I watched her for two complete songs before her eyes opened. Seeing me, she startled, gasping, and a screech came out of her at the same time.

  I smiled and held up a hand. I mouthed, “Hi.”

  “What?! I can’t hear you!”

  I nodded, pointing to her headphones.

  Understanding dawned, and she started laughing, pulling off the headphones. “Hi. Sorry. I forgot I had them on.” Her music was blaring out of them. She didn’t move to stop or pause the song. She was frowning at me, half-squinting. “Zeke? What are you doing here?”

  I cocked my head to the side. The glaze was minimal. She wasn’t slurring. She was speaking like she was sober, and without the electrocuted dancing, she now looked sober too.

  I was somewhat impressed.

  “Right.” I motioned around us. “We’re on a golf course, where I do the normal douchey thing and golf a few times a week, and your question is as if I’m the one out of place.”

  At my words, she jerked her head around, sweeping in the entirety of the Fallen Crest golf course. Her eyes were almost bulging when she focused back on me. She spoke in a shocked whisper. “What am I doing here?”

  I was nodding, but I edged closer and reached out, taking away the vodka from her hand. She didn’t notice. Then I almost started laughing. She’d barely drunk any. Maybe two shots’ worth. “Are you drunk or not? I’m having a hard time telling.”

  “I think I’m drunk.”

  “You barely touched this.”

  Her gaze snapped to the bottle as I raised it, and she looked confused. Her eyebrows came together before she held her hands up, both of them, and gasped. “I didn’t even feel you take that.”

  She was drunk.

  She raised her gaze back to me, her hands still up in the air. “I parked at Manny’s, grabbed a bottle, and just started walking. I wasn’t paying attention. Dancing, drinking.” Her voice dropped low again. “I’ve never drunk before.”

  Whoa.

  My head went back an inch. “Never?”

  Her eyes still wide, she shook her head at the same time. “Never. I accidentally went to a party once because my boyfriend was the local Uber. He went to pick someone up and I had to go to the bathroom. He thought I went in to stay and join the party.”

  I… I had no words. I was quite aware that most of my life, if there was a night I didn’t party, that was the oddity.

  “Oh my God. You’re looking at me like I’m a freak.” Her face flooded with color, and she closed her eyes. She was still holding her hands up.

  “Okay.” I didn’t know what was going on here, but I moved in, took both her hands, and lowered them for her. She opened her eyes, and there was no reaction that she knew I did that. “Have you eaten today?”

  She shook her head.

  “You want to eat?”

  “Um.” She started chewing on her bottom lip, her eyebrows still pulled together. Then she stopped. Her face cleared. She blinked. “No. I need to keep drinking.” She grabbed my beer and took a long draw. I was waiting for the sputtering, thinking she didn’t realize she reached for the wrong bottle, but nothing came. She kept drinking.

  I got fixated on how her throat was working, chugging that down.

  She was taking long and slow pulls, and she kept going.

  It clicked she just chugged a third of my beer and I had a thirty-two ouncer with me today before I grabbed it back. “Stop.”

  She reached for it, stepping with my arm.

  I moved, turning and using my body to check her. “No.”

  “But—”

  I raised the beer so she could see it clearly. “That wasn’t yours.”

  Her mouth opened. She was going to argue, but she stopped. A gasping sound came next before she slumped, her forehead falling to my arm. It was raised right in front of her. She moaned. “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I’m a mess.”

  If two shots of vodka already had her wasted, that beer was going to finish her off.

  I glanced back to the country club, but she’d be a mess there. I didn’t think Ava would want people seeing her like this.

  Taking her arm, I began to walk to the parking lot.

  “Wha—where are we going?”

  “You need some food.”

  She started to put on the brakes.

  Nope. I wasn’t having this.

  And I wasn’t questioning myself why I was doing any of this as I let her go, put both caps on the alcohol, and stuffed them into my pockets. I had large pockets. Then I turned, bent down, and picked her up. She was slung over my shoulders.

  “Wha— Zeke! Put me down!”

  I kept going. “You need food, Ava, or you are going to regret that beer. Trust me.”

  Being slung over my shoulder probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t want to waste time fighting with her.

  She tried to raise herself up, so maybe she was thinking the same thing. “How do you know?”

  “Huh?”

  “How do you know I need food?”

  Right. She never drank before.

  “Of the two of us, I’m thinking we should go with my knowledge of drinking.”

  “Oh.” She got quiet. “That’s a good idea.”

  Food it was.

  6

  AVA

  This was what being drunk felt like. Huh.

  I was sitting in Zeke’s kitchen, in a chair, by the table, in the corner, in his kitchen—I already said that— and whoa. Wowee. I moved my head upside down, or as much as I could, and the kitchen looked amazing this way too. We should all look at the world this way.

  Wait.

  I twisted around, laying my head down with my feet up, and oh yeah. This was so much better.

  We could walk on the ceilings. The shelves could be benches. It made so much sense now.

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Huh?” I swung my head around and WHOA! Zeke was like a god. Standing. Defying gravity. Staring down at me.

  This was amazing.

  I was having a spiritual event.

  “You’re going to get sick if you don’t sit upright.”

  I started to tell him that would defeat the whole point, but I felt a rush of nausea coming on and he was a god. He totally knew what was going to happen before it happened.

  Then I let go and fell. I crumpled to the floor, and oomph. That hurt.

  Hands touched under my arm, and I was being lifted. I moved, not thinking, just reacting, and when I blinked, I was clinging to Zeke like a monkey. Legs around his waist. Arms around his shoulders and he was holding me in place with a hand under my ass.

  I almost wiggled because that felt kinda good.

  I’d not done anything with a guy in so long. It was embarrassing. Made me feel pathetic at times, but then I remembered why, and oh yeah. That was real-world shit. I didn’t want to deal with real-world shit.

  “Hey.” Zeke’s voice was all soft. He was watching me, his head angled back so he could see me better, and the concern in his gaze was undoing me. He frowned a little. “Why were you drinking today, Ava?”

  I didn’t want to look in those eyes anymore.

  I turned, my throat closing up. I blinked away a few tears, but dammit. One got free, sliding down my face.

  Zeke walked us over to a counter. He shifted, putting me there, but he didn’t move back. Reaching up, he cupped the side of my face with such tenderness.

  Still undoing. A second tear got out.

  He wiped both away with his thumb, but he was still holding my face. “Talk to me. I’ve known you for a long time, but I’ve never seen you like this.”

  He was right. I worked. I was strong.

  I never broke, ever.

  Not when my grandfather was finally arrested and we were safe.

  Not when my father left us.

  Not when my mom lost her legs.

  But today—I was losing everything.

  “My grandmum is going on hospice.”

  I felt Zeke tense, and I closed my eyes, waiting for him to pull away.

  I didn’t really know Zeke. It was a weird budship that started with us because he was just as lonely as me. He, who had the world at his feet. He could go anywhere in Fallen Crest and people wanted to talk to him, be seen with him, but he’d begun changing.

  I knew he was fierce about some of his friends, one of his best friends, but that best friend was in Europe. Was that it? He was missing that friend?

  “You changed when your best friend came to town.”

  He stiffened again, but a surprised chuckle left him. “What? Topic change there.”

  I relaxed a little. This felt safer to talk about. “You both were gods at your school. I watched. I saw everything. You were such an asshole, but then Blaise came to town and a different side of you came out.” I was back to whispering, confessing, “I liked seeing that, though you terrified me.”

  “I did?”

  He didn’t sound surprised.

  I nodded. “You were a bully, Zeke.”

  He frowned, his body still tense, but now going rigid. “I know.” His tone was rueful. “That changed, but I never should’ve been what I was.”

  “Was it your best friend who changed you? What happened?”

  His eyebrows went up, and he was almost talking to himself. “Man. I… Yeah. Blaise coming back helped because he stood up to me, put me in my place, and I was a jackass. I needed that, but it was other stuff too.” He laughed a little. “My dad caught me taking something I shouldn’t have, and well, he kicked my ass. Not physically, but he took everything away. Like house staff, my car, money. Everything. I had to take care of the house. It was normal what he did, gave me structure. I needed it. He humbled me a lot, but I realized he actually loved me. Like real love, where he gave a fuck if I was growing up to be a future white-collar criminal or not.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “Nothing super traumatizing or anything. I just got some love that was missing. My dad stepped up. Blaise was back in my life. And I made a conscious choice to look for good guys to be like. I didn’t want to be lazy. I wanted to be a better person and yeah. Fast-forward a few years and I guess here I am.” He grew more focused. “What about you?”

  I tensed. “What do you mean?”

  “What happened to you? You were always quiet, hardworking, but you weren’t jaded. I saw you too.”

  Flutters moved through my belly. He had?

  I thought about all the hard times, and I shook my head. There was no beginning and the end… I couldn’t go there. “Life. That’s all.”

  “Life?”

  I nodded. Pain sliced me, and I felt a knife being shoved into my throat. “My mom told me today that when Grandmum goes into hospice, she’s going with her. She’s going into a facility, said it was time.”

  “What about Grandmum?”

  “It’s time, Aves. We had a talk, and she wants to do a hospice bed in the nursing home. There’s a room there they can use for her.”

  “When did you decide all of this?”

  “I had a meeting with them today.”

  “No. No, Mom. We can take care of her here. I’ll get time off—”

  “Ave.” She wheeled her chair closer and stopped, folding her hands in her lap. “You have taken care of us most of your life, and honey, you’re too young for this. I’m going to move into my own place.”

  “What?!”

  “It’s not that bad. It’s a new program. It’s set up where I’ll have my own place, and I’ve got some friends there already.”

  “You’re not old. What are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking we need to sell the house to handle some of the extra bills, and I’m thinking that I want you to live life where you’re not taking care of me anymore. You can help, but it’s not like I’m dying anytime soon. It’s not what it sounds like. It’s my own place, but I got people close to help if I need it. I don’t want you to worry about me.”

  “You’re my mother. That’s my job. That’s not going to stop if you move somewhere else.”

  “See. Right there. That’s why I need to make this move. You know I’ve got some other health concerns. They ain’t going away.”

  Grandmum was dying. My mom was moving. We needed to sell the house.

  I was losing everything I knew.

  7

  ZEKE

  Jesus. I was stunned.

  Ava told me what was going on, and pieces were fitting together as to why she worked so much. How she must’ve felt in high school, and I had been such the opposite that I was getting another humbling kick in the ass. Right up the ass.

  Fuck.

  I couldn’t comprehend any of this.

  “You’re amazing.”

  Ava gave me a weird look. We’d moved to the living room. The conversation continued as I brought in a pizza, and she was looking tired. I was thinking some of the carbs were soaking up the alcohol. She wouldn’t be so sick, but she was also feeling what she’d been hoping to avoid.

  “What?” She laughed, but I saw the confusion too.

  I leaned forward, scooting to the edge of my couch. “You’re amazing, Ava.”

  She quieted, her eyes widening, and she seemed to slink into the loveseat, like she wanted to disappear.

  I shook my head. “I was such a jackass in high school.” I leaned back, my eyes still on her. “My mom’s an alcoholic.”

  “I didn’t know that.” She said that so quietly. Small.

  I snorted. “It’s not a big deal, at least to me. To each their own, I figure. She thinks it’s her getting by, but she’s just wallowing. She doesn’t want to change. Alcoholic or not, she’s a good mom to me. She just likes her wine, and then she goes in her room and cries. Or she did. Her and my dad are on some big trip so I’m not sure if it’s the same deal, but that’s how I grew up.” Thinking on it, I winced. “I mean, I don’t like that she’s that sad, but that’s for her to fix. Anyways, sharing that because I’ve always known I didn’t need to take care of my parents. And I’ve always known that there’d be assets for me. I never worried about any of that, and you, I don’t know the breakdown of health insurance or whatever and you’ve not talked about the males in your life or even if there were or are any, but you’re fucking amazing, Ava. You’re looking at me like you’ve got no clue why I’m saying that to you, and that makes you even more amazing.”

  All the sex. The booze. The literal stupid shit we did in high school. The drugs. Then college. Joining a fraternity.

  And she was here. Working. Caring for her mom, her grandmother.

  I’d been living life, but I’d not been appreciating it while I did it, and her, she hadn’t been living, but she would’ve appreciated every second of it if she had.

  Fuck.

  Fuck!

  She was there, here, under my nose, and I never saw her.

  “Why’d that jackass let you go?”

  “Jackass?” She was back to whispering.

  “Your boyfriend in high school. Didn’t you have another one? Earlier too?”

  “Oh.” She shrugged. “Roy. Just grew apart. He’s got a new fiancée now.”

  “He’s a dumb shit jackass then.” I shook my head, only looking at her now. “And the other one? He was a worse jackass, wasn’t he?”

  She shrugged again. “He was a learning phase, that’s all. That’s when things were starting to go bad for my parents, my dad, and I clung to a different type of guy. He turned out to not be good for me, but I got out of that relationship. Roy was the opposite of him, and what I needed at the time.”

  “Want me to beat him up?”

  Her lips twitched, the faintest smile, and damn, that sight made my heart race. “No. That’s okay.”

  I grunted. “You sure?”

  Her smile grew, and that was a reward by itself.

  8

  AVA

  Time went too fast and too slow all at the same time.

  After that day with Zeke, we packed up Grandmum and moved her to the nursing home. I worked full-time at Manny’s, but I also worked part-time at a horse stable outside of Fallen Crest. It was new, and the main point was to offer boarding and equine therapy. It had recently become a place for rescue horses as well. I liked the balance between the two jobs. One was pouring drinks or serving people food, and the other was helping with the horses. I did most of the office work, but there were times I snuck out to the barn and spent time with the horses. There was a magical calmness to them that was addictive once I picked up how to feel it. I was in good standing with both jobs, so they let me scale back time in order to be with Grandmum.

  My mom and a few of her friends were packing up the house, and she took me to her new place.

  She was right, as much as I hated to admit it. It was a one-floor apartment in a house, and it was all hers. The whole place was wheelchair-accessible, and I met some of the housemates on the other floors. Next to the building was a health clinic, so they had nurses there and they had a system if any assistance was needed for off-hours.

  It was a good setup for her.

  And I was at the grocery store, because she needed food since she insisted I take most of what we had.

  “Ava?” I was in aisle eight, grabbing soup when someone said my name.

  I frowned. “Jarrod?”

  “Hey. Hi.” My ex before the last ex, the jackass I’d been just talking to Zeke about. Had our conversation brought him back to town? He held a hand up, giving me a grin. He was taller, if that was possible. Maybe six-three. A faded jean jacket over a black muscle shirt. Jeans that matched his jacket, frayed, worn, but also trendy. His dark hair was messy. He was super tan, but not in a great way, though judging from the smirk he was giving me, I was thinking maybe he didn’t agree with my last thought.

  Jarrod always thought he was the king shit. I was thinking that hadn’t changed. He was as lean as he’d been back in high school, but he seemed more solid.

  “How are you?” He moved closer, holding a bag of bread in his hand. Nothing else. He motioned around the grocery store. “I saw you when I was grabbing my stuff, and thought there was no way it was the same Ava from back in the day. But it is. Look at you. You look great.”