point there is silence along the street.

  The camera then shows the staggering old

  man do a double-take at the fox. He

  approaches the fox, lurching from side to side

  and eventually falling over in the middle of

  the road. He stays on the ground and goes to

  sleep.

  Screams come from the house and disrupt

  the neighbourhood. The fox camera shows

  lights turning on in other houses. The

  screaming continues and at that point, I stop

  the CD.

  I lean down to the player, eject the disk and

  pull out the CD and snap it in half, along with

  the other disks and I bury them into the

  Cann’s kitchen bin.

  I go back to the sofa and sit down to think.

  I killed these people, it was me. All these

  people are after the killer with no idea of who

  it is and all this time I have been wondering

  who it is and trying to defend Sandra from the

  murderer and all along I was the danger to

  her.

  I stand up from the sofa and get myself ready

  to go back to my house.

  I leave the Cann’s stealthily and step out into

  the early morning cold. Shola’s house is still

  alight, the flames are burning strongly. The

  panicking observers block my view of the

  wreckage, police and fire brigade surrounding

  the house.

  217

  I walk up the path, around to the back and

  inside the house through the scorched

  kitchen. I step in and put the boarding of the

  door back up over the gaping hole in the wall.

  I go into the hallway and up the stairs to my

  room. I get into my bed and lie down,

  thinking everything over. I am in trouble,

  what am I going to do? If I own up, I will be

  going to prison for the rest of my life for a

  crime I do not remember committing.

  I lean over to the chest of drawers by my bed

  and swig the whiskey from the bottle.

  My eye lids grow heavy, my senses disperse

  and I pass out.

  218

  Missing

  Tanya arises in front of me as if she was

  formed from the darkness surrounding her.

  Smiling, she reaches her hand out towards me

  and says: “Hi Darling.”

  “Oh Tan, is it really you?”

  “Yes it’s me, I’m safe.”

  “Where are the kids?”

  “They’re downstairs darling.”

  “Where are we though?”

  “We’re home Ryan, you don’t need to worry

  anymore, we’ve been with you the whole

  time.”

  “Home? Being my new home?”

  “Yeah, Mulberry Lane where else would we

  be? We’ve been here the whole time.”

  “I don’t understand; you haven’t been here

  the whole time at all.”

  “We have.” Her face changes, her pupils

  grow large and her irises darken.

  “Are you aware of everything that’s

  happened?”

  “Everything,” she whispers.

  “Liam Graynnil being me and me supposedly

  committing all these murders?”

  “I know everything and I understand,

  darling.”

  “Okay well you tell me what’s going on.”

  Tanya pauses and stares at me.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Well everything, I want to know what the

  fuck is going on. In Killing for Your Love by

  Liam Graynnil…”

  219

  “You.” Tanya interrupts.

  “In Liam Graynnil’s version, Daniel is me

  and you’re Lizzie, correct?” Tanya nods. “So I

  killed all these people and I am being hunted

  down by a group of people who say I killed

  you, is that correct?”

  “Well yes, haven’t you read the book?” Tanya

  mutters.

  “I have read most of it Tan, but it doesn’t

  make sense, I don’t remember the deaths, I do

  not remember going out into the woods

  during the night. I remember absolutely

  nothing of any of that. What I really want to

  know is: what is Andrew Myers to you?”

  Tanya stays still. Her breathing stops and she

  stares at me as if in a trance.

  “So come on then, what about you and

  Andrew? Have a good fuck together? Good

  affair right? And then you left me and went to

  live with him is that right?”

  “I love you Ryan and the kids do too, please

  don’t do this.”

  “Answer me.”

  “You won’t understand.”

  “Understand why you left me for another

  man? No I don’t, please explain it to me.”

  “I can’t.” Tanya screams.

  “Tell me now!” I shout back.

  My yell blows her hair back, her expression

  changes once again, her skin begins to fade

  away into the darkness surrounding us.

  “Did I kill Andrew Myers? Is that why he

  disappeared?” I ask her calmly.

  “Yes.”

  220

  “And did I...” I try to ask a difficult question

  which I fear the answer to. The answer is

  going to be difficult to deal with whatever it

  is. A lump forms in my throat, making it

  difficult to ask in my normal voice and tears

  flood down my face. I feel nauseous as I set

  myself up to ask the question: “… Did I kill

  you and the kids?”

  Tanya pauses. She fades more. I reach out to

  her and ask again.

  “Did I kill you and the kids?” I shout,

  repeatedly.

  Tanya disappears into the darkness leaving

  me alone. The room lightens up to reveal my

  bedroom.

  I look down to my bed to see a body under

  the duvet. I look around the room; blood is

  smeared across the floor. There are bloody

  handprints on the door and walls. I take steps

  towards the bed and grab a hold of the duvet.

  I lift it to see blood on the pillow and long

  strands of blonde hair. I pull the duvet off to

  reveal a man soaked in blood wearing a black

  suit and white shirt. The shirt is stained a light

  red. On the suit, there is a name badge. I lean

  across the body and read the name. My sight

  not completely clear, I stare at the badge and

  try to focus. I eventually manage to read it. It

  says: ‘Dr Andrew Myers’. I pull away from the

  body and try to focus on the face but I

  cannot, for some reason my sight will not

  look at significant details. I could see Tanya’s

  face clearly but not Andrew’s.

  221

  I stare at him, his face is blurred. I continue

  to stare until I see his head turn slowly on the

  pillow. His neck makes a cracking sound, his

  blurred face is staring at mine but I cannot see

  his. I try to focus, it’s still completely blurred.

  Then Andrew sits up in the bed, keeping his

  face toward me. My eyes focus on his closed

  eyes which suddenly open to reveal his

  bloodshot eyes.

  We stare at each other; his eyes are

  frightening, I can’t look much longer and as I

  turn away to leave, he stands in front of me,

  blocking the doorway. He doesn’t say a word,

  he continues to stare at me, mouth slack as if

  his jaw has been broken or his teeth have all

  been ripped out.

  I take a step back. He walks towards me,

  taking a deep breath; he’s holding a knife. I

  take steps back until I fall over the bed. He

  stands above me and takes another deep

  breath. He lifts the knife above his head and

  he opens his mouth to speak…

  I awaken with no feeling. I open my eyes and

  stare at the light skies above me. The white

  fluffy clouds and light blue sky above me.

  Where am I?

  I sit up and realise I’m in a woodland

  clearing. Why am I here?

  My feelings return to me, I feel my back

  which is completely soaked and freezing cold.

  I look down to my body to see that I am

  wearing nothing at all, not even underwear. I

  shyly look around me and see my trousers

  hanging on a branch with my boxer shorts on

  222

  the ground underneath them. I push myself

  up off the ground and charge to my trousers.

  I put my boxer shorts on and then pull my

  trousers off the branch to see a piece of paper

  on the wet leaves on the ground. I look down

  to the note which reads ‘we know what you

  did.’

  I look at the note and put it into my pocket. I

  turn around to see the naked body of a blonde

  woman.

  Next to her is my white shirt, dragging my

  feet, I walk over to my shirt, pick it up off the

  ground and take a few steps back away from

  the body. I just can’t look at her. I don’t want

  to see the face of this woman. I don’t

  remember any of this at all. I don’t know what

  happened here although I can probably guess.

  I button up my shirt and look around the

  woodland. Where can I go? I have no

  recollection and I have no idea where I am.

  I turn around and something stands out to

  me. As I watch the trees sway from side to

  side, I see the roof of a house; hopefully I am

  not too far from Mulberry Lane. I walk

  towards it and suddenly I recognise where I

  am. I’ve never really paid much attention to

  this part of the woodland but I look up and

  see the fence around my garden and house.

  The woodland is the one right behind my

  house. I run up to the back gate, open it and

  go into the house through the back door.

  I walk into the burnt-out kitchen and through

  to the hallway and up the stairs. As I walk

  along the landing, I look out of each of the

  223

  three windows at the front of my house.

  There are police cars on Mulberry Lane. From

  the middle window the Cann’s house has

  three police cars there and Simon and Sam are

  standing outside. Simon looks stressed, like

  he’s just woken up. His hair is untidy; a messy

  quiff and flattened on one side but normal on

  the other.

  I then move along to the last window and

  look at where Shola’s house once was. It now

  looks like a tip site. The police have blocked it

  off with the blue and white police line around

  the area of rubble.

  I look back to the Cann’s and Sam is hugging

  Simon. What is going on with the Cann’s?

  I go out into the back garden and I hear feet

  on the other side of Paul Brooke’s fence. I

  look over to his fence. Through the gaps in

  the fence, I see a figure pacing around the

  garden and eventually I see Paul’s bald head

  poke up.

  “Hello mate.” Paul says.

  “Hello.” I reply.

  “God you look rough pal, late night?”

  “No not really.”

  “God I did, bloody awful night, got no sleep

  at all because of all this going on. I have to

  admit to you mate, I am scared for my family.

  I hope no one tries to harm them, you know

  with the Brekken's, your house catching fire,

  the shitty house on the end and now all this

  shit with the Cann’s...”

  “What’s wrong with the Cann’s?” I interrupt

  Paul, cutting his sentence off short.

  224

  “Haven’t you heard? Bloody hell mate you’re

  the one living there at the moment, Sandra

  has gone missing, last night with all this stuff

  with the dirty man on the end.”

  The hairs on my neck stand on end, my brain

  feels as if it is pumping real fast, is the woman

  down in the woods Sandra?

  “I didn’t know that.” I try to say normally.

  “Can’t believe all this is going on around

  here, there has never been trouble like this

  before, it’s ever since you’ve moved here.”

  Paul says, laughing nervously.

  I don’t laugh at all or even smile, more than

  anything, I’m terrified. I know that all this is

  meant to be but it really isn’t, I’m not capable

  of doing this to innocent people.

  “Well mate have a good day.” Paul says as he

  steps down from behind the fence.

  I run back into the house, I need to know

  what is going on, this house has been the

  home of Liam Graynnil so there must be

  some hard evidence to see if it jogs my

  memory at all.

  I run up to my room and pick up the metal

  box that has been here since I moved in. I

  look on my bed and see my green jacket. I pat

  my palm onto the pockets and I feel the knife

  in the pocket. I pull it out and go back over to

  the box. As I stick the knife into the gap

  between the box and lid, I hear knocking

  downstairs.

  I walk out of my room and stand at the top

  of my stairs to hear voices mumbling outside.

  I listen to the voices.

  225

  “There shouldn’t be anyone in here but I

  hear something from the house.” A voice

  says.

  “Right, I’ll go around the back and see if

  anyone can get in and if anyone is inside, wait

  here.” The second voice says.

  And with that, I run out into the kitchen and

  out the back door and I jump over the gate

  and run into the woods. As I run, I look for

  the blonde woman’s body, but I cannot find

  it. I can’t see if it is Sandra. I go from my

  house though the trees and over hanging

  vines because it leads to the main road.

  I reach the main road and watch the cars

  whistling past, blowing a breeze into me. I

  look at mothers with their push chairs and

  holding their toddlers’ hands as they bounce

  along the footpath.

  I stop and think for a moment. Not only the

  police, but Simon will find it suspicious and

  wonder why I am not at his house and where

  I have been. I don’t have much time to think

  and it is time for me to go to the Cann’s and

  get this interrogation out of the way.

  I get up to the Cann’s drive before I am

  stopped by Seymour and Hughes.

  “Mr Milligan would you mind coming into

  the house with us? We need to question you.”

  Seymour says.

  “What’s going on?” I ask.

  “Just come inside and we’ll explain

  everything.” Hughes says.

  226

  As we enter, I see Simon and Sam sitting on

  the sofa, Sam looks at me and shakes his

  head. Simon stands up.

  “Where the fuck have you been?” He says.

  “I’ve been out all morning, I couldn’t go back

  to sleep so I went out.” I reply.

  “Where have you been? Did you take

  Sandra?” Simon grunts.

  “We’ll do the questioning here Mr Cann,

  please take a seat.” Hughes says.

  Simon sighs and looks to Sam, but Sam stays

  seated. Simon then looks at me and slumps

  onto the sofa.

  “Could the both of you come with me so

  Hughes and Mr Milligan can speak for a

  moment? Thank you.” Seymour says and

  leads the way out into the back garden.

  Sam stands up from the sofa and pats Simon

  on the shoulder.

  “Come on dad.”

  Simon stands and follows Sam out into the

  garden.

  Hughes sits down on the sofa where Simon

  and Sam sat and I sit opposite him on an

  armchair.

  “Mr Milligan, Sandra Cann has gone missing

  and no one knows where she is. No one has

  seen her. Her phone was left here and there is

  no way of contacting her. Mr Cann told us

  that she wouldn’t leave home because she is

  scared, so she wouldn’t go without a phone to

  contact anybody. Now it doesn’t look good

  that she had disappeared and so had you. So

  where were you?”

  227

  “I just went out for a walk; I do it all the time

  when I’m stressed.”

  “Why are you stressed?”

  “Because I have a lot on my mind.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like my house being set alight for a start,

  not seeing my wife and kids for four years; I

  think that’s pretty stressful not knowing if

  they’re even alive.”

  “No offence Mr Milligan but that has

  nothing to do with this case.”

  “You asked me the fucking question of why I

  would be stressed.” I bellow at him and rise

  from my seat. As I stand, I stop myself from

  losing my temper any more.

  “Sit down.” Hughes says.