“Okay, now let’s get you to bed.”

  Anna nodded in Lillian’s hands then turned her head and kissed the inside of her palms with her full soft lips. Lillian felt her heart flutter at the gesture. They gazed intently at each other, soft smiles on their faces. She caressed Anna’s

  face with her thumb before dropping her hands and motioning to the door, “Shall we?”

  “Yes,” Anna yawned. “I’m exhausted.”

  “I bet. All that gelato eating and crib assembling must have been exhausting,” Lillian teased.

  Anna pinched her arm. “You don’t need to rub it in. I’ll be sure you get full credit when anybody asks.”

  Lillian winced and rubbed the sore spot. “It’s all about the notoriety of furniture assembly for me.”

  She watched as Anna crawled into bed and got under the covers. “I’m sorry about tonight. I’m sure this wasn’t the evening you had planned. Helping an emotional, pregnant mess and building a crib isn’t exactly anyone’s description of a hot night,” Anna sco ed.

  “Hey, don’t say that. I’m glad I could be here to help. I wouldn’t have stayed if I didn’t want to. You know me, Anna.

  Haven’t I been transparent with you?”

  Anna nodded.

  “You rest. I’m seeing you Monday for your 32 weeks scan anyways,” Lillian reminded her.

  “You’re not staying the night?”

  I wasn’t planning on it, Lillian thought but something shifted inside of her. “Of course, I am,” she said instead.

  Lillian shed her clothes and hung them on the hook behind the door. She grabbed an old t-shirt out of Anna’s closet and climbed into bed. She smiled as Anna’s scent filled her nose and wrapped her arms around her middle tighter.

  “Good night.”

  “Lillian?” she heard Anna whisper softly.

  “Yes, Annabel?”

  “I-I—,” she stuttered. “Never mind.”

  “Tell me,” she chuckled.

  She felt Anna take a deep breath. “I love you,” she blurted.

  FUCK, fuck, fuck, shit, Annabel said to herself. She felt Lillian’s body tense and her grip around her loosen. Say something.

  “I want more, we are so perfect together,” Anna heard herself say. “I love you,” the words left Annabel’s mouth once more. Lillian unwound herself from her and she felt the bed dip. Annabel turned around and watched as Lillian ripped her t-shirt o . She walked around the bed; her face showed no expression. That’s better than an angry one, Annabel said to herself.

  “Where are you going?”

  Lillian put her clothes on hastily. “I’m leaving,” she said in a monotonous voice.

  “Why?” Annabel cried out.

  She turned to her and it was the first time Annabel had seen Lillian like this. Her breath was heavy, her body tense.

  She looked furious and Annabel could feel it radiating o of her.“Why?” Lillian seethed. “You’re really asking me why?

  Use your fucking head, Anna. How could you? We had a deal!

  This was supposed to be friends with benefits. You know I don’t do relationships and I don’t want to sabotage my career. I’ve worked my whole life to be so highly respected at what I do. Why would you say something like that to me?”

  Annabel cowered at the intensity of her tone. “I meant it, I won’t ever back down on what I want. I want you,” she said in a soft whisper.

  “I don’t want more. I made it clear from the very beginning. It’s over,” Lillian spat before she stormed out.

  Annabel felt her eyes water. She heard the door slam and sat in her bed as the sobs racked through her. She wrapped her hands around her belly. “It’s okay, I’ll be okay,” she wept. “It’s just you and me, Blueberry.”

  12

  Lillian breezed through the hall, her heels clacking against the marble floors of the hospital. “Hey, Doc!

  Did you have a good wee—?”

  “Make sure you have Ms Lacey transferred over to Bitzer’s patient list. I spoke to her about it this morning,”

  Lillian said, cutting o the pleasantries. She heard Lori trail behind her.

  “What?” Lori asked. Lillian unlocked the door to her o ce and threw her things under her desk. She sat down and flipped through her agenda. “You heard me, Lori. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

  “Wait, Doc. What happened?”

  “Nothing happened. Ms Lacey knew that unless there was a pregnancy-related issue, I might not be her OB,” Lillian muttered.

  “But, you were the one that wanted Anna—"

  She slammed the file on the desk. “For fuck’s sake, Lori!

  For once in your life, would you just do as you’re told?”

  The air was thick and Lori remained silent. Lillian looked up to see the young girl’s crumpled expression. “Shit, Lori. I didn’t mean to—"

  “Don’t worry about it, Doctor Foster. I’ll get right to it,”

  Lori whispered.

  “Lori, wait a second,” she tried, but Lori had already shut the door.

  Lillian shook her head and sighed, grabbing a pile of case files to work on.

  8 WEEKS later

  The door shut behind the latest patient. Lillian’s body slumped. Her eyes were sore, her limbs were heavy, and she felt like she was running on empty. If I could just get a few hours in, she thought. Lillian shut her eyes and groaned. She couldn’t get her out of her head. Each time she closed her eyes, she could see the pain on Anna’s face before she stormed out.

  A knock jolted her. “Come in,” Lillian called out.

  Lori peeked her head through the door. “Still not feeling well, Doc?”

  “It’s nothing. I just haven’t been able to sleep,” she sighed.

  Lori placed the cup of co ee in front of her silently.

  “I know you have something to say, Lori.”

  “It’s not my place,” Lori whispered.

  Lillian hung her head. “I’m sorry I went berserk on you a few weeks ago, kid. I’ve just been having a hard time since…”

  “Since you transferred Ann—Ms Lacey to Doctor Bitzer’s patient list?” Lori concluded.

  “Exactly,” she breathed out.

  “She was here today,” Lori said softly. “Likely her final appointment with Bitzer, she’s almost due. I made sure to schedule it when you were with another patient.”

  Lillian buried her head in her hands. “I’m so tired of seeing pregnant women. Every time I see one, I wonder how she’s doing.”

  “Why don’t you just ask her?”

  “And say what? Sorry I yelled? Sorry I transferred you to another doctor without letting you know?” Lillian lifted her head. “I wouldn’t even know where to start. It’s been too long now, anyway. It’s too late to do anything about it now.”

  “Is it too late or are you too scared?”

  “Both? I don’t know,” Lillian groaned. “Did I screw things up? Honestly, Lori.”

  “I don’t have the answer for you, Doc. All I know is, I haven’t seen you as happy as you were when you were seeing Anna. And I also haven’t seen you work this much and look so unhappy since it ended,” Lori replied. “I’ll be back with your next patient, Doc,” she heard Lori say before she left the room.

  Was I too rash? Lillian asked herself. I don’t think anyone has ever a ected me the way she has. Good or bad. She thought back to the countless nights they spent breathless between the sheets. The number of laughs and pistachio gelato they shared. Sunsets on their bench overlooking the ocean. We were so much more than casual, Lillian realized. Anna was right.

  I never did any of that with the other women. Oh god, I think I was, or am, in love with Anna. But I have screwed everything up so badly.

  ANNABEL FELT her heart sink when her eyes spotted the empty carton in her trash. For Anna and Blueberry, Lillian had scrawled on the tub. Her eyes stung lightly.

  She rested her hand on her belly. You’ve cried enough, Anna. It has been weeks now. She was very clear about where she

  stands and how she feels. If she was going to change her mind she would have done it by now. Annabel sighed and knotted the bag. The ties slipped through her sweaty palms. Damn these hot flashes, she thought to herself as she wiped her hands on her shirt. Annabel picked the bag up and waddled to the door.

  “Right, you can do it, you big lump,” she encouraged herself. Annabel held the bag in one hand and used the other to hold on to the banister and she descended the stairs. She saw Mr. Andino peek his head through the front door and shoot her a disapproving look.

  “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be making multiple trips up and down the stairs, Anna! You’re almost due!” he yelled from the bottom of the steps.

  Annabel chuckled. Mr. Andino and his wife had grown more protective over her as her pregnancy had progressed.

  “It’s fine, Mr. Andino! I had two bags and I couldn’t carry them both without tipping ov—"Her foot slipped; she felt her body lurch forward and her entire body went cold.

  Annabel’s heart dropped. My baby, she thought. Annabel dropped the bag and threw her hand out, trying to grasp the banister.

  She could hear Mr. Andino shout for help in the background. Her hand grasped the banister but they were sweaty. Annabel screamed, “NO!” as the banister slipped through her fingers. The world spun as she tumbled down the stairs. She felt her head thud against the pavement and her eyelids fluttered. She felt callous hands against her cheek and briefly caught a glimpse of Mr. Andino hovering above her.He was saying something but she couldn’t make it out. It was mu ed by the ringing in her ears.

  “My baby,” she tried to say. Please save my baby, she thought. There was a sharp pain in her abdomen. Annabel could hear her own shriek. Her vision blurred and the world

  faded slowly. She heard the faint sound of sirens. My baby, please save my baby, she repeated.

  LORI BURST THROUGH THE DOOR. “Doctor Foster,” she panted.

  Lillian jumped in her seat. “Lori, can’t you see I’m with a patient?” She turned to the woman in front of her, “I’m so sorry Miss—"

  “It’s Anna. The EMT’s just brought her in to the ER.

  They’re prepping her for surgery,” Lori blurted.

  Lillian felt her heart drop. “I’m so sorry, I need to go.”

  She felt her feet carry her down the hall. Her body was moving but her mind was stagnant. “What happened?”

  “According to the EMT’s, they found her at the bottom of the stairs. A man came with her, said he knew her,” Lori explained.

  Lillian rounded the corner and saw Mr. Andino pacing back and forth in the emergency room. “Mr. Andino!” she called out.

  “Lillian!” The elderly Greek man exclaimed as he rushed to her. “I tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen. It happened so fast; one moment she was coming down the stairs and the next, she was tumbling down. Is she okay? I heard her hit her head against the pavement. It sounded hard. How is the baby? She was screaming about her baby,”

  Mr. Andino blubbered.

  Lillian placed her hands on the man’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “Mr. Andino, I promise you, I will do everything I can to save Anna and her baby.”

  She turned to Lori “Where is she?”

  Lori flipped through a clipboard. “OR 4”

  “Walk with me,” Lillian commanded.

  “Doc, it says here she’s su ered from placental abruption and Bitzer is prepping her for an emergency C-section,” she breathed out.

  Lillian stormed into the doorway operating room causing Doctor Bitzer to turn. “Lillian? What are you doing here?”

  Lillian froze when she saw Anna lying lifelessly on the operating table, attached to a ventilator.

  “Joan, I’m taking over,” Lillian insisted.

  Bitzer looked at her incredulously. “You can’t just storm in here and—"

  “Joan, please. I absolutely can. I’m head of this department. I know her, I promised her I’d keep this baby safe. I’m scrubbing in. I will lead this surgery.”

  The older woman, knowing she was beaten, sighed,

  “Okay.”

  “Thank you,” she exclaimed.

  Lillian scrubbed in and got to work on Anna. Her stomach was so large now. Her body had changed so much in the weeks since Lillian had seen her. Stretch marks glowed on her belly as Lillian cut into her. “I’m here, Anna,” she whispered to herself. Lillian took a deep breath and kept her mind focused on one thing, Anna and the baby.

  You can do this, Anna. Just hold on, I’ll make sure you and Blueberry are okay, I love you. I love you both. Lillian wished Anna could hear what she was thinking.

  She kept an eye on the baby’s vitals and moved quickly to get the baby out. Lillian breathed out as she handed the baby to the neonatologist and she started to cry. “See to it that everything is in order, please.” That was the easy part. Now to deal with Anna.

  The machines blared loudly. “Doctor! Her vitals are dropping,” Lillian heard someone call out.

  She felt her heart sink. No, no, no! Lillian rushed back to the table. “Her BP is low and she’s going into hemorrhagic

  shock. Shit! Get her started on a noradrenaline and dobutamine drip, now!” she commanded. “We will NOT lose this patient. She’s my patient and we are NOT losing her today.” The surgical team nodded and murmured their agreement. Lillian’s hands moved quickly to stem the bleeding.

  You have to hold on Anna, please, she begged. Please, Anna.

  13

  Lillian leaned against the door. Anna’s little sister, Deb, was hunched over the bed, cradling her hand between hers. “Anything?” Lillian asked softly.

  Deb turned to her, shaking her head.

  “Don’t worry too much about it. It’s only the third day and she’s already improved so much that we were able to move her from the ICU to a regular room,” she assured her.

  Deb sni ed, “How’s Blueberry?”

  Lillian chuckled, “I can’t wait to see what name Anna has in store for her, but I think blueberry might just stick.”

  The young girl laughed and wiped her eyes. “Yeah, poor kid.”

  “She’s perfect. Everything is okay. She’s the most popular baby in the nursery,” she shared.

  “I bet it’s those chubby cheeks and caramel curls,” Deb nodded. She held Anna’s hand against her face before she placed a kiss on it. “I was actually thinking of dropping by the nursery to visit the little Blueberry, but I didn’t want to leave Anna alone.”

  “Go,” Lillian encouraged. “I’ll stay here with her,” she o ered.

  “Thank you, Lillian. For everything,” Deb said as she walked out of the room.

  Lillian sat in the chair and held Anna’s hand between hers. “I just came back from checking up on Blueberry. She’s beautiful, Anna. I can’t wait for you to see her,” Lillian gushed.

  Her eyes scanned over Anna’s face; she looked at peace.

  Her chest rose and fell softly, her cheeks were pink. Lillian brushed a stray curl away and tucked it behind her ear. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered. Lillian’s head bowed and her eyes began to water. She placed a soft kiss on each of Anna’s knuckles. “I love you.”

  She held Anna’s hand against her face, kissing the inside of her palms. “I love you,” Lillian whispered once more.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Anna. I was stupid and scared.

  Please be okay. You have to be okay. For Blueberry, for me.

  Please Anna. You were right. What we had was so much more,” she begged. “You promised you’d help me cross all those countries o my bucket list.”

  “So, that’s why you kept me around,” she heard a soft voice croak.

  Lillian’s head snapped up. She saw Anna staring back at her through small eyes. “Anna,” she breathed out. She threw her body over Anna’s and held her tightly in her arms as the tears streamed down her face. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

  She felt Anna’s hand graze hers. Her hand fell to her side.

  “Take it slow, baby,” Lillian pulled away.

  She watched as Anna’s smile disappeared. Her eyes widened and her lips quivered. “Blueberry?” she breathed out.“She’s perfect, Anna. Deb is with her right now.”

  Anna sighed and her body relaxed into the mattress.

  “So…” she trailed o . “Did I hear that Doctor Foster is in love?”

  Lillian felt her cheeks flush and the heat creep up her neck. “I-I,” she stuttered. She took a deep breath and held Anna’s face in her hands. “I love you.”

  Anna leaned into Lillian’s hands, her eyes closed. “That’s nice.”

  Lillian’s heart sank. Maybe it’s too late. Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way, she thought to herself.

  She felt Anna’s cheeks lift as her lips curved into a smile.

  “I love you too,” Lillian heard Anna whisper.

  “You do?” she asked.

  Anna nodded, opening her eyes. “I really do. I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”

  “Me neither. There wasn’t one moment where you weren’t on my mind,” Lillian admitted. She pressed her forehead against Anna. “I love you,” she repeated.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to just keep things casual?”

  Anna teased.

  Lillian’s brows furrowed.

  “Too soon?” Anna asked sheepishly.

  Lillian’s face broke into a smile. “I love you. I want to be with you and love you every moment of every day.”

  THE END

  EPILOGUE

  THREE YEARS LATER

  Lillian had a grin that stretched from ear to ear as she bounced excitedly from foot to foot. Annabel chuckled as she watched her peer over the woman in front of her.

  “I’ve never seen someone so excited while waiting in a line.”

  Lillian flashed her a toothy smile. “It’s Hawaii! Who wouldn’t be excited? Besides, this is one of the last five places left on the list!” she exclaimed.

  “Next,” the clerk called out.

  Lillian poked the woman standing in front of her with her passport. “Next, she said next, Deb. That’s you.”

  “Okay, okay, hold your horses. I’m going,” Deb replied.

  “Honey,” Annabel said softly, placing a hand on Lillian’s shoulder, “Why don’t you hand Iris over to me before you turn her into a blueberry shake?”