What are you going to do then, if you are too scared to assist in a surgery now?"

  They knew she wasn't wrong. The embarrassed looks on their faces said it all.

  "You came here to learn, but most of you seem satisfied with the scut work being given to you. If I'd been satisfied with the scut work I was given I probably wouldn't be here today. So what I need you to do is, seize every opportunity to improve your skills and prove to yourself and everybody else that you're capable. Get yourself in an O.R. whenever and however you can. Okay?”

  Replies were chorused and Katherine nodded her head and stood up.

  "Well then. Since we're all in agreement. We should get to work."

  SOPHIA HAD ACTUALLY LET herself believe that the attraction she felt to Katherine was fading away. But she'd been wrong. So very wrong. She'd avoided seeing her for a couple of weeks, telling herself that the less she saw her, the quicker the attraction would fade. And yet, as soon as their eyes met, Sophia had felt fireworks going o in her stomach all over again.

  She'd locked eyes with her and all those emotions started coming back. Memories from the nights they'd spent together had played in her brain like a slideshow. She remembered their conversations from when they matched on the dating app. Katherine had been so polite and unemotional at first, then she'd eased into the conversation, into light chatter with Sophia. Sophia remembered how shocked she'd been when Katherine had made a joke.

  She found it hard to believe that the woman she knew was the same as this one. This unemotional professional surgeon.

  The only time Sophia had heard something that could be passion in her tone of voice was when she was telling them about the pit and her days as an intern.

  As she was talking, Sophia had imagined them talking about it further over dinner. She could see those days had meant so much to Katherine. It wouldn't hurt to hear her talk about it. She might even learn a thing or two. As quickly as the thought came she had banished it. Katherine had already made it clear that their relationship was to be strictly professional. And to be honest, Sophia was still upset about the note Katherine had left her.

  She wouldn't be able to bear it if she invited her to dinner and she got shot down like that again. And besides, Katherine had probably already moved on from her.

  Katherine didn't even seem to be a ected by her presence today like she used to be. She didn’t notice Katherine’s eyes roaming her body, like she used to. While she had been

  warring with all her emotions and thoughts, Katherine had been stoic. Or was she just that good at masking her emotions? Sophia couldn't tell. She didn't know her well enough to guess that. It really was an unfortunate turn of events that she was interning at the same hospital Katherine worked at. She would have loved to see how their relationship would have worked in another situation. Would they have kept to their ‘arrangement’? Would their relationship have grown into something more on its own?

  Her questions, of course, remained unanswered and she sighed. There was no point in dwelling over this. She had other things to do, like finishing her pasta before it went cold.

  "Sophia, hi.” she looked up and her eyes met with Travis's.

  He was the intern who'd almost vomited after the surgery last week. She knew he was very intelligent, and he had always been friendly towards her.

  "Hi. Travis, right?"

  “May I?" he asked gesturing to the seat across from her.

  She nodded her head and he sat down. She caught a whi of his aftershave.

  "So um…” He stroked his eyebrow with his finger and chuckled a little. He was clearly nervous and Sophia found it kind of cute.

  "I was wondering if you'd like to have co ee with me sometime."

  If Sophia was into guys at all, she might have said yes.

  Travis was handsome, tall and brilliant.

  "Travis, I'm not into guys." She could tell she'd surprised him by the confusion on his face.

  "Really?" he asked and she nodded her head in reply.

  Normally she'd have given a sarcastic response but she wasn't feeling up to it.

  "I wouldn't mind having co ee with you as friends though." Travis smiled at her

  "I'd like that. Dr Mitchell has been singing your praises.

  I'm betting I could learn a thing or two from you."

  Travis was a welcome distraction. He was funny and attentive and he truly was brilliant. They stayed in the cafeteria for ages and they talked about everything from their time in medical school to the high school parties they went to and Sophia was grateful, because not once did she think of Katherine.

  8

  "Are you going to be my doctor today?"

  Sophia was a little startled but she looked up at the little girl and nodded her head. One of the doctors had an emergency and had to leave the hospital. Sophia had o ered to monitor her patients till she got back.

  She hadn't expected the girl to be awake when she walked in. She'd expected the girl to be asleep like all the other patients she'd checked on earlier.

  Hospital rooms all looked the same to Sophia. The white paint. The occasional flowers and cards from well-wishers.

  The white sheets and the constant smell of antiseptic and medicine.

  "I'm Katie."

  "I'm Sophia.”

  "You have a princess name.” Katie said and Sophia smiled at her.

  “Thank you." She went back to checking her vitals. She had three other patients to do and mercifully they were all in the same ward.

  "I fell o my bike." Katie announced suddenly.

  “Did you?" Sophia feigned surprise.

  She'd read the girl's file. She'd fallen o her bike and bruised her ribs. The fall hadn't been too severe so they hadn't broken but they'd been bruised badly and she'd been in a lot of pain.

  "I did. My mom said I fainted."

  Sophia laughed at the way she said it like it was an achievement.

  "How's the pain?"

  "It's gone. It went away while I was asleep.”

  Sophia nodded and shot the girl another smile.

  "I'll be back really soon. Okay?"

  "Okay." The girl’s eyes widened like she'd just remembered

  something,

  then

  she

  whispered

  conspiratorially.

  "If you're coming back, will you please bring me chocolate.” Sophia pretended to think about it for a minute, then she nodded her head. The toothy smile the girl rewarded her with was blinding.

  "That was good.” Katherine said and Sophia was startled again. She hadn't noticed her standing there.

  "What was?" She asked. It was weird to be having a conversation in the hospital. They rarely spoke to each other now, so why was she doing this?

  "The way you spoke to her. Some doctors have a hard time relating with the young patients, because they're so busy or they're thinking of something else. But you handled it well. Don’t lose your way with patients as you get more responsibility heaped upon you.” Sophia understood Katherine's point but she didn't understand why Katherine thought it was important to talk to her about it. Could it be that she just wanted to have a conversation?

  "Thank you. I'll keep it in mind.” It irked Sophia that Katherine didn't look a ected by her presence. Or maybe she was just a fool to keep believing that she and Katherine had

  some kind of magic between them. Even now, she was imagining sneaking o to an empty closet or o ce so she could see Katherine’s real desire for her.

  "Something else you need to learn is how to control your facial expressions."

  Sophia furrowed her brows at that. She'd never heard of doctors learning to control their facial expressions.

  "Really?"

  "Yes. You can't make faces when you see things on people's bodies that you're not used to seeing."

  That made sense. It would be bad for a doctor to make faces in or out of a patient's presence.

  "I understand."

  "Good. Now when you're done with the other patients I'd like you to come to my o ce. I want you to scrub in on my surgery with me."

  Sophia was stunned, but she nodded her head keenly and walked away.

  She hurried o to check on the other patients on her list so she could scrub in on Katherine’s surgery.

  Katherine clearly wasn't feeling the same way she was. It was time to move on. Sure Katherine was captivating, beautiful, smart, confident and successful, but there were loads of women like that. She just had to find the right one.

  She would go through her matches tonight and find a suitable partner for herself. She remembered Andrea the banker. The match she had gotten at the co ee shop that she had never messaged. She would text her tonight. Maybe they would hit it o and Sophia would finally start forgetting about Dr. Katherine Ross.

  KATHERINE RECLINED IN HER CHAIR. Her thoughts centred around the surgery she'd just been in with Sophia assisting her. The first couple of hours into the surgery had been the easiest.

  Everything had been under control. The patient's vitals had been normal. Then, everything had changed. The patient's heartbeat had gone out of control. The patient had started hemorrhaging. Blood had started spilling out of the chest cavity, over the table, over her hands, over the floor. So much blood.

  Katherine had had years of experience so she'd stayed calm and thought of the best possible course of action. The interns however were green. They'd been terrified. Katherine could see the question in their eyes. "Is the patient going to die?"

  Sophia had looked at her with that determined look in her eye that sent shivers down her spine. There had also been fear in her eyes. Fear that Katherine understood. Katherine had had the insane urge to hold her, till the fear in her eyes disappeared. Even now as she replayed the situation in her head she felt the need to hold her. Katherine found it a bit funny that she'd been worried about Sophia being unprofessional but here she was imagining holding her in her arms.

  She couldn't help it. Sophia had surprised her in the O.R.

  She'd been scared but she'd put behind her fear and focused on her determination to complete the surgery successfully.

  "Do you need a chest tube?" Sophia had asked in a calm voice that Katherine had not been expecting. In that moment Sophia had proven to Katherine that she was going to be a great surgeon. She had the temperament for it.

  The surgery had been a success. They'd drained the blood and continued the surgery normally. The blood loss had been as severe and they had used a lot of blood to save the patient.

  Katherine had left the nurses with instructions for the

  medication of the patient. Everything had turned out alright but Katherine couldn't seem to get the surgery o her mind.

  She reasoned that there were several reasons why she was thinking of it. Maybe she had forgotten to do something vital and she was subconsciously trying to remember or maybe it was on her mind because she had nothing else to think of.

  Perhaps it was because of Sophia and fear Katherine had seen in her eyes even after the surgery had ended.

  There had been no traces of the fiery determination that Katherine loved to see in her eyes. There was just fear.

  Katherine had wanted to speak to her. Comfort her. Hold her.

  But their relationship was professional. Comforting or holding Sophia would have led to them rekindling their relationship and she couldn't allow that happen. She just couldn't.

  Katherine was restless. She stood up from her chair and walked around her o ce. First she walked in circles then in a straight line back and forth. Then she walked to her window.

  She wasn't sure if she could call it fate or a sign from God but right outside her window, walking out of the hospital, was Sophia.

  Her head was bent and her shoulders were hunched.

  Katherine guessed that she was either going to the co ee shop or taking a walk to clear her head. She was walking slowly, her slender body swaying as she did so.

  It was possible that Katherine found everything this woman did attractive. Even walking.

  Before Katherine could talk herself out of it she grabbed her phone o the table and called Sophia. She heard the phone ring twice. Sophia stopped walking and fished her phone out of her pocket.

  Katherine realised that Sophia could choose not to pick up. She could hang up now and save herself the

  embarrassment that would follow if Sophia actually cut the call, but she forced herself to stay on the line.

  “Dr. Ross, did something happen to the patient? Is everything okay? I stepped out for a quick break but I could come right back.” Sophia rushed out the words before Katherine could even say hello. She was obviously very worried that the procedure had gone wrong. Katherine understood the fear. Sophia had never seen that kind of hemorrhaging before. Especially in a situation like the one they'd been in. Even Katherine who was far more experienced than Sophia knew how close they had been to losing that one.

  "No. Nothing happened to the patient. I just... I wanted to talk to you." The silence on the line was deafening. Sophia's confusion was evident.

  "About what?" Sophia said slowly like she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

  Katherine cleared her throat.

  "I wanted to ask if you were okay."

  Sophia's voice was shaky when she responded.

  "I'm alright.”

  Katherine realized her mistake now. After the way she'd treated Sophia, it wasn't really surprising that she didn't want to talk to her about the way she was feeling. It was easier to deny that she wasn't okay over the phone.

  Katherine internally scolded herself.

  She sighed.

  "Alright then. Just, a surgery like that is tough. It is ok to feel weird when you see that much blood. When you nearly lose them. I just wanted to say.” There was silence from Sophia, Katherine felt awkward. “Anyway, sorry to bother you.” She hung up. She rested her head on the glass of the window and she wanted to kick herself. She could have handled that so much better, but she'd fucked up. She

  watched Sophia put her phone back in her pocket and continue her walk and then she made up her mind.

  She grabbed her bag o the table, threw her phone into it and walked out of her o ce. She hurried into the elevator before she could talk herself out of what she was about to do.

  9

  The co ee shop was one of Sophia's favourite places to go. She liked how warm it felt. The pleasant aromas of co ee and milk. The constant chatter. Even the little bell at the top of the door. She liked the waiters. They were nice.

  Sophia wasn't sure she'd ever seen anyone frowning in here and she didn't want to be the first so she made sure her feelings didn't show on her face. She had chosen to sit at a table facing the window so she could watch people come and go.Sophia had so much on her mind that she wasn't sure what to think of first. She wasn't sure should think about anything at all. She felt like she would burst into tears at any moment.

  She was overwhelmed. Every time she closed her eyes she saw blood. So much blood. On the patient. On the table. On the floor. On her hands. Sophia knew the surgery had been successful but she couldn't help but think that it almost wasn’t. They nearly lost the patient. There had been so much blood. She'd barely been able to stay calm but Katherine hadn't even batted an eye. Is that what would be expected of her too? Would she be expected to remain completely stoic

  even if a patient flat lined? What would she do if that happened?

  She would have blamed herself so much if the patient had died. It wasn’t even her patient. What would she do if or when her own patient died on her operating table? If someone's heart stopped beating in her hands?

  Tears pricked her eyes and she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She had to calm down.

  "I thought you said you were okay.”

  She looked to see Katherine standing over her, a kind smile on her face.

  Sophia wiped her tears away and averted her eyes.

  "I am okay,” she insisted

  The last person she wanted to see her like this was Katherine. The ultimate professional. Katherine probably thought it was pathetic for her to feel this way.

  "It's okay, you know. You don't have to be okay right now."

  That surprised Sophia. She was sure her surprise was showing on her face but she didn't mind.

  "Did you ever feel this way?" she asked. Katherine sat down before she answered.

  "The first time I saw a man die, I almost quit. I vomited after the surgery. Right in front of the doctor in charge. I still think I got a little bit of vomit on his scrubs. I cried for days and shut myself inside. I refused to eat or see anyone."

  Sophia's eyes went wide. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

  "I don't know if I should feel insulted by the surprise on your face,” Katherine said making Sophia chuckle, despite all she was feeling.

  "I'm sorry. I just didn't expect you to open up to me this way."

  “Well, you looked like you needed to hear it. It's not weak or stupid to feel this way. The day it stops hurting to lose a patient or to almost lose one is the day you should quit."

  Katherine said the words with so much conviction that Sophia couldn't do much but look at her.

  "I know how scary it is to see something like that so I completely understand how you feel right now."

  Sophia wanted nothing more than to be held. She wanted to crawl into Katherine's arms and stay there for hours.

  Tears were building up in her eyes and she knew Katherine could see them.

  "Let's get out of here. You need to cry and I want to be there for you. Come with me.”

  KATHERINE’S ARMS WERE WARM. It felt like her embrace was the only thing holding Sophia together. They were cuddled up on Katherine's couch. The same couch where they'd had sex.

  The same couch that Sophia had fallen asleep on.

  Sophia held on tighter to Katherine and wept. She cried till her eyes were red and snot was dripping out of her nose only then did she feel better.

  Katherine's fingers were in her hair massaging her skull.

  It felt good.

  "Do you feel better?" Now that she'd cried and got tears and snot all over Katherine's shoulder she was embarrassed, so instead of talking she nodded her head.