“Oh, it has very little to do with you,” he said. “But this feels like the summer of my life. I am still young and life is good. I intend to make the most of it.”

  “By working with a lowly embroidery girl on a flag?” I asked.

  “No, by seducing a lowly embroidery girl,” he said. He stopped walking and gently grabbed my elbow.

  I couldn’t believe what he had just said. I refused to look at him. How could he speak to me so improperly?

  “Will you not look at me, Yaqian?” he asked.

  “No,” I said with a pout. “You know nothing can come of it.”

  “Why not?” he asked. “Gōngnǚ are often given as wives to court officials after several years of faithful service. And no one has been more faithful than you. I dare say the empress would not deny you anything you asked of her.”

  “We cannot marry, you fool,” I said. “I am Chinese; you are Manchu. Marriage between races is forbidden. You know this.”

  He nodded. “I know. But maybe you could come to me under another title, be a servant in my house.”

  “A servant? In your house? For your wives and concubines to kick like a dog?”

  “I am sure we could come to some arrangement,” he said. “I could order them to treat you kindly.”

  “That would never work,” I said. “You are rarely at home anyway. I would never see you and you wouldn’t be there to protect me.”

  He seemed frustrated as he racked his brain for an answer.

  “Besides,” I said, cutting off any further rebuttals. “I am happy here. I love the empress and my work. I would not give it up to live in your home and birth your spoiled children. Did you ever consider what I wanted?” I asked.

  “I considered the fact that you loved me too and would want to find a way to be together.”

  “I do love you,” I said, almost shocking myself. “But the price of giving into that love is too high.”

  “You would rather live in a fantasy?” he asked. “Just loving in your mind but never really fulfilling what it means to love?”

  “You should climb inside my head,” I said. “It is a beautiful place.”

  * * *

  The prince wasn’t joking about his intention to seduce me. He came to see me at least once a week under the pretense of working on the design for the flag. He would take any opportunity to touch my hand, kiss my cheek, or say kind things. I didn’t tell him to stop because I enjoyed the attention, but I simply couldn’t imagine a future together.

  The flag we created together was magnificent, just as he predicted it would be. He had imagined a red dragon on a yellow background, but I made a few artistic changes. I made the flag a triangle instead of a square. I knew the flags of other empires were square, but Manchu banners were triangular, so I thought a triangular flag would pay homage to the emperor’s Manchu ancestors. I kept the yellow background because yellow was the color of the emperor. I changed the red dragon to a blue one because the azure dragon represented the east and the spring and was considered the king of the dragons. I could not imagine a better dragon to represent this new China under Emperor Tongzhi. I kept one of the blue threads from that first flag I made as a memory of this symbol of China I was creating, but also to remember those days with Prince Gong.

  I also added another element, a red flaming pearl. It looked like the azure dragon was reaching for the pearl. The pearl symbolized perfection and enlightenment, the endless cycle of transformation, and was one of the Eight Treasures of Buddhism. Above the dragon throne in the emperor’s formal audience hall there was a huge golden dragon with a pearl in its mouth. Legend said that if anyone who wasn’t the emperor sat on the emperor’s throne, the dragon would drop the pearl and the person would be crushed. Through the pearl, the dragon enacted justice. The pearl also represented wealth and good luck.

  After the Dowager Empresses approved the flag, it was sent to Suzhou for mass production. Once the flag became standard, Prince Gong took me to the Dagu Forts where I could see hundreds of ships flying the flag of China. Dancing in the wind, it looked like a sea of dragons flying over the ocean. It was one of the proudest moments of my life.

  * * *

  One day, Empress Cixi called me to her. She sent everyone else away so we could speak privately.

  “I have a task for you,” she said. “We – the Emperor, Empress Ci’an, and I – are eternally grateful for what Prince Gong did in the service of us.”

  “I believe he is eternally devoted to you and your cause,” I said.

  “I agree,” she said. “As thanks, I would like to commission a new robe for him. Something grand, the likes of which has never been seen before. I think the court needs a symbol. My little Emperor is too small to make a grand statement of power or prestige, but Prince Gong is the highest-ranking man in the country. He should look the part.”

  “I agree, Majesty. Do you have an idea for a design?”

  “Yellow and dragons is all I know,” she said. “But…amazing! Do you know what I mean?”

  I smiled. “I have some ideas,” I said. “Do you want to work on the pattern together and then have them sent to Suzhou?”

  “No!” she said. “Well, I will help with the pattern, but I want you to do it, all of it. It must be the most beautiful dragon robe ever made! It cannot be entrusted to those idiot country girls. It must be made by your hand.”

  “But, Majesty, that could take a long time. Months or more if I am the only person working on it.”

  She nodded. “It is agreed then.”

  “Your Majesty,” I carefully proceeded, “that will be a mighty gift. Do you not worry that people will talk?”

  “No more than they already talk about you,” she said.

  I jumped out of my seat and kneeled before her. “Your Majesty, please forgive me and believe me when I say that I have done nothing that would bring you disgrace. I am loyal to you above all others.”

  “Are you?” she asked.

  “Yes, Your Majesty,” I said. “I want nothing more than to serve you for all of my days.”

  “How long have you been here, Yaqian?” she asked.

  “Seven years, Your Majesty.”

  “How old are you?”

  “I am twenty-three.”

  “If you are going to marry, it is time,” she said. “I was only sixteen when I became the Emperor’s consort. I dare say most men wouldn’t accept a bride as old as you.”

  “I have no wish to be a bride, Your Majesty,” I said. “I am happy here and would serve you all my days if you allowed it.”

  “As I said, if you are going to marry, it should be done now, otherwise it will not be done at all.”

  “I beg of Your Majesty,” I said, knocking my forehead to the ground and nearly in tears, “do not speak of it again. I will seek no other life but one in your service.”

  “Sit up,” she said. She looked at me and sighed. I am sure she believed me, but having a servant with such undying devotion was a rare thing. It was difficult for her to accept. “Very well, we will speak of it no more.”

  * * *

  For the next year, I worked on nothing but Prince Gong’s dragon robe.

  The robe was the most exquisite thing I had ever made. I started with the best yellow satin available for the shell and then lined it with perfectly white rabbit fur. With thread of real gold, I embroidered a massive dragon head that I couched onto the center of the robe. The body of the dragon, his legs, and tail were partly couched and partly embroidered directly on the robe and snaked around the rest of it. Each of the dragon’s feet had four claws because only the emperor would be allowed to wear a dragon with five claws. I embellished the robe with pearls from the South China Sea. I didn’t want the pattern to be too busy, I wanted the dragon to be the most important part, but I did include a few smaller dragons, bats, and auspicious symbols for good luck.

  After I completed the robe, I didn’t tell the empress immediately. I wanted to gaze at it, remember it for the rest of my days. I kept some of the extra gold thread and put it with the rest of my memories. For days, I kept the robe on its rack in my room and I just looked at it, amazed by this thing of beauty I had created. How I wished Lady Tang was there to see it.

  I was not present when the empress presented the yellow dragon robe to Prince Gong. She did so at a formal ceremony I was not allowed to attend, but afterward, he sought me out. I had been walking in one of the palace gardens when he found me. He was the most handsome man in the world. He stood tall, his chest broader than when we first met. His boots were tall and black, embroidered with golden symbols. His queue was long and tight, his forehead recently shaved, and his eyes bright. Neither of us could speak. We simply stared at each other for a long time – me, admiring the most handsome of princes in his dragon robe, and he, truly appreciating my skill for the first time. Finally, I managed a respectful curtsey and he replied with a solemn bow before walking away. My knees gave out and I sat in the shade by the pond for a long time.

  * * *

  Several months later, I was sitting by a little pond in the imperial gardens that was situated around a statue of Guanyin. The sun was already setting, so it was cool and dark in the little grotto. The golden koi swam in circles below me, mistakenly thinking I was going to throw them some food. I could hear some frogs chirping, but could not see where they were hiding. I twisted a lock of my long, black hair in my fingers. I had such soft hair.

  I turned when I heard some footsteps behind me. My eyes widened when I saw Prince Gong, wearing the yellow and golden robe I had embroidered for him, standing there. I had not seen him since the day the Empress presented him with his dragon robe. Since the completion of the national flag, we had no pretense to see each other. My heart fluttered seeing him now before me, but I did my best to remain calm.

  He smiled at me. “Evening, Yaqian.”

  I stood and gave a low curtsey before him. “My Prince,” I said with my eyes to the floor.

  “Yaqian!” he said, offering me his hand, “surely friends such as you and I are above such formalities.”

  I accepted his hand and stood. We left the little pool and walked down a long hallway decorated with teakwood carvings. “Are we ever above such formalities?” I asked. “Do not your wives and concubines still bow in your presence?”

  He shrugged. “Some of the wives do; some do not. The concubines all do, though. My wives would beat them if they refused.”

  I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and smiled. “I was raised too poor to understand the intrigue of such large families,” I said.

  “My brother the emperor paid for you with a very fine concubine to your father. How do you think your mother is handling her?” he asked.

  My head instinctively dropped at the mention of my mother. “I don’t know,” I said. “I have had no contact with my family since I came here. I am sure the poor concubine is miserable. Unless she has had many sons like you promised. Maybe then my mother would be good to her.”

  He nodded. “Did you notice that I am wearing the robe you made for me, Yaqian?”

  I looked at him, from his neck to his boots. The robe was every bit as exquisite as I remembered. My eyes wandered back up the robe and I looked at his face. On any other man, the robe might not have been as stunning, but on Prince Gong, with his broad build, strong jaw, long, black hair, and piercing gray eyes, he looked like an emperor.

  He smiled at me as I surveyed him. He seemed to enjoy the fact that I was looking at him so intently. I finally managed to break my gaze away.

  “You should stop praising me for that ugly robe,” I said, turning from him and walking away. “It was a gift from the empress, your dear brother’s wife, as thanks for helping her after his death. It pains her for you to give me credit for her gift.”

  “She did not make this robe,” he said, catching up to me.

  “She brought me from the dirt in faraway Hunan into her service. She provided the materials. She had the idea for the robe. Everything I am is because of her. Alone, I am nothing.”

  “Come into my household,” he said, stepping in front of me causing me to stop and look up at him. “Some of my wives are skilled at embroidery but with a fraction of your skill. I would be very pleased to have you under my roof. I would praise you and your skills publicly every day.”

  I scoffed. “You think I am just some weaver girl you can buy into your house? I am in service to Empress Cixi, the most powerful woman in the country. Only she deserves the best. You are only a prince,” I said waving my hand at him dismissively. “One of many.” I started to walk away from him, but he grabbed my arm and turned me back to him.

  “Do you truly despise me, Yaqian?” he asked.

  “You are nothing,” I said. “Just like me.”

  He pulled me close to him and kissed me. It was not the first time we had kissed, but this time was different. Before, the kisses had been sweet, flirtatious, and I could easily run away. This time, there was something more firm, more insistent about his kiss. I could not have run away if I wanted to. There was a hunger to his kiss. He needed me.

  He held one hand around my shoulders and the other around my waist. I reached up and put one arm around his neck. I wanted to comfort him, let him know that this time I wasn’t going to run away. He tasted like pomegranates and felt so hot against me. I could hear a small growl escape his throat as he moved from my mouth to my neck where he began to bite and suck. I felt a throbbing and wetness between my legs. I had not laid with a man before…not properly. I tried to push the unpleasant memories of the evening I spent with his brother out of my mind as I tasted Prince Gong. I knew what real desire was, and my body wanted him.

  He stopped kissing me and looked deep into my eyes. He led me down a dark hallway, away from any prying eyes. He put my hand inside his robe. I gasped in surprised and tried to jerk my arm back, but he held my hand tightly, almost too tightly, as he kept staring into my eyes. He forced my hand to touch him. I did not shirk back this time and I let him show me what to do. He sighed, closed his eyes, and let go of my wrist. I kept moving my hand up and down.

  He wrapped his arms around me, burying me in the long sleeves of his robe. He placed his cheek next to mine and sighed as I continued pleasuring him. “Yaqian,” he whispered, “I want to come to your room tonight.”

  I let go of him and took a step away. I looked up into his eyes, which were rimmed red. “You think I am your whore to call when you want?” I asked.

  “Never,” he said. “I am the most decorated prince in all of China. I have wives and concubines for my pleasure. Any foolish maiden on the street would throw herself at my feet if I so desired.”

  I removed his arms from around my neck and stepped away. “I am no foolish maiden,” I said.

  He nodded. “Exactly. You are cold and utterly devoted to my dear sister-in-law. For you to choose to lay with me would be a great favor from you.”

  “It is more than a favor,” I said. “Should we be caught, I could lose my life. I could be killed simply for daring to touch your great personage,” I said glancing below his waist.

  He stepped close again and kissed me gently. He squeezed one of my breasts with one hand and my backside with the other. “I am worth it,” he whispered.

  While I trembled and felt moist from his touch, his arrogance was appalling. I rolled my eyes and stepped away. “Not even you are worth a moment of my time, Prince Gong,” I said. “Much less my life.”

  I began to walk away, but he followed me. He grasped one of my arms and whispered in my ear, “Tonight, Yaqian. I will come to you tonight. I will pay the guards to let me in and out of the palace after dark. Wait for me.”

  I shrugged him off and kept walking. I did not look back at him. My heart was beating like a drum, my knees were weak, my stomach was dancing, but I managed to walk straight ahead until he was no longer behind me. I then ran to my quarters and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed and my hands were shaking.

  I poured water into my washbasin and rinsed my face. I could not believe what had just happened. Of course, I had felt a wanting for Prince Gong many times. He was so kind to me. He was the only person who openly acknowledged my embroidery skills. While my skills were known throughout the kingdom, Empress Cixi would only have the best in her service after all, humility was a cardinal virtue for a woman. I was never publically praised and when the empress thanked me in private, I kept my head low and denied the beauty of my work. But, secretly, I wanted to shout from the top of every temple in the empire that I was the greatest needleworker in China. I wanted to return to my hometown and show Mother the prince’s robe so she could see how my talent had grown. A thousand years from now, I wanted people to sing laments about how no one ever created embroidery as beautiful as mine ever again. Prince Gong’s public thanks for my work gave me a tiny glimpse into the glory I desired in my heart. And it made me desire him.

  I knew I would never marry as long as I was in the empress’s service. I would never have children. My life was utterly devoted the empress and I could not have such petty distractions in my life. Even taking a lover would mean less time working, more time worrying about my own wants or the wants of someone else. I could not afford such diversions from my work.

  Furthermore, the very idea of laying with Prince Gong was absurd. The imperial family was above the rest of us, appointed and protected by Heaven. Only wives and concubines appointed by the Emperor or Empress had the right to touch a man of the royal family, and a Manchu could only ever marry a Manchu. If I was caught, even my great skill and the love the empress or the prince had for me could not protect me.

  I paced as all these thoughts ran through my head. Allowing the prince into my room was an insane, deadly thought. All of my powers of reason told me not to do it. And yet, I wanted him to come to me. As much as I hated it, I loved the prince. It made me feel weak. Loving the prince put me in danger and could only lead to disaster.