“Hi, Elena.”

  I matched his energy by wrapping my arms around his neck and planting a light kiss on his soft lips.

  “It’s nice to see you,” I said.

  He guided me through the doors and up the stairs into his apartment. We stopped in front of an apartment door, and Landon stalled, looked at me, and exhaled.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yes, I just . . . this probably isn’t what you will expect, and I don’t want you to run away,” he said, chewing on his lip and tapping his fingers at his side.

  “I think it will be just fine.” I squeezed his arm.

  “It’s very pink.”

  “Okay.”

  “And there are lots of flowers.”

  “Great!”

  “And feathers.”

  “Amazing!”

  “And photos of me in my favorite outfits . . .”

  “Can’t wait to see it.”

  “Okay, I am going to open the door now . . .” He swung open the door and held it open as I went through.

  It was like a little pink paradise. A small round glass table greeted me in the first few feet with pink fuzzy chairs. The kitchen was galley style and lined the right side of the space. On the left side were two doors. One led to a bathroom that had a nice-looking shower curtain, a pink rug, and several wigs standing on a white shelf.

  The second door was the bedroom, which had a huge mound of fluffy pink-and-white pillows with a white comforter and dark pink blanket draped on the end. Honestly, I was super impressed there was more than one pillow and a headboard.

  At the end of the galley kitchen, it opened up into a small living room/glam room. There was a white vanity with a light pink ottoman snuggled underneath it. The vanity was full of makeup and had a feather boa wrapping around the top of the mirror. Adjacent to that was a full-length mirror snuggled in front of white curtains.

  A small couch hung out in the space and had several sparkly pillows perfectly placed. A TV sat on top of a light-gray stand, and the walls alternated between large flowers and large framed photos of Ella in beautiful dresses.

  It felt so much like Landon in the best possible way.

  A half wall split the space, and the other side housed a bunch of what I assumed was video equipment. Two monitors sat on top of a black desk and cords, cameras, lights, and other miscellaneous things shelved along the wall.

  Landon leaned against his kitchen counter, twisting his fingers. “Ready to leave yet?”

  “Absolutely not. This is the best apartment I have ever seen. Truly,” I said, smiling widely, wanting to touch every pillow.

  “Probably not what you expected?”

  “No, it’s better!”

  “Really?” he said, walking to where I was standing staring at all the things.

  “Yeah, I mean, most guy’s apartments don’t have anything on the walls, or it’s all an ugly shade of brown, or the mattress is on the floor, and there are literally no pillows and blankets.”

  “Wait, I thought that was just like a trend on TikTok? Like a joke . . . People are actually like that?!”

  “Yeah, they are,” I said, laughing and turning to face him fully.

  He was wearing platform sneakers, black skinny jeans, and an oversized pink hoodie.

  “You’re the first girl I’ve ever had up here before. It’s like my pink plush haven.” He smiled fondly at his space.

  “It’s perfect. Your favorite color is pink, I take it?”

  He threaded our fingers. “Yes. What’s yours?”

  “Dark purple,” I said, kissing the top of his hand.

  “Very different,” he said. “Did you want to get something from UberEats?”

  “Let’s do it!”

  We settled on Chipotle, and I watched him get ready for his live stream. There was something attractive about watching someone do their job. I asked him to talk me through it, and he was patient and kind as he answered my million questions about what all the things did.

  Our food arrived, and we settled in front of his computer as the live stream countdown got down to the last five minutes.

  “So, what are you streaming tonight?” I said, sitting cross-legged on an ottoman he had pulled over and settling the burrito bowl in my lap.

  “It’s a singing competition for local high school students. Like American Idol, basically, but sixteen-year-olds,” he said as he typed away, and I smiled.

  “Okay.”

  “You’ll have to tell me who you think will win because I already know,” he said, smiling, since the show had been pre-recorded and was being aired for the first time that night.

  We sat through an hour of watching snippets of different kids singing. Some were so good and others so bad. It was fun, as we gave our rating for each, and I did my best to guess the winner.

  Our food had quickly disappeared between laughing and calling out our favorite contestants. The hour passed quickly, and the winner was finally announced. I didn’t get it right, and Landon got a call from the person who had hired him, thanking him for his good work.

  “You’re so good at your job,” I said, smiling.

  He laughed, shutting off the computer and setting some of the equipment he pulled out aside.

  “Elena?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I would really like to kiss you again.”

  I swallowed as my belly took a dip. “Okay.” I nodded.

  He came over and pulled me to my feet. He was a few inches taller than me in his platform sneakers. He pulled me in and kissed me softly. His lips were so gentle and sweet as he carefully nibbled and pulled at my bottom lip. Heat went straight to my belly, and I wrapped my arms around his waist and pushed myself into him.

  He pulled away suddenly and guided me to his bedroom. We slipped off our shoes, and he crawled onto the bed, then held out his hand for me. I dove right into the soft pillow paradise and lay facing him.

  “Hi,” I said, our noses touching.

  “Hi,” he whispered. His lips found mine again with hungrier kisses.

  I ran my hands down the front of his body and slipped them underneath, exploring his smooth skin. He shuddered when I gently scraped my nails across his nipples, and he returned the favor by sliding his hands underneath the hem of my shirt.

  “Want to just take these off?”

  I wanted to know if this was too much too fast.

  “Off. For sure they should be off,” he said goofily.

  We both pulled our shirts off, and I trailed kisses across his nipples, ribs, and hips, biting and licking along the way as he groaned into me and grabbed onto my arms.

  “Can I take this off?” He ran his fingertips gingerly across my all-black lace bra.

  “Yes, please,” I said.

  He fumbled with the clasp before releasing it, sliding the straps off my arms, and tossing the bra to the side. He trailed his fingertips along the swell of my breast, my breath coming in a little faster, and he gasped.

  “Oh, hey, by the way, my nipples are pierced,” I said as his fingers danced along my skin.

  “Yeah, I can see that. How fun. You have really beautiful breasts.”

  His reply was almost in awe, and I blushed at the compliment.

  “Can I touch them, um . . . with my mouth?” he asked shyly, looking uncertain.

  “I think you should,” I whispered gently.

  Nodding, he positioned his lips right over my right nipple and breathed heavily. Slowly, he sucked on my hard nipples. “Is this okay?”

  “You’re doing great,” I replied as I watched him at my chest.

  I guided his hands down, tracing my soft belly, and slipped his fingers underneath the seam of my joggers.

  “Wait,” I said.

  I had forgotten I was on my period and had a tampon in. While I was fine having sex on my period, I didn’t want it to happen this way or to have Landon deal with blood for our first time. Wasn’t sure how that would go over.

  “Of course. Talk to me, Elena,” Landon said, pulling back and looking concerned.

  “Oh, well, I would love to take this further, actually, but I am on my period, and I have a tampon in right now,” I said.

  Looking at me blankly, he looked lost but smiled. “Can you tell me more about that because, as you know, I actually have no idea what I am doing here.”

  “We can have sex while I am on my period. It just will be messy, and I would like our first time together to be when I am not on my period. And the tampon would have to come out, too,” I said, wanting to cover all my bases.

  He smiled. “Okay.” He moved toward me again.

  I swallowed, knowing I needed to have this HPV conversation. “Also, there’s something else.” I hugged a pillow to my chest.

  “Okay,” he said, sitting back on his heels. “Do you want to put your shirt on?”

  I cradled the pillow in front of my boobs. “Yeah, actually.” I grabbed my shirt, not wanting to put my bra back on, and he grabbed for his.

  “I have HPV cells. Which is, technically, an STI, but eighty percent of sexually active adults get it and their body gets rid of it. But, for women, it can turn into cervical cancer, and I have abnormal cells right now that they are keeping track of. So, I just wanted you to know and make an informed decision about sleeping with me because condoms aren’t necessarily one hundred percent effective, but it can help. However, there isn’t a test for men, so it’s not not a big deal necessarily, but they don’t worry about it as much in men because it doesn’t have the same effects as it does for women.”

  I blurted it as quickly as I could.

  “Well, thanks for telling me that. Are you okay if we use condoms, then?”

  “Yes, are you still sure you want to sleep with me?” Unsure why I was struggling so much with this, I chewed on my lip.

  It was normal and fine.

  He laughed. “Of course I still want to sleep with you. It sounds like not a big deal.”

  “I was nervous to tell you because, well, I just found out, and I haven’t had to talk about it with anyone yet, but I felt like you deserved to know.”

  “Anything else you’re nervous about?” he said slowly, propping his head on his hand.

  I winced. “I’m allergic to dairy?”

  “Great, no dairy, then.” He smiled as I laid down next to him.

  I slid closer to him. “Do you like to cuddle?”

  “What kind of question is that? Of course I like to cuddle!” He reached for me, swinging a leg on top of me and pulling me in close.

  I laughed into his shirt. “Not everyone likes to cuddle!”

  “Well, in this house, we love the cuddles, so bring on all the cuddles.”

  I wrapped myself around him.

  “Thank you for telling me. I want you to know I will always appreciate and want your honesty,” he said into my hair.

  “Me too.”

  Landon was the first person to ever give me complete honesty and then ask for it in return. It was oddly freeing. I snuggled in closer, excited for what was to come next.

  CHAPTER Nineteen

  "What happened to your face?” Autumn asked.

  I grimaced. Landon and I had made out more the night before, which was, honestly, a lot of fucking fun, but I had woken up the next morning with a surprise.

  “I think it’s a beard burn,” I said.

  It looked like I had eaten shit on concrete. My skin was red and angry and raw, like I had run sandpaper over it twice. I woke up that morning, freaking out. The thing is, Landon did not have a beard. He maybe had stubble, but my sensitive skin freaked out, and my whole chin had skin flaking off in chunks.

  Autumn laughed, and I gently touched my chin again and winced. The skin was sore.

  I shook my head and giggled. “I’ve literally never had this happen. He doesn’t even have a beard!”

  “So, the date went well?” Autumn asked, leaning on the counter and smiling at me.

  “Really well! I really like him. I think I’m in trouble of being able to fall in love with him.” I chewed on my bottom lip.

  I hadn’t said that out loud. But I knew that the possibility was there. I wasn’t interested in seeing anyone else, either. When I knew, I knew. Anything else I had done in the past few years was a disappointment. There was something there, and I wanted to hold it close to my chest and cradle it.

  She enveloped me in a hug. “E! That’s big! After date three, too.”

  “I don’t necessarily believe in love at first sight, but he fits a lot of my list of what I need and want in someone. Which I think is scary because what the fuck do I do with it now?! Like, I haven’t had anyone who I’ve even given a second date with, and now all I can do is think about him. I thought about him nonstop at the funeral, too, and that was probably not the most appropriate thing to do, but whatever,” I said, shrugging.

  “How was that?”

  Concern clouded Autumn’s features.

  “Weird. Meh. Don’t really want to talk about it if that’s okay,” I said, hugging my arms around my chest.

  I had been watching for the telltale signs of grief to sneak up on me, and the only thing I was noticing was my temper. It was more like a slight irritation to everything. Chewing. Breathing. Annoying basic human sounds.

  “Totally okay. I’m glad you are excited and happy about where things are going with Landon. It sounds like things are moving forward in a way that you’re really vibing with!”

  Smiling, I nodded.

  They were. I was excited about what could happen between us. He was getting a little bit bolder over text flirting, too. It was cute. My phone rang then, and Autumn gestured at me to take it since we both had finished classes at the studio and were waiting for our shift to be over.

  “Hello,” I said, with a good idea of who it would be.

  “Hi, Elena! This is Dr. Malorie Lowe. Do you have a second to chat about your colposcopy results?”

  She made bad news sound like she was giving you a present.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Well, your cells aren’t at a level of abnormality that is concerning yet. We want to keep an eye out on it, so come in again for your pap next year, and we will keep monitoring it to see if we need to go in for the cell removal. For now, you are totally fine, and if you have any other concerns or weird symptoms, feel free to call, and we should be able to get back to you in about forty-eight hours.”

  I sighed in relief. My whole body was still braced for tension, but I was no longer holding my breath. “Thank you for calling me and letting me know! I really appreciate it. I’ll make sure to come in for my pap next year. Thanks again!”

  “Sure thing. Have a great rest of your day!”

  “You too. Bye!”

  Closing my eyes, I rolled my neck side to side to release of the tightness in my body. That had been weighing heavily on me the last few weeks, and it felt like I could expand my chest fully again.

  I walked out of the studio office, and Autumn was scrolling on her phone.

  “Everything okay?”

  “I don’t have to have my cervix poked at again for at least a year!” I beamed like I had received a gold star sticker.

  “That’s great news! How do you feel about that?”

  “Good. I mean, either way, nothing I can do now except continue to do safer sex practices, and Landon and I already talked about it and using condoms, so I think, for now, in this moment, it’s good.”

  “I think it’s good, too.” Autumn replied. “I’m headed out. I’ll see you tomorrow?” She packed up her things.

  I nodded. I needed to answer emails, and I had some time between studios, so I would just hang.

  My phone lit up then, and it was from Landon. My belly did a little flip-flop, and I opened it.

  Landon: I have a sex question.

  I laughed out loud as the three little dots popped up, and I waited for further information.

  Landon: Do you masturbate?

  I smiled because why this question was necessary in the middle of the day was beyond me, but I wasn’t mad about it.

  Me: I sure do. Usually use my favorite vibrator. Why do you ask?

  Landon: I don’t know, I was just thinking about other questions I wanted to ask you. Anything in particular you really like in bed or don’t like?

  Me: Is someone a little horny right now?

  Landon: Maybe a little. I can’t stop thinking about you.

  Smiling, I tapped my finger on my chin and winced, forgetting about the open wound on my face.

  Me: Me too. I like lots of things. Spanking. Toys. Handcuffs. Costumes. Role Play. Before we see each other next maybe we should make a list of things we want to try together and things that are off the table for us. Fair?

  I got a little heart on that message, and I laughed again. Just because he had never had sex before didn’t mean he knew nothing about what he wanted to try or explore.

  Landon: Fair. Another question . . .

  Me: Give it to me.

  Landon: How often do you masturbate?

  Me: Idk. Probably like anywhere between 2-5 times a week sometimes? Sometimes I go weeks without doing it and other times I am doing it every day. You?

  Landon: Close to everyday but sort of same it just depends.

  I laughed. So glad we knew each other’s individual sex schedules. However, too many people were afraid to talk about this, especially early in the relationship, and I would rather keep it open and honest now than try to navigate the weirdness later. Been there, done that.

  Me: Any other pressing questions?

  He replied within a minute.

  Landon: Not right yet. Have I told you today that you’re beautiful?

  I liked that one. In my last relationship, words of affirmation were not a thing that happened very much. I was confident in how I looked and didn’t need validation for my looks because, after all, that was the least interesting thing about me, but it was nice to have your partner acknowledge you and compliment you in some shape or form. I was sure I had been called beautiful more by Landon in the past two weeks than I had ever been told that in my entire life.