My heart races as anger burns through my veins, singeing me from the inside out as my stomach somersaults, making me hold back a gag. He walks around the side of his car, his gaze lifting to mine, and the second our eyes connect, the oxygen is sucked out of the car. Tension builds, and I feel my whole body vibrating with uncontrollable rage.

  As Channing holds my stare, I clench my jaw so fucking tight, my teeth could shatter. A smirk kicks up the corner of his lips, looking at me like I’m a pathetic piece of shit who’s at his complete mercy, and he’s fucking right. That’s exactly what I am.

  Those photographs … they’re something I thought I’d never see again, never have to be reminded of the horrendous things I did that night. It’s my darkest secret, my greatest regret, and every day that passes, I feel it creeping up on me, constricting my chest, making it impossible to breathe.

  “Tanner?” Bri questions, her voice filled with concern, but I tune her out, unable to look away from Channing as he finally drops his gaze and turns his back. He walks toward his front door, but I watch every fucking step, my whole body beginning to close down.

  I’m out of time. My world is imploding, and I don’t know how to make it stop.

  “TANNER?” Bri demands, grabbing my shoulder and pushing it back against the seat, forcing me to look at her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  I shake my head and reach for the door handle. “It’s nothing, don’t worry.”

  “No,” she snaps, grabbing my arm and yanking me back. “Fucking talk already. I’m done with this bullshit. I know something is going on, something you’re refusing to tell me, and every time I ask, you shrug it off like it doesn’t matter. I see what it’s doing to you. What does he have on you that could be so bad? Why won’t you just talk to me? I’ve tried to give you space. I knew something was going on after the wedding, then we were going to talk at the track, and again when I got out of the hospital, but you’ve been avoiding it. I’ve been trying to give you space, hoping you would come to me when you were ready, but it’s been weeks, Tanner. Weeks.”

  Guilt tears at my chest, and I can’t even meet her eye, the shame overwhelming me like never before. “I’m sorry, Bri,” I tell her, my hands shaking in my lap. “I can’t … I can’t tell you. I thought I could, and I want to. I don’t want to keep things from you, but what I did … you’ll never look at me the same again.”

  Bri reaches for me, but I pull out of her reach and her shoulders sag with defeat. “Tanner,” she whispers, balling her hands into fists to keep from trying again. “You lean, I lean, remember? I thought we were in this together. You put Colby in a fucking coma, and I didn’t walk away. I thought we were stronger than that.”

  “We are,” I say, finally looking up and meeting her broken stare. “You’re my whole fucking world, but what I did … what happened … that’s bigger than us.”

  Brielle reaches for me again, but this time, she doesn’t let me pull away. She holds my hand tight, pulling it into her lap. “Tanner, talk to me. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.”

  “Can’t you see how fucking sick this makes me? You don’t understand, you’re not hearing me,” I tell her. “You will never look at me the same again. You will never love me as you do now. Everything is going to change. You’ll walk away from me, and I won’t even blame you.”

  Bri shakes her head, her eyes filling with tears. “No,” she whispers, swallowing hard before climbing across the front seat and straddling my lap. She takes my face in both her hands, forcing her stare on mine. “That’s not possible, Tanner. The way I love you … this is forever. In the courthouse, when you asked me not to walk away if you ended Colby’s life, I promised you that I’d never walk away, and I fully intend to stand by that.”

  My gaze drops as my world closes in on me, leaving no way out. I reach up and curl my hand around the back of her neck, and she drops her forehead to mine. “The way I see it,” she whispers, “is that this is haunting you right to your core. Whatever you did, it will destroy you if you don’t learn how to move forward. The only way to do that is to lay it all out in front of you and deal with it.” She pauses, her words weighing on both of us. “Talk to me, Tanner. I want to be here for you. I want to help you through … whatever this is, but I can’t do that if I don’t know what’s going on, and we can’t learn how to move past it until that happens.”

  I meet her eyes again, and the unbreakable trust staring back is killing me. “Swear to me, Killer. Swear you won’t write me off. I’ll give you the time you need to come to terms with it, but swear that when you’re ready, you’ll come and talk to me, give me a chance to earn your trust,” I beg of her. “I don’t want to do life without you.”

  Brielle leans in, her lips gently brushing over mine. “I swear,” she whispers. “I lean, you lean.”

  My heart breaks knowing what I have to tell her will destroy everything we’ve built. I just hope we’re strong enough to come back from this.

  Silence fills the car as I cling to her, not knowing the next time I’ll be able to hold her. A minute passes before I find the courage to say the words I’d locked away a long time ago. “After the courthouse, when I was locked up,” I start, “I think I told you that Channing came to see me?”

  Bri nods slowly, her eyes locked and loaded on mine like a fucking missile ready to strike.

  Letting out a breath, I continue before I convince myself to bitch out and bail. “Channing wasn’t there just to threaten me with assault charges. He wanted to permanently gain my obedience by blackmailing me with photographs from my past.”

  “What kind of photographs?” she questions, her tone wary and uncertain.

  “They were still shots from a security feed,” I explain, having to look away, unable to meet her blue gaze as the horrendous shame fills every part of my body. “When I was fourteen, I was involved with some guys from Hope Falls. They were older, maybe eighteen or nineteen, and saw me as the little rich kid they could exploit. They—”

  “The Hardin brothers?” she questions, taking a guess as she cuts me off. I nod and she pulls back just a bit, her hands pulling into her stomach to put space between us, clearly knowing who these assholes are. “They’re part of the reason crime was so bad in Hope Falls. People were terrified of them. They would torment everyone.”

  I nod, my stare locked on her hands. “I was a punk kid. My dad was away, and I guess I was acting out to get his attention. Hell, the Hardin brothers were the people who first introduced me to Colby. Though, back then, he was nothing but a stupid kid too.”

  “What happened?”

  “They said we were going out to have fun, put some hairs on my fucking chest. I figured it was a party or some shit like that, but when we got there, the house was dark. No lights were on, no music, and there weren’t any people around. I knew something was going on, but I had no clue. They promised me a good night, so I blindly followed them.”

  “Tanner,” she breathes, heartache strong in her voice.

  “We broke into the house, which is when they pulled their guns and started ransacking the place. I just stood in the doorway dumbfounded until one of them shoved a bag into my hand and told me to start picking up shit, anything that looked expensive, and I fucking did it. I thought we’d just get what they wanted and leave, but then I heard a woman screaming, and the next thing I know, one of the brothers was dragging her out of her room by her hair. He threw her down in the kitchen and held a gun to her head while the other two were trashing her home.

  “She was weeping the whole time, trying to keep as quiet as possible, but she was fucking terrified. Then out of nowhere, this kid, maybe nine or ten, only a few years younger than I was, screamed for his mom and came running from his room with a baseball bat. All he wanted to do was protect his mother, but the brothers weren’t having it. It happened so fucking fast. One second he was there, the next—BANG.”

  I shake my head, needing to take a breath as the images rush through my mind, the blood splatter across the room, the mother’s horrified screams, the broken sobbing.

  “The bullet went straight through his skull, killing him instantly. I’ll never forget it. I see it every time I close my eyes. The blood … It was the first time I’d seen anything like it, and I just froze, watching as the mother reached out to hold his hand. She just sobbed. She was so numb, she barely even fought him off when he tore her night dress up and raped her.”

  Brielle gasps, and I drop my head, so fucking ashamed of everything I was involved in that night. “The second they heard the sirens, they got out of there, but I took off on foot before then. I didn’t want anything to do with them.”

  “Did you report it?” Bri whispers, her voice broken and almost sounding like a plea, hoping for at least some good news to come out of this story, but she won’t find any here.

  I shake my head. “I ran all the way back to Bradford, but the brothers were already here waiting for me. They warned me to keep my mouth shut, otherwise, my family would be next, and I fucking believed them. Then instead of just fucking off, they beat the shit out of me and left me for dead in the gutter. I called Riley and stayed at his place for a few weeks, making up some bullshit story about going away with his family. I couldn’t let my mom know what happened. It’d break her. It fucking broke me.”

  Bri leans even further back, looking at me as though I’m some kind of stranger, and the heartbreak in her eyes kills me. “That was the last of it. The case went cold, and the Hardin brothers walked free, just like Colby did. I never uttered a word until now.”

  “And Orlando has images of you in that house, being involved in … the cold-blooded murder of a child and the rape of his grieving mother?”

  I nod, sick to my fucking stomach as Bri tries to keep her hands from shaking. A tear falls from her gorgeous blue eye, trailing down her cheek and dropping to her collar. I try to reach up and wipe it away, but she flinches from my touch, fear brimming in her eyes.

  “Do you hate me?” I ask in a small voice.

  She just gives me a blank stare, still trying to process everything I told her, but I see it there just as I knew I would. Things will never be the same. How could it? I was involved in a home invasion where a child was murdered, and his mother was raped as she clung to his lifeless hand.

  I truly am a monster. No better than Colby Jacobs.

  Brielle deserves better. So much better. Hell, I should have fucking told her why Channing is blackmailing me with the photographs. I know she’s probably going to think it has something to do with guaranteeing my silence when it comes to fighting for Addison, but in reality, it’s much more sinister than that.

  Without a word, she reaches for the door, pulls the lever, and pushes it wide before climbing off my lap. I watch as she stands at my open door, her face marred with pain. “I, umm … I just need a few days. You know, to process.”

  I nod, and with that, she walks back to Channing’s home, opens the door, and slips inside.

  Chapter 11

  BRIELLE

  The afternoon sun beams down over Bradford as I lay out by the pool with my textbooks surrounding me and my wobbling laptop balanced on my knees. I have so much schoolwork to catch up on, but concentrating over the past few days has been harder than I ever thought possible.

  The past few days … they’ve sucked. There’s no other way to put it. I haven’t spoken to Tanner, needing the time to wrap my head around the horrendous things he was involved in as a kid. Fuck, does being a kid even count? He was fourteen. That was only four years ago. Sure, he was an adolescent teen, and I could see the regret and shame he’s been living with, but the fact he still hasn’t reported it … He still hasn’t done what he can to make this right.

  I have questions. A lot of fucking questions.

  A child was murdered, an innocent life ended, and as his mother sobbed in grief, she was raped by one of the Hardin brothers, men who are widely known in Hope Falls for the way they terrorize the community. The second Tanner finished explaining what happened, I ran up to my room and threw up. The fact that I’d walked back into Orlando’s home didn’t mean anything in comparison.

  Tanner walked into that house willingly, but the second he did, he became a victim of their crimes, and while I know deep down he was innocent in this, I’m still struggling to wrap my head around it.

  After Damien left for boot camp, Mom and I had to be even more cautious while we were home alone, and the Hardin brothers were the very reason. They made a mockery of Hope Falls, the streets being their own personal playground, the residents their toys to fuck with. Just knowing Tanner had anything to do with them haunts me. Surely he couldn’t have been stupid enough to trust them.

  Tanner was forced to be a pawn in their games. He was just doing what he was told out of fear, and the moment he truly understood what was happening and got the chance, he ran as far as he could. And yet he was still beaten by the brothers, just for knowing what went down. I’m struggling to figure out if he’s an innocent party in all of this or if I need to hold him accountable, but every time I think about it, my stomach twists with nausea and my world starts to crumble.

  I don’t want to lose him. I gave him my word I wouldn’t walk away, and I don’t want to, but how the hell are we supposed to work past this? He warned me it was bad, and yet I still trusted that everything was going to be okay. I know his heart, know the man he is today, and the regret he holds for what happened that night has been slowly killing him.

  Tanner Morgan is a good man, and I believe that with every fiber of my being.

  It’s been three days since we sat in his Mustang, and he broke himself just to let me in, but I haven’t spoken a word to him since. It’s been weird between us. He’s given me the space I needed while at school, but every day, I see his resolve beginning to fail. He needs to know where we stand, but I don’t have the answers he’s looking for. At least … not yet.

  Shrill laughter comes from the house just moments before the back doors swing open. Arizona, Chanel, and Ilaria come waltzing outside, more than happy to have let themselves in. The moment they see the spread of books before me, they each shake their head. “Oh, hell no, Marjorie,” Arizona says, stepping up beside me and pushing the laptop closed. “You’ve been buried in books for days. It’s time you remember you’re only young once and enjoy yourself. Besides, I didn’t come all the way here to be your study buddy.”

  “Damn straight,” Chanel says, dropping down on the sun lounger beside me and reaching for one of my books. “Eww, advanced math. What the hell is wrong with you? We only have a few hours of sunshine left to soak up. You can study after dinner.”

  “But—”

  “But what?” Ilaria says, a cocky smirk across her face. “Don’t act like we haven’t noticed you’ve been avoiding Tanner like the plague. You’re living in the sugar daddy’s house despite not having made up with your mom yet, which can only mean Tanner accidentally called you another girl’s name while banging.”

  I roll my eyes. “He did not.”

  “Well, whatever it is, you guys will figure it out,” Ilaria adds. “But the point I’m getting at is, in those wee hours after dinner, I don’t think you’ll be busy practicing baby-making with your boyfriend, so you’ll have plenty of time to study then. Right now, you’re chilling with us because we miss your bitch ass.”

  “I literally just saw you at school,” I remind them, watching as Arizona strips off her tank and shorts before bombing into the pool, splashing Chanel and making her squeal.

  She flies up off the sun lounger beside me, water dripping from her body, and immediately starts ripping into Ari while Ilaria sees her chance and swoops into Chanel’s vacated seat. “That’s more like it,” Ilaria says, tearing off her tank and leaning back to sunbathe in her black string bikini.

  Realizing I have absolutely no say in the matter, I collect all my books before Arizona decides to drown them in the pool and slink away to the kitchen. I dump my work on the island table before rummaging through the fridge. After grabbing the lemonade and fruit juice, I reach up to the higher cabinets and grab the bottle of vodka. If we’re doing a pool day, then we’re doing it right.

  Balancing everything—plus cocktail glasses and fancy straws—I make my way back out to the pool and Chanel hurries to help me before I accidentally trip and ruin it for everyone. We get busy mixing drinks, and I hand one to Ari as she stands at the pool’s edge. “Here you go, Mag.”

  She winks as she takes the drink from me, her tongue poking out to try and catch the straw as it circles the rim of the glass. “Thanks, Marge,” she says, her tone full of laughter. “Kinda has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? Mag and Marge.”

  I drop down beside Ilaria as she scrolls through her socials, already sipping on her drink. “Please,” she scoffs. “Mag and Marge? Those names make you sound like the knock-off version of Kath and Kim in your matching tracksuits, muttering under your breath about the punk kids running amuck in the streets because, back in your day, the children were disciplined and knew that when the streetlights came on, it was time to head home.”

  Arizona holds her glass up toward Ilaria. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Illy. If you wanted a cool name, all you had to do was say so,” she says. “But unfortunately for you, that ship has sailed and all you’re left with are the rejected names.”

  “Dare I ask what they are?” Ilaria says, rolling her eyes as Chanel drops down beside the pool, playing on her phone as her feet dangle in the cool water.

  Ari grins and I can only imagine what’s about to come spurting out of her mouth. “Your choices are Whack-A-Mole, Cuntasaurus, or Pussy Juice. Take your pick.”

  Ilaria thinks hard and long about it, her lips pressing into a firm line. “If I go with Pussy Juice, can I be PJ for short?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Ilaria grins wide. “PJ it is then.”

  A laugh bursts from between my lips. “Cheers to that.”