‘Chain him, chain him!’ shouted the General’s Lady. ‘Take him to the town, Yegorushka, sign him on for the army — or I’ll refuse you my blessing! Put him in the stocks immediately and sign him on for the army!’

  ‘What!’ shouted Foma Fomich, ‘A slave — a yokel — a peasant dared to abuse me! That — that rag I wipe my boots with! He dared to call me a fiend!’

  I stepped forward with extraordinary resolve.

  ‘I admit that in this case I am in full agreement with Gavrila,’ I said, looking Foma Fomich straight in the eye and quivering with excitement.

  He was so surprised by this sally of mine that it took him some time to realize his ears were not deceiving him.

  ‘What was that?’ he yelled out at last in a frenzy, fixing me with his small bloodshot eyes. ‘And just who are you?’

  ‘Foma …’ Uncle began in acute embarrassment, ‘this is Sergey, my nephew …’

  ‘The scholar!’ bellowed Foma Fomich, ‘so this is the man of learning, is it? Liberté, égalité, fraternité! Journal des Debats! Lies, I say, all lies! This isn’t Petersburg for you, you won’t make fools of us! Worse than Saxon lies! To hell with your debats! What you call debats, we call fiddlesticks! A man of learning, indeed! What you’ve just learned, I’ve already forgotten seven times over! That’s what your learning means to me!’

  If somebody had not held him back he would have attacked me with his fists.

  ‘He’s drunk,’ I said, looking around in confusion.

  ‘Who? Me?’ yelled Foma Fomich in a voice that was not his own.

  ‘Yes, you!’

  ‘Drunk?’

  ‘Drunk.’

  This was more than Foma Fomich could bear. He shrieked as if somebody had put a knife into him, and charged out of the room. The General’s Lady seemed about to faint but decided to follow him instead. Everybody else did likewise, Uncle last of all. When I had recovered and looked round, the only person I saw left in the room was Yezhevikin. He was smiling and rubbing his hands.

  ‘That Jesuit you promised to tell us about,’ he said slyly.

  ‘What?’ I asked, not knowing what he was talking about.

  ‘You promised to tell us about a Jesuit … a funny story …’

  I dashed out onto the terrace, and then into the garden. My head was spinning.

  8

  Declaration of Love

  I must have been pacing about the garden for a quarter of an hour, in acute irritation and highly displeased with myself, wondering what to do next. The sun was setting. Suddenly, at the corner of a shady walk, I came face to face with Nastenka. There were tears in her eyes which she wiped away with a handkerchief.

  ‘I was looking for you,’ she said.

  ‘And I was looking for you,’ I replied. ‘Tell me: am I in a madhouse or not?’

  ‘Not at all,’ she answered reproachfully, giving me a sharp look.

  ‘In that case, tell me what’s going on. For the love of God, give me advice of some kind! Where has Uncle got to? Can I see him? I’m very glad to have met you: perhaps you can suggest something.’

  ‘No, don’t go back. I’ve just left them.’

  ‘Well, where are they now?’

  ‘Who knows? They might have gone back to the orchard,’ she said, irritated.

  ‘What orchard?’

  ‘Last week Foma Fomich shouted that he didn’t want to stay in the house and rushed out into the garden, took a large spade from the shed and started digging the ground. Everybody was so surprised we thought he had gone mad. “That’s to stop people accusing me of being a parasite, I’ll dig the earth and earn my keep here, and then I’ll leave. See what you’ve made me do!” People were crying and ready to go on their knees in front of him, trying to wrench the spade out of his hands, but he wouldn’t stop and dug up all the turnips. They let him do it that time — he’s probably at it again. I wouldn’t put it past him.’

  ‘And you … and you can stand here calmly telling me about it!’ I shouted, filled with indignation.

  Her eyes flashed.

  ‘Please forgive me; I don’t know what I’m saying! Listen, do you know why I’m here?’

  ‘N-no,’ she replied, blushing, and a shadow of vexation flitting across her sweet face.

  ‘You must excuse me,’ I continued. ‘I’m rather upset. I feel this is no way to begin talking about it … to you of all people … But never mind! Honesty is the best policy in such cases. I admit … that is, I meant to say … do you know Uncle’s plans? He instructed me to ask for your hand —’

  ‘Oh, what nonsense!’ she interrupted, suddenly flaring up. ‘Don’t start talking about that!’

  I was perplexed.

  ‘What do you mean, nonsense? But he wrote to me.’

  ‘So he did, did he?’ she asked with animation. ‘And he promised not to! What nonsense! God, what utter nonsense!’

  ‘Forgive me,’ I muttered, lost for words, ‘maybe I was inconsiderate and rude … but at a time like this! You see: we’re surrounded by God knows what …’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, don’t apologize. Believe me, it’s embarrassing enough for me to have to listen to it all: but I did mean to talk to you myself … to see what I could find out … Oh, what shame! So he wrote to you, did he? That’s just what I was afraid of most of all! My God, he’s such a strange man! And you believed him and tore out here like a madman? Whatever next?’

  She did not seek to hide her irritation. I was in a most unenviable position.

  ‘I must admit, I didn’t expect,’ I said in the most acute embarrassment, ‘such a turn … on the contrary, I thought …’

  ‘Ah, did you?’ she said with a trace of irony and lightly bit her lip. ‘Now, let me see that letter of his.’

  ‘Very well.’

  ‘And please don’t be angry or offended with me; we’ve got enough trouble as it is!’ she said pleadingly, and yet a faint smile of derision flitted across her sweet lips.

  ‘Oh, please don’t take me for an idiot!’ I exclaimed passionately. ‘Perhaps you’re prejudiced against me? Perhaps somebody has been spreading tales about me? Perhaps it’s because I disgraced myself in there just now? But that’s as may be — I assure you. I appreciate what a fool I am in your eyes now. Please don’t laugh at me! I don’t know what I’m saying … And it’s all because I’m only twenty-two, damn it!’

  ‘Good God! What does that matter?’

  ‘What do you mean, what does it matter? Any twenty-two-year-old has got it plainly stamped on his face; for example, take the way I bounced into the middle of the room just then, or take now, in front of you … It’s a terrible age!’

  ‘No, no, no!’ replied Nastenka, trying hard not to laugh. ‘You’re good, sweet and wise, I’m certain, I honestly mean it! But … you’re too proud. You could improve, though.’

  ‘I’m no more proud than I should be.’

  ‘Yes you are. You got embarrassed in there — and why? Because you tripped on your way in! … What right did you have to mock your good, noble uncle, who’s done so much for you? Why did you have to make a laughing-stock of him when you were so ridiculous yourself? It was bad of you, and you ought to be ashamed! It does you no credit, and let me tell you, I really hated you then — so there you are!’

  ‘It’s true! I was an idiot — and worse: I behaved despicably! You noticed it, and that’s my punishment! You can scold me, you can laugh at me, but you must listen: maybe you will change your mind in the end,’ I added, urged on by some strange emotion. ‘As you know me so little, perhaps later, when you get to know me better, then … maybe …’

  ‘For goodness’ sake, let’s drop this subject!’ Nastenka exclaimed, with patent exasperation.

  ‘All right, all right, let’s drop it! But … when can I see you?’

  ‘What do you mean — see me?’

  ‘It can’t be that we’ve said our last words to each other, Nastasya Yevgrafovna! For goodness’ sake, tell me when I can see you again — today? No, it’s getting dark. Well then, if it’s at all possible, early tomorrow morning; I’ll make sure I’m woken up in good time. There’s a summer-house by the pond. I remember it; I know the way. I lived here when I was a child.’

  ‘But what on earth do you want to see me for? We’re talking to each other now, aren’t we?’

  ‘But I still don’t know anything, Nastasya Yevgrafovna. Let me find out everything from Uncle first. He’ll have to tell me everything, and then I may be in a position to say something important to you …’

  ‘No, no! No need! no need!’ exclaimed Nastenka. ‘Have done with it now, and don’t ever bring up the subject again. You’ll be wasting your time going to that summer-house: I assure you, I shan’t come, so please get all this nonsense out of your head — I’m asking you seriously …’

  ‘So it turns out Uncle treated me as though I were mad!’ I cried in a fit of unutterable anguish. ‘Then why did he ask me to come? … But listen! What’s that noise?’

  We were quite close to the house. Through the open windows we could hear an extraordinary squealing and shouting.

  ‘Good heavens!’ she said, going pale. ‘Not again! I knew it was going to happen!’

  ‘You knew? One more question, Nastasya Yevgrafovna. Of course, I’ve no right whatsoever, but for the good of all concerned I’ll be so bold as to put it to you. Tell me — and to my dying day you’ll hear no more from me — tell me honestly: is Uncle in love with you or not?’

  ‘Get this nonsense out of your head once and for all!’ she cried in a sudden fit of anger. ‘Honestly! If he’d been in love with me, would he have wanted to marry me off to you?’ She smiled bitterly. ‘Where did you get the idea? Don’t you understand what’s behind all this? Just listen to the shouting!’

  ‘But … that’s Foma Fomich …’

  ‘Exactly, Foma Fomich. They’re talking about me, repeating the same rubbish you were saying; they too suspect that he’s in love with me. And as I’m poor and insignificant and my honour means nothing to them, they want to marry him off to somebody else, they are insisting he should have me out of this house and staying with father to be out of the way. And if anybody speaks to him about it, he loses his temper — even with Foma. That’s what they’re all shouting about now, I can tell.’

  ‘So it’s true! He really will marry this Tatyana?’

  ‘What Tatyana?’

  ‘You know, the half-wit.’

  ‘She’s no half-wit. She’s a kind woman. You’ve no right to say such things! She’s got a good heart, which is more than can be said for others. The poor thing can’t help her misfortune.’

  ‘I’m sorry. Let’s assume you are right; but aren’t you wrong about the most important thing? Tell me, how is it your father is being treated so well? If they had been as angry with you as you say they are and had been trying to get rid of you, surely they would have been angry with him and treated him badly?’

  ‘But can’t you see what my father is doing for me! He’s acting the fool! He’s being tolerated precisely because he’s managed to win Foma Fomich’s favour. And as Foma himself was once a clown, it flatters him to have a clown of his own. What do you think: who does my father do it for? He does it for me, for me alone. He has nothing to gain himself; he wouldn’t bow to anybody for his own sake. He may seem ridiculous to some people, but he is noble, he is the noblest of men! He imagines, God knows why — and not at all because I’m getting good wages here, I assure you — he imagines it’s better for me to stay in this house. But now I’ve managed to dissuade him completely. I’ve written to him firmly. He has come to take me away, if need be tomorrow, because things have got so bad: they want to tear me limb from limb, I’m positive it’s me they’re shouting about now. Because of me they’ll tear him apart, they’ll destroy him. And he is like a father to me — do you hear, even more than a father! I don’t want to wait any longer. I know more than anyone else. I’m leaving tomorrow, tomorrow! Who knows: perhaps because of this they’ll postpone his marriage to Tatyana Ivanovna if only for a short time … Now I’ve told you everything. You pass it all on to him, because I mustn’t even be seen speaking to him now: we’re being watched, especially by this Perepelitsyna. Tell him not to worry about me, that I’d rather eat black bread and live in father’s hut than be the cause of his suffering here. I’m poor, and I have to live accordingly. But, Good Lord, the noise! the shouting! What’s going on there? I’m going to see, no matter what happens! I’ll tell them all this straight to their faces, come what may! I must. Good-bye!’

  She ran away. I stood stock-still, fully aware of the comical role which I had been made to play and not at all sure what the outcome would be. I was sorry for the poor girl, and afraid for my uncle. Suddenly Gavrila appeared beside me. He was still holding his exercise book.

  ‘Your uncle wants to see you,’ he said in a downcast voice.

  I started.

  ‘Uncle? Where is he? What’s the matter with him?’

  ‘In the tea-room, where you were having tea, sir.’

  ‘Who’s with him?’

  ‘No one. He’s waiting.’ ‘Who for? Me?’

  ‘He’s sent for Foma Fomich. Our golden days are over!’ Gavrila sighed deeply.

  ‘Foma Fomich? Hm! And where are the others? Where is the General’s Lady?’

  ‘In her rooms. She has fainted, and now she’s lying senseless, and weeping.’

  Still in conversation, we reached the terrace. It was now almost completely dark. Uncle was indeed alone, pacing up and down the room where my confrontation with Foma Fomich had taken place. Lighted candles were standing on the tables. When I entered the room he rushed towards me and shook my hands warmly. He was pale and his chest was heaving with agitation; his hands were shaking, and a nervous shudder would from time to time convulse his whole body.

  9

  Your Excellency

  ‘My boy! it’s all over, everything has been decided!’ he uttered in an almost tragic whisper.

  ‘Uncle,’ I said, ‘I heard shouting.’

  ‘Shouting, my boy, shouting; yes, there was shouting. Dear Mother has fainted and everything’s in a turmoil. But I’ve made up my mind and nothing will make me budge. Now I’m no longer afraid of anybody, Seryozha. I want to show them that I have a mind of my own too — and I will. I sent for you so that you can help me show them … It breaks my heart, Seryozha … but I must, I must act with the utmost rigour. Justice is implacable!’

  ‘But do tell me what happened, Uncle!’

  ‘Foma and I are parting,’ Uncle announced resolutely.

  ‘Uncle!’ I shouted with joy, ‘that really is the best thing you could have thought of! And if I can help you in any way to carry out your plan … I’m at your service for evermore.’

  ‘Thank you, my good boy, thank you! The final decision has been taken. I’m expecting Foma. I’ve already sent for him. It’s either him or me! We must part. Either Foma leaves this house tomorrow, or, I swear, I’ll throw everything in and join the Hussars again! They’ll take me on all right and give me a division. To hell with this way of life! A new life will begin. What’s that French exercise book for?’ Uncle turned towards Gavrila in a rage. ‘Get rid of it! Burn it, tear it up, destroy it! I’m your master, and I command you not to study French. You cannot, you dare not disobey me, because I’m your master, not Foma Fomich!’

  ‘Thank God!’ Gavrila muttered to himself. Things had obviously taken a serious turn.

  ‘My dear boy!’ Uncle continued in great agitation, ‘they’re asking me for the impossible! You’ll be my judge. You will stand between us as an impartial arbiter. You’ve no idea, no idea what they’ve been demanding of me and have actually requested formally; now they’ve said everything! What an affront to human dignity, decency, honour … I’ll tell you everything, but first …’

  ‘I already know everything, Uncle!’ I exclaimed, interrupting him. ‘I can guess … I’ve just been talking to Nastasya Yevgrafovna.’

  ‘My boy, say no more about this, not a word!’ Uncle interrupted me in great haste as though afraid of something. ‘I’ll tell you everything afterwards myself, but in the meantime … Well?’ he called out to Vidoplyasov who had just come in, ‘where is Foma Fomich?’

  Vidoplyasov returned bearing a message that Foma Fomich did not wish to come in view of the excessive impertinence of the demand and because he now considered himself to be grossly insulted.

  ‘Bring him here! Drag him here! Drag him here by the head and ears!’ Uncle shouted, stamping his foot.

  Vidoplyasov, who had never seen my uncle in such a frenzy, retired in a state of shock. I was amazed.

  ‘Something really must have happened,’ I thought, ‘to have driven a person of his gentle character to such anger and desperation.’

  For a few seconds Uncle paced up and down the room in silence, evidently in deep conflict with himself.

  ‘On second thoughts, don’t tear up that exercise book,’ he said at last to Gavrila. ‘Wait and don’t go away: you may be needed. My boy!’ he said, turning to me, ‘I’ve a feeling that I got carried away a bit. Things ought to be done with dignity, with courage, but without shouting, without abuse. That’s right. You know, Seryozha, wouldn’t it be better if you left the room? It’s all the same to you. Afterwards I’ll tell you everything myself — eh? What d’you think? There’s a good boy.’

  ‘You’re afraid, Uncle! you’re regretting your decision now!’ I said, looking hard at him.

  ‘No, no, my boy, I’m not regretting it!’ he exclaimed with redoubled fervour. ‘I’m not afraid of anything now. I’ve taken drastic, very drastic measures! You’ve no idea, you can’t imagine what they were demanding of me! Was I really supposed to agree? I’ll show them! I have rebelled; I’ll show them! I had to prove it some time or other! But you know, my boy, I do regret I called you: perhaps it won’t be fair on Foma if you too, as it were, were to witness his downfall. You see, I want to turn him out of the house in a civil manner, without loss of face. However, that’s easier said than done — without loss of face. Things have got to the point where no amount of honeyed words could smooth over the indignity. And I’m rough and unmannerly, I dare say I shall come out with something — fool that I am — that I shan’t ever forgive myself for later. The fact is, he’s done such a lot for me … Off you go now, my boy … Here they come, here they come! Seryozha, go, I beg of you! I’ll tell you everything afterwards. Do leave us, for God’s sake!’