“Please,” Cael whispered, his body writhing with need. If something didn’t happen, he was going to lose his mind.

  “Lube and condoms?”

  Cael’s heart was ready to burst out of his chest. He pointed to the nightstand on his left, and Ash didn’t waste any time, returning with the bottle of lube and a condom packet before Cael’s skin cooled from his absence. Cael felt his face burning up, and when he dropped his gaze to Ash’s hands, he realized he wasn’t the only one about to go off like a firecracker. Ash’s hands shook as he tried to open the condom packet. Cael sat up, his hand coming to rest on Ash’s.

  “Are you sure?”

  Ash met his gaze, fire burning in his amber eyes. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.” He kissed Cael and placed the condom in Cael’s hand, murmuring against his lips, “Put it on me.”

  Cael smiled and took the condom from him. He tore the foil packet open as Ash sat back on his heels, his tanned skin smooth and his thick cock jutting up against his stomach. Cael took a moment to admire the stunning Therian before him. Ash was all sculpted muscle, from his expansive chest and six-pack down to his strong thighs and legs. His large hands rested on his thighs. Cael loved Ash’s hands. Ash was handsome, rugged, intimidating, and at times mean-looking, but Cael saw the gentle, loving soul within the warrior’s frame.

  Having looked his fill, Cael rolled the condom on Ash, loving the way Ash sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. Cael picked up the lube and applied a generous amount to Ash’s cock, his eyes on Ash’s face as he stroked him and squeezed him ever so gently. Not able to hold out any longer, Cael lay on his back and took one of his pillows to place under him, his body trembling with anticipation.

  Ash knelt between Cael’s open legs and took hold of the lube, a blush coming onto his cheeks as he poured some on his fingers. His eyes locked on Cael’s as he lifted one of Cael’s legs to his shoulder, his finger entering Cael. Cael moaned, his fingers closing around fistfuls of the sheets, his back arched at the sweet invasion. Ash took his time prepping Cael, their eyes never looking away. When he was done, Ash lined himself up and pushed the tip in. Cael let out a desperate whimper. Slowly, Ash pushed in little by little. It was driving Cael crazy.

  Cael sucked in his breath as Ash began to move, rocking gently against him. Ash swore under his breath and closed his eyes, his head falling back as he moved in and out of Cael. He turned his head and kissed Cael’s leg and ran a hand down it before opening his eyes and meeting Cael’s gaze once more.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Ash breathed.

  He released Cael’s leg and bent over him, holding Cael close to him. He kissed Cael slow and deep, matching his thrusts. Cael shivered at the delicious pleasure, and he wrapped his arms tightly around Ash. He didn’t know what was going on in Ash’s head at the moment, whether this was all very strange for him. Cael did his best to make sure Ash was lost in them and nothing else. Ash went slowly, as if he were savoring every second. They explored each other, touched, and tasted. It was absolute torture. Cael never thought it could feel this amazing. Ash stretched him wide, but it was nothing Cael couldn’t handle. Ash’s skin was flushed, his brow beaded with sweat as he moved against Cael.

  Cael wrapped his legs around Ash and hung on to him for dear life while Ash pushed in deep and pulled out, their bodies moving together as one. Ash’s movements picked up speed, his breath growing more ragged. He pushed himself back onto his knees and hooked his arms under Cael’s legs, his hips smacking against Cael’s ass. With a groan, Cael took hold of his cock, stroking himself.

  “Fuck.” Ash’s movements grew more frantic as he watched Cael touching himself.

  Loving the way Ash licked his lips as he watched Cael, Cael pumped his cock faster, his free hand going to his own nipple to rub and pull at it.

  “Oh God. Yes.” Ash’s breath was unsteady as he thrust into Cael again and again. “I want to see you come.”

  Cael nodded. He ran a hand over his chest and down to his abs as he jerked himself off, the sweet pressure building. The feel of Ash inside him, his eyes on Cael, had him close to the edge of ecstasy in no time. “I’m going to come,” Cael warned, his muscles tightening as his orgasm slammed into him, come squirting out across his chest.

  “Oh fuck,” Ash moaned, a pained expression on his face as Cael came, forcing him to clench around Ash. “Oh fuck.” Ash held on to Cael’s legs as he fucked him, his hips losing all rhythm as his orgasm hit. He thrust hard and deep, surprising Cael, who let out a strangled cry. Ash pushed himself in, pumped himself a few more times, rotating his hips on the last plunge as his body shuddered and he folded over Cael. He lost track of how long they remained in each other’s embrace. Cael had been drifting off when he felt Ash stir and slip out of him with a low hiss. Ash pulled back and removed the condom. He tied it up and kissed Cael before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

  Ash returned a few minutes later with some wet wipes Cael kept in the same drawer as the condom and lube. Cael smiled bashfully as Ash wiped the drying come off Cael’s chest. He tossed the wipes into the small wastebasket nearby, and Cael took the opportunity to climb under the covers. Despite the heat being on, it was getting chilly. He held the covers back, and with a chuckle, Ash climbed in and pulled him close, nuzzling his face against Cael’s hair.

  “You always smell so good,” Ash murmured against his hair.

  Cael looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sign he regretted what he’d done, but Ash just kissed him and wrapped his leg around him so they were pressed together. Ash closed his eyes and let out a contended sigh.

  “I like this.”

  Ash’s words made Cael’s heart flutter. “What’s that?”

  “Lying here with you, having you in my arms, making love to you. It feels right. Like we’ve always been together.”

  Cael took Ash’s hand in his and held it to his lips for a kiss. “I like the sound of that.”

  “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

  Cael shook his head and planted a kiss on Ash’s chest. “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re here now.” He felt Ash’s breath steady, felt his chest rise and fall beneath his hand. Ash was here now, and Cael hoped it’s where he would always remain.

  NINE

  It was time to go.

  Ash lay in bed for a moment, a smile spreading across his face at the memories of the amazing night he’d had with Cael. It was like nothing he’d imagined and by far the best sex he’d ever had. Fuck, if he wasn’t careful, he was going to get hard thinking about it. From here on out, it was going to be tough to keep his hands off Cael. Just looking at him made Ash want to pounce. Then he remembered why he had to go, and the smile fell from his face. He silently slipped out of bed and began picking his clothes up off the floor to dress.

  “You’re leaving?”

  Cael’s sleepy voice brought him to a halt. He turned, unable to help his smile at the sight of Cael sitting up in bed looking adorable, his tousled hair sticking up every which way. Cael yawned, his drowsy, silver Therian eyes all but glowing in the dim light.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I have to go.” Ash pulled on his jeans and was buttoning them up before grabbing his socks when he heard the disappointment in Cael’s reply.

  “Oh.”

  Shit. Cael thought something else. “It’s not you. I—”

  “It’s okay.”

  Cael drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. Nope. This wasn’t how things were going to be after the amazing time they’d had last night. Ash quickly finished buckling his belt and went to Cael’s bedside. He sat and took Cael’s hand in his.

  “It’s not what you think. I’m not regretting what happened. I’m still soaring from that. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. That’s why I didn’t want to wake you. After last night, I wanted you to keep that feeling.” A lump formed in his throat, and he pushed past it. Shouldn’t he have gotten used to this feeling by now? No matter how many times he’d gone, it still hurt like hell.

  “What’s wrong?” Cael asked, cupping Ash’s cheek. With a sigh, Ash leaned into the touch.

  “Every New Year’s Day, I visit Arlo’s grave.”

  Cael was quiet, pensive, before speaking up. “Can I come with you?”

  Ash searched Cael’s eyes, finding nothing but love and warmth in them. “I won’t be very good company.” And he wasn’t exactly an enthralling entertainer on the best of days.

  “You’re always there for me. Let me be there for you.”

  Ash swallowed hard. He’d never taken anyone to Arlo’s grave. Not even Sloane. It was a burden he’d always placed on his shoulders and his alone. Mostly, he never wanted anyone to see his heartache. “You really want to?”

  Cael nodded, his sincerity unquestionable.

  “Okay. I’d like that.”

  An hour later, they were in Ash’s new truck heading for Brooklyn. It was the first time he’d taken the black truck out since driving it off the lot a couple of days after Christmas. Fucking taxicabs had been bleeding him dry, and since he was off the meds—on account of them being stolen—he went back to driving. Ash headed to Holy Cross Cemetery in Brooklyn, passing through Park Slope on the way there like he always did. He stopped at a red light and said, “This is the neighborhood I grew up in.”

  Cael looked out his window. “Do your parents still live here?”

  “No. They moved away after Shultzon took custody of me. I don’t even know where they are now. I set up an alert in Themis to let me know if they pass away, but I don’t want to know where they are.” It would be too tempting for him to show up on their doorstep, and no one needed that kind of drama. He certainly didn’t. It’s not as though they would welcome him. If they’d wanted him in their lives, they would have called. He wasn’t exactly hard to track down considering he worked for the THIRDS. His parents probably didn’t even know if he was alive. His father certainly wouldn’t care.

  Cael didn’t ask him any more questions, and Ash was grateful. When he felt like he could share something, he did. He parked off Brooklyn Avenue and turned off the engine. Cael handed him the bouquet of flowers, and Ash took them from him with a kiss.

  “It means a lot to me, you being here.”

  Cael smiled that beautiful smile of his. “I’m always here for you, Ash.”

  With a wink, Ash got out of the car. He came around and closed Cael’s door for him after he hopped out. Ash activated the alarm, and they headed for the entrance, his nerves turning what little he had in his stomach to lead. Every year it was the same. That sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and the emptiness in his heart he could never fill. Would things be different now that Cael was here with him? His visits had never been long. Usually he came, placed the flowers on the ground in front of Arlo’s tombstone, said a small prayer, and left. Ash walked along the empty path flanked by trees, grass, and graves, lost in his own thoughts. The temperature was in the midthirties, and the wind was bitter, or maybe it felt that way because of where he was, but at least it wasn’t cloudy or rainy. Ash appreciated how Cael didn’t try to fill the silence with conversation, simply offered his quiet strength. They finally reached the grassy pitch where Arlo’s tombstone was. Every year the marble tombstone seemed to get smaller, and it struck him that it was simply how long he’d been coming here, his body growing, his legs getting longer, his chest broader. To think he’d been such a scrawny little kid once upon a time.

  What the hell was he doing here? This had to be the stupidest thing he’d ever done. His chest felt constricted, and it was getting hard to breathe. A warm hand slipped into his, and he took a deep breath. His eyes moved down to Cael, who gave him a warm smile.

  “Tell me something about him.”

  Ash inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. He thought back to when he and Arlo had been kids. Inseparable. “He loved to ice skate,” Ash said, his voice rough with emotions he thought he’d have moved on from by now. “When there was a thunderstorm, I’d climb into his bed and tell him it was to keep him safe, when really, I was the one who was scared.” He chuckled at the memory. “I used to do that a lot. Act like the big tough guy, when all I wanted was to have him there with me. I missed him so much when he wasn’t there.” His voice broke, and he blinked back his tears. He had to hold it together.

  “Who are you, and what are you doing here?”

  Ash turned, his chest tightening at the sight of the elegantly dressed couple in black hats and winter coats. The world around him was reduced to a blur of color and mumbled sounds.

  “Ash?”

  “Mom…”

  Ash’s heart squeezed in his chest as his mom took a step toward him, only to have his father throw an arm out to stop her. The look of remorse on her face crushed what remained of Ash’s heart into tiny pieces. Was it possible she didn’t hate him? That she’d forgiven him after all these years?

  “I’m surprised you bother to visit him,” his father ground out through his teeth.

  “I’ve visited him every year for twenty years,” Ash said quietly. He shouldn’t feel like the insecure, frightened child he’d been. His father no longer had a hold on him. Ash had every right to be angry. Angry for what they’d done to him. He could be angry if he wanted to, but what was the point? It wouldn’t undo everything that had been done. It wouldn’t bring Arlo back. There was no doubt his father hated him as much now as he had then. Ash could see it in his piercing amber eyes. It was hypocritical of his father to loathe him for being a Therian, when the same “contamination” that ran through Ash’s veins was in his. The unstable mutation in his father had been incomplete, and unlike many Pre-First Gen Therians, his father couldn’t shift. It made it easy for him to deny being infected at all. The mutation had cost him an arm due to an injury he’d sustained during the war. His arm’s weakened tissue hadn’t stood a chance, but the rest of him remained very much Human. His father looked him over and sneered.

  “Do you really think that by coming here, you’ll be absolved for what you did?”

  “It wasn’t my fault,” Ash replied, doing his best to believe it. Twenty years, and the only changes in his father were the silver strands in his auburn hair and the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. He was still large, strong, and imposing. The resemblance between them was easy to see, and Ash hated it.

  “Then why do you come every New Year’s Day to punish yourself for facing another year without your brother? That’s why you come here. Not to remember him or feel connected to him, but to punish yourself for letting him die.”

  “That’s outrageous!” Cael turned to Ash, who couldn’t bring himself to deny his father’s words. “Ash?”

  “You should have been with him that day. At least then I’d have the memory of two good boys and not of a dead son and the abomination his brother became.”

  Cael gasped, his hold tight on Ash’s arm. “How can you be so callous to your own son?”

  “He’s not my son,” Ash’s father spat out. “He’s an animal. A filthy beast that should be locked away in a zoo.”

  Ash flinched at the words, berating himself for his cowardice. What good was all his ferocity when he couldn’t stand up to one man? Why did he continue to punish himself? Why did this one Human have the power to paralyze him? Cael stepped between Ash and his father, taking Ash aback. His sweet cheetah Therian bristled, his arm back behind him as if shielding Ash from his father’s onslaught.

  “What happened to Arlo was tragic, but instead of being there for Ash, who was very much alive, you threw him away. You blamed him for Arlo’s death, but it wasn’t his fault. If he’d been there that day, he most likely would have been killed as well. He was just a child, for heaven’s sake! He needed you. You were supposed to protect him, not throw him away!”

  “I don’t know who the hell you are, but you stay out of this you little Therian—”

  “Hey,” Ash growled, his voice as fierce as his Therian roar, bringing his father to a standstill. “Say what you want to me, but you watch what you say to him. I won’t let you treat him the way you’ve treated me. All these years I blamed myself for Arlo’s death. I told myself I’d failed him. That I’d failed you. But the truth is, you failed me. Your job was to love me. To keep me safe. Instead you called Animal Control to take me away. Your own son! In your eyes, I was as dead as Arlo. I’m very much alive, and I’ve been blessed with a new family. One who loves me no matter how fucked-up and miserable I may be. I have great friends and the love of a man who proves that I’m not the monster you made me out to be.” Ash slipped his arms around Cael and held him close.

  “Thanks to Cael, I’ve learned that everything I believed about myself was wrong. I deserve to be loved and live a full, happy life. I’m an agent for the THIRDS, and what I do matters. I protect my city, both Therians and Humans, and fight so that one day assholes like you are the minority, and your bigoted, hateful, ignorant voice will fade away. Most importantly, I’ve grown up to be a good, decent man who is nothing like you.”

  His father blustered and huffed, opening his mouth to rebut, but no coherent words escaped. His faced turned crimson, his nostrils flaring before he turned away, snapping at his wife, “Come along, Vivian.”

  “One minute.”

  “Vivian, now,” his father fumed.

  She clasped her hands together. “Please, Richard. Just one minute.”

  “Fine. I’ll be in the car. If you’re not there in five minutes, you can take a cab.”

  Ash stood stunned, watching his father stalk off through the grass until he’d disappeared. He turned to his mother, his voice quiet. “How can you let him talk to you like that?”

  “Look at you. Look how big you are,” she said, smiling warmly.