Before I could respond, the front door opened and Robby strolled in. It didn’t surprise me to see him coming in from the outdoors. Even though Robby loved the city, he had a fondness for the outdoors that couldn’t be denied. There were a couple of leaves in his tousled black hair, some pine needles falling from his jacket. His cheeks were pinched red, which told me it must be cold outside. However, I never would have known that simply because of how warm it was in the cabin.

  “Gwen, that smells fabulous,” he said, slowly making his way over to us. He had yet to address me directly, hadn’t even looked at me, and I wasn’t sure why that was. Had I done something to upset him? I didn’t think I had. “Couldn’t find a signal, though. Are we almost ready to eat?”

  “Jon is still in the shower,” Gwen said as she turned off the burner to the eggs once they finished. “I don’t want to start without him.”

  Robbys eyes dropped to the food. “But it’s going to get cold,” he said as though it was obvious. “The eggs. Gwen, you know how much I hate when my eggs are cold, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to watch you do something as blasphemous as microwave them.” Finally, he glanced over at me. “Help me out, Lara. Jon won’t mind if we start without him, right?”

  “Um…” I wasn’t sure how to even answer that so I looked over at Gwen. “I mean, I don’t think he’d mind.”

  Gwen gave Robby a patient look. “It’s called being polite, Robby,” she said. “And I think we owe him that much, don’t you?”

  “Actually -“

  “What smells so good?” Jon’s voice came from the bathroom door, and I made the mistake of turning and looking at him.

  He was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. My mouth immediately went dry at the sight of it. I tried to rip my eyes away, tried to chide myself on so openly gawking at him in front of other people, but I couldn’t help myself. My eyes immediately dropped from his face to his Adam’s apple, to the sweep of his broad shoulders and across the expanse of his torso.

  Jesus, that man had a body.

  Everything about him was hard and jagged. The plains that made up his stomach looked crisp, some still with the sprinkles of the shower he had just stepped out of. I wanted to run my hands up and down his body. I wanted to acquaint myself with him once again, even though I had had him before.

  I didn’t like that Gwen was looking at him, didn’t like that she got to see him in this way. He was for me, for my eyes only. A sudden, fierce possessiveness ripped across from me and I had to clench my teeth together to keep myself from saying anything stupid. Hell, I didn’t even want to make a noise. I wasn’t exactly sure how that might be interpreted.

  I couldn’t help but stare at him, and I realized that it had been a long time since I had seen him this way, even if it had only been the night before. Then again, it was different cleaning wounds and making sure he was okay compared to stripping him down to touch him, to see him. A pool of warmth spread underneath my belly and I tried to ignore it, I did. But then I saw the way his eyes caught mine, as though he could somehow detect the way I was thinking, what my thought process was, and I couldn’t help but move across the room.

  I only stopped when I realized what I was doing.

  Gwen was right there. So was Robby.

  Another thing that bothered me – she was with Robby. Robby had an amazing body too. The only thing Jon had on him was height. That was it.

  Shouldn’t she be grateful for what she had?

  I tried not to think about it. I was already on the verge of making an asshole out of myself, and I didn’t need to add to it. Instead, I curled hair behind my ear and pretended I was going to sit on the couch. I wasn’t sure if it worked, but at least it was something.

  The gentle click of the door shutting told me Jon had returned to the room. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and dropped my gaze to my lap. I should be focusing on other things. Things that had nothing to do with how badly I wanted him, even if it had been a while, and the desire I had for him overwhelmed me to the point where I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.

  I didn’t like the jealousy coursing through my body, and I certainly didn’t like the thought of me ripping into Gwen all because she stared at him. How could she help that? I would stare too. Hell, I did. And Gwen was my friend. And she cared about Robby.

  What was going on with me?

  “Red.” Jon’s voice from the doorway to the room caught my attention, and I sat up straighter. “I need to talk to you. In here.”

  It took everything inside of me to refrain from springing up like a bullet and running over there. Instead, I tensed every muscle I could access, and pushed myself into a standing position.

  “Sure.”

  God, I hoped my voice hadn’t cracked. I hoped I didn’t sound as desperate or as idiotic as I felt.

  I tried to ignore the way his dark eyes watched me move across the room. I refused to look at Gwen. I wasn’t sure what she’d think about this, but I didn’t want to know. I didn’t care. It wasn’t like I thought she was going to judge me by any means, but still.

  Jon moved out of the way from the door in order to let me inside. I took in a deep breath, trying not to be obvious about it. He still smelled like pine trees, like he had run naked through a Christmas tree farm, but there was also something significantly Jon that attached itself to the scent that added a touch of grittiness to it. If some kind of cologne company could bottle that up, they’d make so much money. Women would buy it for their significant others so fast.

  The second I was in the room, the door shut once again. This time, a lock turned into place. I whirled around. He must have noticed the confusion on my face because he said, “I don’t want to be interrupted.”

  I nodded, rubbing my lips together. I didn’t quite trust my voice, not yet, which was stupid since I had never been afraid of talking to Jon about anything, even stuff he didn’t want to hear or I didn’t want to share. This felt significant somehow, though I wasn’t sure how. Something was different between us but I didn’t know what that was.

  “Interrupted?”

  “You’re not going to like this,” he said, “But I want you to fall back.”

  Instantly, any hesitation, any fear, I might have had due to distracting images of Jon being naked and the things I wanted to do to a naked Jon went out the window. He might have still had water clinging his body, but fuck, I didn’t care. Not when he was trying to pull me off something important. How dare he? I was just as much part of this as he was, and there was no way I was going to back off just because it made other people feel more comfortable about it. It wasn’t going to happen.

  “You know I can’t do that,” I said, all but stomping over to him. “It’s my grandfather that created this mess –”

  “That doesn’t mean you’re responsible,” he repeated. “The sins of your grandfather have nothing to do with you.”

  “I don’t agree,” I snapped. “My uncle died because of this man. Richard spent his entire life looking for the truth, and then got killed because of it. Alex and the others are locked up like lab rats because of him.”

  “And you’re telling me you want to do the same thing?” Jon demanded to know. “Is that it?” He glanced away, a sigh forcing his shoulders down. “I’m sorry about your uncle. I am. You know I am. But I can’t risk you. All of this will be for nothing if I have to worry about you while I’m taking them down.”

  I opened my mouth but, instead of any words coming out, I let out a long breath. I didn’t want to fight with him. I understood why he chose to do what he was doing. But that didn’t mean I had to like it in any way.

  “That’s not fair,” I said. “You can’t tell me what to do –”

  “I can and I will,” he snapped. He clenched his teeth together as though he hadn’t meant to say those words. I furrowed my brow, trying to understand, trying to make it so I didn’t immediately get offended. “Look, you have to know that you mean something to me, Lara.”

  “I know –”

  “You don’t.” He cut me off, though his voice was gentle. He padded over to the bed and took a seat on the edge of it. “The truth is, if you go, that’s all I’m going to think about. You. And I’d give up what I set out to do in order to ensure your safety.”

  “Just…don’t, then,” I said, like it was obvious.

  He rolled his eyes. “It’s not that simple,” he said, and then looked away. “Lara, I know I’ve already told you this, but you’re my mate.”

  Chapter 21

  I know he mentioned something like this before but didn’t want to talk about it. Not really. But now, I wasn’t going to give him that option. This was too important to let go, especially when he thought he could order me around.

  “Okay,” I said, taking a seat next to him on the bed. I wasn’t sure how close to him he wanted me to be, but I knew I needed a place to sit and think about everything, and the room was sparse enough as it was. “I still don’t understand why you’d let yourself worry about me when I’m not telling you to not do what you want to do. In fact, I want to help you do it.”

  “You don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Then help me understand.”

  I was tired of the bullshit. I wanted to learn. I wanted to understand. But I couldn’t if he kept avoiding the subject.

  “I don’t know how it fucking happened,” he growled, shooting up an arm. He was clearly frustrated, but I wasn’t afraid of the anger rolling off his body. I scooted closer, in fact, still careful about touching him. The last thing I wanted was to do something he wasn’t comfortable with in this moment. “It’s like, it’s in my brain. It’s in my body. I don’t know if it happened when we first met, or when you weren’t minding your fucking business and were chased by Guzman’s men. I don’t know. But every instinct in me screams at me to protect you. You come first. That’s it. Even above my well-being. Even about everything else.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “That-that’s ridiculous,” I said.

  “Don’t ridicule my feelings,” he snapped, though his voice was decidedly softer than it could have been. “I can’t explain it. I just know that it’s the truth. And I know if you come, if there’s even a sliver of a chance that you could fall into his hands…I can’t risk it. It has nothing to do with not thinking you’re capable. If anyone can figure out this asshole, it’s you. I know it’s you. But if you go, then I’m forced to follow, like a fucking shadow, a puppy. And I can’t…I need to end this. But I also need you safe. If you go, I can’t have both.”

  I hated this. I hated this because as much as I didn’t want to admit it, he wasn’t exactly wrong. I understood where he was coming from, even if I didn’t like it.

  “So,” I said, trying to keep any sort of defensive tone from my words. I didn’t want to upset him, even more than he already seemed to be. “What am I supposed to do? Stay here?”

  “You’ll be safe here,” he said.

  “And then what?” I asked in a soft voice. This was a question that plagued my mind, that kept me up at night even though I wouldn’t let myself think about it. Wouldn’t let myself do something as ridiculous as hope.

  A beat.

  “What do you mean?” he asked, glancing at me with an arched brow.

  I pushed off the bed and began to pace. This wasn’t exactly when I wanted to have this conversation with him. But I did want to have it.

  Besides the fact that he called me his mate, he had yet to explain what any of this meant. What were we to each other? And once this was over, once we didn’t have to worry about my grandfather or anyone else doing this to anyone else again, then what? When Jon didn’t need me, would he even want to be with me?

  I wrinkled my nose. I hated the thought of me acting like some kind of victim, a spoiled brat who wanted to keep something that wasn’t even mine.

  “After this,” I said, my back still to him. I couldn’t look at him, not right now, because I was a coward. I knew it, and I was sure he did too. But I couldn’t help it. “What happens to us, hmm? Are you going to come back for me, or will you disappear like you did before?” Now, I turned. Now, I looked at him. Because I needed an answer from him. I was tired of messing around, tired of being strung along.

  “I know what I want,” I continued. I took a step towards him. “But I have no idea what it is you want. You left, then came back. You do that all the time, and I have no idea what that means or how you feel or any of it. And I’m sick and tired. I just…I know it’s probably the worst time in the world but I just want to know where we stand.”

  Jon gave me a long look. There was a burning intensity to it, one I couldn’t look away from him even if I wanted to.

  I wasn’t sure if I did.

  It was like he was trying to communicate with me, but I didn’t know what he was going to say.

  Or maybe I wanted to deny what he was going to say. Maybe I knew but didn’t want to acknowledge it because I wasn’t sure I could trust it.

  “Come on,” he said in a low voice that sent heat straight to my core. “I basically already told you.”

  “You didn’t tell me anything,” I said firmly. “You made some proclamation of me bring your mate —“

  “You are my mate.”

  “But what does that mean?” I threw my arms out, taking another step forward. “I don’t know what that means. I’m not a mindreader. You have to throw me a bone here. I can’t do this on my own.”

  This time, Jon took a step towards me, closing the distance space between the two of us. He stared into my eyes, and I held my breath. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to run away. I didn’t know what I wanted. I just knew that I couldn’t move.

  “It means you’re everything to me,” he said in a low voice. “It means you’re everything.”

  He grabbed the back of my neck with his hand and drew me to him. His thumb tilted my chin back and he captured my lips with his own. I instantly closed my eyes, feeling my insides melt inside of me. I held onto his shoulders, gripping him tightly, afraid I might lose hold of him and melt into a puddle on the floor.

  I opened for him and his tongue entered my mouth, swooping in, investigating, assessing, everything it needed to do to get to know me again. He took a step forward, forcing me to take a step back. We continued to do this dance of back and forth until my back hit the wall and I was pinned against it and his chest. Not once did we break the kiss. I might suffocate, but I didn’t care. It was the perfect way to go.

  He pressed into me. The planes of his body molded into mine. I felt his desire push against my hip bone, could feel more core twinge in response.

  Finally, after what felt like forever, Jon pulled away from me, giving me a chance to breathe.

  “You’re mine,” he said. His breath whispered across my chin, down my throat.

  My body already started to respond to him. My nipples hardened at the mere sound of his voice. I whimpered, trying to bite my lip, to conceal it. This cottage was small, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Robby or even Gwen could overhear us if we were too loud. I didn’t want to take that risk. At the same time, I needed to feel Jon, needed to wrap my legs around him, connect with him, remind my body and my soul that we were together and, in this moment, we were safe.

  “Hear me?” he whispered as he kissed the spot just underneath my ear.

  I closed my eyes, tilting my head to the side to give him better access to me. I arched my back, inadvertently grinding my pelvis against his thigh. I sucked in a shaky breath as he used his thigh to spread my legs further apart.

  “Tell me,” he continued. “Tell me you’re mine.”

  I hadn’t heard Jon talk like this. Most of the time, it was difficult to get him to acknowledge anything, but this? This was more than I expected and everything I craved.

  “I’m yours,” I said. I wouldn't even consider it a whisper. It was too low for it, but I knew he heard because of his supernatural hearing.

  He grunted, dropping his hands so they were around my waist. He dragged me across his powerful thigh, the friction causing tingles to ignite over my folds.

  “Again,” he commanded. He pushed me back only to pull me forward. “I want to hear you say it again.”

  “I’m yours,” I whispered through a slight moan.

  “Ride my thigh,” he said in my ear. “Use my leg and make yourself come because when you’re done, I’m going to fuck you so hard against this wall that there’s a good chance you might not get yours. And I refuse to get off before you do.”

  His words paralyzed me more than I expected them to. I grinded harder against him, not caring that I was being wanton and desperate, not caring that I was getting off by using his thigh as a means to obtain my pleasure. None of that mattered to me. The only thing that mattered was the connection, the experience the two of us would share together from this. Especially since he was asking me to stay behind. Especially since I was considering listening to him.

  “There you go,” he continued, his voice tickling my ear. “There you go.”

  The tone of his voice, the slight moan to it as though he was just as desperate as I was in the heat of the moment, filled me with an overwhelming sensation of warmth and butterflies and helium from balloons.

  I cracked open my eyes, forcing myself to look at him, to see what he looked like during this time, and the sheer pleasure he seemed to be immersed in simply from the way I received pleasure from him and nothing more was enough for me to step off the precipice. Everything tingled and tensed all at the same time, until I released it all. I spasmed against him, unable to control the way my hips jerked or how hard I rubbed against him. His fingers were bruising as he held me in place, helping me along, and I knew I had come undone in a way I had never before.

  Pleasure tickled my skin. Caressed my cheeks. Sizzled against me.

  Jon cupped my cheek, forcing me to look at him. The two of us shared a look. I didn’t have to speak at all. Neither did he.

  He dropped to his knees, keeping his eyes fixed on me. He reached up and expertly pulled up the skirt of my dress. I nearly squealed in excitement at the mere thought of having him inside of me again. With Jon, I never knew when I would see him again after he left, which made it difficult to gauge whether or not I’d be able to be with him like this. Sometimes, he was so in his head that even a conversation with him was impossible let alone being with him physically. As corny as it sounded, this time with him was a gift, and I didn’t want to waste it.