Pseudo Paella

  Real paella is prepared in a special pan (a paellera) over coals and takes hours of arduous work cleaning the seafood and chopping the other ingredients. It’s a labor of love and patience, and not worth the effort for two people. This is an imitation that would make a legitimate Spaniard break out in hives—God forgive me—but that works in the same way as a preamble to lovemaking because all the ingredients are aphrodisiac.

  Ingredients

  1 tablespoon minced onion

  3 tablespoons olive oil

  1 pinch turmeric

  1 pinch saffron

  1 pinch paprika

  2 cups assorted seafood (squid, shrimp, scallops, clams, and others), peeled and cleaned

  1 small tomato, chopped

  1 clove garlic, crushed

  2 cups Fish Stock, or concentrate

  1 cup white rice

  6 mussels in the shell

  Red pepper, cut in strips

  Salt and pepper to taste

  Preparation

  In a skillet, sauté the onion in the oil until transparent but not yellow. Add the spices and sauté 1 minute more. Add the seafood—but not the mussels—tomato, and garlic. Cook for 5 minutes, turning occasionally. Add the stock. When it reaches a boil, sprinkle in the rice. Lower the heat, cover the skillet, and cook for 15 minutes. Arrange the mussels and red pepper on top, and cook for 5 to 10 minutes more. Test to see if the rice is done and check the seasoning. Add salt and pepper if necessary. Remove from the heat, uncover your pseudo paella, and let the steam evaporate for 2 minutes before serving.

  Fowl

  Duck à La Pêche

  Usually duck is daunting to cook because it tends to be either as hard as rubber or swimming in its own grease. If you have the time, though, this is a surefire recipe. Half a duck really isn’t worth the effort. This recipe will feed four to six people, but it could be served as the only dish to two lovers who have a hearty appetite and are prepared to savor it slowly and later recover strength while eating the leftovers.

  Ingredients

  1 duck (about 3 1/2 pounds), cut up

  2 tablespoons lemon juice

  1 tablespoon sugar

  4 tablespoons vegetable oil

  1 cup Chicken Stock

  1 can (8 ounces) peach halves in syrup, drained and syrup reserved

  1/2 cup sherry or other sweet wine

  1 clove garlic, crushed

  1 bay leaf

  Salt and pepper to taste

  Preparation

  Wash the duck pieces, pat them dry, and rub them with the lemon juice. Sauté the duck with the sugar in very hot oil. Add the stock, peach syrup, sherry, garlic, bay leaf, salt, and pepper. Cover and cook for 1 hour, watching that the duck doesn’t stick to the bottom of the pan. Remove the duck and put it in a baking dish.

  Discard the bay leaf and skim the fat off the pan juices. The best way to do this is to cool the juices until the fat congeals. Cover the duck with sliced peach spears, pour the juices over both, cover the dish with aluminum foil, and place in a hot oven for 15 minutes before serving.

  Mexican Chicken Mole

  This dish works best when prepared the previous day, which makes it more savory and leaves you time enough to invent other erotic recourses for the day of your rendezvous. Can be served with rice and beans.

  Ingredients

  4 chicken thighs

  1 cup white wine

  1 cup water

  Salt and pepper to taste

  1 small bay leaf

  1 small banana

  1/4 red pepper

  1/4 green pepper

  1/4 cup peeled, chopped tomatoes

  1 clove garlic

  1/4 large onion

  1 pinch ginger

  1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, melted

  1 tablespoon blanched almonds, chopped

  1 tablespoon salted peanuts, crushed

  1 tablespoon raisins, soaked in stock

  Preparation

  Place the chicken, wine, water, salt, pepper, and bay leaf in a casserole and boil for 20 minutes. Drain, reserving the liquid, and discard the bay leaf. Skin the thighs and return to the casserole or a large skillet. Place the liquid and all the other ingredients except the almonds, peanuts, and raisins in a food processor and blend. Cover the chicken with this mixture and cook for 45 minutes over low heat. The next day add the almonds, raisins, and peanuts before warming to serve.

  Chicken Alegre

  Ingredients

  2 slices hickory-smoked bacon, diced

  2 cups chicken, cut in large pieces

  2 tablespoons olive oil

  1 cup fresh corn kernels

  1 clove garlic, peeled and minced

  1 tablespoon tarragon vinegar

  1 cup plain yogurt

  1/2 cup heavy cream

  Salt and nutmeg to taste

  1 pound fresh spinach, stems removed

  2 large tomatoes, peeled and sliced

  Preparation

  Sauté the bacon and chicken pieces in the oil until golden. Add the corn, garlic, and vinegar, and cook for 15 minutes over low heat. Remove from the heat and place the chicken in a baking dish. Stir the yogurt and cream into the pan juices. Season with salt and nutmeg. Pour over the chicken. Cover with the spinach leaves and top with tomato slices. Cook in the oven for 15 minutes. The dish will be a beautiful green highlighted with the red of the tomatoes.

  Harem Turkey

  Since this book is for the amorous couple, we don’t include directions for a whole turkey, which would feed an entire family, but half a turkey breast is delicious when cooked by this recipe.

  Ingredients

  1/2 turkey breast, cut into 4 pieces

  1/4 turnip

  1/2 carrot

  1/4 onion

  1/2 stalk celery

  Salt and pepper

  4 tablespoons olive oil

  1 cup water

  1 thick slice bread, crust removed

  1/4 cup minced parsley (leaves only)

  1 garlic clove, peeled and crushed

  1 cup ground walnuts

  Black olives and tomato slices for garnish

  Preparation

  Sauté the turkey, turnip, carrot, onion, celery, salt, and pepper in 2 tablespoons of the olive oil. Add the water, cover, and cook for 45 minutes. Remove from the heat, drain, reserving the juices, and set aside the vegetables.

  Remove all the bones from the turkey, leaving only the edible part. Soak the bread in 1 cup of the reserved turkey juices. Place in a food processor with the parsley, garlic, and walnuts and blend. This will make a thick paste; thin with what is needed of the remaining olive oil. Cover the turkey with this mixture and garnish with the black olives and tomato slices.

  Romantic Chicken

  Easy, but should be prepared the day before. It can be served with saffror rice and raisins.

  Ingredients

  1 chicken breast

  1 teaspoon vinegar

  Salt and white pepper

  4 tablespoons butter

  1/4 onion, grated and drained

  1/2 leek, chopped

  1 1/2 cups milk

  1 teaspoon flour

  1 pinch nutmeg

  4 tablespoons sherry

  Preparation

  Cut the breast in 2 pieces, rub with the vinegar, and let stand for 15 minutes. Rinse in cold water and season with salt, pepper, and 1 tablespoon of butter, melted. Refrigerate the chicken overnight. The next day, sauté the onion and leek, and then the chicken, in the remaining 3 tablespoons of butter. Add the milk and cook over low heat for 30 minutes. Remove when tender. Add the flour to the part juices and cook over low heat, stirring, to make a sauce. Season with nutmeg and sherry. Pour the sauce over the chicken breasts.

  Chicken Breast Valentino

  Ingredients

  1 tablespoon butter

  1 tablespoon flour

  1/2 cup cream

  1/2 cup Chicken Stock

  1 whole breast of young hen, cut in quarters

  Salt and pepper to taste

  1 egg yolk beaten with a little milk

  1 tablespoon cooked, chopped red pepper

  4 tablespoons Kahlua liqueur

  1/2 teaspoon Salsa Picante

  1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

  1/4 cup chopped roasted peanuts

  Preparation

  In a saucepan, mix the butter with the flour. When it is yellow, add the cream and stock, stirring to avoid forming lumps. Add the chicken breast and season with salt and pepper. Cook for 30 minutes, covered, over low heat, turning the pieces from time to time. After removing from the heat, add the egg yolk, red pepper, Kahlua, salsa picante, and Worcestershire sauce. Cook 10 minutes more on very low heat, stirring gently. Sprinkle the peanuts on top. This is even better reheated the next day.

  Coq Au Vin

  The classic recipe is made with a rooster, but experience has taught us that a roasting hen or plump young fryer is best. This dish is tastier when it sits for a while, even from the day before. It will serve four to six people, and it doesn’t make sense to prepare less since it keeps well in the refrigerator or freezer.

  Ingredients

  1 medium chicken

  1/2 cup diced bacon

  1 medium onion, chopped

  2 young carrots, sliced

  2 cloves garlic, crushed

  2 tablespoons olive oil

  1 cup pearl onions

  1 bay leaf

  1 garni of aromatic herbs

  2 tablespoons cognac

  2 cups red wine (preferably Burgundy)

  1/2 cup dried mushrooms, previously soaked in stock

  1 cup concentrated chicken stock

  1 tablespoon maple syrup

  2 level tablespoons flour

  1 tablespoon butter

  2 cups sliced fresh mushrooms

  Salt and pepper to taste

  Croutons for serving

  Preparation

  Cut the chicken into pieces, discarding the neck and wings. Sauté the bacon, onion, carrots, and garlic in the oil for 5 minutes. Add the pearl onions, bay leaf, and garni. Add the chicken pieces, smother in cognac, and set afire. When the flame burns down, add the wine, dried mushrooms, stock, and maple syrup. Cook over high heat until the liquid is reduced to 1 1/2 cups. In a separate pan, make a roux of flour and butter. Gradually add to the chicken, along with the fresh mushrooms, salt, and pepper to taste. Cook 10 minutes more over low heat to blend the flavors. Before serving, remove the excess fat. Serve with croutons.

  Jellied Partridge

  This was my grandmother’s recipe, and it never failed. It’s a substantial, cold, aphrodisiac dish that can be made one or two days in advance and carried from the refrigerator to the table or bed.

  Ingredients

  4 cleaned partridges

  1/4 cup cognac

  Salt

  6 small onions, quartered

  1/2 cup olive oil

  1 teaspoon sugar

  1 piece orange zest

  2 cloves

  2 bay leaves

  1 tablespoon vinegar

  1/2 teaspoon pepper

  1/2 cup concentrated chicken stock

  1 large cup peeled grapes

  1 bunch red grapes for garnish

  Preparation

  Bind the feet and wings of the birds so they don’t come apart during cooking. Rub the wings with cognac and salt. Sauté the onions in the oil with the sugar until golden but do not burn. Add the orange zest, cloves, bay leaves, vinegar, pepper, stock, and the remaining cognac. Add the partridges, moisten with this mixture, and cook for 15 minutes. Add the peeled grapes and cook 15 minutes more. Turn off the heat and allow to cool. The partridges will be set in jelly. Before serving cold, remove the orange zest, bay leaves, and cloves. Arrange on a platter and garnish with the grape cluster.

  Meat

  Lamb With Spinach and Apricots

  Even though lamb is not thought to be aphrodisiac, other ingredients in this recipe are. The combination of the slightly bitter taste of the spinach and the sweet aroma of the apricots is absolutely delicious. This is a perfect catalyst for an intimate discussion of sensual pleasures. It serves two easily and is good with plain white rice.

  Ingredients

  1 pound lamb, cut in large cubes

  1 clove garlic

  1 tablespoon vegetable oil

  1 cup stock

  1 pound spinach leaves, washed and stems removed

  1 tablespoon butter

  1 teaspoon flour

  1 small can apricots in juice

  1/2 teaspoon grated lemon zest

  Salt, pepper, and nutmeg to taste

  1/2 cup cream

  Preparation

  Sauté the lamb and garlic in the oil until lightly browned. Add the stock. Cook in a heavy casserole dish, covered, until tender, 45 to 60 minutes. Remove from the heat and place in a Pyrex baking dish or, even better, a pottery baking dish, and cover with spinach leaves. Melt the butter in a small saucepan or skillet. Add the flour and stir well over low heat. Add the juice from the apricots and cook for 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and season with lemon zest, salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Add the cream, stir well, and pour over the spinach. Decorate with the apricots, cover with aluminum foil, and bake in the oven for 20 minutes.

  Filet Mignon Belle Epoque

  This sauce is divine and the fillets never fail. Buy the best; in this case it’s a good investment that will pay generous dividends.

  Ingredients

  2 cups good red wine

  1/2 onion, minced

  1/2 carrot, minced

  2 chicken livers

  3 anchovy fillets

  2 tablespoons cream

  Salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste

  2 large filets mignon

  1 teaspoon olive oil

  Preparation

  In a casserole, cook the wine, onion, and carrot for 15 minutes. Place in a food processor with the livers and anchovy fillets, and blend. Return to the casserole and cook 15 minutes more, stirring. Lower the heat, add the cream, salt, pepper, and garlic powder, and stir. Keep warm over the lowest possible heat.

  In the meantime, in a hot skillet, sauté both sides of the filets mignon in the oil. Try to brown on the outside and keep rare inside. Pour the sauce over the filets mignon and serve immediately.

  Champagne Tenderloin

  A bottle of champagne is a lot for two normal lovers. There’s always some left over, and once uncorked the bubbles dissipate and the champagne turns to a yellowish liquid with no soul or personality. Use the dregs for this recipe. Since it takes almost no time to prepare, you can have everything ready and—after heating up with caresses, champagne, and assorted hors d’oeuvres—the two of you can whip into the kitchen and make dinner in twenty minutes.

  Ingredients

  1 tablespoon olive oil

  2 lean beef tenderloins

  Salt and coarse black pepper to taste

  2 heaping tablespoons large golden raisins

  1 garni of assorted herbs

  1 clove garlic

  1/2 cup champagne

  1/2 cup peeled and chopped tomatoes

  Preparation

  Heat the oil. Brown the beef on one side. Season with salt and pepper. Turn and brown the other side. Add the raisins, herbs, garlic, and champagne. Cover and cook for 15 minutes. Add the tomatoes, cook 5 minutes more, and serve.

  Fillet Orientale

  Quick, easy, and infallible. Serve on noodles al dente or white rice.

  Ingredients

  1 pound beef fillet, cut in narrow strips

  2 tablespoons oil

  1/2 onion

  1 clove garlic, minced

  1/2 cup minced celery

  6 slices fresh ginger or 1 teaspoon powdered ginger

  1/2 cup minced red pepper

  1/2 cup minced fresh mushrooms

  1 teaspoon chopped sage

  1 teaspoon chopped tarragon

  5 tablespoons soy sauce

  1 teaspoon curry powder (less if very hot)

  Preparation

  Sauté the beef strips in hot oil, then remove from the skillet. In the same oil, sauté the onion, garlic, celery, ginger, and pepper for 6 to 8 minutes. Add the mushrooms and cook for 10 minutes over medium heat. Season with the sage, tarragon, soy sauce, and curry powder. Combine with the meat and serve.

  Spicy Rabbit

  Don’t serve rabbit to cat lovers, they’ll faint. This is an old, old recipe from Peru. One whole rabbit, however skinny, is a lot for two people, but it’s not usually sold in lesser quantities. This recipe is plenty for four to six people. You can freeze half and serve it on a different occasion or to a different guest (if monogamy isn’t your forte).

  Ingredients

  1 large rabbit, cleaned and cut up

  Juice of 2 lemons

  2 tablespoons lard

  2 medium onions, grated or minced