I throw a glare at him.

  “No,” Ethan answers as he sets down his glass. “We’re having a baby.”

  My eyebrows furrow. I glance at Asher, who has the same confused expression.

  Yes, we already know Stella’s pregnant. Has Ethan forgotten? Wasn’t he just talking about it?

  “And I’ve decided I want to be there for the baby,” Ethan goes on. “And for Stella. So I’m going to take a few weeks off work.”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  I didn’t think Ethan would do that, but I guess it’s understandable.

  “And while I’m not in the office, I need the two of you to step up and take the reins,” he adds.

  Asher puts down his drink on the counter with a thud. “What?”

  I can understand his reaction. Even I’m surprised. No. Shocked. And disappointed.

  Ethan wants Asher and I to step into his shoes. He’s taking a few weeks off. That means I can’t tell him about my plans for the Foundation. I can’t establish the Foundation. I can’t leave Chicago.

  Fuck. Why didn’t I see this coming?

  “Can I count on both of you?” Ethan asks.

  Asher sighs. “Fine. I guess Violet can head my department for a while. In fact, I think she’d love that. But I can’t do everything you do.”

  “That’s why I asked both of you.” Ethan looks at me. “Ryker?”

  I find no other choice but to nod. Maybe Asher is right. Maybe I’m Ethan’s puppy. But how can I say no when this is the first thing he’s actually asked of me? When his request is perfectly reasonable?

  “Yeah. Sure,” I tell him. “You should go be with your family.”

  Ethan smiles. “Thanks.”

  I try to smile as well. This isn’t the end of the world. Or the end of my plans. I’ll just have to set them aside for a while. Then when Ethan comes back, I’ll tell him. And he won’t be able to turn me away then because I helped him.

  I sip my drink. Yeah. Everything’s fine. I can work for the company for a few more months.

  Then I think of Claire and the fact that I have to tell her about the delay in my plans, plans that she’s just as excited about as I am.

  I gulp down the rest of my gin. Fuck.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Claire

  I rush to the door of my apartment the moment I hear the doorbell.

  I know it’s Ryker, even though he hasn’t called to let me know he’s coming. It’s Saturday, after all, and we usually spend our Saturdays together. Plus he promised we’d do something special this weekend to reward ourselves for doing such a great job with Joel and Natalie’s wedding shower, and I can’t wait to hear what he has planned.

  I open the door. At the sight of Ryker standing just outside in blue jeans and a long-sleeved plaid shirt with the top three buttons undone, my heart skips a beat.

  “Hey, handsome,” I greet him playfully. “Where are we going?”

  He smiles, which makes him instantly ten times hotter. I nearly melt at the knees on the spot.

  “Do you want to pack your bags and find out?”

  ~

  I was hoping Ryker and I would go somewhere out of state, like Mineral Park in Wisconsin or Ann Arbor in Michigan. But when we arrive in Lake Forest, which is less than an hour away from Chicago, I can’t bring myself to be disheartened.

  I’ve only been here twice before, both times in summer, so I’ve never seen it covered in a blanket of snow. Right now, it is, and somehow that makes it more enchanting. It almost feels like Christmas all over again.

  And I feel like Christmas. I’m eating candies and popcorn. Ryker bought me an old cookbook I’ve been searching for for a while. I spent some time helping out in the kitchen at the Elawa Farm. Best of all, I’m having sex with Ryker between luxurious sheets.

  I focus on that, burying my nails in Ryker’s ass as his sheathed cock moves slowly in and out of me. I already came—twice—which is why my body still feels like it’s drifting and my mind is lost in a haze, but I have a feeling there’s one more orgasm coming.

  Ryker kisses me once more and my head goes blank. His tongue, which still has a bit of my taste on it, wriggles against mine. I shiver.

  He tosses the blanket aside as he pulls away, but I don’t feel cold at all. He holds my feet up in the air. His fingers grip my ankles as he pounds into me.

  I clutch the edges of the pillow behind my head and moan. It’s all I can do as he rocks my body, with each powerful thrust pushing all the buttons inside me and sending fire spreading through my veins.

  Yup. I’m close again. And this time, so is Ryker. His hips are going faster and faster. He’s gasping for air.

  “Coming!”

  When he jerks his hips and that final thrust hits deep inside me, I fall over the edge. Cries spill from my lips as my back arches. My fingers rake at the sheets. My eyes roll to the back of my head as I bury it against the pillow.

  I keep my eyelids shut as I catch my breath and wait for my heart to slow down. Ryker lets go of my ankles and my legs fall. He pulls his cock out of me, leaving me feeling hollow and yet content at the same time.

  The bed creaks as he gets off to get rid of the condom. Only then do I open my eyes to find the blanket. I grab it and pull it over my body up to my shoulders. Moments later, Ryker returns to the bed and joins me between the sheets. I rest my head on his shoulder and snuggle against him.

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “For the sex?” he asks, surprise in his voice.

  “For bringing me here,” I tell him. “To this magical place just outside of Chicago and yet an entirely different world of its own.”

  He lifts my chin to give me a tender kiss. Then he looks into my eyes.

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  I smile and start to run my fingers across his chest.

  “I’m going to take you places, too, you know. There’s this scenic city in Nepal called Pokhara. There’s this beautiful waterfall in Laos that just seems like it’s out of a video game but better. There’s an island in Cambodia that isn’t too well-known but has this marvelous combination of jungles and white sand. And don’t get me started on Japan. There are just so many places there that you’ll absolutely fall in love with.”

  In spite of all my excited blabber, Ryker says nothing. I lift my head and look at him.

  “Is something wrong?”

  As soon as he meets my gaze, I know there is. A lump forms in my throat as a bad feeling pricks my chest and spreads.

  I swallow. “What’s wrong?”

  Ryker touches my cheek. “You’re amazing. You know that?”

  My eyebrows furrow. “But?”

  He’s not going to try and break up with me again, is he? Not when there’s just a week until the wedding.

  “No buts,” he says. “I just wanted you to know that you’ve been such an inspiration to me. You’ve changed my life.”

  “But?” I ask again.

  He can’t fool me. I know there’s one coming.

  He draws a breath. “I haven’t told Ethan about the Foundation. I can’t.”

  I don’t understand. “Why not?”

  “Because he’s taking a few weeks off after his baby is born and he wants Asher and me to lead the company.”

  “And you said yes?”

  Ryker sighs. “I can’t say no to him, Claire. He’s my brother. He’s done a lot for me.”

  “Wow.”

  That’s all I can say to sum up my disappointment. Wow.

  “Hey.” He strokes my cheek. “It’s not like I’m giving up on the Foundation. It just has to wait a little longer.”

  “You’ve already spent more than seven years working for your brother,” I remind him. “Isn’t it about time you do something else? Something for yourself?”

  Doesn’t he see that he’s sacrificing his own happiness for others? How is that okay with him?

  I move away from him. “You always put others first, Ryker. It’s about time you put yourself first.”

  “Well, now is not that time. Ethan is having a baby. He’s having a family. He deserves to be with his family.”

  “And he can be even without you putting your dreams on hold,” I tell him. “Asher’s there.”

  “He can’t do it on his own.”

  “Surely there’s more than one capable person in your company. Can’t he get a group of them to help him?”

  Ryker shakes his head. “Ethan asked me. He’s never asked anything of me before.”

  “He’s never thought of your happiness before either, has he?”

  Ryker’s eyes narrow. “That’s not true.”

  “Did he ever ask you what you want to do with your life?” I ask him.

  He looks away.

  “I thought so. Everyone in your family is selfish. If you don’t think of yourself, they’re going to keep taking pieces of you and trample you until nothing is left.”

  “You’re the one who’s selfish!” Ryker snaps at me.

  My eyebrows furrow. “Me?”

  How did this become about me?

  “You just dropped out of school without telling Joel. You go hopping and skipping around the world without a care.”

  Oh, so those are bad things now? I’m the bad one now? Unbelievable.

  “You don’t understand what family means because you don’t have one, so you don’t understand how I feel about mine. And you definitely don’t get to judge them or my relationship with them.”

  Wow. Now I don’t have a family?

  I get off the bed. This is ridiculous. I’m getting out of here.

  “I can’t believe you brought me here just to say mean things to me,” I say as I put on my clothes. “You could have just said them when you came to my apartment in Chicago.”

  Ryker falls silent.

  “Tell me, was all this just you trying to butter me up before you gave me your bad news? You had sex with me to put me in a good mood so then maybe I wouldn’t get mad at you?” I snort as I pull my shirt over my head. “Well, you wasted your time. You wasted all this.”

  Ryker sits up. “I didn’t—”

  “What about us, Ryker? Haven’t you paused to think of that? You told me you were going to travel with me. You told me we would spend time together, that we would help people together, that we would change the world together. What happened to that?”

  “Plans change.”

  That’s all he can say? Plans change?

  I nod as I fight back tears. “You know what? You’re right. Plans change. Unexpected shit happens. And when it does, you’re always going to put me last, right? I’m always going to be last.”

  Ryker shakes his head. “That’s not true.”

  “But it is. I mean, you haven’t even told Joel about us because you’re thinking of him and of yourself instead of me.”

  “I’m going to tell him after the wedding.”

  “Exactly. Because he deserves to be happy. But you don’t? I don’t?”

  “I thought we were happy.”

  I shake my head as I grab my shoes. “I don’t even know what we are anymore.”

  I grab my backpack and my coat and walk to the door.

  “Claire!”

  Ryker comes after me and grabs my arm. I shrug his hand off.

  “You can put yourself last all you want, Ryker, but I’m not settling for it. I’m done.”

  I walk out the door. Out in the hallway, I take a moment to breathe in spite of the pain crushing my chest. Then I put on my shoes and my coat. As I walk down the hall, the tears I’ve been holding back trickle down my cheeks. I stop by the window at the end to wipe them as I watch the falling snow.

  Ryker and I are done. It’s over.

  I should never have slept with him in the first place. I should have known it wouldn’t work. No relationship will work if it’s only one person doing all the work. And that’s been me.

  I want to be with Ryker. I love him. But he doesn’t want to be with me. Not really. While he’s said a lot of nice things, he’s never even once said he loves me.

  Ryker doesn’t love me. Maybe he loves his brothers, and maybe even Joel, but he doesn’t love me. You don’t put the person you love last. You don’t make them wait. You don’t sacrifice their happiness.

  Ryker doesn’t love me. So now, I have to stop loving him. I have to because it hurts too much to love him. It takes too much out of me.

  I have to stop loving him. And I have to do it before the wedding.

  The wedding. The stupid wedding. Everything in my life has turned upside down because of it.

  I let out a deep sigh.

  I love Joel and Natalie. I do. But right now, I wish they never thought of this stupid wedding.

  Chapter Twenty

  Ryker

  I wish I didn’t have to go to Joel and Natalie’s wedding, I think as I stand still as a mannequin in front of the full-length mirror in the corner of the clothing shop, waiting for the tailor to make the final alterations to my bespoke tux.

  I wouldn’t be going if I wasn’t Joel’s best man, regardless of how long we’ve known each other. I don’t want to go. If I go, I’ll inevitably see Claire. No doubt she’ll be in the most beautiful dress. And I’ll just be kicking myself the whole time knowing I let her slip through my fingers.

  No. She left. She grew tired of me. She no longer wanted to put up with me. And so she left. She walked out of that hotel room in Lake Forest and went back to Chicago all by herself, leaving me behind.

  I’m sure she hates me now. She’ll pretend to smile at me and maybe even dance with me at the wedding because it’s what she’s expected to do, because she cares about Joel and Natalie, but the whole time, I know she’ll be hating me, wishing I wasn’t there.

  So no, I wish I didn’t have to be there.

  “Is this going to take much longer?” I ask the tailor impatiently.

  “Just a few more minutes, sir,” he answers.

  Joel comes out of the dressing room in his tux.

  “What do you think?” he asks me.

  “Good,” I answer.

  I’m not really in the mood to elaborate.

  “You think Natalie will like it?”

  He stands in front of the other mirror and studies his reflection. He touches his tie.

  “Hmm. Is it alright for me to wear a necktie with this?”

  “It’s not that formal because it’s on the beach,” I answer. “You can wear a tie.”

  “But I think it looks better with a black bow tie. Or maybe a white one so it matches Natalie’s dress. I think she’d like that.”

  I roll my eyes at another mention of Natalie. Can’t Joel even decide on what he likes to wear?

  See. It’s Joel who can’t decide things for himself. Not me. I consider what other people think. I don’t ask their opinion for everything. There’s a difference.

  Why the hell does that make me a bad person?

  “Or maybe I should just go with a white necktie,” Joel says. “Or a blue tie like the ocean. Or…”

  “Just pick one!” I snap at him.

  Joel falls silent. He turns his head and looks at me with confused eyes. I look away and scratch the back of my head.

  Fuck. Why did I do that?

  I know I’m not the kind of person who shouts at his best friend—or at anyone—simply because he has a hard time choosing what tie to go with his tux. When did I become like this?

  Joel clears his throat. “Um, can you excuse us for a second?”

  The tailor leaves. As soon as he’s gone, Joel speaks.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I answer as I get off the podium.

  He shakes his head. “You’re not fooling me. You’ve been sulking these past few days.”

  I look at him with furrowed eyebrows. “Me? Sulking?”

  “Yes. You’ve been quieter than usual. You’ve been more serious than usual. The last time I saw you like this, you sprained your ankle and couldn’t run in the marathon you were training for. What happened now?”

  I look away.

  “I might be getting married, Ryker, but I’m still the guy you grew up with. I know when something’s on your mind. Now, spill.”

  I sigh. I guess there’s no hiding anything from Joel.

  “It’s about… her,” I tell him. “The woman I was seeing.”

  Joel nods. “Uh-huh. And?”

  I scratch the back of my head. “She doesn’t want to see me anymore.”

  “Because?”

  “She realized she doesn’t like who I am,” I answer. “I’m too… much for her.”

  “Bullshit,” Joel mutters. “You’re the most understanding, most selfless person I know.”

  “Too selfless,” I say without thinking.

  Joel shrugs. “True.”

  I look at him. What?

  “Most of the time, you think of everyone but yourself.”

  “When?” I ask.

  “When we were kids, you’d buy Christmas presents for me and Claire and for your brothers, but you never used your savings to buy anything for yourself. You used to give your lunch to me even though it meant you wouldn’t have anything to eat. You once gave your favorite watch—an expensive limited edition watch—to a homeless person.”

  I’d forgotten about all those times.

  “You always think of Claire, too, before yourself,” I remind him. “Remember that guy whose homework you did?”

  “Because I had to,” Joel says. “Our parents had died. I had to take care of Claire. You didn’t have to do anything.”

  “So you’re saying I shouldn’t have helped anyone?” I ask him. “You’re saying I’m a bad person for trying to help others?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “What are you saying, then?”

  “That sometimes you care about others too much for your own good.”

  “And that’s bad because?”

  Joel sighs. “You don’t see it because you’re the one helping, because you believe what you’re doing is right. And it is. But that time you gave your watch to a stranger, I was angry.”

  “You were?”

  I didn’t know.

  “Wait. Did you want that watch?”

  “No, but you did. Why didn’t you think you deserved to have it?”