“Addie,” I say, not approving of her shrug-it-off attitude.

  “What?” she says. “I’m fine. It’s barely a scratch.”

  “You and I both know it’s not just a scratch, just like me nearly not being able to shit isn’t just a scratch. It’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to acknowledge that he hurt you. He hurt me too.”

  Addie lets out a heavy sigh and glances toward the door, gripping my hand like it’s her only lifeline. “Does it make me a bad person for hoping he dies?”

  I shake my head. “If it does, then that makes me a bad person too.”

  Chapter 5

  TANNER

  Pushing through the door of Jax’s room, I come to a stop, finding it completely empty, bed and all. “What the fuck?” I mutter, stepping back out and double-checking the numbers on the door.

  I’m definitely in the right room, so where the fuck is he, and why is his whole-ass bed missing?

  Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I check that I haven’t missed any updates from Logan and start to panic that he’s been taken into surgery again. If that were the case, Logan would have said something, and he’d be in this room right now, pacing like crazy.

  Moving back out into the corridor, I unlock the screen and click on Logan’s name. As it rings, I make my way to the nurses’ station, ready to hit them with a million and one questions about the whereabouts of my cousin, but when I get there, the desk is empty.

  The phone rings in my ear, and as I wait impatiently for Logan to accept my call, I let out an exhausted huff. It’s barely been eighteen hours since Colby’s attack, and despite my mother’s objections, I haven’t had a wink of sleep. I know everybody is safe and healing, but it does nothing to stop the fear from rattling through my empty chest. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Addison hanging limp in Hudson’s arms or Brielle falling onto the grass, begging me not to let her die. And then there’s Jax, my cousin and one of my best friends since the day he was born. I’ll never be able to forget the image of Logan hovering over him, his hands pressed to his twin brother’s torso as blood escaped between his fingers. I can still hear the agony in his voice as he screamed for his brother to make it.

  Colby deserved so much worse than what he got.

  A moral part of me is relieved I didn’t kill the asshole, but the part of me that so fiercely loves my sister, Jax, and Bri, desperately wishes I’d finished the job.

  Logan accepts my call. “Yo, what’s up?” he groans into the phone.

  “Were you sleeping?”

  “Trying to.”

  “Shit. Sorry, man,” I mutter, scanning up and down the hallways, positive Jax probably slipped into some girl’s room and is trying to get laid, even while on his deathbed.

  “It’s fine. What’s up?”

  “Do you know where your bro—” I cut myself off, seeing a familiar bare ass hurrying down the corridor, pushing his bed and trying to navigate around the obstacles lining the hall. Letting out a sigh, I shake my head, unable to grin at his ridiculous performance. “Don’t worry. Found him.”

  “Found him?” Logan questions. “What do you mean, found him? Where the fuck did he go, and why is he not in his room?”

  “Good fucking question,” I mutter, following Jax down the hall, my curiosity piqued. “I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

  Logan sighs, knowing his brother all too well. “Yeah, alright. Just don’t let him do anything stupid. He only woke up from surgery six hours ago. Knowing him, the idiot will bust open his stitches and end up with a fatal infection. Besides, Dad’s flight will be here soon, and that’s exactly the type of shit Jax would pull when he’s there. Fucking idiot,” Logan continues, almost as if talking to himself now. “Always pulling fucked-up stunts at the worst possible times. It’s shit like this that’ll get my Camaro confiscated.”

  I laugh, watching as Jax pauses at the corner, peering around it to make sure the coast is clear before forging ahead. The way he sidesteps gives me a clear view of his dick and balls hanging between his legs through the back of his open hospital gown.

  Logan is right. He really is a fucking idiot.

  “Fucking hell, man. You planning on coming down here with your dad?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Bring the fucker a pair of boxers why don’t you?”

  “Ahhh, fucking hell,” Logan mutters. “Don’t tell me he’s swinging his dick around for that hot nurse again? He already asked her for a sponge bath.”

  “Why am I not fucking surprised?” I say, rolling my eyes. “I’ll let you know what’s going on when I figure this shit out.”

  “Alright, man,” Logan says before ending the call, hopefully to have a few more hours of sleep before coming back here again.

  Concentrating on the mystery before me, I follow Jax around the corner, wishing I could look away from the train wreck before me, but I just can’t. It’s like I’ve been hypnotized by his swinging dick. Left. Right. Left. Right.

  When will this torture end?

  By the time he gets around the next two corners, I know exactly where he’s going. When he darts in front of his bed to open Brielle’s door, I almost step in, but my curiosity wins out, and I sit back to watch the show.

  He’s clearly taken one too many hits on the field because he doesn’t think to open both doors, just tries to ram his bed through the tight gap like he’s going in raw with no preparation, a lesson I figured Jax would have learned a long time ago. The side of his bed catches on the door, but despite all the noise he’s making, not a single nurse has come to check what the hell is going on.

  Figuring I better help him before he gets us all thrown out of the hospital, I stride over while shaking my head. “The fuck are you doing?” I mutter, walking around him and the bed to unlock the second door.

  “Oh, hey man. How long have you been there?”

  “Long enough to watch your dick swing from left to right the whole way down four separate corridors. I mean, fuck. You know your hospital gown is open at the back, right? I can see your whole ass and junk right through your legs.”

  “No fucking way,” Jax laughs, moving through the open door only to spin around and show my girl exactly what he’s working with. “Yo, Bri, can you really see my ass back here?”

  “Awwww fuck, Jax,” Bri groans in disgust. “I can see a shitload more than just your ass. Cover yourself up or get back in your bed. I don’t want to see that.”

  “I second that,” another voice says, making my brows furrow in confusion.

  “What the fuck?” I mutter, pushing right through the door and squeezing past Jax to find Addison kicked back and chilling in her bed that’s been squished up next to Bri’s. “What are you doing in here?” I question, scanning over her quickly to double-check she’s doing alright.

  “Ummm, well …” she starts. “I kinda came for a little stroll down here earlier, you know, for the sole purpose of bitching out Orlando fucking Channing, which has obviously been the highlight of my year by the way. And when the nurses told me to go back to my room, I kinda put up a fight until they realized it was just easier for us to room together.”

  “And Jax?” I question, shaking my head, kinda wanting to know more about this bitching out Orlando thing.

  Bri shrugs her shoulders. “Jax is Jax,” she explains. “We Facetimed him to check in, and when he realized we were rooming together, he got a little jealous.”

  “Hey,” Jax grunts, trying to navigate his bed around Bri’s to get it in the corner, only to keep getting it stuck on the edge, “I’m a real fucking man. I don’t get jealous.”

  “Uh-huh,” I say, going to help the idiot before he really ends up in surgery again. “Get out of the way before you break something, and while you’re at it, close your fucking gown.”

  “What’s the matter?” he quips. “Afraid your girl is gonna like it?”

  Bri scoffs. “Don’t get me wrong, you have a cute ass. It’s nice and … squishy, but Tanner’s ass. Fuck, I could just sink my teeth into that one.”

  “Ummm, hello,” Addison says, all but waving her hands to get our attention. “Do you guys not even see me here? This is not a conversation I want to be involved in. First off, whorebag,” she says to Bri, “if we’re rooming together, then any of my brother’s body parts and what you want to do to them are a no-go zone. You hear me? I will bitch slap your ass into next week, and I won’t even feel bad about it. And as for you, Jaxon Morgan,” she says, turning her gaze on our cousin, “if you can’t keep your goddamn gown closed, I’m going to make you a pair of pants out of your own goddamn skin.”

  Jax grins back at her. “I’d like to see you try,” he says before narrowing his gaze on my girl and making his way toward his bed. “And for the record, my ass is not squishy. It’s delightful. It’s perfectly plump, like a nice juicy peach.”

  Jax walks the few steps to his bed, his exhaustion quickly closing in, and the moment his face is hidden from the girls, he drops the mask and I see just how much pain he’s really in. It fucking kills me. He’s never been one to let on how much pain he’s in, even as a kid when he broke his leg. He was always smiling, always making jokes to ease everyone else’s concerns, but he can’t fool me. I won’t stand for it.

  “Get your ass in bed,” I tell him, keeping my voice low and walking around to him, ready to help him up, though I doubt he’ll let me. “You’re moving too much. You’re going to pop your stitches.”

  He leans against the edge of the bed, but as the door opens and he twists to see who it is, he doubles over in pain, mooning every last one of us. “Holy fuck,” Riley says from the door, getting an eye full of not just Jax’s asshole, but his junk too. “I wish someone would have warned me this was a full moon party. I would have come better prepared.”

  Hudson follows him in, and I’m not surprised to see Ilaria striding in a moment later. Ilaria goes straight to the girls as Hudson slinks across the room to check on Jax. But not Riley. That asshole has other plans.

  He bypasses the chairs for visitors and heads straight for Bri’s bed, making himself comfortable right beside her. “So, speaking of full moon parties,” he says, hooking his arm over her shoulders and leaning back. “Given any extra thought to me popping that ass cherry?”

  Bri stares up at him with complete adoration. At least, that’s what it’ll look like to him. To me, it’s the face she gives me right before she’s about to fuck with my day. “Actually, I have,” she tells him, making his whole body tense beside her, unease flashing in his usually bright eyes. “And I think you’re right. We should just do it and get it over with. Otherwise, this desperate need I’ve had for you since the moment we met is never going to go away. Just one reckless, passionate night is all I need.”

  Riley’s arm pulls back off her shoulder and he scoots just a fraction away, his gaze awkwardly swinging to me before landing back on Bri, her big, wide eyes staring up at him as though she’s terrified he will break her heart. “Babe, I … I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, I … I’ve just been messing around to get under Tanner’s skin. I wasn’t intentionally leading you on. I … I thought you knew that.”

  Bri’s face falls and for a second, the heartache in her eyes kills me. I’d give everything I have to never have her look at me like that. “What … what do you mean?” she questions, reaching out and taking his hand in hers. “I thought you wanted this. All the comments and secret glances. Don’t tell me this isn’t real. Can’t you feel this pull between us?”

  “I’m sorry, Bri. I don’t,” he says, pulling his hand from hers before pulling himself off the side of her bed and turning toward me, looking as though he’s about ready to receive the biggest ass-whooping of all time. His hands go up, more than ready to start groveling. “Hey, man. I didn’t—”

  Riley cuts himself off as a wide grin cuts across my face, and as if on cue, Bri breaks out into a loud, booming laugh that has her clutching her stomach in agony.

  “Wait,” Riley says, looking back at Bri. “You’re fucking with me?”

  “How could you not tell? I’m a terrible actress.”

  Ilaria scoffs as she shoves Riley out of her way to take his space beside Bri on her bed. “Are you kidding?” she says, rolling her eyes. “Riley’s ego is so big, he wouldn’t even think to question someone confessing their need for his cock. Why do you think I work so hard at trying to knock his ego down a few pegs? It’s not for my own pleasure, it’s for the greater good.”

  The girls have barely finished laughing at Riley’s expense when Chanel and Logan walk in with the twins’ dad in tow. He takes one look around the room, and after eighteen years of dealing with the boys’ bullshit, he thankfully doesn’t bother asking what the fuck is going on. Instead, just walks over to Jax’s bedside to drill him about his surgery and what’s to come next. Despite how much he genuinely loves his sons, we all know he’ll be back on a plane come morning, leaving the boys to figure it out themselves.

  The girls talk among themselves, and when Jax’s doctor strolls past the open door, he glances in and shakes his head, as though the few hours treating him is already enough to know he shouldn’t have been surprised by this shit. He comes in and decides it’s probably best to speak with Jax’s father out in the hallway. The moment he’s gone, Jax’s head snaps toward the girls, a strange hesitation in his eyes. “Where’s Ari?” he questions, making Bri press her lips into a hard line.

  “She said she had something to do today,” Bri lies, averting her gaze.

  Jax’s stare falls into his lap. “In other words, she didn’t want to see me.”

  “No,” Bri cuts in to save him from the heartbreak. “That’s not it at all.”

  Chanel scoffs. “That’s totally it.”

  Bri glares at her friend. “Really? The guy just got stabbed and nearly bled out. You couldn’t just break it to him softly?”

  “It’s Jax,” Chanel throws back at her. “He doesn’t take anything softly. Hell, I don’t think he even understands what softly means. He’s a literal guy. You have to give it to him straight or don’t give it to him at all.”

  I can’t fault Chanel, she’s right. Jax doesn’t play games … Well, technically, he plays a lot of games. He loves that shit, but when it comes to something as serious as this, he needs the cold, hard truth. Tiptoeing around it isn’t going to help anybody.

  “You think she’ll come around eventually?” Jax questions.

  Chanel shakes her head. “Not unless getting stabbed has made you see the errors of your ways, and now you’re ready to pull your finger out of your ass and truly be with her. She’s done being nothing but a hook-up to you, and every time you treat her like one, you’re breaking her just a little bit more.”

  “That’s not fair,” Jax says. “She’s one of my best friends. She knows she means more to me than that.”

  Chanel shrugs her shoulders as I make my way to Bri’s side, indicating for Ilaria to get out of my spot. “I don’t know what to tell you,” Chanel says. “She’s hurting and needs time to heal before facing you again.”

  Jax sighs, and Logan takes pity on the guy and goes to sit by his side as I move to pull Bri against me carefully. “You okay?” I ask, hating seeing her stuck in this bed. Though from what I can see, having Addison and Jax rooming with her seems to be helping them all.

  “I should be asking you the same thing,” she says. “Did you sleep?”

  I scoff and she rolls her eyes, putting an end to that topic, each of us knowing exactly what’s going through each other’s heads. She lets out a frustrated sigh and pulls back to better meet my eye. “Have you heard anything more about Colby?”

  I shake my head, seeing the messed up, confused emotions flickering through her bright blue eyes. She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to feel about this. Our whole lives, society has told us how terrible someone would be for wishing another was dead, but right now, that’s all any of us want.

  “I’m scared for you,” she tells me.

  My brows furrow and I press a kiss to her forehead. “Why?”

  “You know why,” she says, raising her brows to give me a pointed stare. “If he dies … it’s going to mess you up.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” I lie, knowing damn well just how right she is. “I want him gone.”

  “I know,” she says. “But you’re not a killer, Tanner. You’re kind and sweet, and yes, you would do absolutely anything it takes to protect the people you love, but you’re not a killer.”

  I nod, pulling her back in and keeping my lips on her warm skin. “It’s all going to be okay,” I promise her. “I swear, Bri. We’ll find a way through this, and if he does die … we’ll find a way through that too.”

  “You don’t sound so sure,” she says, her hand falling into mine.

  “Would I make you a promise I couldn’t keep?”

  “I don’t know,” she teases. “You have been known to talk shit from time to time.”

  Bri laughs at her own wit as I shake my head, but when a seriousness comes over her again, I glance down, meeting those eyes I’m so completely in love with. “You know at the track … when we were walking back?” she starts, nervousness flickering through her gaze. “You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about, but when everything happened, we never got a chance to talk.”

  Blood rushes through my veins, my heart racing with the thought of having to discuss this now. My stomach clenches and I try to give her an encouraging smile. “It’s okay,” I tell her. “We can talk about it once I get you home.”

  “Are you sure?” she questions, the heaviness of the situation reflected in her eyes, and while she has no idea what this is about, I know she’s felt a difference in me ever since the courthouse. “It seemed … important.”