Jon ignored him. “If anything happens to me, you’ll take care of her?”

  I pressed my lips into a thin line. Everything inside of me wanted to step in at this point. I didn’t want Jon talking nonsense. I didn’t want Jon bringing Robby into something that we didn’t even know what was going to happen. What he was doing was completely crossing the line.

  “Of course I will,” Robby said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. He wasn’t telling Jon nothing was going to happen like I had, and he wasn’t telling Jon not to get dramatic. He was simply answering the question honestly. “We need to talk. You think you guys can come meet with us in the living room in a minute or two? Thirty seconds is preferable but I’ll take what I can get.”

  Jon said nothing but he nodded once. Robby disappeared and closed the door. He didn’t turn to face me yet, which pissed me off nearly as much as his little stunt with Robby.

  “What the hell was that?” I demanded to know in a soft voice. I jerked off the bed and stomped over to him.

  Jon slowly turned around. He stared at me for a long moment. There were no shields placed in his eyes, no defensiveness I expected from him. He wasn’t exhausted but I could tell he wasn’t going to fight.

  Not anymore.

  “I just wanted to make sure you’d be okay,” he said. “I want to tell you something, and I want you to hear it from me directly. That way, you can’t justify it. You can’t twist it into something it’s not, hear me?”

  I nodded, trying to figure out what he was getting at.

  “I know you’ve been through shit, especially when it comes to your family,” he said seriously. His eyes were locked onto mine, and he had no intention of looking away. I wanted to reach up, to trace the edges of my cross, to reassure myself that whatever he had to say, I’d be able to handle even if it was difficult for me to do so. I wanted to remind myself that whatever was going to happen, God was here with me and He would help me through it. “You lost your parents. You lost your uncle. And, for a while, it was just you. You were on your own, surviving, doing everything you needed in order to find justice. And I respect that.” He placed his hands on my shoulders, his touch gentle, almost tentative, like he was afraid he was going to hurt me. “If anyone has an excuse to be angry at the world, it’s you. But you’re not. You channel your anger into doing something good. And that’s something I can never do.”

  “Jon,” I said slowly, “why are you telling me this? I already told you, I don’t want to hear about you dying or —“

  “It’s not that,” he said. “It’s…you know I remember this conflict playing out on your face that night we saw your grandfather for the first time. You were shocked, for one. Your eyes got so big. But you were confused and scared and concerned. And then there was that tiny part of you, that little tiny piece of you, that was hopeful. Because he’s your family. Someone your uncle desperately searched for. Someone you respected simply because of the stories you were told. And it’s hard for you because I know how much you care about me, but you still have to reconcile that this man ruined my life.”

  “I’ve never denied it,” I said.

  I wasn’t sure where he was going with this, and as much as I wanted to guess, that wasn’t going to help anything. I needed him to tell me what he wanted to tell me without trying to dodge it. Jon was usually straight with me; this wasn’t like him. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but whatever it was, couldn’t be good.

  “I just want to be clear,” he said. “After what he did to me, after what he did to you, I plan to kill him. And nothing anyone says, not even you, will stop me.”

  Chapter 23

  I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. I never got the chance, considering Jon left the room after that. I didn’t stop him. Instead, I took a seat on the bed and slowly began to pull on my shoes, trying to buy myself some time.

  I couldn’t blame Jon. And I had no intention of stopping him. My grandfather had gone too far. There was no coming back at this point. It wasn’t just Jon, either, though what he had done to Jon was awful. It was what he had done to me. I wasn’t family anymore. I was a science experiment. He wanted to turn me into a weapon in order to protect his country. It didn’t matter that I was his only family or his daughter’s daughter. The man wasn’t sentimental. Not like I initially believed, anyway.

  Jon didn’t have a choice.

  My grandfather had to be put down.

  I emerged from the room without looking at Jon. It still bothered me that he wouldn't even give me a chance to respond. Maybe he didn’t want to hear me talk him out of it. Maybe because it might have worked.

  He was at the dining table, a plate of food in front of him. He had ketchup over his scrambled eggs and was chowing down in a way that signified this could very well be his last meal.

  Don’t. Don’t think like that. You’re better than that. Come on.

  I took a seat at the table across from him, leaning back in the chair. I didn’t want to cross my arms over my chest because I knew that would make me look like a petulant child who wasn’t getting her way, but I couldn’t control the look on my face if I tried. I was frustrated, annoyed. Not because Jon was intent on killing my grandfather and didn’t seem to care one way or the other how this could potentially affect me, but because he didn’t trust me enough to think I would support him.

  Gwen put a plate of food in front of me. I immediately grabbed a fork that had been placed in the middle of the table and began to pick at the food. I had no desire to put any of it in my mouth, at least not yet. Even if it smelled delicious.

  Jon kept his eyes on his food, rather than look at me. I wasn’t sure if that was on purpose or not, considering he was scarfing down his food and that seemed to be his only focus.

  “So.” Robby clapped his hands together and my shoulders jumped up to my ears. I glared at him, and he gave me a smile. I hadn’t even realized he sat down because I was too consumed with my own thoughts about Jon. “We have a plan?”

  “I’m going to kill the man in charge,” Jon said around the food in his mouth. He grabbed a glass of orange juice and washed it down with a large gulp.

  “That’s your grandfather, right?” Robby asked, glancing at me. “That’s who he means?”

  “Obviously, Robby,” Gwen said, though not unkindly.

  “And I’ll be staying behind because, apparently, I’m a distraction,” I said.

  Jon lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at me. A glare touched his face, but I didn’t care. He could glare at me all he wanted. I wasn’t going to back down, even though I wanted the same thing. As much as I wanted my family, as much as I wanted to understand the man my uncle had been searching for the majority of his life, I couldn’t risk having him do this to anyone else.

  Plus, this was my family. Robby, Gwen, and Jon.

  Especially Jon.

  “You know,” Robby said. “He’s not wrong, kid. This might be too personal for you –”

  “It has nothing to do with that.” Jon’s words were directed to Robby but his eyes were still locked on me. He dropped his fork so it clattered against the plate. “I trust her to do what has to be done to end this. I’m sure she’ll do what needs to be done to do it, too. I don’t trust myself to do the same thing if she’s there.”

  At least that explanation was a little easier to tolerate, though it didn’t help much. I still felt useless. I’d be staying here, in this tiny cabin, while Jon was risking his life for something he believed in. I understood he couldn’t let my grandfather live. And my grandfather was the last person he needed to take out in order to get the revenge he so desperately craved. But that didn’t make this any easier. I didn’t like that I was regulated to the sidelines, though I wasn’t sure what I could do…

  “Wait,” I said. “No.”

  “No?” Jon asked, just as he grabbed his fork back in his hands once more. “What do you mean, no?”

  “I mean, no,” I said. “Why should I stay back here when I could be a distraction.” I shook my head, frustrated with myself because the words weren’t coming out the way I needed them to. “I mean, for him. My grandfather.”

  “Absolutely not –”

  “Let her talk,” Gwen said. Instead of sitting in the final chair at the table, she chose to remain standing behind Robby. She had a mug of something hot in her hand but I didn’t think it was coffee. It must be something like tea. “What’s your idea, Lara?”

  I shot her a grateful smile. “I think,” I began, “I could be used as bait to draw out my grandfather.”

  “No,” Jon repeated.

  “Yeah, I’m going to have to agree with the dog, unfortunately,” Robby said. “Why would we give him exactly what he wants? I mean, didn’t you narrowly escape turning into…” He gestured at Jon. “No offense.”

  “None taken.”

  I rolled my eyes. “How do you expect to accomplish whatever it is you want to accomplish without me?” I asked. “I’m not trying to say you need me or anything like that, but what I am trying to say is that let’s say you guys go do whatever you want to do without me. How do you get to my grandfather? Don’t you think he’ll have an increase in security? Don’t you think he’ll be expecting you? He’ll take the both of you out the second he sees you.”

  “That’s why we’re taking Gwen,” Robby said as though it was the most obvious solution in the world. He brought a mug of coffee to his lips but before he could drink it, set it down so he could continue. “She’s been working on her control and it’s been going extremely well. She can help scry your grandfather’s location, and if we run into someone we can’t take out, we have her and her magic.”

  I shifted my eyes over to Gwen, who still stood behind the sink. Any jealousy or annoyance I had for her was gone. Instead, I chewed my lip and gave her a hesitant look. “And you’re fine with that?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if I believed she could be. She wasn’t involved in this. In fact, Robby was an ex. He shouldn’t be involved in this but he was. Was she genuinely okay with this plan, with being risked she had nothing to do with?

  I wished I knew Gwen enough to be able to read the look on her face. Right now, I couldn’t seem to do that. Her delicate, pretty face was impassive, and she seemed to be staring past us and out the window, almost wistfully. I didn’t know if it was because she wanted to go outside and explore or if she was thinking of other places to be that had nothing to do with being here. If it was the latter, I couldn’t blame her. This was a lot for someone on the outside.

  Although, she’s not really on the outside anymore, is she? a voice in my head pointed out. She’s saved you a couple of times. She’s chosen to be involved. She wants to be involved. There’s no need to push her away. You know you can trust her.

  “Gwen, honey?” Robby called, placing a hand on Gwen’s shoulder. “You okay?”

  “Oh, yeah.” She flinched when Robby touched her, but not in a mean way. She was really out of it. “I was just thinking that I need to gather some supplies before I can locate Mr. Brown directly.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Robby said, setting down his mug on the coffee table. “You can finally start teaching me about this stuff.”

  Gwen never answered my question, but apparently, it was too late for clarification. Clearly, she seemed privy to whatever was going on so even if I didn’t get confirmation from herself directly, she seemed okay with being part of this.

  The second the two disappeared out the door, I shot Jon a glare. “You know I could be helpful,” I said.

  “It’s not about being helpful, Red,” he said, taking a seat on the couch and stretching out his legs. “It’s about being safe. And you’re too damn stubborn to just sit tight and let me finish this. And before you bring up the whole future and you and me, I promise I’ll think about an answer. I will. But right now, this is the only thing I can let myself think about, and I need you to give me that. Please.” He glanced over and caught my eye, his gaze intense but not as heated when it was the two of us alone in the room together.

  I dropped my gaze at my hands in my lap, letting out a breath. “I don’t like the risk you’re taking,” I said. “We could leave right now, just you and me. We could go to that small town now. Why risk it? Why risk your life?”

  “You know I have to,” Jon said. “You know I have to end this on my terms. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I’m not asking you to understand it or even agree, but I am asking you to stay here and keep yourself out of the crossfire.”

  I sighed again, leaning back in my chair and leveling my gaze back at Jon. I didn’t want to agree to this. I didn’t think it was fair. I had my own questions. There were things I still wanted to know, truths I still wanted to uncover. But if I continued on like this, if I forced myself on this the way Jon had, we would never entangle ourselves from Project Bloodshade. We would be forever bound to it. And if it meant I had to be the one to relent, then…

  “Fine,” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest like I was a petulant child.

  Jon arched a brow. “Fine?”

  “I’ll stay here,” I said. I didn’t want to see the smug smirk on his face, like he thought he had won something. I didn’t want to feel the way my heart skipped a beat whenever I saw anything resembling a smile on Jon’s face. Instead, I grabbed my coffee and forced myself to drink it, ignoring Jon completely, even as I could feel the way his eyes crawled up and down my body.

  “You’ll stay?” he repeated, almost as though he couldn’t believe it.

  “Is there an echo in here?” I asked as I set my mug down.

  Jon stood up. “I just didn’t think I’d get you to agree so easily,” he said.

  “You’re too damn stubborn to argue with,” I said. “There’s no point. It’s like talking to a wall.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “You shouldn’t.”

  “I will anyway.” He was just behind my chair.

  I should be frozen in place. This was Jon. And even though he was the Big Bad Wolf, shouldn’t I be afraid? Shouldn’t my instincts kick in and scream at me in regards to their being a predator behind me?

  But I didn’t.

  If anything, my heartbeat thudded against my chest in anticipation. When his hands gently gripped my shoulders and he began to press into the knotted muscle under my skin, I closed my eyes and let out a moan.

  “You can’t make sounds like that and expect me not to respond,” he murmured, lips caressing my ear.

  A shudder slowly dripped down my spine, and my body erupted into tingly goosebumps. He shouldn’t have this sort of power over me, especially considering I was staying behind which was something I definitely didn’t want to do. I was letting him put not only himself but Robby and Gwen in danger.

  I needed to focus.

  I needed –

  His lips touched the side of my throat, and my mind went completely blank.

  “I love seeing the way my mark looks on your neck,” he continued, the ripple of his lips on my skin vibrating across my body like skipping a rock on the surface of a frozen lake.

  “You’re not being fair.” My voice shook as I managed to get the words out. I was surprised by how much I could say without them getting caught up in my throat.

  “Fair? Who said anything about being fair?” Another kiss, a few inches lower.

  “Robby and Gwen could come back at any moment –”

  “I’m not doing anything wrong, am I?” He managed to loosen something in me and I let out another moan. “You’re the one who can’t seem to control yourself and your own reactions to the way I touch you. That seems like a you problem, not so much a me problem.”

  “You’re such an asshole.”

  “And yet, I’ve never actually argued about that,” Jon said. He moved to the other side of my neck and kissed my racing pulse. After a moment of letting his lips linger against my skin, he pulled away. “Thank you.”

  I furrowed my brows, opened my eyes, and twisted in my seat to look at him. “For what?” I asked. I thought I had been a pain in the ass about everything, and here he was, thanking me. I didn’t understand him.

  “For agreeing,” he said. He dropped into the seat next to me, leaning forward as he took my hand in his and laced his fingers through mine. “I know it’s not what you want. But it lets me do what I need to do. It’s a weight off my shoulders. I’m just trying to tell you how much I appreciate it.”

  “I don’t like it,” I said, though even the edge I had hoped was still in my tone had softened. How could I be mad at Jon when he was going out of his way to be considerate? He was making an effort; I could make one too.

  “I know,” he said, bringing my hand to his lips. He kissed one knuckle, and then another. “I suppose I’ll have to make it up to you when I get back.”

  I smiled. As much as I didn’t want to, as much as I didn’t want to play that game – because we both knew he couldn’t guarantee he was coming back in the first place – I did. I let myself hope for the briefest of moments because once they were gone and I was by myself, that was all I had. I hoped he would come back. I hoped we would run away from all of this. And even if Jon never took a cure, I hoped we would somehow find a way through this.

  Because we deserved it.

  We deserved to be happy.

  “Just promise you’ll come back to me,” I found myself saying. “That’s the important thing. Just promise you’ll come back and we can go to some small town and start a life together. Can you do that for me?”

  Jon nodded once, sitting up. He leaned forward and touched his lips to my own. The kiss wasn’t passionate or possessive. It wasn’t meant to be; it was calm and reassuring, filled with compassion and love. I wished it could go on.

  But the door to the cottage opened and footsteps pittered inside. Jon didn’t immediately pull away, and neither did I. We weren’t in any rush.

  Robby scoffed. “You guys are a bunch of animals,” he muttered, purposefully bumping into Jon’s shoulders as he made his way around the table.