. I had no one to be sexy for. But they called to me. Cheeks on fire, I tossed them into the cart.

  Elle: I appreciate you so much! I will be watching. Good luck tonight!

  I felt a little crestfallen when Logan didn’t text back. I knew he was probably getting ready for the show tonight, but that bit of logic didn’t soothe my disappointment.

  That evening, I curled up on the couch with a bag of sweet and sour potato chips. I was looking forward to seeing Logan in the ring. The apartment fire had paused everything in my life, even my ‘research’ into Logan’s wrestling career. My research had mostly consisted of late nights eating ice cream while streaming Logan’s Japanese matches. His crazy athletics stirred things below the belt. But indulging those urges in his house would have been weird. So, I shoveled chips into my mouth as a very unsatisfying compromise.

  It isn’t until the second hour of MWA that Logan and his refreshed curls appeared. The crowd cheered and his theme music started. He made his way to the ring with the ponytailed pair at his side.

  “Making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 553 pounds, Nick and Zeke Hudson, The Young Bloods, and Logan Cole!” the announcer shouted.

  My nose wrinkled at the obvious Liefeld reference. It was funny that his ponytailed friends had real names. Four lettered names would be easy enough to remember, but ponytailed pair would live on forever in my heart. The crowd couldn’t make up its mind on if they wanted to boo them or cheer them. Logan sported a smarmy smirk as he strutted to the ring in red tights and a black leather jacket. Nick and Zeke stepped into the ring, but Logan paused before stepping into the ropes. He motioned the camera to him. Once he was satisfied with his close up, he stared down the lens and said something I couldn’t make out over the crowd noise. Then he raised an eyebrow, puckered his lips, and planted a kiss on the camera. Viewers kissed, Logan then winked and entered the ring. A cool shiver shot down my spine.

  Was that for me?

  I kicked that self-centered thought out of my head. He was obviously playing a character. I was sure that Elle was nowhere near to being on his mind. Besides, he had a match to focus on. To my disappointment, Nick (or Matt) started the match. There was a flurry of fists back and forth, paired with a lot of double teaming. Logan hung back, that familiarly sly smirk on his face as his friends took most of the beating for him. Zeke (or Nick) struggled to drag their body to Logan in the corner for the hot tag. With a forceful hand slap, Logan became the legal man in the match and casually stepped into the ring to a roar of excitement from the crowd. Jumping straight into things, Logan and his opponent exchanged punches in a show of strength. Neither man backed down. Both sported growing grins with each hit. A dick measuring contest in the ring, but to me it was already clear who was the winner.

  Logan grabbed the opponent and whipped him to the ropes. As the man tried to recover, Logan ran across the ring and clotheslined him out of the ring to the floor. Not done showing the world what he could do, Logan ran across the ring, gaining momentum before diving headfirst out of the ring onto his dazed target. Oozing manic energy, Logan sprung up from his dive and prodded the crowd, who cheered.

  His opponent recovered and charged into Logan. After a flurry of stiff punches, the opponent whipped Logan into the ring apron. The crowd booed as Logan took the bump right in the middle of his back. He folded into a heap on the floor and the opponent, and his teammates ganged up to literally kick him when he was down. The crowd was riled up, booing loudly. Zeke and Nick rushed to their friend’s side and broke up the beat down. With the match back to being one-on-one, Logan quickly regained the upper hand.

  My body reacted to Logan. It was like forces outside myself pulled me to him and I couldn’t turn away. Logan pushed his opponent back into the ring and dragged the man up to his feet. Almost effortlessly, Logan dropped the man with a piledriver for the pin. The referee held up his hand in victory. Zeke and Nick joined Logan in the ring. The three men hugged, celebrating their well-earned victory as Logan’s theme song played.

  There was more wrestling, but that was the last thing on my mind. My skin was on fire. My nipples felt so sensitive that brushing against the fabric of my shirt was almost enough to send me over the edge. I headed into the bedroom and quickly pulled off my shirt and shorts. I was ashamed to do this in Logan’s space, but I needed the release. It couldn’t be contained anymore. I crawled into Logan’s bed and sighed at the cool blankets on my smoldering skin. My toes curled and my back bucked as my hand inched over my stomach.

  I was Icarus, Logan was the sun, and I desperately wanted to be burned.

  Logan

  I always thought my couch was comfortable. Until I was forced to sleep on it several nights in a row. I got home very early the next morning and collapsed in a heap on the couch. When 8am rolled around I was tired, awake, and in pain. A tightness between my shoulder blades woke me up. I put my head in my hands and groaned. All the stretching in the world did nothing to help. And aspirin only dulled the pain.

  Desperation was the driving force behind my actions. Everything would be fine if she stayed asleep. Carefully, I crept open the bedroom door and peeked inside. I assumed the lump in the middle of the bed was Elle. Her light snoring let me know she was still sleeping soundly. I took a deep breath to settle my nerves and, like a shitty burglar in a straight to video movie, I tiptoed across the bedroom and into the bathroom. Door closed behind me, I leaned against the door frame and resumed breathing. My specialty tub, unlike many other jacuzzis was relatively quiet. I ditched my clothes as the tub filled with steaming hot water. A relieved sigh escaped my lips as I sank into the tub. I closed my eyes and submerged up to my shoulders. The hot water kissed my achy muscles. I missed my jacuzzi tub so much. I didn’t know how long I sat there, but time became nonexistent. It was wonderful.

  The bathroom door shot open, hitting the wall with a loud thud. Startled and scared, I leaped out of the bath, water sloshing everywhere with my flailing movements. Elle darted into the bathroom, making a beeline for the toilet. I grimaced as she dropped to her knees and started retching.

  Is it always that bad? What do I do?

  After a solid minute of dry heaving, Elle fell back onto the floor and sighed. Sweat shone across her forehead. Her chest rose and fell manically as she attempted to collect herself. Frozen, I stood there watching her. I was unsure what else to do. As her breathing steadied, Elle slowly turned her head in my direction.

  Shit…

  Her eyes went wide at the sight of me booty butt naked standing in the middle of the bath.

  “Morning.” I waved.

  “…Morning?”

  Her wide-eyed gaze clued me in to the fact that my dick was swinging freely between my legs. As coolly as possible, I covered my manhood with my hands and smiled at her. I did not mean it to be a creepy smile, more of a reassuring smile. An everything is okay smile. I had no idea if it got my point across.

  “…So, I thought your morning sickness was getting better?” I asked.

  “…It is. Some mornings are still kinda hard.” Elle said as she stood up. “I’m gonna brush my teeth.” Eyes downcast, she shuffled over to the sink and grabbed her toothbrush.

  As Elle put toothpaste on her brush, I climbed out of the tub, drained the water, and walked over to the cabinet for a towel. As I wrapped the towel around my waist, I glanced up at the mirror and noticed Elle eyeing my reflection. Caught red-handed, she turned away quickly, spraying toothpaste and spit across the mirror in the process. I bit my bottom lip to keep my laughter in. It took a moment for me to contain myself. My damn giggles didn’t want to smother themselves.

  “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” I managed to say without bursting out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

  Making no effort to look in my direction, Elle responded with a thumbs up. For the first time, I noticed her new pajamas. Silky pink short shorts and a black tank top. She was even wearing one of the bonnets I bought her. She looked cute, minus the just puked sheen, but it wasn’t the time or the place to mention that. Shaking my head, I walked out of the bathroom, making sure to close the door behind me. I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top before heading into the kitchen. I turned on the coffeepot and sat at the island.

  God, I hope she doesn’t think I’m a creep…

  She was sleeping so soundly. I didn’t want to wake her. But intentions never matter. The way she felt was what was important. I sat there listening to the coffee pot drip and mentally kicked my ass for possibly making Elle hate me.

  “Hey…”

  I looked up at Elle standing in the kitchen doorway. She took off her bonnet, allowing her curls to hang wildly all over her head.

  “Hey. You want some coffee?” I asked.

  She nodded and sat beside me. I hadn’t figured out the words for a proper apology, and I didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable. Ass on fire, I hopped out of my chair and grabbed her creamer from the fridge.

  “How much creamer do you take?”

  “Be generous with it. This is gonna sound silly but make it a little bit lighter than my skin and add a heaping spoonful of sugar.”

  I turned to Elle and tried to focus on the tone of her skin. Her guide made sense but relating skin color to food felt icky. I pulled my mug and one of the smaller mugs out of the cabinet and gave mixing Elle’s coffee my best effort. I slid the mug across the island and awaited the verdict. Eyebrow raised Elle eyed the mug carefully before picking it up. Almost teasingly, she lifted the mug to her lips and took a painfully long sip. I shuffled from side to side as nerves tingled in my chest.

  “So?!” I asked the moment as she sat the mug down.

  “It’s great. Thank you.” She ran the tip of her tongue over her lips and beamed at me.

  Elle’s smile lit up my world like a million of the brightest stars. Illumination enough to light my bleak world. I couldn’t stand it if she hated me. Logically, I knew she didn’t, but I could never reason with my emotions. I grabbed my mug and pressed my hip against the counter. I sighed, knowing I had one chance to make things better.

  “…I’m sorry about the bathroom. I took a bump awkwardly last night and my back has a kink and-”

  Elle put up her hand, effectively cutting me off. Embarrassment sizzled my cheeks.

  “Thank you for apologizing, but it’s okay. This is your house. You don’t need permission to use your bathtub. We’re roommates now. Awkward shit is bound to happen,” she shrugged.

  “You sure?”

  She rolled her eyes. Relief flooded my body and like a teenage girl in a Young Adult novel, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Back on a level playing field, I sat beside her and we quietly we drank our coffees. I was behind. I should have eaten breakfast and should have been in the middle of working out. But there was nowhere else I’d rather be. Everything else could wait. A smile spread across my face at the quiet serenity of mornings with Elle. I obviously couldn’t tell her how much I liked having her around. So, I let Elle’s and Blobby’s presence fill my soul and make me less of a grumpy wrestling hermit. My shoulders perked up as I remembered the notification on my phone when I woke up.

  “So, my phone told me a cool thing.”

  “Really? What?”

  I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the pregnancy app.

  “You’ve officially made it into the second trimester!”

  Elle’s face broke out into a huge grin as she leaned against my shoulder and looked at my phone. My heart picked up speed at the skin-on-skin contact.

  “That’s so exciting!” She squeaked.

  Her face splitting grin wrapped both hands around my heart and squeezed the hell out of it. I rested my head against hers and nuzzled her hair. Her curls smelled freshly sweet. I idly hoped it was the products I got her.

  “…Blobby is the size of lemon this week. Your morning sickness should taper off soon. And even better, your risk of miscarriage drops dramatically.” I said as I scrolled through the bullet points on the app for her.

  “Awesome…” Elle murmured as she rubbed a hand over her still mostly flat stomach.

  As I watched her, I swallowed hard. Desperately, I wanted to touch her stomach. I wanted Blobby to know Dad was here, that I loved them already. But it was too intimate. I didn’t think co-parents were allowed to do that…

  “Can you send me the name of that app so I can download it? I know I gave you shit before, but it does seem kinda useful. …I hate to say it, but now that things are a bit more stable with Blobby, I feel like I can invest more attention into being pregnant.” Elle said as she sat up and reached for her coffee cup.

  “I get it. Miscarriage is real and upsetting. So many people don’t talk about it, but it can be devastating.”

  “I feel so bad for thinking that. I love Blobby already, but I guess I rationalized it as if I lost them. It wouldn’t hurt as bad if I didn’t direct much of myself into them.” Elle sighed into her mug.

  “What you’re feeling is totally normal, Elle. Please don’t beat yourself up.” I offered as reassurance.

  Elle nodded in agreement and polished off the rest of her mug. She leaned her head back and let a long breath out of her mouth. When she turned back to me, her eyes were glassy. I tightened my grip on my mug to stop myself from pulling her to me and wrapping her in my arms. I wished I knew where the line was. Good morning bathroom dick was okay, but hugging the emotional mother of your child was too much? My forehead wrinkled at the logic roller coaster.

  “…So, if it’s okay with you, I was going to tell my parents.” I hoped to change the subject.

  Elle’s eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Yeah, I figure it’s time.”

  “Do you know what you’re gonna say?”

  “Not really, but it shouldn’t be too hard to think of something.”

  Elle’s disbelief turned into skepticism as her eyes narrowed in my direction. She clearly thought I was stupid, but thankfully she didn’t voice that thought.

  After a shortened workout, I headed into the kitchen for water. I passed Elle on the couch watching cartoons and eating who knows what number bowl of cereal with the box of cereal and jug of milk right beside her, like old friends. She smiled self-consciously at me as milk dribbled down her chin.