I have to know.

  ~

  “Then you just have to ask,” Michelle tells me during lunchtime the next day. “It’s that simple.”

  Everything is simple to her. Maybe that’s how it seems when you’re on the outside looking in, when you’re not actually tangled in the mess.

  I stick my fork into the cherry tomato on my plate and pop it inside my mouth. “I’ve already asked. Twice, I think.”

  Didn’t I ask him at the museum? Or did I?

  “Then ask again,” Michelle says. “And this time, make sure you get a clear answer. Ask him a yes or no question. Then he’ll have nowhere to hide.”

  I look at her. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  She shrugs. “Maybe because you don’t really want to know the answer?”

  I snort. That’s absurd.

  “Are you ready to hear his answer, Violet?” Michelle asks me. “If he says no, are you ready to have your heart broken again? Can you handle it?”

  I don’t think anyone is ready to have their heart broken. It’s something no one would ask for. But I can handle it if that’s what has to happen. I’ve survived before.

  “And if he says yes, are you ready to start a relationship with him knowing that it failed the last time?”

  That’s a tougher question. Am I ready? Am I willing to really give Asher a chance and make this work?

  “I’ll think about it,” I answer. “I’ll make my decision. But first, I have to know his.”

  “So if he says no, you’ll just let him go and if he says yes, you’ll maybe have a relationship with him?”

  I shrug. “I’ll think about it, but I can’t be the only one.”

  Michelle nods. “Right. If you’re going to make this work, both of you have to decide that you’re going to make it work.”

  “Exactly. There has to be a mutual decision, an agreement.”

  “A commitment.”

  Precisely. That’s exactly what I’m looking for, but I’m afraid it might not be in Asher’s vocabulary. It seems like he’s never committed himself to anyone, and I don’t know if he’s capable of it. I tried to discern it when I asked him why he sleeps around, but I didn’t really get much of an answer. He didn’t want to talk about it, which likely means he has commitment issues.

  Can he commit himself to me?

  Michelle places her hand over mine. “So, when are you going to ask him?”

  ~

  I draw a deep breath as I stand in front of the door to Asher’s office. I can feel Dylan’s gaze on me, waiting for me to knock, wondering why I’m nervous. Frankly, I don’t know why I am either. I ignore him and knock on the door. It takes a few seconds before I hear Asher’s voice.

  “Come in.”

  I step inside. As my gaze meets Asher’s, he smiles.

  “Violet.”

  That’s a good thing, right? Him calling me by my first name. But I don’t want to rely on signs anymore.

  I return his smile. “Asher.”

  He leaves his desk and walks towards me. Before I can say another word, his lips are on mine. Smooth. Warm. Making mine tingle.

  Damn it. Why is he so good at kissing?

  He pulls away and touches my cheek. His eyes gaze into mine.

  “I haven’t seen you since yesterday.”

  It takes me a moment to answer because my mind seems to be reeling.

  “I know.”

  We were supposed to have dinner together but he got busy. I, too, remembered I had stuff to get ready for work, which I dove into right away after I arrived this morning.

  Asher strokes my cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

  I almost say the words back but something clicks inside my head. I remember what I came here for.

  I clear my throat. “Asher, I’m not just here to check on you.”

  He leans forward and brings his mouth close to my ear. “Naughty.”

  In spite of myself, I blush.

  He starts to lick my ear. I place my hand on his chest and push him away.

  “I’m not here for that, either,” I tell him. “Asher, we need to talk.”

  “About?” He grabs my hand and rubs my palm.

  It’s distracting so I pull my hand away.

  “Us.”

  “What about us?”

  “Exactly,” I say. “What about us? What are we?”

  Asher frowns. “I thought we already talked about this.”

  “We tried to, but I didn’t really get a straight answer. So I’m going to ask you again.” I draw another deep breath. “Is this… going somewhere?”

  It’s not what I was supposed to ask, but my script seems to have evaporated from my head.

  Asher grabs my hand, pulls me close and puts his hand back on my cheek.

  “Haven’t we already been places?”

  I frown. He’s not taking me seriously at all.

  He goes behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

  “Speaking of going somewhere, I was thinking we should go on another trip. Just the two of us again, but this time, with nothing related to work to worry about. What do you think?”

  “That… sounds good,” I admit.

  “Really?”

  Wait a second. Why am I answering his question when he hasn’t answered mine?

  I turn around to face him. “Asher…”

  “What about we go to Finland? We can stay in a glass igloo and watch the Northern Lights. Or we can go to Japan. They have nice trains and hot springs…”

  “Asher.” I grip his arms. “Before I go anywhere with you, tell me. Are you serious about me?”

  There. I’ve gone and said it.

  But Asher just grins. “I seriously want you right now.”

  Seriously?

  “Asher, I…”

  He seals my lips with his own before I can say more. Firmly. Passionately.

  I try to resist but I don’t have the strength, and when his tongue brushes against mine, even my will starts to melt. The thoughts inside my head spin. My knees tremble.

  Somehow, my hands end up on Asher’s hips. He caresses the nape of my neck, then my back. His fingers run along the zipper of my dress.

  When he starts to pull it down, something in me snaps.

  No. This is not what we’re supposed to be doing. This is not what we’re doing.

  I try to pull away but he wraps his arm around me. His hand clenches my ass.

  “Asher,” I tell him as I manage to break the kiss.

  He plants his mouth on my neck instead.

  “I’m serious, Violet,” he says. “I want you right now.”

  “But I don’t,” I tell him. “I want to talk.”

  He kisses my ear. “We can talk later.”

  “No. We’ll talk right now. You will answer my question right now.”

  He kisses my shoulder. “I thought I already did.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “Then this is my answer.” He presses his lips to the top of my breast. “After all, actions speak louder than words, right?”

  “Not now.” I push him away. “Now, I need you to tell me your answer. Out loud. And clear.”

  His lips return to my neck. His hand runs down my side.

  “Isn’t this clear enough for you?”

  My patience reaches its limit. Okay. Enough. No more fun and games. No more of this foolishness.

  If he says this is his answer, then I guess the message is clear. He’s not serious about me at all. He only wants sex. He doesn’t care about how I feel or what I have to say.

  In that case, there’s no point continuing this any longer.

  “Asher, let me go!”

  I try to push him away again but he doesn’t budge. I beat my fists on his chest.

  “Asher, stop! I—”

  Just then, the door opens. Asher stops. I freeze, too, as I see who’s standing in the doorway.

  Ryker Hawthorne and his older brother, Ethan, who now has a look of disappointment on his face.

  “What the hell is going on here?”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Asher

  I take my hands off Violet and face my brothers. What the hell? What the fuck are they doing in my office?

  “Ms. Cleary,” Ethan addresses Violet. “Did Asher do anything to you?”

  “No,” she answers, and then she rushes out of the room.

  I get an urge to go after her, but I don’t. Something tells me she’s not going to listen to me anyway. Besides, I can’t just run away from my brothers.

  Ryker sighs. “Her actions sure tell a different story.”

  I ignore him and go behind my desk. “What are the two of you doing here?”

  “We just wanted to know how the fundraiser went,” Ethan says. “Believe it or not, we didn’t come here just to bust your ass, but it seems to be a good thing we did.”

  I snort.

  Ethan places his hands on my desk. “What were you doing to Violet?”

  “The fundraiser went well,” I inform him. “I donated exactly how much you said I should and mingled with some people we do business with. Now, can you get out of my office?”

  Ethan shakes his head. “You still haven’t grown up, have you, Asher?”

  I glare at him. “I said get out of my office.”

  “You don’t scare me,” he says. “And you don’t have the right to send me away. We both know that. But just in case you forgot, tell him why, Ryker.”

  “Because he’s your boss,” Ryker says.

  I shrug. “So what? He can have sex in his office and I can’t?”

  Ethan draws a breath.

  “Or is the problem that Violet is my subordinate?” I ask him. “Oh, but wait. Wasn’t Stella your assistant when you started fu—”

  “Don’t you dare bring Stella into this,” he cuts me off. “Neither of those are the problems. The problem is that Violet didn’t look like she was willing. It looked like you were forcing yourself on her.”

  “I wasn’t,” I tell him.

  I felt her resisting me. I knew she wanted to stop. And I was about to. I just didn’t do it right away because there was a voice in my head telling me that if I did, she’d slip through my fingers, which is exactly what happened.

  Fuck.

  I shake my head. “You don’t know anything about us.”

  “Then tell me something.” Ethan crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you and Violet Cleary in a relationship?”

  Weird. Isn’t that what Violet was asking me?

  “We’re sleeping together if that’s what you’re asking,” I answer. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

  Ethan sighs.

  “And we did go on a date at the Navy Pier.”

  “You did?” Ryker asks. “Isn’t that a first?”

  “So you’re serious about her?” Ethan asks.

  Again, same question. I’m sick of it.

  I stand up and bunch my shoulders. “Why does everyone have to be so serious? And why is everyone poking their nose into my fucking business?”

  I point to the door to my office.

  “Get out.”

  Neither Ethan nor Ryker moves.

  “I said get out!”

  “Fine,” Ethan says finally. “Let’s go, Ryker. He’s old enough to sort out his own messes.”

  “Yes, I am,” I tell him. “Thank you.”

  They walk out the door. I sink back into my chair and let out a breath of relief.

  “And thank you for leaving.”

  I grab the glass of water on my desk and take a long sip.

  Now, finally, I can have some peace and quiet in my office. Or so I think until I remember Violet and how she marched off.

  Why was she so pissed? I already told her I can’t get enough of her, which is not something I’ve told any woman before. I told her I’m not having sex with anyone else. Again, not something I usually say. And I even said just a while ago that I missed her. Hasn’t she been listening? Isn’t it enough? Why won’t she believe me? What more does she want from me? Does she want me to propose to her? Is that it?

  I shake my head. Women. Why can’t they ever be satisfied? Why do they always have something to complain about? Why can’t they be reasonable?

  I put my glass down and let out a deep breath.

  Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to talk to her later.

  ~

  I tuck my hands into my pockets and tap my foot on the floor as I wait for Violet to open the door to her apartment.

  I’ve already rung the doorbell three times. I know she’s in there because I can see the light coming from under the door and I can hear the TV. Yet for some reason, she’s not coming.

  Is she in the bathroom? Does she have earphones on? Or is she just pretending she can’t hear me?

  Come on, Violet.

  I ring the doorbell again. When she still doesn’t answer, I start knocking.

  “Violet?”

  Still nothing.

  A new idea forms in my mind. What if she’s not coming to the door because she can’t? What if she’s hurt? What if she needs help?

  My chest tightens. I bang my fists on the door.

  “Violet, are you in there? Answer the door!”

  No answer.

  “Violet!”

  Finally, I hear footsteps coming. The door opens and Violet appears in a shirt and pajama pants. I place my hand over my chest as I let out a breath of relief.

  “Thank God. For a moment there, I was worried something bad had happened to you.”

  “You mean like how I felt when I couldn’t find you at Lloyd Finley’s party?” she tells me. “Or at the museum? Good.”

  She’s mad. Really mad.

  I draw a deep breath. “Can we talk?”

  Her eyebrows arch. “Oh, now you want to talk? Well, I don’t.”

  Violet tries to close the door in my face. I use my shoulder and my foot to keep it open.

  “Really?” Violet gives me a look of resentment as she drops her shoulders. “You really don’t know how to take no for an answer, do you?”

  “I’m not going away until we talk,” I tell her. “Or would you rather have this conversation at work?”

  She puts her hands on her hips. “So, what did your brothers think about that, huh? I bet you got scolded.”

  “I don’t care about them. I care about you. That’s why I’m here.”

  “Oh, really? You care about me?” She points her fingers at her chest, then waves her hands. “Don’t worry. I can handle your brothers.”

  “I said they’re not why I’m here.”

  “Why are you here, then, Asher?” Her hands go back to her hips. “Because you weren’t able to have your fun earlier? Because you can’t get enough of fucking me?”

  I frown. “That’s not what I said.”

  “What exactly can’t you get enough of, then?” She crosses her arms beneath her breasts. “Go on. Tell me.”

  “You,” I tell her. “All of you.”

  Her eyebrows go up. “All of me? Really?”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to get a hold of my temper. Why is Violet being so difficult?

  I inhale then exhale. “Violet…”

  “Why don’t you just admit it, Asher? That all you want from me is sex?”

  My temper slips. I shake my head.

  “You know what? If you don’t want to believe me, there’s nothing I can do. If you want to make fun of me, fine. But I’m not going to put up with any of this.”

  I step back.

  Violet snorts. “Oh, now you’re leaving?”

  I meet her gaze. “I thought you wanted me to leave.”

  “I thought you wanted to talk.”

  “I did, but you’re clearly not in the mood. All you want to do is pick a fight.”

  “Really?” Violet steps forward. “So I’m the bad guy here, am I? I’m the crazy bitch?”

  I shrug. “You did stick your knee into my balls.”

  She shakes her head. “Unbelievable.”

  For once, we agree. This whole conversation, if it can even be called one, is ridiculous.

  I walk away.

  “That’s right, Asher Hawthorne,” Violet tells me. “Leave. That’s what you’re good at, right? You leave your date at a party so she doesn’t have a ride home.”

  I stop in my tracks and roll my eyes. I guess she’ll never forgive me for that.

  “And then you leave the women you sleep with behind on the bed right after you get your pants back on. And you never look back. You just throw them away and forget they ever existed.”

  I turn around. “But I didn’t do that to you, did I?”

  Violet doesn’t answer.

  “You know I didn’t, but it doesn’t mean anything to you.”

  “I don’t know what it means,” she says. “Tell me what it means, Asher. That’s all I’m asking.”

  “No. That’s not all you’re asking. You want me to give you a ring.”

  “I never said that.”

  “You want me to say I’m in love with you and I can’t live without you. Isn’t that right?”

  Violet purses her lips and says nothing. She doesn’t have to. I know I’m right. I also know I can’t say those words. Not yet.

  I shake my head. “Even if I say those words, you’re not going to believe me anyway, are you?”

  Violet meets my gaze. There isn’t any trace of anger in her eyes now. Just pain.

  A lump forms in my throat. What? Is she going to cry again? But I have a feeling that this time, she isn’t going to let me comfort her.

  “That’s the thing with faith, Asher,” she says in a breaking voice. “It has to be earned. And no, you haven’t earned it.”

  So that’s what this all comes to? That’s her decision? That she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore? Then I guess I have no choice but to respect it.

  I nod. “Fine. Just remember that I’m not the one who threw what we had away.”

  I turn away, but instead of going to my apartment, I walk past Violet to the elevator. I’m not staying here tonight, maybe not for a while. She can cry all she wants. She can break all the stuff in her apartment, but I don’t want to hear any of it. I don’t want to know.

  If she wants nothing to do with me, then this time, for once, I’m going to leave her alone.

  Chapter Twenty-Two