I held onto his shoulders for stability as he positioned my hips right where he wanted them. At one point, I even tripped and had to curl my fingers into his shirt to keep myself from falling. I laughed despite everything.

  Jon looked up, almost as though he was surprised the sound came out of me. But the second our eyes met, his lips curved up too, and the suspicion and the walls that typically formed in his dark eyes had ceased to exist. He was open, and in those eyes, I could see just how much he cared for me. I grabbed onto the sight, to the warm feeling it elicited inside of me. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen after this, but I knew I needed to slow things down so I could remember it all.

  Once my legs were finally exposed, he pulled down my underwear. I was surprised he hadn’t yanked them to pieces. Regardless, I was glad. I wasn’t sure how I’d explain to Gwen that I needed her to use her magic to repair underwear torn in two. She might be understanding, but I didn’t want Robby to know.

  God, that would be so embarrassing, even if Jon would probably love it.

  Once the thin material fell around my ankles, Jon carefully lifted each foot so he could slip it off of me. He tilted his face up immediately, and pressed his lips to my mound. I gasped, knocking my head against the wall behind me and digging my fingers into his shoulders.

  I thought…

  I wasn’t sure, but I thought he was going to fuck me right away.

  Not–not that this wasn’t…

  Jesus, the way his tongue moved against my clit, it was difficult to think. It was difficult to breathe.

  I forced myself to look down, to capture this moment like a photograph. The sight of Jon on his knees between my legs, wrapped only in a towel, was something I never thought I’d ever see before. It was erotic, and caused any sensation of my previous orgasm to start building up again, only faster. Almost as though he could feel my gaze on him – and he probably could – he tilted his head up so he could look at me, to catch my eyes. Pleasure blew out his pupils so I couldn’t tell where his irises began and where they ended. His face glistened with my juices, as though he purposefully rubbed his face against me just to try and soak it up.

  My grip on him tightened.

  I loved this man. I loved him so much.

  I continued to stare at him. He continued to keep the pace, granting me this buildup of nerves, ready to explode. We both knew it.

  And then, he yanked his head away. Before a sound of protest could even come out of my mouth, Jon’s lips were on mine so I could taste myself on him. At the same time, his hands yanked off the towel and pushed into me.

  I moaned the second he filled me up. I was already wet for him, clutching his cock inside of me, sheathing him in my warmth. He grunted, almost like he was trying to contain himself. We both had to be quiet. It was so easy to forget that while we were alone here, we weren’t in this small cottage. Again, I didn’t want anyone to hear us, but now that Jon was inside of me, stretching me to the brim, I almost didn’t care.

  I sunk my nails into his skin once again. He thrust all the way out before forcing himself back inside. He didn’t give me any sort of time to get used to his strength. He wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to fuck me against the wall. But he lied when he implied I would get off on his thigh. Because I was already close once more, and I knew I had some time to cross that bridge.

  My breasts bounced against his chest. The top of the dress suffocated me and I wished he had removed it. I wanted to feel him. I wanted to press my skin against my own.

  He ripped his lips from my own and trailed his tongue down my throat. I gasped at the sensation of it. It was like an animal licking a piece of food to mark his territory.

  His pace increased. His grip on me tightened. At this point, I didn’t think any effort was being made to keep him from knocking me into the wall over and over again. Gwen and Robby, if they heard, would know immediately what we were doing.

  But I didn’t care.

  Fuck, I didn’t care.

  I just wanted to come with Jon inside of me. I wanted to feel his own release buried to the hilt, shooting so deeply in me, his seed wouldn’t come out for days.

  “You almost there, baby?” he growled into my skin.

  I whimpered in response. I wished I could have said something much sexier, but it was difficult for me to remain coherent when he was moving against me like this.

  “Please, Jon,” I said instead. “Please.”

  “Tell me,” he said, licking my skin with his tongue the same way he licked my clit. The sensation caused my shoulder to jerk up, but he didn’t stop. “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.”

  “I wanna come again,” I whined. Jesus Christ, I was whining like a child who desperately wanted her way. “Please.”

  He groaned and moved back and forth.

  I could tell he was close. The muscles in his back strained.

  And then, he bit my shoulder, right where it met my neck. Something inside of me propelled forward before jerking back, and I was gone. Wave after pleasurable wave coursed through my body. I couldn’t tell if I told him or what, but it wasn’t long before his own breathing became ragged and he released himself inside of me.

  “That,” he said after a long moment of heavy gasps and silence. “That’s what it means when I tell you you’re my mate.”

  Chapter 22

  We cleaned up and got dressed in under ten minutes, but I didn’t want to leave the room. Not yet. I knew the longer we were here, the more suspicious Gwen and Robby would be. As much as I should care, I didn’t. Let them think whatever they wanted to.

  I sighed.

  “What’s wrong, Red?” Jon asked as he pulled on his shirt. “You sighed audibly.”

  Damn him and his sharp senses.

  “I know we have to leave, but…”

  “You don’t want to,” he finished.

  I shook my head, crossing one arm over my breasts and looking out the window. It didn’t seem fair that the sun was practically glowing on the leaves of the trees. Birds perched on the branches. I was sure if I opened the glass, I’d hear them singing. It was absolutely beautiful here. The contrast of what was going to happen with us versus the day itself – with those clear blue eyes and full white clouds – seemed unfair.

  “I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he said, moving to step behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the column of my throat.

  I closed my eyes and leaned back against him. My core still tingled with what happened between us mere minutes ago. I was ready for more if that was what he wanted. I would do anything for him.

  Even stay behind.

  “But I promise you, I’ll do everything I can to come back to you,” he said against my skin.

  “That doesn’t make me feel better,” I muttered. I tilted my head to the side as he teased the sliver of my skin between the shirt and the pants. “Do you remember when we first saw my grandfather? How you were going to leave and never come back? Did you know I was your mate then?”

  Jon was silent for a long time. I wasn’t sure he was going to answer. Then: “I knew you were my mate the second I saw you.”

  I stilled. Goosebumps pricked my arms but I didn’t let myself notice the way they affected my body. What was I supposed to say to that? It was akin to someone meeting someone for the first time and knowing they were going to get married. It didn’t make sense to me. I wanted to believe it, but it was difficult. Then again, this was Jon and I knew Jon wasn’t the type of person to say something and not mean it.

  “Why would you run from me?” I asked in a whisper. I kept looking forward, looking away from him. This felt like a safe position to be in. We weren’t worried about what our eyes might say or the posturing of our bodies. We could speak and pretend we weren’t talking about each other. “Every time, we would find each other and then you would leave again, like I burned you. Like you never wanted to see me again.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed against my shoulder. “You don’t understand, he whispered.

  “I’m trying to,” I said. “Help me understand. Please.”

  “I didn’t trust myself,” he said. “Not when it came to you. This possession I felt. This desire to claim you. I had never experienced anything like that before with anyone, and I didn’t think I’d experience it ever again.” He paused. “I still think that way. And I don’t want to scare you. I don’t — I never want you to think I’m controlling you or telling you what to do. I want you to be happy, and I’m not sure you would be if I’m with you. I mean, come on, Lara. Be real for a second.” I turned around so I could look at him, so I could read his face and try to understand what was going on and what he meant to say. “What’s going to happen for us if there’s an after? And that’s a big if because I’m not so sure…”

  I furrowed my brows, taking a step back. “Say it,” I demanded. “Tell me. Tell me something, that it’s me, that it’s bullshit you’re coming back. I want to know.”

  “I don’t know I’m going to make it out of this,” he said, running his hand over his head. “Is that it? Is that what you want to hear?”

  “Of course, I don’t,” I snapped. “I love you! Why would I want you to not come back? That’s the most —“

  “What did you say?” he asked in a low voice.

  I rolled my eyes and threw my hands up. “Can’t you just listen to me, or do you really think I’m such an awful person that you can’t seem to focus on,” I said. “I want you to come back —“

  “Not that.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  The corners of his lips flickered. “You said you loved me.”

  “No, I —“ I cut myself off. My cheeks were stained with a pink color, I was sure. I ran through what I said, trying to see if I did say it, and as I went through my memories… “Oh my God.”

  “What?”

  “I did say it.” I shook my head. “You’ve heard me say it.”

  He smirked. “Yeah, but I was sure this last time, I royally fucked everything up.”

  I glared, crossing my arms over my chest like a petulant teenager. “I don’t understand you.”

  He cocked his head to the side, raising his brows though he never actually asked me a question.

  “You’re smirking because I said I love you,” I pointed out. “Again. Just after you tell me that you like to run away from me because you don’t trust yourself with me or whatever.” I wrinkled my nose and turned back to the window. “Jon, I just want there to be a future for us.”

  “And that’s not something I can promise you, Red,” he said. “Like I said, let’s say I do survive this. Then what? We’re on the run the rest of our lives together. You don’t deserve that. I killed a bunch of people. And even though I truly believe they deserved exactly what they got, that doesn’t mean they didn’t break the law. That’s not the kind of life you deserve. It’s not the kind of life I would want for you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to settle down, pop out some kids –”

  “I don’t want that if it’s not with you,” I said.

  “You say that now, but what happens when you’re living your day-to-day, and you can’t even go buy groceries because some cop is going to be on the lookout for you?” he asked. “You won’t have a normal life –”

  “I’ve never had a normal life –”

  “God, Lara, for once will you please just take into consideration what I have to say without blowing it off?” he asked. He didn’t raise his voice, but there was more of a tone as he stomped by me to grab something from one of the shelves. “I’m going to finish this. And if I survive, we both know I can’t come back here.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to come back here,” I said. I began to pick at my necklace. I had no idea what I wanted. I hadn’t actually thought about it, which was stupid, considering Jon was right in regards to his assessment at how life was going to be for him if and when we finally finished this.

  “You would give this place up?” He gestured wildly with his hand even though we weren’t in Perry. “You’re telling me that you would leave the city, the only home you’ve ever known in your life, in order to live somewhere in the middle of the country, in some small town with a population of under five thousand?”

  I opened my mouth, ready to respond, but stopped myself. He mentioned I always brushed off my concern, and I didn’t want to do that this time. I wanted to give his point careful consideration, so when I came up with the same answer – and I was positive I would – it would seem like I thought about it. I wasn’t making emotional decisions based on my heart or my feelings, but with my head and logic. Maybe a mixture of both.

  I walked to the bed and took a seat on the foot of it, hands behind my back. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy by any means,” I murmured, looking at the wooden floor. “I know it’s going to be a culture shock. I even know I might not adapt to it right away. But if it means being with you, I’d do anything, Jon.” I brushed hair from my face, curling it behind my ear. The entire time I gave him my answer, I didn’t break eye contact with him.

  He wrinkled his nose, and I sighed, leaning back against the mattress.

  “You know what’s not fair?” I asked while looking up at the ceiling. I continued before he could answer because I wasn’t in the mood to hear what he had to say because I already knew I wasn’t going to like it. “You. You want a real answer from me, and when I give it, you don’t take it seriously. You’re the same person who complained about me blowing you off. I’m not asking you to feel the same way I do for you, but don’t disregard it just because you don’t.”

  “You don’t think I feel anything for you?” he asked.

  I sat up. “I didn’t say that,” I said. “I’m the one who said it, right? I’m the one who said I love you. And you didn’t say it back. And it’s fine. Really, it is. I’m not trying to force you into saying something you don’t mean, but it’s not fair –”

  “Who says I wouldn’t mean it?”

  “--for you to dismiss my feelings just because you don’t feel that way.” I caught my breath as his question suddenly sank in. “Wait, what?”

  “Lara, I’m not used to this cheesy declaration of I’d do anything for you and that shit,” he said. “I’m much more practical.”

  “But if I asked if you’d die for me…”

  “You know I would.”

  “So me moving from Perry…how is that any different?”

  Jon crossed the room, arms behind his back, as he prowled the distance. “You don’t understand the sacrifice you’d be making.”

  “Great, so now I’m an idiot.”

  “I never called you an idiot,” he said, “but think, for one second, would you? No more paper. No more hard hitting journalism. No more walking through the city and seeing Richard because they wouldn’t be part of your daily life anymore. No more apartment. No more any of that. No more Robby.”

  “I’m sure Robby would figure out a way to keep in touch,” I said.

  Jon narrowed his eyes, but I was glad he didn’t argue with me about that. As possessive as Jon was, I knew he wasn’t asking me to give up everything in my life, including Robby despite my history with him. And for that, I was grateful. I knew how difficult it must be for him to not say something about that.

  “You know what I mean,” he said at last. “It’d be different, and the last thing I want is for you to cross the country with me only to realize you hate the small town life, resent it, and then, start resenting me. It would kill me to know that life with me would depress or frustrate you.”

  “And you think life without you would be better?” I asked, standing up. “Jon, I…I can’t promise it’s going to be an easy transition for me. I’m not saying it will be. But I love you enough to try. Why can’t you just take this chance and try with me? And if it doesn’t work…” I dropped my gaze to the floor as though an alternative solution to the problem could be found there. “Well, we’ll reevaluate and figure something out.”

  Before he could answer, a gentle knock on the door interrupted us. We both glared at the door, as though we had lasers that shot out of our eyes and could decimate whoever was on the other side.

  “Lara?” Robby called.

  I rolled my eyes and Jon visibly relaxed even though there seemed to be an annoyed frown on his face because of it.

  “You okay in there?”

  Jon opened the door and positioned his body so he took up almost the entirety of the doorframe. I knew what he was doing. I knew he was trying to intimidate Robby, and it wouldn’t work. Robby wasn’t intimidated by stuff like that, even if he wasn’t the tallest guy.

  “Yeah?”

  “I just want to make sure Lara is —“

  “You think I’d do anything to hurt her?”

  “I don’t know,” Robby said. “I still don’t know all that much about you. Especially after what happened. But I know her and I want to make sure she’s okay. Is that a problem for you?”

  There was a heavy silence. I thought about standing, about inserting myself into the conversation so I could specifically say that I was fine, but I didn’t want to interrupt whatever chemistry was going on between them. Whatever issues they had, they needed to figure out some kind of way to work it out because I, and I was sure Gwen, was sick of it.

  “Can I ask you something?” Jon asked instead.

  I tilted my head to the side, curious. I wasn’t expecting that, and I would wager a guess Robby didn’t either.

  “Technically speaking, you just did.”

  I rolled my eyes. What a Robby thing to say.