Sandra laughs, kisses me on my cheek and

  squeezes my hand. She eventually lets go and

  walks towards the door. She opens the door

  and the orderly lets her walk away. I watch her

  through the window and as I do, she looks

  back at me and smiles until the windows end

  and she’s gone.

  The orderly comes up to me and says:

  “You’re free to go back to your room now.”

  261

  He walks out of the room and stands in front

  of the corridor where Sandra left.

  So I go back to my room.

  262

  Break Out

  The building’s bell rings out at 8a.m for our

  morning medication but I am already awake.

  I wait for the hatch in the door to open and

  for my medicine to come through for me to

  swallow like I do every day; but today I’m

  not going to. The hatch opens; the small

  paper cup placed on a tray is pushed into my

  room with some water. The hatch will then

  slam shut.

  I go over to the tray. Using my fingers as

  chop sticks, I pluck the tablet out of its paper

  container and down the water. Leaving the

  empty paper cup on the tray, I also put the

  plastic cup back onto the tray and I go back

  to my bed and close my eyes for a few more

  hours.

  After what feels like only a few minutes

  later, I get up off the bed and go out of my

  open door to walk down the corridor and

  into the lounge area where many men sit

  around reading newspapers, watching

  television and drinking tea or coffee.

  Some are on their own in wheelchairs and

  others sit huddled together, their seats

  arranged in a circle.

  I go to a group who includes people that I

  generally speak to; most of them have been

  talking about escaping for the two years I

  have been here.

  “Frank, Burny, Giles.” I say as I nod to each

  of the three middle-aged men.

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  “Ryan.” Frank says.

  Burny and Giles also turn around and

  mumble my name.

  I lean over and pull a chair over into the

  group.

  “How are you lot doing?” I ask them. Burny

  and Giles stare at me with their mouths

  gaping, Frank replies,

  “We’re good. What ya wanting?” He says,

  folding his arms.

  I sit down; place my elbows on my knees

  and lean in to study their weathered faces.

  Frank’s head is freshly shaved and his clean-

  shaven face highlights his deeply sunken

  scars.

  I then look at Burny; he’s slumped in his

  chair, his neck shrivelled behind his chin

  with age-spots on his face and bald head.

  Finally I look to Giles who is similar to

  Burny, but not as fat.

  I then turn back to Frank and whisper:

  “Frank how many times have we spoken

  about getting out of here?”

  “Loads of times, but it ain’t gonna happen,

  there’s too much security in this place.”

  “We’ve had many plans, you’ve got contacts

  on the outside and in here, I have a contact

  that could help and there are people in here

  who would help us get out of here.”

  “We can’t do it.” Giles interrupts me.

  “We ain’t gonna do it Milligan, we can’t do

  it.” Frank says abruptly.

  “We can. Listen you guys, we spoke about

  an escape before. Have you heard the

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  weather warnings? It’s started snowing out

  there. There’s a heavy storm brewing; we can

  do it then. We can break out and get away in

  the snow storm. There will be a lack of

  communication and no phone signal for

  them to call for backup and we can get away

  in the storm and all go our separate ways.”

  Giles and Burny laugh out loud but Frank

  glares at me.

  “How the fuck would we get out?” Frank

  snarls.

  “We’d have to look at our options.” I say.

  “So you’ve come here to say we’ll escape but

  you have no plan?”

  “I do have plans; I’ve developed one from

  our last plans.”

  “What plans?”

  “We spoke about escaping from the yard in

  the storage building.”

  “Going through the shitter ain’t gonna

  work.”

  “We don’t have to go through the sewers,

  we just need a building where we can go

  through a fire escape or cut through a wall.”

  Frank shakes his head. “Cut through a wall?

  Fuck me mate; what drugs are you on?”

  “If we get one of the gardening team, they

  will have equipment we can use. One of the

  cleaners will find us a room where we can

  work to get out. We need to ask around, we

  can get out, I know it.”

  “I’ll make a call today for help on the

  outside. Ain’t promisin’ anythin’ but I’ll see

  what can be done.”

  265

  “Okay good. What do you want me to do?”

  “Just meet me here tomorrow. I’m gonna

  talk to someone to see who can help out.

  We’re gonna get out.”

  “When?” I ask.

  “Dunno.” Frank says as he gets up and

  walks away. “See ya tomorra,” he says.

  I stand up to go and make a call to Sandra.

  I go into an open area along the corridor

  which has five phones attached to the wall.

  There’s a guard standing alongside the

  phones and all the phones are occupied.

  “All right Milligan?”

  “Hello Dave, can I make a call?”

  “You’ve never made a call in here before

  Milli but sure you can.”

  “Thanks.” I say and Dave steps aside to let

  me past. I have to wait a few minutes before

  one of the phones becomes available.

  I pull out the note Sandra gave to me. I look

  to my right and see Frank speaking on the

  phone, staring at me.

  I poke Sandra’s mobile number into the

  phone and listen to the buzzing of the

  ringtone. After five rings, I hear a soft voice

  on the phone: “Hello.”

  My eyes water and my throat gets tight,

  making it difficult to speak. I’ve not made a

  call or heard a soft voice on the phone for

  years now.

  “Is that you Ryan?” She whispers into my

  ear.

  “Yes.” I snivel.

  266

  “Hello darling.” She says.

  “Sandy I’ve got news for you; it’s going to

  happen real soon, in the next few days

  hopefully.” I whisper to her, turning my back

  to Frank.

  Frank slams his phone down and leaves the

  room.

  “Oh right okay. Are you sure about this?”

  Sandra says.

  “Yeah, I need to do it, don’t I? I shouldn’t

  be here.”

  “No you shouldn’t, but this could be the

  wrong way to go about it Ryan, I just don’t

  want you getting caught and be punished

  even more.”

  “I’ve got to do this Sandy; I’ve got to get

  out.”

  “Do you need my help?”

  “I have an idea but it would mean

  potentially pissing off the other blokes.”

  “What is it?”

  “I was wondering if you could leave me a

  car outside the institution, there’s a dirt road

  that runs down the side of where it will

  happen, if you leave the car parked out by

  the big cleaners and storage room on the east

  side, I can escape and drive away.”

  “I’m not sure if you know this but there is a

  heavy snow storm coming in soon so driving

  would be pretty hard.”

  “Can you do that for me?”

  “I just don’t…”

  “Please Sandy?” I ask but the phone stays

  silent. “Sandy please.”

  267

  “I’ll try and get a hold of Simon’s car. Use

  his car and then you can use his sat nav to

  get back to Mulberry Lane.”

  “That would be perfect Sandy, thank you.”

  “That’s okay. Be careful who you piss off

  though.”

  “I will. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tomorrow

  when I know more.”

  “Please be careful Ryan.”

  “I will, thank you speak soon.”

  “Bye, see you soon.” Sandy says as I pull the

  phone away from my ear.

  I walk out of the corridor back to my room.

  I have nothing else to do but sleep. I think of

  freedom, I think of returning to Mulberry

  Lane and the house. I imagine looking in

  through the window to see Tanya and the

  kids sitting around the table with Andrew

  Myers. I imagine myself walking in to the

  house when the kids go to bed and I imagine

  killing Andrew Myers.

  The next day, after a night of tossing and

  turning, the temperature has dropped. I can

  see my breath. Every time I look out the

  window it’s grey outside. I can’t tell where

  the snow ends and where the fog begins. The

  snow has settled but there’s another blizzard

  coming. The news reports ‘snow conditions’

  and ‘snow news’ throughout the day.

  I sit on an armchair waiting for Frank to

  walk in. I’m in here alone, except for a man

  named Goyle. I don’t know his real name

  and I don’t know his problem but he is

  268

  clearly not all there. He leans forward. His

  weedy arms grip onto his bony ankles whilst

  his saliva drips from his bottom lip and chin

  onto his clothing.

  Uncomfortable watching the guy, I look

  away and think about the tablets I’ve been

  taking. I have gone two days without taking

  any medication and I feel no different

  whatsoever. This must mean something

  surely?

  Frank comes in and nods to me.

  “Ya’right?”

  “Yes, you?”

  “Not bad. I’ve spoke to some people and

  they wanna do it.”

  “Good, who’s in?”

  “My mate Diego has been here since he was

  eighteen and now he’s twen’ eight, he has

  access to all the shit: gardening, cleaning,

  mail, cooking everythin’. He has ages to go

  till he gets out so he can help. He doesn’t

  want to escape, he wants to help. “

  “Okay.”

  “There’s Freddy, he’s an old geezer, he’s the

  same as Diego, he wants to help. He’ll cause

  a fight to distract the docs for us to get out.”

  “So how are we going to get out?”

  “Pretty simple to be honest, today they’ll

  loosen the cleaners and storage building’s

  thin metal wall so we can cut it open

  tomorrow to get out.”

  “Who’s they?”

  269

  “My men on the outside, they’ll be waiting

  for me to get out and then they’ll drive

  away.”

  “What about the rest of us?”

  “We all fight for ourselves outside so we

  don’t get caught.”

  “Right okay then.”

  “You’ll know when we’re doing it tomorra,

  when the alarm goes off for back up, that’s

  when the brawl happens. Loads of us will try

  escaping but only us lot will get out in the

  cleaners and storage building. We all meet

  there once the brawl starts here; got that?”

  “Yeah I suppose.”

  “Good, see ya’ tomorra’.” Frank says as he

  pats me on the back and leaves me to go and

  sit on another chair in another part of the

  room.

  I look to the television screen which is still

  reporting on the blizzards across England. I

  then look over to the staring and dribbling

  man. I don’t know what else to do, so I go

  back to my room.

  In my room I stare at the writing on the

  wall. I pick up a pencil and write ‘Liam

  Graynnil’ on the wall. I then write the letters

  in the name and then spell out Ryan Milligan

  crossing out the letters.

  As I stare at the two names, I draw a line

  through Liam Graynnil and circle Ryan

  Milligan.

  I stand on my bed and draw a quick sketch

  of the house and then draw two lines below

  it. On the left line I write Andrew Myers’

  270

  Will, leaving the house to Tanya Milligan

  who then left it to the estate agents to sell it

  for her, selling it to me. I move over to the

  right line and write my name, leaving

  everything I own to my wife, now ex-wife.

  She got the money, divorced me and now

  lives with Andrew Myers and the kids.

  I move along the wall and write the names

  of the group. I list them one below each

  other.

  Don – Dead

  Shola – Dead

  Simon Cann

  Andrew Myers

  I stare at the names; these are the four men

  in the book. These are the men involved in

  setting me up.

  I can’t believe Simon would do it, he

  pretended to be my friend, he pretended to

  care. I gave him my story to read. No

  wonder he wanted it, he wanted to destroy

  my story and swap it with the Liam Graynnil

  version.

  When I first moved in, Simon was the first

  person I met, he made sure to be friendly

  with me and he knew I had no one else so he

  knew I’d accept his friendship.

  I punch the wall in anger. How stupid was I?

  I shouldn’t have fallen for it.

  271

  When I had killed Shola, those two men

  who set his house on fire must have been

  Simon and Andrew because Don and Shola

  were both dead, leaving two of them to

  finish the job. The four men were working

  together; they had plotted against me along

  with Tanya.

  The five of them were planning to drive me

  nuts. They did all of those things, they

  followed me, they did things inside my

  house, they moved the children’s toys

  around. They did everything and the only

  way I can prove this is to get Tanya and

  Andrew to admit it.

  When I get out, I will make them confess

  and I will be proven innocent. The thought

  of freedom is warming. I feel my tensed

  muscles relax all over my body sending a

  shiver down my spine. I lay my head on the

  pillow. I think of ideas to get evidence of my

  innocence; there are many ways to do this

  but I need to be careful. First of all, I need to

  get to Mulberry Lane undetected. If I’m seen,

  the police will find me no matter what the

  weather is like.

  One thing I need to find out is who was the

  one who decided to target me and why did

  Shola, Simon and Don help?

  I think for a moment, why would Tanya do

  this to me? Surely she must be the one to

  begin all of this, all of these lies to make me

  seem unstable.

  It has to end. It will end tomorrow.

  272

  One quick call to Sandy: “Tomorrow.” Is all

  I say and then hang up and it’s sorted.

  When I open my eyes it is the next morning,

  early morning. It’s dark out and still snowing.

  I turn to stare at my wall, the wall of truth. I

  think I’ve cracked the secrets and motives of

  Tanya and Andrew. It was all about money, I

  was the target, I don’t know why, but I do

  know Simon, Shola and Don were chosen to

  help and probably offered money too.

  They played on my mind, I don’t know the

  details but I know they were in my house;

  they did things to the house whilst I slept or

  was out. The fox cam videos, I was not in

  any of the footage, you could not see my face

  so how was that possible evidence against

  me?

  Everything circulates in my mind, I know

  most of the details but now I need the

  evidence. I have many options, but which

  path to take to get the evidence?

  Now all there is for me to do is to be patient

  and wait for the alarm to go off. After that,

  there won’t be much time before all the

  doors are locked down and I won’t reach the

  cleaners and storage building.

  I lie in bed staring at my ceiling and wall

  alternately for five hours. The time is

  coming, the medication and water has come

  through the door hatch, for a third time in a

  row I don’t take it.

  273

  I leave my door open, waiting for the alarm