“Definitely. I have to go to bed, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” I said.

  “Sweet dreams.” He hung up.

  Scrolling through Amazon, I was unsure of what size to get, so I bought an all-latex one and another one that was like a morph suit. One of them would work. I also ordered a cheap wig, which could be a good or really bad idea. I had never worn a wig, but Ella wore a wig, so, surely, I could figure it out.

  I googled Kim Possible and Shego couple, and, boy, I was not disappointed with the fan art. Damn if it wasn’t sort of hot, though. I would get with either Kim or Shego.

  Setting those horny animated thoughts aside, I plugged in my phone, then set my alarm. I could fuck with Summer-Ween and meet Landon’s friends for the first time, looking like a hottie while doing it.

  ***

  “This looks so bad,” I said, looking at my sad black wig on my head.

  It sort of looked like a mop.

  I had gotten my costumes in the mail, and the morph suit one was the winner. The latex one literally came with a broken zipper. But I still had no idea how to wear the wig. It was a sad little travesty.

  Ella laughed, and I grinned at myself in the mirror. The wig was the same length all around and, basically, fell into my face.

  “That is what you get for ordering a cheap ass wig from Amazon. This beauty cost a fortune but damn does she look good,” Ella said, lovingly petting her long pretty blonde wig.

  “Okay, well, yes, your hair is beautiful, but I need help with this ASAP.” I looked at her through the black strands.

  “What if you pinned like half of it back?”

  I drew back my curtain of hair and exposed my eyes and nose, smiling wickedly. “I mean, it’s not, like, the best but not the worst.”

  “What is that face?” Ella said, putting her makeup on, staring at me in the mirror.

  “What if I made it into bangs?!” I said, dashing out of the bathroom and grabbing a pair of scissors from the kitchen.

  “That is either going to go really well or really horribly,” she said, laughing.

  I knew what I had to do.

  “I can cut bangs on this. I believe in myself. Say you believe in me, too?” I said, wiggling my brows.

  “I believe in you to do something,” she said while applying her lashes.

  “GREAT! Let’s do it,” I said and started snipping.

  Ella laughed. “Maybe take it slower?!”

  I looked at the lopsided curtain bangs. “I think it’s fine.” I snipped more and let the black locks fall to the ground.

  Ella tilted her head and squinted. “Honestly, it’s not the worst.”

  “Not the worst . . . Not the best, though,” I said, laughing. I should have listened to everyone everywhere that cutting your own bangs is not a good idea.

  “It’ll do,” she said, then went back to her makeup.

  I snuggled up next to her and put on my makeup, which consisted of a dramatic green sparkly eye with big lashes and dramatic liner. I finished it with black lipstick and zipped into my skin-tight ensemble.

  Ella went for a natural look as Kim and then slipped on a black long-sleeve bodysuit, green cargo pants, a utility belt, and combat boots.

  “Damn, we look hot,” I said as we examined our costumes in her full-length mirror.

  “Yeah, we do!”

  “Let’s go party.”

  “Let’s go fucking party.”

  We left the apartment.

  ***

  “Wow, you all look so good!” Samantha said as she answered the door.

  She was dressed in a medieval-looking costume, and when I asked her what it was from, I had no idea what it was, but I smiled and said she looked great anyway.

  Samantha led me around the room and introduced me to the people, and drinks kept going, so everyone’s names and costumes blurred together. At some point, we were crowded around a TV, yelling and rooting for our team to win at Super Smash Brothers.

  I could tell that Ella’s friends genuinely cared for and loved her. I hoped I had impressed them, even with my head feeling fuzzy and my eyes becoming sleepy.

  “Time to go?” Ella said.

  I tried to shake the sleep off of my eyes. “No, it’s fine! I can do this all night,” I said, smiling sloppily.

  “You are literally falling asleep standing up.”

  “Yeah, I know, I am sort of sleepy.” I yawned.

  “Okay, let’s take you home.”

  “Happy Summer-Ween!” I yelled as we left.

  “HAPPY SUMMER-WEEN!” the crowd yelled.

  A happy Summer-Ween indeed.

  CHAPTER Twenty-Five

  "Okay, Ella’s friend’s were chill, and now you all gotta be chill, too,” I said, staring at each of my friends and wagging a finger at them.

  My evening with my friends was not nearly as exciting or festive as Summer-Ween, but it was my time to introduce my people.

  Landon and I had been dating for about a month and a half. It was going well, and we had learned more and more about one another and started to make space for each other in our lives. There had been a mix of Ella and Landon dates.

  I was learning that Ella and Landon seemed to be two separate boxes meant for survival. It was easier for people to digest the two clear binary parts. But, in reality, it was more complicated and nuanced than that. I hoped that our relationship allowed a safe space to explore the in-between gray area.

  Ella and Landon were the same person at the core, and it wasn’t necessary to keep everything separate if Landon didn’t want to. I had learned more about how Landon had struggled to have male friends because men seemed inherently afraid of the feminine.

  I had the utmost faith in my friends that they would continue to foster a safe space for Landon to explore his gender identity with no reservations or need to hide anything.

  “I may not be chill, but I am nice. Is this a Landon or Ella evening, E?” Cory asked, rolling his eyes as if asking him to be chill was abhorrent.

  “Landon, so he/him pronouns,” I said, smiling and checking my phone.

  “E, we know this is important, and you like him, so take a deep breath. It will be fine,” Fatima said from her spot on the floor.

  “Yeah, I won’t whip out the embarrassing photos tonight or anything. Maybe a few months down the road, but I’ve got to save something for his imagination, you know?” Connor winked.

  “Obviously, we love you and want you to be happy, so we’re here to support you all the way, love,” Adrienne said.

  “Our baby bisexual is really out here flourishing,” Miki said, wiping nonexistent tears out of her eyes.

  “Ya’ll, pull it together, okay? He is walking up the stairs now,” I said, giggling.

  This was fine.

  My friends were awesome. Landon was awesome. There was literally nothing to be worried about, except I hadn’t brought anyone around to meet my people in a long time, and the last person I brought around broke everyone’s heart, including mine.

  This is what people did, though, right? You dated and then you became a part of each other’s lives, met each other’s friends, and that’s how fucking dating worked.

  So, why in God’s name was I sweating so much and my heart was beating a million miles a minute? There was a knock on the door, and I audibly gasped and jumped.

  “Jesus, E, are you okay?” Cory asked.

  “Yes, yes. I’m fine! It’s just this is the first person, you know, I’ve had you all meet since . . .”

  They all knew who I was talking about. His name didn’t have power over me anymore, but it was like my mouth was full of marbles.

  I swallowed. “Since Julian.”

  “And you are a different person than you were, and so is this relationship. It’s okay to be scared, E. But you never know if you don’t open the door and let Landon in, okay?” Fatima said, rising and standing in front of me before gently clasping my shoulders.

  Landon knocked again, and my phone buzzed.

  “You’re right. I want this to work. I am just scared for what is yet to come.”

  Fatima nodded, raised a brow, and tilted her head toward the door. “Someone is waiting for you.” She turned and headed back to the living room.

  I took a deep breath and opened the door, smiling tentatively.

  “Hi, Elena,” Landon said.

  I smiled more genuinely. “Sorry I took eight years to open the door. I was having a mild panic attack moments before.”

  “Are you okay? Should we reschedule?”

  I shook my head and smiled. “Like the good kind of panic, you know? Where I’m like ‘Holy shit, this feels like a big deal and the people I care about are about to meet this new person I care about and this is how dating works and what’s supposed to happen and here I am, basically scared shitless of it working out,’ you know?”

  Landon smiled and nodded. “Anything else running through that big brain of yours?” He leaned against the door frame.

  “I mean, a million things, but that’s the one I am stuck on. Sorry for rambling and being an overall chaotic mess in the moment,” I said, feeling self-conscious and panicky again.

  “Not a good reason to apologize, Elena,” Landon said, taking my hands and squeezing them.

  “Not a good reason,” I said, relaxing my shoulders and letting go of the tension.

  “Bitch, you going to stand in the doorway the whole time with your hot date, or are you going to come in here like an adult and introduce us?” Cory yelled from the living room.

  “Goddammit, Jesus fucking Christ,” I said.

  “I HEARD THAT,” Cory said louder.

  Landon smiled and lifted his brows.

  “Okay, come meet my people,” I dragged him inside and began the introductions, then watched in awe as a new chapter of my life unfolded in front of my very eyes.

  ***

  The evening transpired beautifully. My friends and Landon were a natural fit. Fatima and Landon especially seemed to connect and bond. It made my heart soar. I wanted this to work so bad I almost sent myself spiraling in a panic again.

  “I think he’s a good one,” Miki said in the kitchen, the others laughing and giggling in the living room.

  “I think so, too. It’s weird to think we may have never found each other, you know? Like, how the stars aligned for everything to happen the way it did is truly amazing. Like, what are the odds of us meeting on Bumble after I had fucked it up a few times, you know?” I said, setting a plate down and scavenging for another seltzer.

  “I think the world has a funny way of working itself out in ways we don’t understand,” Miki replied, shrugging.

  I chewed on my lip. “You know it’s hard for my old relational wounds not to come up now that I am with someone new.”

  “I know that there were many reasons Julian and I were always going to implode, but one thing I was blinded by for so long was his belief system and integrity. He was slippery about simply doing what was best for him, you know, without regards to the collective and regards to community. Landon is truly so selfless, and it feels like he isn’t even real.” I sighed.

  “I think it’s pretty natural to play the comparison game at first. You don’t want to fall into the trap of your past mistakes, you know?” She took a swig of her beer.

  “And it’s wild because I am not anxious about this or us in terms of, like, I am not worried about who he is hanging out with or if what he says is truthful. I had so much head space dedicated to worrying about that in my previous relationship it consumed my life.

  “But now I don’t worry about it at all, and it’s freeing but also the intrusive thoughts like to butt in. Like, how can you love someone if you aren’t obsessed with knowing what they are and who they are hanging out with all the time? And it’s hard to shut that shit down in a nice way, you know?” I said, smiling at the round of loud laughter that erupted from the room next to us.

  “Relational trauma is hard. But now you have the awareness and tools to make better choices for your own health and wellness. You were always enough, but he never was. You are allowed to live a life of ease, E. You don’t have to work so hard and worry all the time,” Miki teased.

  “I know.”

  “You deserve to be happy with someone who loves you,” she said.

  “Woah, I don’t know about love. Landon feels uncomfy telling his family he loves them, and he said he’s never said it and meant it to a partner before.”

  The panicked feeling came back again.

  She winked. “Relax, E. It was just an observation, and you know there’s always a first for everything. So, maybe you’re meant to take a lot of his firsts.”

  I knew she was talking about sex.

  “Honestly, he has been very eager to learn, and he’s getting pretty good at navigating all this,” I said, gesturing with my hands around my vulva.

  “Well, I hope you’re getting better at communicating what you need for all this,” she said dramatically, waving her hands around my whole body.

  I laughed. “Yeah, yeah. We don’t need to unpack all my bullshit tonight. Let’s get back to the party.” I grabbed her hand and dragged her back.

  We walked in on what could only be described as a pillow fight from a fourth-grade sleepover. Popcorn was strewn across the floor. Fatima was snorting, laughing, armed and ready in the corner with a pillow as Connor cowered on the floor, with Cory thwacking him repeatedly and Adrienne helping.

  Landon stood, smiling, facing off with Fatima, and a pillow came flying and smacked me across the face.

  “HEY!” I said, pinwheeling my arms and bumping into Miki.

  “What happened in here?” she said, laughing as she righted me.

  “Your friends are awesome,” Landon said.

  “ATTACK!” Cory launched up, grabbed two pillows, and screamed.

  Everyone ran, squealing, picking up a pillow along the way.

  The night continued on with random pillows flying and popcorn being flicked across the room, the mayhem I loved and expected from my people.

  Things settled down, and Fatima crashed on our couch, while Miki and Adrienne headed home. Cory and Connor sulked off to Cory’s room.

  Landon and I ended up on my bed, with me as the big spoon and him as the little spoon.

  “So, what’d ya think?” I whispered, and Landon giggled.

  “That was so fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. They are great. I hope I made a good impression.” He flipped over, so we were nose-to-nose.

  “Oh, you did, I promise,” I said, laughing and booping his nose.

  He planted a light kiss on my lips, and I melted. “You know, I’ve been working on my research,” he said, sliding away and down my body.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yes. Mind if I try it out on you?” he said mischievously.

  “Yes, be a good girl and please me.” I winked.

  He groaned. “That was so hot.”

  “Get to work,” I said, tapping my pubic bone.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  I laughed. which turned into moans pretty quickly.

  I would have to say that, objectively, his research was paying off in a very, very yummy way.

  CHAPTER Twenty-Six

  "A text from Landon?” Fatima asked, smiling smugly.

  “Yes,” I said, flipping my phone down so I wouldn’t be tempted.

  She strummed her fingers on the table. “You got a funny little smile on your face.”

  We were enjoying a casual lunch between breaks at Billie’s Grocers.

  “I guess that’s a good thing, right?” I said, tucking some of my unruly hair behind my ear.

  “You really like him . . .” Fatima said, raising an eyebrow so high it practically disappeared into her hijab.

  I chuckled. “You’re gonna break your eyebrow bone with whatever the second half of that sentence is.”

  “I think I would go as far as to say you might be in deeper than that,” she said before sipping her lavender lemonade.

  “I wouldn’t disagree with you . . .”

  I could feel it. The words were at the tip of my tongue, but I hadn’t said it to Landon yet. I had barely admitted it to myself.

  “Do you want to say it?” Fatima said, pursing her dark-red lips.

  “Why does this feel like an interview?!”

  “Because I know you aren’t the best at saying your feelings, and you’ve been working on that, and I am simply providing an opportunity for you to practice using your feeling words in this moment as your best friend and as a licensed mental health clinician.”

  I sat back and leveled my gaze. “Okay, Tima, I am in more than like.”

  “What the hell is more than like?” She squinted at me.

  “FINE. I AM IN LOVE!” I said, startling the people around us.

  Fatima bursted out laughing, and I gave an apologetic look to everyone else.

  “I am in love,” I whispered to her harshly. “Now, get off my ass, please.”

  She smiled. “I just wanted to hear you say it. I was curious if you had admitted it yourself yet because I sure as hell would expect you to tell me if you had said it to Landon.”

  The waiter came by and delivered our food, stealing a glance or two at Fatima. She smiled warmly and thanked them, then turned toward me.

  “So many people just hopelessly enamored with your beauty,” I teased.

  “It’s not my fault I woke up like this,” she said, breaking apart her chopsticks and digging into her bowl of noodles.

  “It’s true, I’m in love with you as my friend soulmate, so I can totally see the appeal,” I said as I cut into my salmon.

  She pointed her chopsticks at me. “Don’t change the subject on me and distract me with flattery, E.”

  “No, Landon and I have not had the ‘I love you’ conversation, and, honestly, I am scared a little because he has more ‘I love you’ baggage than I do. I mean, I don’t know if I have baggage as much as I only love a few handfuls of people, and for the most part, they are awesome. And then I have the peripheral shitty people, like my extended family, who makes love gross and convoluted in a way that taints the beautiful essence of what I know love to be from my parents, siblings, and friends like you. More like I have discomfort in my feelings as a whole, not just love.”