Cael let out a strangled noise, but he was breathing along with Ash. He craned his neck to see past Ash, looking for Fuller. Glancing over his shoulder, Ash was grateful to find Fuller was gone. Right now, Cael was what mattered. He turned his attention back to Cael and placed a hand to his cheek.

  “Look at me. Sweetheart, look at me.”

  Cael did, tears in his eyes.

  “You’re safe with me. I won’t let anything happen to you. You believe me, right?”

  A whispered “Yes” escaped, and Ash wanted to pull him close, but Cael was still struggling to breathe and compose himself. Instead he rubbed his thumb tenderly over Cael’s cheek. “Tell me what you need from me.”

  “Home,” Cael let out shakily. “I want to go home.”

  “Okay. Let’s go.” He helped Cael to his feet and tentatively moved Cael closer against him, relieved when Cael allowed it. Then he pulled the coat’s hood over Cael’s head to shield him from the cold and the crowd gathered on the sidewalk behind them. Cael snuggled closer.

  “Is he okay?” someone called out.

  “Yeah, thanks,” Ash said, hailing a cab as it drew near. He helped Cael inside, gave the driver Cael’s address, and pulled Cael close to him. Pushing back the hood, he kissed the top of Cael’s head. “It’s okay, angel. It’s okay.” Ash’s heart was pounding, and he felt Cael’s trembling down to his soul. What the hell was Fuller doing here? He put that thought aside and concentrated on Cael. Soon they were standing outside Cael’s apartment door. Cael fished his keys out of his jeans pocket and handed them to Ash, who opened the door and led him inside, then closed the door behind them. Without a word, Cael kicked off his shoes and made straight for the living room. He left Ash’s coat on the armchair, climbed up onto the plush gray couch, clutched one of the throw pillows to his chest, and drew his knees up. Minutes went by as Cael stared down at the fluffy pillow before burying his face against it and crying softly. It broke Ash’s heart.

  Leaving his shoes on the mat by the door, Ash walked to the kitchen. He filled the kettle with water and set it to boil before opening a cabinet door and removing Cael’s favorite black mug with the words Talk nerdy to me in white letters stamped across it. He opened the drawer where Cael stored his boxes of tea and plucked out a chamomile one. A few minutes later, he was crouched down in front of Cael and holding the cup of tea out to him.

  “Chamomile with a little bit of lemon and honey, just the way you like it.”

  “Thank you.” Cael slowly took the cup from him, his bottom lip quivering. He let out a heart-wrenching sigh. “I’m sorry.”

  “There’s no reason for you to apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

  “I’m such an idiot. Overreacting like that. Making you take me home.”

  “Hey. You had every right to feel the way you did. And you’re not an idiot. You’re the smartest guy I know. If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. You know I’d never ever think of you as anything less than amazing, because you are.”

  Cael shook his head. “I’m weak and pathetic.”

  Ash hated to hear Cael talk about himself that way, especially since it wasn’t Cael talking but that son of a bitch, Fuller. “You’re strong. I know at times you might not feel it, but you are. Where would our team be without you? Where would I be without you?”

  Cael smiled. “Back at the bar… I thought maybe I heard you say you were my boyfriend.”

  Ash returned Cael’s smile. “You heard right. I’d like to be. If you still want me. I know it won’t be easy, and I still have a long way to go, but maybe you can help me? Help me be as strong and brave as you are.”

  “Yes.” Cael put his tea down on the coffee table next to the couch before he threw himself into Ash’s arms. “Thank you.”

  Ash held him close and ran a hand over Cael’s head. “No. Thank you. For showing me what it’s like to be loved.”

  He held on to Cael and moved to the couch, taking Cael with him so he sat in Ash’s lap, cradled in his arms. Cael snuggled close, and Ash held him, soothing him, offering what comfort he could for as long as Cael needed it. Sometime later, Cael spoke up quietly.

  “How do you know Fuller?”

  “That day your dad came to Dekatria, we were upstairs talking, and he told me.”

  “What?” Cael pulled back, his expression hurt. “When were you going to tell me? I can’t believe this.”

  “Cael—”

  “Did my dad tell you how Fuller used to knock me around? How he’d push me to do things to him and then make me feel like a filthy piece of shit for doing it? For two years I believed every word that came out of his mouth. I lied to my family and defended him. He made me feel like I was worthless, like no one in their right mind would ever love me because I was weak and useless. And maybe I am because everyone seems to think I can’t do anything for myself. They treat me like a child. My dad, my brother… you. I haven’t seen Fuller in years, and he shows up out of the blue, and I…” Cael wiped a runaway tear from his cheek. “I fall apart. What kind of THIRDS agent does that?”

  “The kind who’s been through a hell of a lot,” Ash said gently. “We might be agents, but that doesn’t mean we’re not vulnerable. You got blindsided by that asshole. I should have told you your dad brought Fuller up, but you need to understand something. Your brother, your dad, and I don’t think of you as a kid. We think of you as someone we love with everything we’ve got, who we can’t stand to see get hurt or worse. And the truth of it is, it’s not just about you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We all know what it’s like to lose family, to lose people we care about. The thought of losing you… I can’t. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you, even if it makes you hate me for it. I love you.”

  Cael’s smile stole Ash’s breath away.

  “You do?”

  Ash nodded. “I do. I love you, Cael. I’ve been fighting it a long time, and I can’t anymore. More importantly, I don’t want to.” He swallowed hard and met Cael’s gaze. “I’ll try harder. I don’t want to hurt you. When I do, it kills me. I’ll deal with my shit, I promise, but in the meantime, I want you to be with me.” He laced their fingers together. “I’ll admit, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but as long as I’m doing it with you, I know I’ll be okay.”

  “Ash…”

  “If you tell your brother about how sappy I sound, I will seriously have to retaliate. Like, tell him you have his iPod.”

  Cael’s jaw dropped, but his eyes were filled with amusement. “You’d narc on me to my brother?”

  “If it means keeping him off my back about not being an asshole, then I might. Probably not, but I feel like I need to have some kind of leverage. Who the fuck am I kidding? You know you have me wrapped around your little finger. God, is this what it’s like for Sloane and your brother?” No wonder Sloane was always giving in to Dex. How the hell could Ash say no to anything his amazing man asked of him?

  “Sort of. Unlike Dex, I promise not to abuse my power.”

  A mischievous smile came onto Cael’s face. Damn, he was beautiful.

  “Too much.”

  “You little sneak.” Ash poked Cael playfully in the ribs, making him squirm.

  “Stop!” Cael squealed.

  The door slammed open, and a familiar voice shouted out, “Hands where I can see them!”

  Ash slowly put his hands up, and Cael joined him, his eyes wide.

  “Shit,” Dex muttered, Sloane cringing behind him.

  “Did you just kick my front door in?” Cael crawled off Ash and scrambled to his feet, his hands going to his head at the sight of his splintered wooden doorframe. “You kicked in my door!”

  He spun to his brother, who returned his gun to his off-duty holster.

  “Um, happy New Year?”

  “What the hell, man?”

  “Dude, you disappeared from the bar without saying a word, left your coat behind, and then Bradley says you weren’t looking so good, and after you left some guys got into an epic fistfight outside. There’s blood in the fucking snow and you don’t pick up your damn phone and—”

  Cael looked away, his voice soft. “It was Fuller.”

  “What?” Dex had Cael in his arms in seconds. He ran a hand over Cael’s hair and looked him over. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” He put his thumb to Cael’s lip and the small cut left behind from Fuller’s slap. “That motherfucker! He did this, didn’t he?”

  Dex released Cael and started pacing. Ash had never seen him so livid.

  “I’m going to find that asshole and put the fear of God in him. The fucking nerve of that prick showing up and—”

  “Dex, I’m fine.” Cael took hold of his brother’s shoulders to stop him from pacing. “Ash was there. He broke Fuller’s nose. That’s the blood you saw.”

  Dex turned to Ash and gave him a nod in thanks before turning back to Cael. “How are you, really?”

  Ash caught Sloane’s eye and motioned over to the balcony. He grabbed his coat and slipped into it, letting Cael know he was stepping out with Sloane so he and his brother could talk. After sliding the door closed behind Sloane, Ash walked to the handrail and leaned against it.

  “Who’s Fuller?” Sloane asked, joining him. “And why did Dex look like he was about to take someone out when Cael said his name?

  “Probably because he’s tempted to. Don Fuller is Cael’s ex. A real asshole.” Ash told Sloane as much as he needed to know about the situation without infringing on Cael’s privacy.

  Sloane stared at him. “Shit. I had no idea.”

  “Yeah. They’ve kept it close to their chests. Guess there’s still a lot we don’t know about the Daley-Maddock family. Maddock told me the day he came to talk to us at Dekatria. He was worried. At the time, I wished he hadn’t told me, but now? Cael had a panic attack.”

  “Fuck. It’s probably a good thing Dex wasn’t there. God knows what he would have done to Fuller. What the hell’s he doing back in New York?”

  “I don’t know, but I find it pretty fucking convenient that he happened to show up at Dekatria. I ran a check through Themis the moment we were called back on duty to make sure the bastard was still in Carson City and he was. I was supposed to receive a notification if he crossed state lines. How the hell he made it here without Themis picking up on it is bugging me. Either way, I’m not letting that son of a bitch near Cael again. He’s done enough damage.” Ash went quiet for a moment before addressing a different issue. “Are you free sometime this weekend for a chat? Without your shadow.”

  Sloane chuckled. “Sure. Anytime.”

  “Okay. I’ll call you, see when I can drop by.”

  “Everything okay?” Sloane asked worriedly.

  Ash wasn’t the most skilled at opening up, but Sloane was his best friend. There was no one he trusted more. Whatever happened in life, he knew Sloane would always have his back, just like he’d have Sloane’s. If he was going to really make a go of this, he wanted to do it right. Also, Sloane had experience in being wrapped around his boyfriend’s finger.

  “Yeah, I might need some advice. I’ve, uh, I’ve never been in a committed relationship before.”

  Sloane’s jaw went slack, and Ash felt his face burning up. He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

  “Like official?”

  Ash nodded. “Seeing Fuller hurting him… My feral half was clawing to get out, to tear Fuller apart for laying a hand on Cael. I had to protect him. It was stupid, letting my fear stop me from being with someone I feel so deeply for. Nothing’s changed, yet everything’s changed.” He sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m still so fucked-up inside and terrified of being out in the open about it, but at least now I can face that fear with him at my side.”

  “Congratulations, man. That’s great.”

  Sloane pulled him into a hug, and Ash groaned, pretending to be put off. His friend was so happy for him. Ash could see it in Sloane’s eyes. Like he’d been wanting this for Ash almost as much as Ash had wanted it for himself.

  “Thanks.”

  Ash peeked through the glass doors to find Cael standing by the broken door with Dex as they talked. Dex looked worried, despite Cael clearly attempting to reassure his big brother. Ash was with Dex on this one. He had no doubt Dex was going to be keeping an eye on his brother. He’d probably look into why Fuller was here. Giving the brothers more time to talk, Ash went back to chatting with Sloane. In the back of his mind, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d be seeing Fuller again real soon.

  Cael was exhausted. And now he had a broken door.

  “I’m sorry. I’ll replace it.” Dex fiddled with the split frame. Cael supposed he should be grateful his brother was the one who’d kicked at his door and not Sloane. Damn thing would have been torn off its hinges.

  As much as Cael wanted to be mad at his big brother for busting his door down, he couldn’t be. Dex had believed Cael was in trouble. He did wish his brother could save the day with a little less property damage involved. It drove their dad just as crazy.

  “It’s okay,” Cael said, fastening the bottom deadlock. Luckily he never used that one or the chain lock. “You still need to fix it, though.”

  “I’ll get someone over tonight.”

  “Dex, it’s”— Cael checked his watch—“one in the morning. On New Year’s Day. Unless you intend to hand over your first born as payment, it can wait.”

  “Okay.”

  Dex’s brows drew together, and Cael nodded to the couch. He knew that look. His brother was worried about him. The last thing Cael wanted was to worry Dex. His brother had enough on his mind as it was.

  Cael dropped down onto his comfy couch, pulled his legs up, and folded his arms over his knees. “I had a panic attack.”

  “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

  Cael shook his head, a smile coming onto his face at the memory. “Ash helped me.”

  “Ash?”

  “Yeah. He was great. Asked me what I needed, helped me focus on breathing, made me feel safe. He helped calm me. Even made me my favorite tea.”

  “Wow.”

  Cael couldn’t help the big dopey grin that came onto his face, his cheeks feeling hot. “We’re officially dating.”

  Dex gaped at him. “Shut the front door!”

  “I can’t. My dorky brother broke it,” Cael said, giving him a push. His excitement bubbled up, and he grabbed his brother’s arm. “Can you believe it?” He bounced in his seat, and Dex grabbed Cael’s arm, bouncing along with him.

  “I’m so happy for you!”

  “Oh my God, we’re like teenage girls!” Cael squealed, still bouncing.

  “I don’t care! Oh my God, Ash is your boyfriend. That’s… I can’t even. I don’t… I’m…” The sliding glass door to the balcony slid open, and Dex stopped bouncing. “Play it cool. They’re coming back in.”

  “We can hear you, dumbass.” Ash closed the door behind Sloane and walked into the living room. “Therian hearing.”

  Dex turned back to Cael with a frown. “You sure you don’t want to maybe date a cactus? Less prickly.”

  Cael laughed and hugged his brother, and after reassuring Dex for the bajillionth time that he was okay, was going to be okay, would call if he wasn’t okay, Dex and Sloane said their good-byes and left. By then it was nearly three in the morning.

  “I need a shower,” Ash muttered. “You mind if I use yours and crash here?”

  Cael smiled. “Of course not. Just leave the water running when you finish. I could use one too.”

  He took his empty teacup to the kitchen, noting how Ash quietly followed. Cael didn’t utter a word as he placed the teacup in the sink and proceeded to wash it. Ash slipped his arms around Cael’s waist and delivered a kiss to Cael’s temple, their bodies pressed together.

  “How about if you join me? You know, conserve water, ozone, environment, and all that hippie shit.”

  Cael chuckled and turned in Ash’s arms. “Well, when you put it that way, how can I resist?”

  “All right,” Ash sighed, his eyes alight with amusement. “How about, will you join me in the shower because I’ll miss you if you’re not there with me?”

  “Now that’s more like it.”

  Cael laughed as he grabbed Ash’s hand and pulled him upstairs with him, both of them shedding clothes along the way. By the time they reached the bathroom, they were both naked and all over each other, kissing, touching, fingers digging and stroking. Ash bumped into the doorframe on the way in, and Cael giggled against Ash’s lips. The big goof.

  Somehow they managed to get the water turned on and at a temperature that wouldn’t freeze their boy bits off. They stepped into the bathtub, and Ash took hold of the soap. Gently he pulled Cael in front of him and lathered him up, delivering kisses as he did. His hands didn’t miss a spot as he soaped Cael up. Lost in Ash’s ministrations, Cael closed his eyes, feeling Ash washing his hair before leading Cael under the showerhead to rinse him off. What had started as a frenzy of hands and lips had become a sweet expression of affection. They washed each other, offering tender kisses and slow, lingering caresses.

  Once they were done, Ash helped Cael out of the tub, and they dried each other before Ash swept Cael off his feet, making him laugh. He carried Cael into the bedroom and laid him in the middle of the bed before crawling over him, lowering himself onto his elbows so as not to put all his weight on Cael. Cael spread his legs so Ash could fit against him. How he loved the feel of Ash on him. Despite Ash’s size and strength, Cael had always felt safe with him.

  “Thank you for looking out for me,” Cael offered softly, his fingers running through Ash’s wet hair.

  “Always.” He brushed his lips over Cael’s, the heat from Ash’s body sending the most delicious shiver through him.

  Cael tentatively thrust his hips up, his hard erection pressing against Ash’s stomach, and Ash released a groan, his hips grinding gently down. The scent of soap and Ash invaded Cael’s senses, and he let out a whimper. His skin was ablaze, his insides twisting. He tried his best to let Ash take the lead, to not push, but it was killing him. He was desperate to feel Ash inside him, had wanted this for so long.