He had hit me. On more than one occasion.

  He had torn me down, one insult after another.

  When I was happy, he wanted to take that away, and he had. Every time until I learned it was better not to be happy around him.

  All those memories came flashing back, pushing to the forefront, and behind them was the reason why I was here in the first place. To get food for my mom, because she was moving, because it was time to sell the house, because my grandmum was dying. Other decisions that had happened without my say, that were affecting me, just like he had.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He gave a shrug. “Family reunion. We’re camped out at Kade Campsite. You know where that place is? It’s new, but pretty cool.”

  “You’re only in town for the reunion? You’re leaving right after?”

  His eyes sparked, and not in a nice way. He began to open his mouth, but then–“Ava, you were getting the soup? I was supposed to get the pizzas.” Another person joined our group, and Zeke stopped next to me, looking down at his phone before lifting his face. A frown in place, but Zeke made sure to step somewhat in front of me before seeing Jarrod. “Oh, hey! You’re Jarrod Oster, aren’t you?” He held out his hand. “Zeke Allen. You remember me? We went to different schools, but I remember you.”

  Zeke and I hadn’t talked since that day he helped me when I was drunk. It was a bittersweet moment for me. The first time I got drunk. A friend helped me out, and we talked the entire rest of the day. He made food for me, showed me his beautiful home before he gave me a ride home and then saw where I lived.

  I was proud of our house. It wasn’t much. A bit run-down with peeling paint, a few cracks in the sidewalk, a few rotting porch posts, but it was my home. It would always be my home. Of that, I was very sure. Everything else, not so much, but I’d never have another home like that.

  So yeah, when Zeke dropped me off, a part of me could’ve shriveled up in embarrassment.

  That was the younger me. This different me stood proud and I brought him in, showed him around, and we sat and talked even longer in my living room.

  I must’ve fallen asleep because when I woke up, I was in my room and he was gone.

  That’d been six days ago.

  Jarrod had gone still now, his head edging back before he straightened to his fullest height. “Yeah, man. Allen. I remember you, too. Academy, right?”

  “Right.” Zeke’s tone was dropping the friendliness, and he edged even more in front of me. “You left school back then. Why the fuck you back?”

  Okay. Yeah. All pretenses were gone. Zeke’s tone was low and dangerous, a warning.

  Jarrod’s head snapped back, but those eyes turned mean too. “I’m saying hello to an ex-girl–”

  “She’s not your ex.” Zeke was fully in front of me, his back to tight and tense, though his tone was almost soft. Eerily. “She’s not your anything because the time you had back then wasn’t anything, but haunts and lessons. Lessons like never going for another guy like you again. You taught her that.” His head clipped down in a nod. “Now, you get going. I’ll pay for your bread if that’s the case why you’re still standing here, being all hesitant.”

  “You might want to watch–”

  “No,” Zeke shot out. “I don’t think so because unlike Ava, I know where you’ve been. And I know another guy who was in the same place. Potomahmen. He’s all the way connected too. Won’t be too much work to give him a call if I need to.”

  Zeke was talking about a prison nearby.

  I edged to the side and saw Jarrod narrowing his eyes at Zeke. “You’re lying. You don’t–”

  “Call my bluff. Please.”

  Zeke wasn’t sounding bothered or ruffled. He was speaking cool and calm, and that was giving me shivers down my spine because I could feel how he wanted Jarrod to call his bluff. This was a glimpse of the old Zeke, back from high school. He was still in there.

  “I don’t think so, man.” Slowly, almost achingly slow, Jarrod reached out and put the bread on top of a bunch of soup cans. “There’s another store I can go to.” He began to pass us by, but stopped, his head low. “You might want to not see me around town, but I got a feeling I’ll be seeing you. If you know what that means.”

  “Yes, dumbass. It’s your witty way of trying to threaten me, but you see, you’re just not smart because now I gotta make that phone call.”

  Jarrod sucked in his breath, but took off, stalking away. I felt singed as his gaze swept over me.

  Zeke circled around, watching him go, before I could feel the instant he was out of our aisle. A whole weight lifted up off my shoulders. I frowned at Zeke. “Why did you do that? What were you talking about, making a phone call?”

  He was still facing the aisle, but his eyes cut sideways to me. “I got curious about what you said about him. I did some digging on the internet, that’s all. And he knows who I’m talking about with the phone call. He crossed paths with someone that Blaise’s brother knew, who’s connected to some dangerous people. That’s all.”

  My whole body went cold. “I’m not liking this, any of this. I don’t want you to make that call.”

  He moved so his body was facing me. He gave a small nod. “Okay, but I’ll handle him another way.”

  “What way?”

  He shook his head, a small grin toying at the corner of his lips. “Maybe better if you don’t know, but he’ll leave you alone. I do promise that.”

  I wasn’t sure what Zeke could promise, but he seemed so certain so I was going with trusting him. He had connections of his own, and Jarrod had taken off quickly enough. The old Jarrod would’ve been duking it out in the grocery aisle within two sentences. Either he had matured since school or Zeke’s reputation stood for itself.

  I was going with Zeke’s rep, but I did ask, “Potomahmen? Was he really there?”

  Zeke was still tense, but drew his shoulders up, held, before lowering and as they did, a softening came over his face. “Yeah. According to his own social media, he was.”

  I glanced down, saw his hands were empty. “What are you shopping for?”

  “I’m not.” He leaned in and took the list that I’d bunched up in my hand. “But I am now. I saw you pull in and also saw him following you.”

  “What?” Another shiver trickled down my back.

  Zeke looked up from the list. “He saw you drive in, and purposely followed you. I saw him and followed him. He wasn’t in here shopping for food. I’m betting he was going somewhere else, saw you, and thought to try his hand at making a meet again.” He studied me as he spoke. “He’s not good news, Ava. His social media alone shows that, but was I wrong to step in? Did you want to rekindle something with him?”

  “No! My God, no. I’m just not used to someone doing all that you did.”

  He snorted, bumping his shoulder into mine lightly. “Don’t know why you aren’t. You’re hot, Ava. Already told you that.” He grabbed for some of the soup that I had on the list and put them in my basket, at the same time as he took the basket out of my hands.

  I grinned. “Is that the only reason? ’Cause of my looks?”

  He shot me a grin in return, and it rocked me back on my feet. It was so light, but dirty, rakish at the same time. I had no idea how he managed all of those together. He said, “Might have something to do with how you’re like a saint. Kind. Loving. Got your shit together.” He had started further down, grabbing some canned vegetables next, but then stopped and looked right at me. “Or maybe it’s because you’re one of the good ones. You’re the one that any guy would line up for a shot with, even just for one chance, and that guy will regret it for the rest of his life if he lost that shot. Your ex? He’s regretting.”

  He said it so seriously, piercing me, that I felt a whole different zing go through me. One of shock, but also wariness. Zeke wasn’t fucking around. He was going straight to the heart of the matter.

  He shifted closer, lowering his voice. “You know that, don’t you?”

  My throat was swelling up, and I had a feeling that Zeke wasn’t going to let this drop so I jerked a nod. And I lied. “Totally.”

  His eyes narrowed. His head cocked to the side, and he lifted up, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before trailing his finger to just under my chin. He lifted it up, just slightly, before his hand fell away. “You will one day.”

  9

  AVA

  I was just arriving to Manny’s, the first night in a long time that I’d left Grandmum’s bed.

  I had to.

  I didn’t want to go, and I wasn’t scheduled, but I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t sit there, watching her go, knowing my mom was leaving too (in her way) and it got too much for me. Work was my escape. It was my constant. In a way, work was my home, and once I stepped inside Manny’s, I felt like a part of me could breathe.

  I didn’t know how to “just be.” I needed movement. I needed busy.

  I needed chaos.

  I needed Manny’s.

  As soon as I stepped inside, Brandon was frowning at me. He gave a nod to Derek, our other bartender, before slipping away and heading toward me. “Your grandma?”

  I shook my head. “I need to work. I’m not scheduled, but do you need the help? I just… I need to not think right now.”

  He was studying me and frowning at the same time, but then a kind smile came next. “I’ll always need your help. Any night of the week, any time. I hope you know that.”

  I choked up, my throat swelling, but I shoved that down and nodded. “Thank you.” I moved past him, stowed my purse under the bar in the locked drawer, and after that, it was work mode only.

  I felt his presence before I saw him, and I only needed to look up once Zeke slid onto his stool.

  His eyes were on me, narrowed a little. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I poured his usual drink.

  “How are things?” The way he said it, it could’ve been casual, but I was starting to know Zeke. He wasn’t intending it as polite small talk. He wanted to know.

  “No Jarrod, if that’s what you’re asking about.” I started to move away.

  He stopped me, putting his hand over mine on the counter. “He’s gone. He left town.”

  I left my hand where it was, with his on top. “Should I ask how you know that?”

  His hand twitched, but a mask came over his face. “The internet's not that hard anymore. You can find almost anything on it.”

  Was that it? Just the usual cyberstalking? But he was doing it for me, on my behalf, and it’d been the second time he helped me out. I was remembering back to when I’d been at his house, when he’d fed me, when he took me to mine. When he was gone the next morning and how the next time I spoke to him was at a grocery store and he helped me yet again.

  I didn’t know what he wanted right now, if he even wanted anything.

  “I know.” I turned my hand around and started to link our fingers. “Maybe we can talk about it later?”

  Just then, a presence interrupted us. A female slid onto the stool next to Zeke’s and she did it with zest. It was an abrupt and almost coarse sensation, cutting into our moment. “Talk about what later?”

  I stepped back, physically and emotionally pulling away. My hand felt like it’d been burned. I tucked it behind me.

  Kit Carlson. She went to school with Zeke. She was in his social group, and she was watching me as she was taking off her jacket with narrowed eyes.

  “What’s going on?” She indicated me with a slight head nod. “Ava, right?”

  I nodded. I didn’t speak. That’d always been my role back in the day, and I was easily stepping back into it. Kit came around, but not that often. After college, she remained local, but I knew she married some big CEO-type of guy. I wasn’t surprised.

  She frowned. “Zeke?”

  He was half-turned away, but at her last question, his shoulders drew up, and as they fell, the old Zeke shield was back in place.

  He looked back, a half-smirk/half-grin was in place. His eyes lit up, looking mischievous but also dark at the same time, and he nudged her shoulder with his. “Nothing, Carlson. Or am I supposed to be calling you Hughes now?”

  She snorted, easing back, and the narrowed eyes relaxed. “You can save that name for a different kind of hang out.” Her smile was sly and seductive, and my stomach turned over.

  They were sleeping together.

  Or they had.

  And she was married.

  “What would you like to drink?” My voice came out clipped.

  Zeke stilled.

  She didn’t. She threw her hair back and extended her hand, her nails freshly manicured and sparkling pink. “A rosé, and don’t let the glass get empty.”

  Right. It would be one of those nights.

  I poured her drink and remained at the opposite end of the bar for the rest of the night, giving Derek her instructions. I felt Zeke’s gaze on me, but I heard her laugh, so I knew she was loving Derek’s attention. He was a flirt. Wealthy socialites like her were his forte.

  I tried not to focus on them, her with Zeke. I did. I really tried, but a few times I glimpsed over and saw how her hand was on Zeke’s arm, or his leg, or how their shoulders were touching each other. She rested her head on his arm at one point, half-draped all over him.

  My stomach kept churning until I couldn’t handle it anymore, and why I was so pissed—I didn’t know.

  Whatever.

  Zeke always slept around. He’d had a shitty reputation back then, and why would that change now? Even if he’d been kind to me a few times?

  Who was I really? Nothing.

  I stayed till closing, though Brandon told me I could leave. I didn’t.

  Derek went home. Brandon headed out. I insisted on doing the cleanup.

  I had no clue when Zeke left or if he went with Kit. I went into the back, and they were gone by the time I came back out, but now, when it was almost three because I’d been dawdling, I heard a toilet flush in the back.

  The door opened.

  Footsteps sounded. Someone was coming down the hallway.

  A shiver went down my spine. I thought everyone was gone, and I moved back, I’d already turned the lights off, and flattened myself against the wall. I could dart out the side door and run if I needed, but then the figure showed, and I released my breath.

  It was Zeke.

  “I thought you left.”

  He made his way to me, through and around the tables with their chairs turned upside down. His head cocked to the side. “I was hiding.”

  A snort left me, one that was a little too relieved if I was being honest with myself. I leaned back against the wall, content to let him keep making his way to me. “Hiding from who?”

  He stopped just in front of me, and I could see his eyes from the parking lot light shining through the window. They were clear and very focused on me. He was sober. “You know who I was hiding from.”

  Kit.

  “You and she are none of my business.”

  He took a step closer, still watching me. So intense. “Maybe I want us to be, maybe for one night?”

  My stomach knotted up again. What was he doing?

  I swallowed tightly. “I don’t know why you’d say that—”

  “I don’t fuck married women.”

  My eyes closed. He went right there, straight to the point. I opened them again. “Did you used to?”

  “I used to fuck Kit, yes, but not since she was married. I can be called a lot of things, but I’m not a cheater and I’m not disloyal. I like Kit’s husband.”

  “She’s a cheater.”

  “Again. That’s not me.”

  “Are you going to tell her husband she cheats?”

  Gah. Why was I involving myself? All my life, I was “less than.” I was the working class. I never had money, probably never would. I’ll work till I die, but until a week ago, I thought I’d always have my family beside me. I knew different now.

  I was breaking. Right now. Right here.

  I was looking at something I wanted, even if it was just for a night? Could I?

  Did I dare?

  I wanted to, so badly.

  Zeke sidled closer, his eyes almost glittering from how fierce they were looking at me. “Kit and her husband have an agreement. They both know what they’re getting out of their arrangement.”

  My mouth dried up. “Are those the sort of agreements you like?”

  “No.” Even closer. I could almost feel him. A slight twitch of an arm and we’d be touching. He added, “Again, a lot of words can be used to describe me, but I’m loyal. Once I care about someone, I lock on and I don’t let that person go. It’s a fault of mine.”

  What were we both doing here?

  My head was spinning. I was confused.

  “How’s your grandmother? I didn’t ask at the store.”

  Those words undid me. All the fight left me, almost fleeing in its retreat, and I folded. I began to slump down, but Zeke caught me. He moved in, his arms holding me upright, and his leg pushed against mine.

  “She’s dying.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I should ask, how are you doing?”

  I shook my head, a tear sliding down my face. “I’m here when I should be there. What does that tell you?”

  He took a deep breath and moved in more fully.

  His arms went around me and he stood there, holding me. It took me a second to realize he was hugging me.

  A sob broke free, and I reached for him, grabbing onto his jacket. “Why are you being kind to me?”

  He angled his head back, searching my face. A new softness came over him and he shifted so he could run a hand over my cheek, wiping my tear away. “Because whether you like it or not, I’m locked on.”

  That undid me all over again, and I reached for him, just needing him.

  I was giving in.

  I leaned forward, and my lips touched his. A soft graze because did I really want to do this? But it felt so good. He felt so good.