Graynnil.

  “Tan, is this Liam Graynnil split personality

  thing real?”

  Tanya sighs as she kneels down next to me.

  “Yes Ryan, it is. You’re not well Ryan, you’re

  really, really ill and you have been ever since I

  left you. This is exactly why I tried to leave

  you, because I knew you would harm me and

  the children. I wanted to prevent that but you

  came and found us with Andrew.”

  “What happened?” I ask.

  “Ryan, you killed Andrew and then locked us

  down here in his basement extension. You

  killed him, tossed his body in here with us and

  left us down here.”

  I listen to her and I do not remember a single

  thing about any of what she is telling me.

  “But I don’t remember any of this Tan, none

  of it at all.”

  “You never do. You have a split personality

  disorder, when you pass out or sleep, you

  usually change to Liam Graynnil, that’s what

  you call yourself anyway. You completely

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  change Ryan, you’re violent and frightening. I

  remember you used to wake up during the

  night and you would force me to have sex

  with you, I wouldn’t have a choice.”

  “What? I raped you? Why haven’t you said

  anything before?”

  “I was advised not to speak to you about it as

  Ryan Milligan. I got in touch with Andrew

  Myers who was a psychiatrist, he suggested we

  treated you without knowing because then we

  would not risk losing the Ryan Milligan in you

  and so we prevented you turning into Liam

  permanently. He used to come round in the

  night and inject you to keep you asleep to

  prevent you turning during the night.”

  “You make me sound like some kind of

  monster.”

  “You are a monster Ryan. You’re horrible

  when you change.”

  “I can’t help that though Tan, I don’t even

  remember changing mentally or doing any of

  those things to you or the kids.”

  “There isn’t any excuse Ryan, what you’ve

  done is unforgiveable.”

  “I know, but I need to understand what’s

  going on, I don’t understand any of this, why

  am I called Liam Graynnil?”

  “You called yourself that when you were

  admitted.”

  “What? So Andrew was my psychiatrist?”

  “Yes, he couldn’t put you in care because

  there wasn’t anything wrong with you as Ryan

  but he had to prevent Liam coming out of

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  you. He did a number of tests and seemed to

  cure you. You didn’t change for a year.”

  “So what changed?”

  “Ryan this will hurt you, but Andrew and I

  began to see each other behind your back. We

  became close and we loved each other.”

  “So you abandoned me?”

  “I didn’t abandon you, I stuck by you even

  when you beat and raped me, I wanted to help

  you, I really did, for the kids’ sake.”

  “For the kids? What about us?”

  “I stopped loving you a long time ago. I

  needed to move on and it wasn’t long before

  Andrew’s treatment began to stop working.

  You kept changing again and so I thought I’d

  run away, so I went to Andrew during the

  night.”

  “You left me?”

  “Yes, I had to, I was scared. There wasn’t

  really a cure for you, we tried so much and so

  hard to help you. We even let you change and

  then took you down to an interview room at

  Andrew’s institution to question you as Liam

  Graynnil. Andrew recorded and wrote down

  the entire questioning, the written version is in

  the black filing box in the sitting room.”

  “Yes I’ve seen it.” I reply.

  “The name Liam Graynnil was crafted by

  your split side. Do you have any idea how you

  made that name up?”

  “No.”

  “Well, you were given a case number when

  you were interviewed by Andrew which was

  129113005. If you look at the first few digits

  241

  and go through the alphabet using the

  numbers, it spells out your first name. Twelve

  numbers into the alphabet is L, nine letters in

  is I, one letter in is A and thirteen letters in is

  M. If you get all the letters from the name

  Liam Graynnil, you can actually spell out your

  real name Ryan Milligan. Do you now see?

  Do you see why Andrew said that you keep

  the creative mind even when you change?

  You like to play mind games and you like to

  jumble up letters to make something else.”

  I just stare at Tanya, I do not know what to

  say, she wouldn’t lie to me and if I was to ask

  anyone about this then it would be Tan. She’s

  my wife and although I put her through all of

  this, she would know the most about it. The

  puzzle and mind games from my split

  personality goes with the writing on my wall.

  Did I write all those things on my wall to

  mean something else? I must have; but what

  does it mean?

  “There was writing around the house

  upstairs. Something was scratched into my

  kitchen table, there were newspaper headline

  fonts stuck on my bedroom wall, spelling out

  something. Was that my split personality do

  you think?”

  “Yes of course it was; it wouldn’t be anyone

  else.”

  “But I found something when the house was

  on fire; I found something that proved it was

  someone else. A plank of wood which I saw a

  neighbour Shola holding once. I thought it

  was him.”

  242

  “Ryan it wouldn’t have been anyone else. No

  one else would think like that, it sounds

  exactly like you would work as Liam.”

  I stare at Tanya and sigh.

  “I’m so sorry.” I say to her. I feel ridiculous

  apologising, an apology will not make her

  forgive me and there is nothing more I can

  do.

  But why was that plank of wood with the

  nails through it on my kitchen table? How did

  that get there? I guess I will never know the

  answer to that but I killed Shola and judging

  from what Tanya has said and what is written

  in the book, I am the murderer of all those

  blonde victims.

  I stare at the two dead bodies on the floor in

  front of me, my sight blurred from the tears

  that fill my eyes. I look back to Tanya who is

  standing now.

  “Come on.” She says to me, pulling at my

  arm.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Up there, come on.”

  “What are we going to do now though Tan?”

  “We’re going to go up there and we’re going

  to get you help Ryan, that’s what you need,

  help.”

  “We can’t go up there.” I say.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because we can’t.” I groan. “There’s police

  up there, I’ll be thrown in prison, and surely

  we don’t want that do we?”

  243

  Tanya stares at me and shuffles towards the

  door and runs into the other half of the

  basement.

  “Tan!” I shout as I chase after her.

  She runs into the basement and charges up

  the creaking wooden steps. “Tan!” I bellow

  again.

  She reaches the burnt out hallway, as the runs

  to the boarded front door, she smashes into it

  with no affect. I run up to her and grab her.

  “Why are you doing this? Let’s work together

  on this, we’ll get another psychiatrist, we’ll

  move away and he can help me and we can

  live happily together.”

  “You killed our children Ryan. You’re a

  murderer, you raped me and beat me and I

  don’t want to risk that again.”

  I pull her away from the boarded door and

  throw her onto the floor.

  I can’t let her do this; she should want to

  help me! I cannot go to prison; I would be

  completely abused or worse, killed.

  “Tan please don’t do this. I don’t want to

  hurt you and I won’t hurt you but please don’t

  do this, I love you Tan, I really really…”

  “I don’t care Ryan, I hate you, I’m scared of

  you and I don’t care what happens to you in

  prison.” Tanya screams at me as she gets onto

  her feet.

  Tanya runs at me and attacks me. Her finger

  nails scratch my face, her bare feet kick my

  legs and groin. I collapse onto the ground in

  pain and she continues to kick and slap me

  until I am able to grab her arm. I push her

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  into the wall face first and hold her against it.

  As I do, I hear footsteps on the gravel

  outside, coming towards the house. I put my

  arm across Tanya’s chest and then put my

  hand over her mouth.

  “Shut up.” I whisper in her ear.

  She weakly elbows my stomach. I hold her

  tighter as I hear the chattering of gravel

  coming closer until it stops. I hear a footstep

  onto the wooden porch. I hold Tanya tighter.

  The footsteps sound across the porch and up

  to the boarded up window. Tanya’s muted

  screams come from behind my hand and

  seem loud. I listen and wait for the footsteps

  to step off the porch and back onto the

  gravel. I hear the crunching move away from

  the house but then silence. I wait. I hold

  Tanya’s mouth. She bites my fingers but I do

  not scream, I lose my temper, grab the back

  of her head and smash her face against the

  wall. She keeps biting me; so I smack her head

  on to the wall again and throw her onto the

  ground. She’s dazed and I feel horrible doing

  this to her. I have missed her so much but

  now she is an enemy to me. I will not go to

  prison.

  I walk over to her and pull her up off the

  ground.

  “Don’t do this Tanya, please.”

  She does not respond. Her eyes close as she

  loses consciousness.

  I pick her up and hear the gravel path again

  and then a voice: “Hi you lads, come over

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  here, I think there’s someone in here.” I hear

  Simon shout across Mulberry Lane.

  My throat tightens and the hairs on my neck

  stand. What am I supposed to do now? I look

  at the scorched basement door; I have

  nowhere else to go. I run down into the

  basement, holding Tanya in my arms. I put

  Tanya onto the basement table. I run back up

  the steps and shut the basement door.

  By the time I get back down, Tanya has

  disappeared from the table.

  “Tanya?” I whisper loudly.

  As I look behind, I see Tanya making a run

  for the stairs. She must have ducked under the

  stairs to sneak past me.

  “Tanya no!”

  I hear her push the basement door open and

  I hear her footsteps above run towards the

  boarded up door and I hear her shout for

  help.

  I sigh, I give in. What can I do now?

  I walk into the basement extension and look

  around it. I see something in the shadows that

  I did not see before. I walk over to it in the

  shadows. It is a square box of some sort. I

  grab the handles and pull the lid open. It

  swings across and lights switch on from

  inside. Inside the freezer lies a severely beaten

  mean who has been preserved. The whites of

  his eyes are stark against the black and purple

  skin, his face is mostly dominated by his beard

  and overgrown hair. His mouth is open,

  revealing a toothless black hole and he is

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  naked. His beaten body and cut up skin has

  ‘In the basement’ scored across his stomach.

  This must be Andrew Myers.

  I slam the lid shut and run up to the children.

  I pick Sammy and Alex up and I walk up out

  of the basement. I get into the scorched

  hallway, step onto the collapsed front door

  boarding and then walk out onto the front

  porch.

  The police surround the house; the special

  armed forces are here too. Tanya lies on the

  pavement with Simon and Sandra looking

  after her. I’m shocked to see Sandra; they

  must have found her in the woods unless that

  wasn’t Sandra.

  Tanya screams as she sees me, Simon and

  Sandra look up. Sandra turns away and vomits

  onto the road. Sam, Seymour and Hughes

  look up to me in a panic. The police officer

  outside Shola’s house runs over. The armed

  police hands simultaneously move above their

  gun holsters.

  I lay Sammy and Alex on their backs and

  place their hands on their chests. I look out to

  the road and Sam says: “Ryan, do you have a

  weapon?”

  I do not answer and instead stare at Simon

  and Sandra.

  “I didn’t do any of this. This wasn’t me.” I

  say as I go to nervously place my hands into

  my trouser pockets.

  247

  “Keep your hands where I can see them

  Ryan.”

  I place my hands into my pockets.

  “Ryan Milligan, show me your hands, slowly,

  and then get onto the ground.”

  I stare down at them and take my hands out

  of my trouser pockets.

  “That’s it, nice and slowly.”

  I stand there with my hands by my sides.

  “Right, now get onto the ground.” Sam says.

  I do not kneel, I do not move. Instead I stare

  at Tanya.

  “I’m sorry Tan.” I say as I begin to cry.

  My throat tightens. “I’m sorry Sandra.” I say

  and my voice sounds strained. I look over to

  my left and see Paul standing at his front

  door. I look back to them and say out loud to

  them all: “I’m sorry.”

  I cannot go to prison; I will not go to prison.

  I personally did not commit this crime, it

  wasn’t me; it was my split personality. I will

  do anything I can not to go to prison.

  So instead I stare at them all at the bottom of

  my path. I quickly place my hands behind my

  back. I hear a loud bang echo through

  Mulberry Lane followed by screams and then

  a sharp pain in my shoulder and then another

  piercing pain in my same shoulder. I fall

  backwards onto the ground and stare up into

  the dark clouded skies. I feel a water droplet

  splash onto my face; I feel the vibrations on

  the grass and hear the soft stomping of

  footsteps running up the grassy slope. Sam

  stands above me and looks down to me

  248

  holding his gun. Hughes stands at his side and

  looks down.

  Sam turns away and walks into the house

  whilst Hughes cuffs my hands together in

  front of me.

  I feel myself drifting, I feel dizzy and

  nauseous when all of a sudden my eyes close

  and I see blackness.

  249

  Admitted

  Sitting in an open psychiatric centre, I stare at

  the television screen and listen to the muffled

  TV, ignoring the rowdy nutters surrounding

  me.

  ”It is a year ago today that Surrey witnessed a

  big ordeal. It was frightening to the local

  population as there was a murderer targeting

  blonde women.” The reporter said.

  “But, it is two years ago today that well-

  established author, Ryan Milligan was arrested

  for the secret imprisonment of his ex-wife

  Tanya Milligan. She was kept locked in the

  basement below his house on Mulberry Lane

  in Surrey.” The reporter is catching my

  attention and I listen closer to the television.

  “Ryan Milligan was captured and shot in his

  arrest. But today we have found out some big

  news about this story. Here today is Detective

  Sam Cann, the main investigator on this case.

  Welcome Sam.”

  The camera flicks to Sam and back to the

  reporter.

  “Today you and your team have been able to

  identify the bodies of the victims in the

  basement with Tanya Milligan is this correct?”

  “Yes it is.”

  “Right, so there are media reports suggesting

  that the two children weren’t actually Ryan

  and Tanya Milligan’s children.”

  I sprint over to the television. Did they just

  say the two dead children were not mine?

  The camera goes onto Sam’s face.