Caleb laughs maniacally, and the sound is so cute.

  Ben chuckles, and Shelby glares. “He feeds off of you. If you laugh, he’ll think he’s supposed to throw food.”

  Ben schools his face, trying to help the situation, but then Caleb starts wagging his finger the same way Shelby just was, and it’s no use—we all start laughing.

  After breakfast, I help Nina clear the table while Shelby takes Caleb inside to clean him up and change clothes since he was still wearing the outfit stained with coffee.

  “Breakfast was really good,” I tell Nina as we carry plates inside side by side.

  She smiles. “I’m always happy to make anything you need while you’re here. I’ll try to keep lunches and dinners stocked in the fridge so you can just heat them up when you’re hungry since I know you’re busy with school.”

  “Oh, I won’t…I mean, I’m not sure I’ll be here.”

  She rests her hand on my forearm. “Just if you’re here, hun,” she amends with a warm smile.

  “And thank you for these clothes, by the way. Ben mentioned you put in the order.”

  She waves her hand as if it’s no big deal just as Ben arrives in the kitchen with the last of the dishes and sets them on the counter for Nina.

  “I have to take a quick call with my manager,” he says, looking my way. “You’ll be okay?”

  “Of course. I’ll just help Nina.”

  He disappears down the hall, and I make sure the table outside is cleared and clean of any stray bits of egg. When I walk back inside, Caleb’s barreling into the kitchen dressed in a Spider-Man shirt and matching shorts. Shelby’s right behind him.

  “Okay, Nina, I’m going to take off. Thanks again for breakfast.” Then she glances over in my direction. “Raelynn, want to walk me out so we can talk for a second?”

  I glance quickly at Nina and she smiles, which gives me the courage to follow behind Ben’s ex-wife as we head down the main hall, back toward the front door.

  She walks beside me quietly until we’re out of earshot of the others, then she turns and smiles. I’m sure she can sense how nervous I am. I’m practically sweating.

  “Just so you know, I won’t make a habit of dropping in like this unannounced. It’s never been an issue before because Ben…well…he never has anyone over here.” She laughs.

  “I don’t mind,” I rush to say, holding out my hand. “I mean, you all are family, and with Caleb involved, it gets complicated.”

  She furrows her brows as she studies me as if trying to see something beneath the surface that I’m hiding. Surely she must realize I’m an open book. Everyone says I have the worst poker face on the planet.

  “Right. Yes. Obviously, Caleb comes first, but…” She looks down the hall, back to where Caleb is playing in the living room. “There comes a point when it’s not healthy for Ben to focus solely on his son. He’s been so wrapped up in him since he was born, and I understand why, I’m the same way…but still, I have Mike.”

  I nod, understanding.

  She looks back to me, and there’s a kindness in her eyes I wasn’t expecting to see. “I know you and Ben were seeing each other when I came to Texas to tell him about Caleb, and I know the timing of everything was really shitty and I’m sorry for that.”

  I can’t resist the urge to squeeze her hand. “Oh my god, no. Don’t apologize.”

  Her eyebrows furrow. “Honestly, I feel partly responsible for what he’s gone through this last year, and I mean, I am responsible. I cheated on Ben. I left him for Mike and I have to carry that with me for the rest of my life, but I’ve tried really hard to forgive myself for those mistakes and I’m at peace with it now, especially because I have Caleb.” She shakes her head. “Sorry…I know I’m rambling, I just wanted to let you know I’m on Ben’s side, which means I’m on your side too. I want the best for him, and if you’re the person he’s chosen, that means we all choose you.”

  I blanch, worried she has the wrong impression. First Nina, now Shelby. “I don’t know if he’s chosen me. I mean, we only just reconnected.”

  She smiles. “I saw the way you two were at breakfast.”

  I flush, thinking back. What did we do? Were we that obvious?

  I recall the way Ben kept his arm on the back of my chair as I spoke to Shelby, when he stood to refill my coffee and pressed a kiss to my hair. At one point, when Nina and Shelby were talking, Ben looked at me and smiled. I wrinkled my nose and he winked, taking my hand in his under the table. I thought we were being surreptitious about it all, but maybe I was only fooling myself into thinking that so we wouldn’t have to stop.

  “You two will figure it all out. I just wanted to take a second to let you know I’m not going to be the bitchy ex-wife you have to contend with if you want to be with Ben. I’d like to see him happy.”

  I nod, appreciating her words more than she knows.

  She heads to the door after a final parting smile, and then I stand there long after she’s gone, mulling over everything she just said.

  Am I not seeing what’s right in front of me? Or is everyone else insane? Ben and I have barely started dating again. We haven’t even worked out the kinks, and though it’s nice knowing everyone is rooting for us, it also feels like a lot of pressure. I try to push it all out of my mind as I head back into the living room. Caleb’s playing with a pile of trucks while Nina watches on, chopping vegetables in the kitchen. I go sit by him, keeping a healthy distance just in case he’s feeling shy, though I realize quickly I shouldn’t have bothered. The moment I sit down, Caleb picks up a shiny red firetruck and toddles over to hand it to me. I thank him for it then show him how to make a wee-eww wee-eww alarm sound. He copies me, smiling, and we stay down there for a while, playing and crawling around on the ground, zooming our trucks past each other until Ben finds us and asks me if I’d like to walk with them.

  The three of us spend the afternoon together at the park in his neighborhood, and it’s all so easy. Caleb warms up to me faster than I expected, especially when I play chase with him at the park. He squeals in delight as I run after him. Then he shouts, “Ray-yin run! Ray-yin run!” over and over when I stop to drink water and take a break.

  Ben takes pity on me and taps in for his turn at playing chase so I can catch my breath. I sit on the park bench and watch them, laughing. It’s hard to ignore that pang of what if as I watch Ben with his son. I can see glimpses of what could be if Ben and I stayed together, and a desperate longing starts to creep in. This life I want so desperately seems suddenly within reach.

  What would it be like to have a family like this? Someone to care for and miss?

  Since Nan’s passing, I’ve been on my own little lifeboat, adrift at sea, all by myself. I fill out forms at the doctor’s office and have no one to list as my emergency contact. I have no one to call with good news or bad news, no one to visit during the holidays. I’ve convinced myself it doesn’t bother me, but then why does it feel so good to walk back from the park with Caleb and have him hold up his chubby little hands, begging me to pick him up?

  I look to Ben for permission, and he nods encouragingly. We brought Caleb’s stroller, but I’m happy to carry him even when my arms start to strain under his weight. His legs dangle down by my hips and he sucks his thumb into his mouth, laying his head against my shoulder as we walk. I choke up and am glad Ben can’t see. It’s embarrassing to be so moved by so little.

  I know Caleb’s just a sweet boy who’d warm up to anybody who played with him as long as I did at the park, but I convince myself that I’m somehow special, that he likes me in particular, and it feels so good to revel in that fantasy.

  Back at Ben’s house, we head into the kitchen to wash our hands and get a snack. Nina is at the stove, and there’s another woman here now too. She looks about the same age as Nina with a white-blonde pixie cut, kind blue eyes, and deep laugh lines that appear when she gives us a big welcoming smile. Ben introduces her as Donna, Caleb’s nanny, which makes sense because as soon as the kid sees her, he wriggles out of my arms and runs over so he can bury his face in her side.

  Ben warns her that he’s a bit sweaty, but she doesn’t care one bit.

  She pats his back affectionately. “Hey there, Caleb. I heard you went to the park!”

  “Ray-yin,” he answers, pointing back at me, and the woman looks over, nodding in understanding.

  I give her a little wave, which she returns, then she looks back down at Caleb.

  “Ohhh, you went to the park with Daddy and his friend? Bet you had fun. Are you hungry for a little snack? We can’t eat too much, Ms. Nina is fixing dinner, but I’ll get something to tide you over.”

  “Apple! Apple!” Caleb begs.

  “Please,” the woman stresses.

  “Pwease!” Caleb repeats, replacing the l with a w and melting my heart for the hundredth time today.

  While she heads to the fridge to grab an apple, Ben catches my hand and tugs me back. “Come talk to me for a second in my study. Donna’s got Caleb.”

  I follow after him, slightly concerned about how serious he sounds all of a sudden. All day, he’s been so focused on Caleb. We both have, but now that we’re heading down a hallway alone, I’m reminded of last night, and it makes me curious to know what he wants to talk about.

  Once we’re in his study, he closes the door behind us and turns to face me.

  “I head out of town tomorrow for a few days.”

  I nod. “Right. Yes, I knew that.”

  “And we haven’t discussed it, but maybe you’ll stay here again tonight and head back to your place in the morning?”

  I flush, thinking of spending another night in Ben’s bed. “Yes. I mean, I don’t have a concrete plan in place. I need to look up the bus routes.”

  “Bus routes?” he asks, genuinely perplexed.

  I smile. “You know, buses are those huge long cars you see driving on the road sometimes? Us poor folk like to take them so we don’t have to walk.”

  He shakes his head. “I can’t have you on a bus. In fact, I’m not even convinced you should go back to your place.”

  I laugh because what he’s hinting at is absolutely preposterous.

  “I have to go back. I have a life, Ben.”

  “You could continue your life from here.”

  I back up, eyes wide, mouth agape. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

  “Don’t look so shocked.”

  “Ben! What in the world are you thinking? We’ve been dating for less than a day! You can’t ask me to move in with you! Absolutely not.”

  “Fine. Then we’ll discuss security options and you’ll borrow one of my cars for the time being.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “It doesn’t work like that. I can’t just borrow your car. Caltech has horrible parking, and you have to pay insane fees to nab a spot.”

  “So then you’ll need a driver.”

  At this point, I think he’s completely lost his mind.

  “Ben, no car, no driver. I’m a big girl. I know how to get around. I’ll be just fine.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Raelynn

  I’m not fine. Not by a long shot.

  My plan starts going downhill on Sunday morning. Not right away though. The beginning of my day is wonderful. Waking up next to Ben a second day in a row is nothing short of fan-freaking-tastic. We slept wrapped around one another, touching anywhere we could. His scent clings to me and his hand rubs back and forth across my lower back, just beneath the hem of my shirt, teasing me awake. I smile, but I keep my eyes closed, forcing him to kiss me and draw me out of bed with the promise of coffee and breakfast. I mean, twist my arm, why don’t you?

  I even get a little more time with Caleb, and I take full advantage, sitting close to him and helping him eat. When I share a bite of my toast with him and he tries to say “Thank you” in his little toddler voice, I can barely suppress the urge to squeeze him in a tight hug.

  After breakfast, Donna takes Caleb on a walk, and I help Nina with the dishes even after she tries to shoo me away. When I’m done, it’s time for Ben to leave for the airport, so I gather my things in his room while he watches on. I don’t know why I feel anxious. I suppose I’ve come to appreciate how nice it feels to be in Ben’s home, how at peace I feel here. I’m not in a rush to complicate our relationship, but there’s no way to escape it. I have to go back to the real world at some point.

  “Leave some clothes here,” he says, referring to the things Nina ordered for me. “So you’ll be more comfortable next time. There’s a whole empty closet in there.”

  He points to his bathroom and I shrug as if to say, Why not? But truly, I’m so relieved by his suggestion.

  Ben knows I need to go back to my house at Caltech even though he’s advised against it. If he had it his way, I’d ride with him to the airport then have his driver drop me at Caltech after. I counter with a better plan: his driver can drop me off at the bus stop right outside of Ben’s neighborhood. To me, it’s a good compromise. His driver will shorten my commute by twenty minutes, and I’ll still get to exert some sense of freedom and normalcy.

  Ben hates this plan and lets that be known as he leads me out of the house and into the back seat of his SUV. Up front, a security guard sits beside Ben’s driver. The guard turns back to nod at me while Ben finishes explaining why it’s better if I just let his driver take me all the way home.

  “Nikko agrees.”

  “Sure do,” his security guard says with a big smile.

  “You pay him—of course he agrees with you.”

  We start to drive away from the house and Nikko turns to speak into a radio, reporting on where we’re headed to someone on the other end.

  “Let me see your phone for a minute,” Ben says.

  I hand it over without a second thought and watch as he programs in his number. He looks up at me pointedly, as if waiting for me to argue. I smile and shake my head, letting him know he won’t hear a peep out of me on the subject. Not this time around.

  While he has it, he also quickly changes his settings so I have access to his iCloud calendar. Then he shows me how to view it on my end.

  “I think it’ll be easier for you to stay up to date with where I’m traveling and when I have games.”

  I nod, grateful that he thought of it, that way I know what to expect a bit more.

  “Just so you know, the next month will be kind of intense for me,” I admit sheepishly. “The spring semester ends in early May, so for the next five weeks, I’ll be wrapping up projects, finishing papers, studying for final exams. I also TA for a class…so it can be a lot, especially toward the end of April.”

  He nods, mulling it over. “I’ll be in the same boat until the NBA season wraps up in May.”

  My stomach drops, and he must sense it because he takes my hand as he continues, “My schedule will be intense until then. I’ll play a game every two to three days either in LA or on the road. If the season continues like it is, we’ll play in the finals as well.”

  It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by this news. I mean, what time does that leave for us? When will I see him next?

  “Now you see why I asked you to move in,” he says with a sad smile as he squeezes my hand.

  I swallow past the emotion tightening my throat.

  Moving in.

  No.

  It’s too soon. Far too soon.

  We’ll just have to make do with what we have.

  We come to a stop as we wait for the neighborhood gates to slowly swing open. I lament the fact that it’s already time for me to leave Ben. The drive was too short. In a moment, I’ll get out to wait at my bus stop, and Ben will continue on to the airport. I won’t see him for a few days, if then.

  I take my phone back from him and stuff it into my bag, prepared to unbuckle my seat belt when I hear Ben curse under his breath. I look up and follow his gaze to see the two photographers parked on the side of the road, right near the stop, their cameras aimed straight at us.

  I flinch in shock.

  “The windows are tinted,” Ben assures me, but I still duck slightly in my seat, overwhelmed by the sudden urge to hide from them. Have they been sitting here for two days? Lurking and hoping we’d show? Or are they always here, waiting for Ben?

  “Duncan has also reported a paparazzi helicopter circling overhead. I don’t feel comfortable letting you out here, ma’am,” Nikko tells me, turning around with an apologetic expression. “Unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

  “It’s not,” Ben answers quickly on my behalf before turning to me. “Do you have time to ride with me to the airport first, or should I take you back so Duncan can drive you straight to campus?”

  I shake my head, suddenly embarrassed for causing a problem. “Whatever’s easier. I don’t mind dropping you off.”

  He nods to Nikko, confirming he heard the information, and then Nikko’s radioing someone else, relaying the plan so everyone’s on the same page.

  I stare out the window, watching the photographers hurriedly snap photos as we drive out of the neighborhood. I wince with every flash.

  “It’s not something anyone should have to deal with,” Ben says, and his tone momentarily distracts me from the scene outside. When I refocus my attention on him, I’m surprised to see how angry he is. Tense shoulders, tight fist, furrowed brow. The tension radiating off him warns me to keep my distance, but I ignore it and lean closer, trying to get him to look at me.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t understand before. I’m sorry I fought you about the driver.”

  His brown eyes flit to me, and I see the storm brewing in them.

  “Don’t you dare apologize. This is my problem, and I’m dumping it on you.”

  I rear back at his harsh tone, and he closes his eyes and exhales forcefully, rubbing his forehead back and forth above his eyebrows as if trying to dispel some of the frustration there.

  When he looks at me again, his expression has gentled. “I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just uncomfortable with this situation, and I wish I weren’t about to leave town. I’d rather you didn’t have to fend for yourself right now.”