She leans into me and my other hand comes up to circle the back of her neck, tugging her closer. We kiss and we kiss, coming up for shallow breaths, crashing back together, my tongue touching hers. I feed off her little noises: whimpers and sighs and quiet groans.

  Just like with everything so far, she’s the one to take it further. She twists her body up until she’s sitting on her knees on the passenger seat, then she leans over the center console as I kiss her, wrapping my arm around her waist and bunching her dress up as I tug her closer. We work together to pull her over onto my lap, and it’s clumsy work. Her long legs and my size don’t make it easy for us to fit on the seat together. She can barely settle her knees on either side of my hips as I keep kissing her. She’s pressing her chest to mine, raking her fingers through my hair as I take her bottom lip between my teeth and gently bite down. I release it and recapture her mouth as she tugs on my hair and kisses me back in a frenzy. Then she slowly lowers herself down onto my lap, covering me and rocking her hips so I have to reach down and grip her waist, slow her down, gather some strength. It all feels too good. It’s been too long, half a year since I’ve held a woman on my lap.

  I curse under my breath when she doesn’t heed my warning. She ignores my hands squeezing her sides trying to gentle her hips as she grinds down onto me. I’m about to fucking lose it and Raelynn teases me more, kisses me harder.

  My hand slides down her neck, over her collarbone and chest. The strap on her dress dangles off her shoulder and I take full advantage, pulling the delicate fabric down farther to expose her small breast.

  She watches me do it, holding her breath as I continue. The fabric peels away in slow motion and then I’m leaning down before I’m consciously aware of it, covering her with my mouth, kissing her breast as she arches up.

  Suddenly the front seat isn’t good enough. I can’t touch her enough. I can barely move. I tilt her to get a better angle and the steering wheel digs into her back, then her elbow hits the window. She winces and I kiss up her neck, apologizing before I unlock the door and yank her out of the car. She laughs as her feet dangle above the ground. I don’t put her down, don’t let her come down to earth before I open the back door and lay her down across the row of seats. I stand there in the doorjamb, getting my fill of her. She props herself up on her elbows and watches me as I inhale every inch. Her dress is askew and barely covering her panties. Her other strap has worked its way free now and dangles precariously above her elbow, leaving her mostly naked from the waist up. Her blonde hair is a wild mess and her eyes are wide and curious. I watch her lips part as she tries to get a good breath of air, to steady herself the same way I’m trying to, but it’s futile. We’re in it now.

  “Do you want to keep going?” I ask, suddenly needing to be crystal clear on that answer before I crawl into the back seat with her. My position in life doesn’t afford me unclear boundaries, and I want to make sure she’s still as crazy for this as I am.

  Again, she nods, and I realize I haven’t heard her speak actual words since she told me to pull over.

  “Birdie?” I goad, careful to keep my hands off her right now. “Say it.”

  “Ben,” she replies impatiently. “Please.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ben

  I’m on her in an instant and she yelps when I tug her toward me, closer to the door so she falls flat on her back. I crawl down onto her, balancing one leg on the ground and wedging my other knee between her hip and the seat. My hands work in tandem with my mouth, unveiling parts of her body for me to taste and touch. I skim the smooth curves of her ankles, up along her soft calves, the hollows of her knees, a thin scar on her right thigh, a stray freckle just below her panties. She’s wearing a lavender pair and they’re soft and wet right in the center. I keep them on as I bend her knees and split them apart. One leg tumbles off the side of the seat and the other rests gently against the back cushion.

  She doesn’t resist. She’s lying back now, watching me with a soft, sweet expression as I run a finger down her center. Her hips roll in tandem with my touch, and I can’t resist doing it a second time, forcing that same reaction. God, she’s hot in a way I’m not used to. Hair tumbling in every direction. Cheeks flushed with color. No pretense, no games. Just an exposed heart, mine for the taking.

  I should encourage her, pepper her with flowery words, spill my secrets so she can take them for her own. You’re beautiful. Sexy. Tempting beyond belief. I can barely stand to look at you.

  It breaks my heart to see her this vulnerable, to know she’s giving herself to me in this way. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the gentle blue in her eyes. The fragility inherent in her small frame. I want to hold her close and cherish her, and yet…I want to devour her.

  I bend down and kiss her navel, feel her body quake for me.

  More.

  I catch the top of her panties in my teeth and tug gently. Her hand finds my hair and she uses it to plead with me to continue. Her small approval is enough to goad me into moving lower, pressing a kiss to the flimsy lavender cotton that still conceals her from me.

  “Ben.”

  Her voice is barely above a whisper, but it stops me dead in my tracks. I look up to find her watching me with a worried look in her eyes.

  “Can you…” Her gaze flits to her panties. “Will you…”

  I almost chuckle at her request. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to ask for this. I always planned on hooking my fingers into the sides of her underwear and tugging them off. I was always going to have her pinned underneath me. But now that I know how badly she wants it, a part of me wants to draw it out even more. I’m evil as I press the pad of my thumb over the damp cotton and rub. Her eyes flutter closed and her hips start to roll in a poor attempt to milk me for more. My touch is feather soft and driving her mad.

  Her hand in my hair tightens and pulls, and I get the message loud and clear. Still, I take my time, touching her again, dragging my thumb up and swirling it in a circle over the spot that makes her squeeze her eyes closed. Then, instead of pulling her panties off, I tug the cotton to the side and expose her just enough that I can touch her—skin to skin. Warm and wet.

  “Oh…my…” falls from her lips and then she’s silent, and I repeat my torture from a moment ago, this time without the barrier in between us.

  Eventually, I’ll feel the inside of her. I’ll taste her and make her come, but she’s making it impossible to rush. Every little sound, every jerk of pleasure makes me want to press pause and slow down time, to savor this moment.

  I wedge myself down so my shoulders are between her thighs and she has to split them wider to accommodate my size, but she doesn’t protest as my hot breath falls against her skin. I kiss up her inner thigh as I continue circling my fingers. Her muscles tense then relax with every new spot I touch. She’s so responsive to everything, and it makes me want to try it all.

  I know from her quickening breath and her quivering stomach that my fingers are enough. I could have her undone from this alone, but I want more. I flip my hand so my palm faces the ceiling and slowly—finally—start to slide my middle finger inside her. She throws an arm over her eyes and I still for a moment, wanting to confirm she’s okay to continue.

  Then, annoyed with me for stopping, she reaches down, grips my wrist, and pushes my finger inside farther. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I fucking lose it.

  The feel of her is…it’s enough to make me forget my own name. My job. My life.

  I pull my finger out and slide it back in, and she whimpers. Again. More. Fuck. She’s already coming and it feels too soon. I want more. I feel her squeeze around my finger, and I’m jealous of my hand. Lucky bastard.

  Her back arches up toward the roof and her head tips back. My hands are everywhere on her—pumping inside, covering her breasts, splaying out across her chest as I watch her finish coming.

  I know she’ll be sensitive, and I know this is all probably a little too much, but I still drop my mouth down between her parted legs and I taste her. Just as I expected, she makes a little sound of protest, a shocked gut reaction.

  I’m gentle with her though, easing her legs back apart after she tries to squeeze them closed, kissing her gently, lapping her up with my tongue until she’s pliant on that seat, racing right back to that sharp edge of pleasure. My finger is still inside her and I add another as my mouth works her up. Her breath starts to quicken and that sexy rhythm falls right back into place. Already, I could have her come again, but I rip my mouth off her, press up onto my hands, and look down at her.

  She’s flushed from head to toe, bathed in the SUV’s warm overhead light.

  I have the sudden insane urge to declare things to her I can’t possibly mean. Words I haven’t felt like saying in a very long time. Words that get lodged in my throat, stuck there as I look down at her sweet face.

  “Birdie.”

  She doesn’t realize how tangled my life is.

  How messy this could become.

  But she’s reaching up and gripping my face, tugging me down to kiss her, to beg me for more. I have a condom in my wallet. I put it in there a few days ago and felt like a bastard when I did it, but here I am, tugging it out, leaning up onto my knees, unbuttoning my jeans.

  Her hands are on me, finishing the job for me. Her small hands are so soft as they unzip my jeans and push down my boxer briefs. She tugs me free and her eyes widen. I bite my lip as I watch her curiosity bleed into hunger, then she takes me in her hand, covering me with her palm, and pumps up and down, testing me, exploring me. Fuck.

  It’s been too long to endure any of this. She doesn’t understand she’s playing with fire.

  I rip open the condom and start to unroll it onto myself, working it down all the way while Raelynn watches with rapt attention.

  “Lie back,” I say, pressing a kiss to her forehead before gently pushing her shoulder until she’s flat on the seat again.

  I move over her, eclipsing the night sky and the overhead light so she’s shadowed in darkness. I still see enough of her though, her eyes meeting mine, so trusting and open. Her hands come up to curve around my neck and she nods, over and over again, a silent consent for me to start pressing into her. I go so slow I worry I’m going to die in the process, but she’s small and tight and I don’t want to hurt her. Another inch and her eyes pinch closed. More and she takes her bottom lip between her teeth to keep from crying out. It’s so hard to stay in control. It feels like this is all she can take, and I’m not nearly all the way in.

  “Please don’t stop,” she whispers.

  I rock my hips a little more, press farther in. Maybe I don’t understand what I’m feeling. Something isn’t right though, but I don’t realize until I rock in another inch and she cries out in pain.

  I wince before I can help it, and she sees. She fucking sees, and I know it breaks her heart.

  “Birdie…”

  I start to pull out and she grabs my shoulders, squeezing, her imploring gaze impossible to turn away from.

  “Please don’t. Please.”

  Still, I pull out and sit up, dragging a hand through my hair, trying to piece together how I could have failed to realize Raelynn was still a virgin.

  She sits up and closes her legs shyly, resting her head on her knees.

  “I’m sorry.”

  She squeezes her eyes closed as if I’ve just somehow wounded her even more by apologizing. Then she groans in annoyance. “Please don’t. It’s not what you think. I wasn’t waiting for any particular reason. I wasn’t saving myself for some narrow-minded view of purity and virginity. I don’t have this ‘true love waits’ attachment to the concept of sex, okay? Honestly, it’s just life hasn’t given me a ton of time for romance and relationships.”

  “I understand. Believe me.”

  She gathers the courage to look up at me, keeping her chin resting on her knees. “Sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m just…I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it.”

  I reach out to stroke her cheek, and she leans into my touch like a cat hungry for affection.

  “I should have asked.”

  “I should have said something.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Her face falls. “Don’t apologize,” she says gently. “I don’t want you assuming you know how I feel. Everyone says the first time has to be this special thing with rose petals and candles, but maybe this is exactly what I wanted. Maybe this is better than all of that.”

  This is Raelynn wearing her heart on her sleeve. She sits in the back seat of my SUV naked with her blonde hair spilling down around her shoulders. Her blue eyes stare up at me, heavy and sad, and all I want to do is make her smile, make her feel as good as she felt a second ago.

  Maybe we should pause here for the night and pick this up another time, but she’s been so honest, so forthright with everything she wants, and my desire for her wins out. The need to lean over and kiss Raelynn wins, to accept her words at face value and give her what she’s asking for. She’s right, after all. I lost my virginity at fifteen on a couch while crappy daytime TV played in the background. It was awkward and clumsy and nothing like this. Miles away from how it feels to gently press Raelynn back down onto the back seat and kiss her slowly, to let my weight drop down onto her and feel our bodies press together again. I yank my shirt over my head, and it’s so sexy to feel her smooth skin on mine. Her breasts brush my chest and she arches up, chasing more of the sensation.

  I reach between our legs and reposition myself just right, then start to slide into her, telling her to warn me if it’s too much, too fast. She wraps her arms tightly around my neck and rocks against me, showing me how good it feels, how much she wants me to continue. I worry this is still wrong. I worry I’m taking something from her, but she relaxes her thighs and I settle deeper inside her, hold still, and look down at her until she nods. I start to pull out and press in, creating a slow, steady rhythm until I know she’s worked up and ready for more.

  There’s no fuss. No rose petals. No pre-planned playlist. It’s us in the back of that car with sweaty limbs and greedy mouths and a perfect fit. It’s Raelynn coming undone with a silent cry. Me kissing her cheek, tasting salty tears, wanting more from her even while we’re still here, in the thick of it. I try to make it last forever. I stave off stave off stave off, rock my hips, piston into her, listen to her sounds of pleasure until I lose the battle of wills and start to come, feeling her milk me dry, and then we heave a collective sigh as we collapse on the back seat. Changed.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Raelynn

  It’s a slow morning at Dale’s. Cook is in the back watching a taped football game, and I’m reading through a packet of Planetary and Space Science journal articles Professor Olmsted mailed to Sheriff Corbin’s house this week. I’m more than a little distracted though. Every time I try to refocus my attention on the article about functional analogues in planetary exploration, I fail and drift right back to thoughts of Ben.

  My mind has really done its best to try to morph last night into something big. I have to keep reminding myself that it didn’t change anything between us. I’m still in the same boat as before, and so is Ben. We just…had sex.

  God.

  Memories flash through my mind unbidden: his face settled between my parted legs, his body on top of mine, that sharp sting of pain, exquisite fullness, his gentle kisses on my cheeks.

  My face flushes all over again and I turn away from the few customers we have so they won’t notice. It’s silly, really. No one is in my head. No one knows what I did last night with Ben. Ben, the man who might seem normal when he’s around me, but who is, in fact, a freaking Olympic athlete, NBA superstar, celebrity, and gazillionaire.

  We lay there for a while afterward, in the back seat, catching our breaths, kissing and cuddling like two teenagers trying to delay their curfew. He held my hand as he drove me to my car, then he followed me home and walked me to the door of my trailer. We kissed more and it turned into something hot again. His body pressed me flush to the metal and I thought he’d come inside and we’d start everything all over again, but then he broke the kiss with a resigned laugh, stepped back, and smiled.

  I told him good night with a devious smile of my own, and that was that. His tall frame disappeared back into the SUV before he drove off. I didn’t even have the good sense to feel bereft as I walked inside, showered off Leanna’s makeup, and slipped into my old comfy pajamas.

  Only when I woke up this morning did I realize Ben and I still don’t have each other’s cell phone numbers. I forgot to ask for his last night, and now I’ve decided I want to keep it this way. This forced distance is a good reminder for me that in twelve days, he’s gone.

  Last night changed a lot of things, but it didn’t change that.

  The bell over the door dings and I turn around, hopeful, only to find Doyle and Mable walking in.

  “Morning, you two. Have a seat. I’ll bring over your coffee.”

  My cleaning job for the afternoon gets canceled, and though I’m disappointed to lose out on the money, I use the extra time to visit Nan. She’s awake when I walk into her room at the care home, watching Jeopardy on the TV across from her bed.

  She doesn’t look at me when I first walk in, her focus on the TV, though I get the sense she’s not really watching it. Her eyes are glassy and red-rimmed as I step farther inside and announce myself.

  “Nan? Can I come in?”

  Her gaze shifts to me, and she lifts her hand but doesn’t respond. I force myself to step inside, take a seat beside her bed, and talk as if the Nan I know is still listening. I take her outstretched hand in mine and squeeze.

  “I brought you some lunch from the diner. Cook packed up some of your favorite chicken and dumpling soup.”

  I unpack the food and set everything out on her bedside tray. I feed her small bites and fill her in on the last few days, showing her a picture on my phone that Leanna forced me to take last night when I was all dolled up. She makes quiet noises, almost sounds of acknowledgment, but nothing else. I retrieve my journal articles from my bag and get back to reading through most of the afternoon. Ben still plagues my thoughts though, and on a whim, I decide to tell Nan about him.