“He’s improving,” Sloane replied, just as Herrera whizzed by leaving behind a trail of panicked apologies and promises to buy Ash a truckload of ferns. “Shit. Looks like Ash is back.” Sloane took hold of Dex’s arm and peered out. “Let’s go. It’s your turn to cook dinner, and I’m hungry.”

  “Gee, thanks, partner.”

  Sloane waited until the coast was clear before he took off with Dex in tow. Ethan watched them go, dodging and ducking through the bullpen like they were on a secret mission. Dex rolled behind a desk as Ash approached to ask one of their coworkers if they’d seen him. As soon as Ash turned, Sloane gave Dex the signal, and they scurried away. Ethan chuckled. Those two. He turned his attention to Calvin, and the smile fell off his face. His best friend was staring down at his blank desk.

  “Cal?” Ethan said softly.

  “I’m going home.” Calvin stood, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

  Fine. Then I’m coming too. He got up and ignored Calvin’s deep frown. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable. As much as Ethan knew Calvin was telling himself he wouldn’t blow up, he always did. Why did his best friend hold everything in?

  As expected, Calvin waited until they got home to explode. He preferred to lose it in private. Unfortunately, that meant he got to stew over whatever was bothering him all day until he was ready to burst. He paced the living room before rounding on Ethan.

  “I can’t believe you!”

  “I was doing my job,” Ethan replied calmly. He sat on the couch as Calvin paced.

  “No, you were taking a stupid risk. Getting hurt to save Dex was one thing, but what you did back there was—” Calvin let out a frustrated growl before he spun on his heels and threw his arms up. “What were you thinking?”

  “I was thinking about defusing the bomb.”

  “Don’t,” Calvin warned. “My God, Ethan.”

  His eyes grew glassy, and Ethan deflated. He knew Calvin would be mad, but he hadn’t expected this.

  “When you got caught in the explosion at the Therian Youth Center, I’d never been more terrified in my life. I thought I’d lost my best friend. Then I realized you were more than that. Everything changed for me during that Fourth of July party when I saw you fucking that guy, and I know it took me a while to figure it all out, but seeing you lying in that hospital bed… All I could think about was that I’d never get the chance to tell you how I felt about you. I love you, Ethan. I know you might not be ready to accept it, but it doesn’t change how I feel. And for you to disregard your safety like that…” Calvin walked off down the hall, the sound of his slamming bedroom door making Ethan flinch. There was no point in arguing or trying to talk to Calvin when he was pissed off like this.

  Ethan spent the next few hours attempting to keep himself occupied. He tried napping, watching TV, listening to music, reading. Nothing helped. He felt miserable for hurting Calvin. It had been happening too often lately. For a moment he thought they’d been making progress, but every time they took one step forward, they ended up taking two steps back. How long could they keep this up?

  After a cool shower, he dressed in loose pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. He headed for his bedroom. Calvin’s door was closed. Ethan didn’t like seeing it closed. It was only ever like that when Calvin was really mad at him about something. Ethan stepped in front of it, his frown deepening. The closed door was a stark reminder of the pain he’d caused. Calvin would be fine come morning. He always was.

  Then why was he still standing there?

  What if Calvin wasn’t all right in the morning? What if he’d had enough?

  He shouldn’t go in. Calvin wanted to be on his own. He needed time. When Calvin got mad, he walked away. That’s how it had always been. It occurred to Ethan that not once in all their years of knowing each other had he tried to stop Calvin from walking away. He’d never gone after him either, thinking it’s what Calvin wanted. What if his best friend walked away in the hopes Ethan would follow? The thought hurt his heart.

  Following his gut, Ethan opened the door with care. Inside, the room was dimly lit, not that it was a problem for him. The curtains were parted on the window across the room, the moonlight filtering in and landing on the bed where Calvin was asleep. He was on his stomach, one arm under his pillow, the other at his side, and his hair was sticking up all over. Ethan stood by the bed watching him sleep. His black T-shirt had ridden up, and the waistband of his pajama bottoms sat low on his hips. The soft cotton jersey material accentuated the curve of his ass, and it caused a stirring in Ethan’s abdomen. When had he gone from seeing Calvin as his cute best friend to his sexy lover? His thoughts went back to that night in the utility closet at Dekatria. The way Calvin had tasted on his tongue, his soft moans and sweet gasps.

  As much as he wanted to feel Calvin’s skin, setting things right and making sure Calvin was okay was more important. He climbed onto the Therian-sized bed, mindful not to jostle his partner too much. Calvin was a heavy sleeper, so he barely stirred when the bed dipped under Ethan’s weight. Ethan snuggled close, allowing himself a moment to study Calvin’s face. His jaw was stubbly from having skipped a shave, yet his face remained boyish. Ethan had teased him when Bradley carded him their first time at Dekatria. His blond eyebrows and lashes only added to his sweetness.

  Ethan could see it now, that whole “boy next door” vibe Austen kept going on about. Calvin could pull off an innocence he’d never been allowed to have. They’d both been forced to grow up pretty quickly in their neighborhood. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The two of them huddled together, hiding from the gangs and bigger kids out to recruit them, use them, or beat them. For a long time making it to school and back in one piece had been a struggle. Once they got to school, a different kind of battle began. Yet throughout all that, Calvin never stopped fighting. The majority of his battles he could have avoided by simply not being friends with a messed-up tiger Therian kid who couldn’t talk.

  A lump formed in Ethan’s throat. Unlike most people he’d met in his life, Ethan had managed to talk to Calvin. He’d felt drawn to him, comfortable and safe. When he was a kid, he’d pray every night that Calvin would always be with him. He loved Calvin, always had. Only now it was different. The softness of his skin, the plumpness of his lips, the blue of his eyes, his laugh, and his smile stirred emotions inside him he hadn’t felt before. Tentatively, Ethan ran his fingers down Calvin’s jaw. You’re amazing. Calvin’s lids fluttered open, his gaze landing on Ethan.

  “Hi.” Ethan’s voice was barely a whisper, but it was enough to bring a slow smile to Calvin’s face. That smile took hold of something inside him and shook it loose. Was he really going to risk losing this? Ethan slipped his hand over Calvin’s and drew it to his chest, holding it close. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.” Calvin’s smile dimmed. “I’m sorry I got so angry.”

  “I’d like to make a pact.”

  “Okay.” Calvin looked puzzled, but he waited patiently for Ethan to continue. He was always so patient.

  “I won’t take stupid risks, and you won’t walk away from me when you’re mad. I don’t like going to bed with you mad at me. I’ll give you your space until you cool down, but then we talk.”

  “You know what a miserable shit I can be when I’m pissed.”

  Ethan brought Calvin’s hand to his lips for a kiss, his heart fluttering at the sweet blush that crept into Calvin’s cheeks. “Things between us, they’re the same, but not quite. We have to do some things differently. Work through it like… a couple.”

  “A couple of what?” Calvin asked, genuinely perplexed. Ethan chuckled.

  “You’re cute.” He kissed the tip of Calvin’s nose. “You know. A couple, in a relationship. Boyfriends.”

  Calvin opened his mouth to respond, then closed it when nothing came out. He swallowed hard, his eyes searching Ethan’s. When he spoke, his voice was shaky. “Is that what you want? Because you know I’ll wait. However long it takes, I can wait. You know I’d never push you to do something you weren’t comfortable with.”

  “It’s what I want. No more waiting. Though I might not always know what to do.”

  “Who does? You really think Sloane knows what to do with Dex the majority of the time?”

  Ethan chuckled. “Good point.”

  “We’ll help each other. Like we’ve always done. You’re right. Some things have changed, but our friendship, having each other’s back, that’ll never change. You’re still my best friend.”

  Ethan leaned into Calvin and kissed him, warmth spreading through him at the taste of his partner. A shiver replaced that warmth when Calvin parted his lips, inviting Ethan’s tongue inside. Kissing Calvin was still so new, touching him even more so. With every caress, with every touch of their lips, Ethan grew bolder. He wanted more, wanted to experience every inch of Calvin. He loved the noises he made, the way he shivered under Ethan’s touch, the way his skin flushed and made his freckles stand out. Ethan loved Calvin’s freckles. He planted kisses down Calvin’s neck and pushed his T-shirt to one side to kiss his shoulder. His skin was so soft and smooth. Ethan moved his hands down to caress Calvin’s arm before slipping his hands under Calvin’s T-shirt.

  On Valentine’s Day they’d bathed together. Ethan had wanted to make the night special. He’d been romantic, leaving pink rose petals on the floor leading to the bathroom, where he’d been waiting for Calvin in a bubble bath surrounded by illuminated candles. It was his way of showing Calvin he was serious about being more than friends. He’d gotten Calvin off in the tub that evening, and Calvin had returned the favor after they’d gotten out. Since then, they’d gotten each other off, kissed and cuddled, slept in each other’s beds, but they’d been hesitant to take things further.

  Ethan gently pushed Calvin onto his back and rolled over him, mindful of his weight as he pressed Calvin into the mattress. He’d dreamed of having Calvin beneath him, writhing, begging him to fuck him. Ethan remembered the way Calvin had trembled when Ethan had softly ordered him to come that Valentine’s Day in the tub. He’d have to remember that. Ethan kissed Calvin, a deep, hungry kiss that showed his partner how much he wanted him. Ethan thrust his hard erection against Calvin’s thigh, making him moan. With a smile, he whispered in Calvin’s ear.

  “I’d like to fuck you.”

  Calvin’s soft gasp was music to Ethan’s ears. His partner nodded, gently pushing at Ethan’s chest so he could sit up. Ethan sat back on his heels, and they made quick work of their clothes, throwing them to the floor before they brought their lips back together in a frenzied kiss. Ethan wanted to taste all of him. This was a whole other side to his best friend, one he was eager to explore. Ethan nipped at Calvin’s neck as he palmed Calvin’s hard erection.

  Calvin gasped, arching his back. “Please.” He pointed to the nightstand. Foreplay might have to wait for another night when they were both a little less impatient. Ethan quickly found the bottle of lube inside the drawer. He didn’t bother with the condoms. Neither of them had been with anyone since the Fourth of July that had changed everything, and they had always been safe. Both were tested regularly at work, and their most recent tests had once again come back negative. Calvin didn’t even question it.

  Ethan’s heart was racing, his pulse going at full speed. There were butterflies in his stomach, and he swore he’d never seen anything more beautiful than the man lying naked before him, exposed and begging for his touch. Ethan lubed up his cock as he knelt between Calvin’s legs. He bent to kiss Calvin’s lips and took hold of Calvin’s cock, stroking him as Ethan pulled at his own dick. Calvin moaned and writhed, his cheeks flushed pink in the dim lighting. Ethan released Calvin and lined himself up with one hand while taking hold of Calvin’s leg with the other. He slowly pushed himself in, groaning at the sweet pressure of Calvin’s tight hole.

  Ethan hadn’t expected Calvin to be so tight. It felt incredible and raw at the same time. He paused when his partner hissed at the pain of being stretched by Ethan’s girth. Calvin took a deep breath and nodded. Being as gentle as he could, Ethan pushed in little by little until he was settled inside Calvin to the root. Sweat beaded his brow, but he took it slow. He hooked his elbows under Calvin’s knees and gingerly pulled out before pushing back in.

  Oh fuck, Cal.

  Ethan started to move his hips, his fingers tight around Calvin’s legs. Calvin grabbed fistfuls of the bedsheets as Ethan began to move a little quicker. He watched himself pulling out almost to the tip before plunging back in, forcing a surprised cry from Calvin. The sound sent a shiver through Ethan, and he felt his feral half stir. Calvin had made similar sounds with Felipe Bautista. Ethan let out a deep, feral growl. He lowered himself onto Calvin and grabbed his wrists. With a hard thrust that made Calvin gasp, Ethan pinned Calvin’s wrists above his head.

  “You’re mine,” Ethan hissed, his thrusts growing deep and fast. “I don’t want him to ever lay a hand on you again. You spread your legs and your ass only for me.”

  Calvin arched his back, his whole body trembling with need. His lips were parted, and his breath came out ragged as Ethan pumped himself into him, the sound of skin slapping skin urging Ethan on. He wanted Calvin to feel him for days, a reminder of who he belonged to. The feral beast inside Ethan roared and clawed at him, enraged by the thought that someone else might make Calvin come.

  “Say it,” Ethan ordered, pulling out and then plunging himself deep into Calvin’s ass.

  “Oh God! I’m yours, Ethan. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  Ethan sucked on Calvin’s neck, leaving his mark before moving his lips up to Calvin’s jaw. He nipped at his stubble, then Calvin’s ear. He fucked Calvin hard, the bed rocking beneath them and Calvin’s wrists tight in his grip.

  “Ethan, please. I need you to touch me.”

  Ethan obliged. He released Calvin’s wrists and took hold of his cock, his other hand buried in Calvin’s hair and holding on. Ethan’s stroke matched his pace as he fucked Calvin. Nothing had ever felt so damn good. He could feel himself tumbling down the abyss, falling into this addiction, and he welcomed it. He grabbed one of Calvin’s hands so he could take over the task of getting himself off. Ethan took a pillow and stuffed it under Calvin’s hips before pushing both of Calvin’s legs up against his chest. Calvin let out a soft cry as Ethan held his legs in place and pounded into him. He rotated his hips and changed his angle. Calvin cried out, ribbons of come shooting out onto his stomach.

  Damn, he was gorgeous. Ethan felt his orgasm building inside him. His hips lost their rhythm, and his thrusts became short and hard, his muscles straining and sweat dripping down the side of his face as he chased after his release. It slammed into him, and Ethan folded himself over Calvin, slipping his arms under Calvin’s shoulders and taking hold of him. He brought Calvin down hard against him as he thrust in, Calvin’s sharp cry sending Ethan over the edge. He gasped as he came inside Calvin, thrusting deep a couple more times before slowing down. His muscles relaxed, and a heavenly haze washed over him as he gently pulled out. He collapsed onto his side as he tried to catch his breath.

  Calvin let out a breathless laugh. “Fuck, man.”

  “Yeah,” Ethan replied, feeling a little giddy as well. He lay on his back staring at the ceiling with Calvin next to him doing the same. His skin cooled, and he rolled over with a groan. Calvin wasn’t going to be the only one sore in the morning. Ethan was disarmed by his partner’s beautiful smile. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  Calvin’s cheeks went even redder, and Ethan sat up.

  “Cal?”

  Calvin sat up and bit down on his bottom lip. He looked embarrassed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I liked it. You being rough. In control. Demanding.”

  Ethan couldn’t help his dopey grin. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  Calvin lay down, and Ethan joined him, wrapping him up in his arms.

  “Is that okay?”

  “Of course it is. Whatever turns you on turns me on. And fuck, you turn me on.”

  Calvin looked up at him, his smile shy. “You think maybe we can research a few things? You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I want it to be good for both of us.”

  Ethan thought about the way Calvin responded to him, the way Ethan had relished Calvin’s response. It had been easy for him, to be in control. He realized then that in here with Calvin, it was the only part of his life where he felt he had any control at all.

  “You want to give up control to me?”

  “Every day, the decisions I make on the job affect someone’s life. When I’m looking through the crosshairs of my scope, the whole world comes to a standstill, waiting. I have to be in complete control of everything. Of my emotions, my thoughts, my actions. I don’t want that in here with us. I don’t want to be the one who takes action, who decides. I want you to do that.” He looked up at him, hopeful. “Do you think you can do that?”

  Ethan put his hand to Calvin’s cheek. “Yes.” Whatever Calvin wanted, Ethan would do his very best. Without Calvin at his side, he was only half of a whole. He couldn’t imagine his life without the man in his arms, nor did he want to. He needed Calvin the way he needed air to breathe. He put his lips to Calvin’s and kissed him. Out there the world was a terrifying place, but in here, feeling Calvin’s lips on his, everything was perfect.

  SIX

  Where did he even start?

  Ethan didn’t know the first thing about bondage. The closest he’d ever come to tying anyone up was when he apprehended perps. From the looks of things, he’d have to do some research. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Calvin. He also wanted it to be good for his partner. Seeing as how said partner was in the canteen, Ethan decided to take a moment to look some stuff up and get a general idea about how much research would be involved. He put his browser in privacy mode and started typing. The amount of websites out there on the subject was staggering. How did he know which ones he could trust? He came across something called Shibari, and it immediately piqued his interest. Tapping on one of the images of a blond man tied up very elegantly with red rope stirred something inside Ethan, not to mention in his pants.