Claire doesn’t answer. I don’t know if she even heard me.

  “I’m sorry,” I repeat in a louder voice. “For what happened a few days ago. I shouldn’t have…”

  I look around just to make sure Joel is nowhere near.

  “…kissed you. It was a mistake. I—”

  “Made it clear when you pushed me away,” she finishes my sentence as she meets my gaze. “Plus you said it. You’ve said all this before.”

  I let out a breath. “So I take it you haven’t forgiven me.”

  “For kissing me? Yes. For acting like I gave you the plague or making me feel like I’m the world’s worst kisser? No.”

  So that’s why she’s angry? Because I ran away from her?

  “You are not a bad kisser,” I tell her.

  “Just not good enough for you.”

  I almost roll my eyes because Claire has this completely wrong.

  “The fact that I pushed you away has nothing to do with the kiss itself,” I explain. “It was a good kiss, an amazing kiss even.”

  “Just with the wrong person?”

  “You’re Joel’s sister, Claire,” I tell her.

  “Right. Joel’s sister. Not yours.”

  “Joel is my best friend.”

  “It’s always about Joel, isn’t it?”

  I see the dismay in Claire’s narrowed eyes as she looks at me.

  “You only ever did nice things for me because of Joel. I was only there at that stupid party seven years ago because I came with Joel. After I cut my finger, you left me with Joel. And then a few days ago, you left me again because you thought about Joel. Even now, you’re scared Joel might find out that you and I kissed.”

  She says that last part a little loudly and I quickly look over my shoulder. Thank goodness there’s still no sign of Joel.

  “See.” Claire lifts her shoulders and hands. “It’s always about Joel.”

  “Joel is my best friend,” I tell her again.

  “And me? Has it ever occurred to you that I might be a separate human being? That I’m my own person? That I am a person? Or am I always going to be Joel’s little sister, like I’m his favorite toy or something?”

  I don’t answer. I don’t know what to say. It never occurred to me that that was how Claire felt, maybe because I never intended for her to feel that way. But now, I understand. And I feel bad.

  I’ve been getting mad at Asher for treating women like toys while I’ve been treating Claire like an object myself. I’ve failed to consider her feelings.

  That stops now.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologize as sincerely as I can. “I’ve acted like a jerk and treated you unfairly.”

  Claire says nothing.

  “I know you want nothing to do with me. You’ve made that clear. But do you think we can maybe just… try to get along until Joel and Natalie’s wedding? Because this is going to be so much harder if we don’t, not just for you and me but for them. And I’m sure they already have a lot to deal with.”

  Claire looks at me. For a moment, she just stares. I can’t tell what she’s thinking. Then she nods.

  “Okay. I’ll try if you will.”

  I give her a smile.

  “Well, look what we have here,” Joel says as he returns to the table with Natalie. “Seems like the best man and the maid of honor have decided to get along.”

  “We both agreed it was one of our duties to,” I tell him.

  “Great.” Natalie slides into her seat. “Now I’m starting to feel like this wedding is happening.”

  “Oh, it’s happening,” Joel tells her.

  “And it’s going to be the best wedding ever,” Claire says. “Because you both deserve it.”

  Wow. Her mood sure changed fast.

  “Aw.” Natalie places her hands on her chest, then reaches for Claire’s hand. “I knew I was right to pick you to be my maid of honor.”

  Claire beams with pride. They really have grown close, like real sisters.

  “So I guess we’ll just leave it to the two of you to plan the parties,” Natalie continues as she turns to me. “Claire is staying here in Chicago for a while, so the two of you can meet after the holidays and discuss things.”

  She turns back to Claire.

  “You do have each other’s numbers, right?”

  Actually, I don’t. I think Claire sent me a few messages before, but I deleted them.

  “I think I deleted your number,” Claire tells me as well.

  “I’ll make sure they get each other’s numbers,” Joel says.

  “Or they can just exchange them now,” Natalie says. “Go on.”

  I can tell Claire is hesitant, but she gives me her phone. I punch in my number and give it a call so her number shows up in mine. Then I cancel the call and give the phone back. She puts it away.

  “So, you’ll give me a call when… we should meet?” I ask her.

  “Yeah.”

  She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she looks away. Then she grabs her glass of wine to take a sip. I notice that her cheeks look a little rosy.

  Is she blushing?

  I realize she is. But why? Because she has my number? Because we’re meeting again soon?

  Then it hits me. The next time we meet, we’ll be alone. No Joel and no Natalie. The thought makes my pulse quicken for a few seconds—right up until I have to face the fact that danger comes with the thrill. The danger of making another mistake.

  I know I told Claire I’d stop doing or not doing things just because she’s Joel’s sister, but the fact is still true. I still have a duty to Joel as his best friend, and if I’m going to be his best man, I have to fulfill that.

  No more messing with the bro code.

  “On second thought, I’ll just call you when I’m free,” I tell her.

  That way, I can decide on the time and place and maybe make things less dangerous.

  “Okay.” Claire nods as she sets down her glass. Then she gives me a shrug and a grin. “I guess I’ll wait.”

  Chapter Three

  Claire

  I’m still waiting.

  I know we’re not supposed to start planning stuff until after the holidays, but tonight is Christmas Eve. Can’t he call just to greet me ‘Merry Christmas’? Or even just send a message? Is that really too much to ask of someone you’ve known for years? Of someone who kissed you just last week?

  I know he regrets kissing me, but he did kiss me. I kissed him first, but he kissed me back. Is he just going to forget about that?

  I can’t.

  As I sit on the couch with a glass of wine in hand, my gaze drowning amid the colors and lights of the Christmas tree, I can’t stop thinking of Ryker. I can’t help but wish he was here with me right now, sharing his thoughts with me and listening to mine as we share this bottle of Chardonnay. And maybe kissing me in between sips, and possibly putting our glasses down to get naked under this quilt and have sex. Or we could just cuddle and sip our wine in silence as we stare at the fire until we fall asleep and then wake up to Christmas morning in each other’s arms.

  The scenario makes me smile, but then I sigh as I realize it’s all just a product of my imagination. It’s Christmas Eve and the only company I have is my imagination and my glass of wine, which means I’m all alone. And I feel alone.

  Weird. Joel and Nat invited me over tonight, even though I’m sure they would rather be the ones sitting on this couch, because they didn’t want me to feel alone. They’re in their bedroom just several feet away, and yet I do feel all alone. I’m in the city where I grew up, where I spent most of my life, and I’ve never felt more alone.

  The fact that Ryker is in this same city, that I could be spending this night with him but I’m not, just makes it worse.

  I’m not stupid. I don’t ask for the impossible. I don’t cling to the unnecessary. If Ryker had ignored me every step of the way, if he hadn’t acted like a jealous boyfriend at that party, if he hadn’t kissed me a week ago, I wouldn’t be thinking of him right now, pining for him. But he gave me hope, and it’s taken root inside me like an invasive weed. So I hope, and then I end up all alone on someone else’s couch on Christmas Eve like a complete fool.

  I let out another sigh before finishing my wine.

  Maybe I am a fool.

  ~

  “You’re right,” Nat tells me.

  She puts her hands on her hips as she stares at the bottom part of her white gown, which has layers upon layers and frankly too many beads and bows. Then she looks at her reflection in the full-length, gold-gilded mirror and pouts.

  “I do look like a wedding cake.”

  And not one I’d look forward to eating.

  “Sorry,” I mumble.

  “Don’t be.” She turns to face me. “You’re my maid of honor. One of your duties is to make sure I’m not wearing a hideous dress to my wedding.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “It is?”

  It seems my list of duties keeps growing every day.

  “I’m beginning to think maids of honor should be paid,” I say. “Do you think there are maids of honor for hire?”

  “That wouldn’t be honorable, now would it?” Nat plops down beside me and sighs. “But yeah, I get what you mean. Planning for a wedding? Stressful. And to think I have a wedding planner.”

  “Well, it is your wedding,” I tell her. “Someone else might make the plans and choose the flowers and all that, but of course you’d still be stressed. After all, it’s your day. It’s your once-in-a-lifetime grand event. You don’t want anything to mess it up.”

  “And yet I have no control.” Nat gives another sigh. “A million things can go wrong on my wedding day, and by then it will be too late to make them right.”

  “Hey.” I reach for her hand and squeeze it as I look into her eyes. “Everything will be alright. You know how I know? Because even though not everything is under your control, the most important thing is—showing up. All you have to do is show up and Joel will be there waiting for you and everything will be alright.”

  The corners of Natalie’s lips curve up into a smile. Then she squeezes my hand back.

  “Thanks, Claire. I really was right to choose you to be my maid of honor.”

  “You’re welcome.” I give her a smile of my own. “And I’m not sure if I’ve told you this, but I really am glad that you’re the one my brother is marrying.”

  “Aw.” She puts her arms around me. “That’s so sweet.”

  And true. Honestly, a part of me thought he was never going to get married because he was so busy with work. Also, because he has some weird habits. Plus he was so busy taking care of me—even after I turned sixteen and insisted I could take care of myself—that he didn’t go out on dates or get much experience with women. And yet, somehow, he was able to find himself the perfect woman who’s completely in love with him.

  If only fate was as kind to me.

  Nat pulls away and gives me a look of concern. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I answer. “I’m just really glad.”

  “But you look sad.” Nat places her hand over mine. “Won’t you tell me why? We are practically sisters, aren’t we? You can tell me anything.”

  Still, I say nothing. Yes, we’re practically sisters. Yes, we’ve grown close. But I’ve still only known her for a few years. Besides, she has a wedding coming up. She has a lot on her plate. And she’s happy. I don’t want to spoil her happiness. What kind of maid of honor would I be if I did that?

  “It’s nothing,” I tell her again. “Just the holiday blues, I guess.”

  She squeezes my hand again. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with Joel and me to my parents’ house for New Year’s? I’m sure they’d love to have you too.”

  I shake my head. “No. I’ll stay right here and hang out with some old friends.”

  Christy and I already have plans, actually.

  “Okay.” Nat nods and lets my hand go. “But can I give you some advice?”

  “Sure.”

  “I know the holidays can get you down, especially when you don’t have anyone special or a lot of family. I’ve been there before so I know. But your happiness is in your hands. Like you said earlier, there are a lot of things beyond our control, but your own happiness? You get to decide that. You can choose to absorb the happiness around you at this time of year instead of resenting it. And if you feel like there’s something you need to make yourself happy, go for it, no matter how crazy or silly it may seem. You owe it to yourself to be happy, or at least find peace. If you’re the only company you have, you deserve the best company, don’t you think?”

  I have to agree. In fact, now that she’s said them out loud, I realize Natalie’s words are exactly the ones that my own mind has been whispering. I just haven’t been paying attention.

  This isn’t me. All this worrying and being down, this isn’t me. I’m the kind of person who likes to keep busy, who is always looking for something new and exciting, who finds reasons to smile. I’m not the kind of person who waits. I’m the kind that goes after what she wants, that tries to find ways.

  I’m in Chicago. So is Ryker. If I want to see him before the year is over, if that’s what’s going to make me happy or ease my mind, then that is what I should do. That’s what I will do.

  Just the resolve makes me feel better already.

  “That’s better.” Nat pats my shoulder. “That’s my girl.”

  I give her a grateful smile.

  She gets off the couch. “So, shall I try on the next gown?”

  “Yes, please.”

  She puts up a finger. “Don’t worry. I’ll stick with the simpler ones from now on.”

  I nod. “You do that.”

  She heads back into the dressing room. As I wait for her to reappear, I take my phone out of my purse and stare at Ryker’s number.

  No more waiting. I’m a doer, not a waiter. I’m going to do what I should have done in the first place.

  Time to get myself a little holiday cheer.

  And a bit of Ryker.

  At the thought of him, I grin. I wonder what he’s doing right now.

  Chapter Four

  Ryker

  What am I doing?

  I’m supposed to be working. That’s why I’m here at the office. I chose to come here to the office even though Ethan and Stella were both trying to convince me to take a vacation like they’re doing, even though Asher isn’t here. I bet he and Violet have taken off, too. I’m the only Hawthorne in this building right now, which means I have to act like a boss and pull enough weight.

  So why am I not getting anything done?

  There’s only one culprit—Claire Parker.

  I see the box of chocolates on my desk, the one an employee gave me after the office Christmas party. I still haven’t opened it, but its red and green bow reminds me of the dress Claire wore to that Christmas party at the mansion. I glance out the window at the falling snow and I remember all the winters we spent together, including the one when I helped her make her first snowman. I close my eyes and I can see her as she is now, all grown up, kissing me under mistletoe. My phone beeps and I wonder if it’s a message from her, and when it’s not, I wonder if I should send her one, if I should call her, even if it’s just to wish her ‘Happy Holidays’.

  Even without any prompting, like a while ago when I was alone in the elevator, I still find myself thinking of Claire, remembering the last time I saw her, imagining what she’s doing now. Joel mentioned that he and Natalie are spending New Year’s at Natalie’s parents’ house. What about Claire? Is she going with them? Or is she spending New Year’s Eve alone here in the city just like I’m planning to?

  My eyebrows furrow as I suddenly get a thought. She’s not going to some bar or club and get drunk, is she? And then go home with some guy? I wish I could say she wouldn’t do such a thing, but Claire has always been independent in spite of Joel’s efforts to coddle her, and daring. A little reckless, maybe. I can totally see her doing it. And it bothers me. It stings.

  Damn it.

  I look at my phone again. A voice in my head tells me I should just call her and ask if she has plans for New Year’s Eve, ask her out if she doesn’t. But if I do, I’ll be the one she goes home with, and while I’m better than some random guy, I don’t trust myself not to act like any other man when I’m around a woman as attractive as her.

  I look away from my phone. It’s too dangerous. I can’t risk it. I won’t.

  Suddenly, my phone beeps. My heart jumps. I pick my phone up and look at the screen. It’s just Asher telling me he’s not coming to work for the next few days.

  I figured.

  Another message comes in at its heels.

  Don’t be such a stick. Find yourself a reason to spend the remaining days of the year in bed.

  That followed by a wink.

  Typical Asher, I think as I set my phone aside. As always, I’ll just ignore him. He’s wrong, anyway. I’m not a stick in the mud. I travel, and not always for work. I drink with my brothers and sometimes alone at home. I go to parties. I’ve gone on dates. I’ve slept with a few women. I just don’t brag about them like Asher does.

  Maybe I should find myself a date for New Year’s Eve just to take my mind off Claire?

  Just then, I hear a knock on the door.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  Miller steps in. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Mr. Hawthorne, but there’s a woman down at the lobby looking for you.”

  A woman? I give my assistant a puzzled look.

  “Who?”

  “She said her name was Claire Parker.”

  My eyes grow wide. Claire? What on earth is she doing here?

  “She said she’ll wait to have lunch with you.”

  “Lunch?” I glance at my watch.

  I hadn’t realized it’s almost noon. It’s almost noon and I’ve barely accomplished anything. I guess I might as well go have lunch with Claire. I’ve been thinking about her so much I might as well have called her here. And who knows? Maybe I’ll be able to focus on work after.

  I look at Miller. “Tell Ms. Parker I’ll be down in ten minutes.”

  ~

  I get down in five because I hate to keep a girl waiting. There aren’t a lot of people in the lobby, so I spot her immediately. Then again, even if there was a crowd, I’m pretty sure I could still pick out Claire’s head of gorgeous, blonde curls and her emerald eyes.