I seemed to be an anomaly.

  “Maybe I’m gifted. But why gift me something, then hide it for the majority of my life?” I frowned. “That doesn’t make much sense either.”

  Why am I the exception to so many random things? What, exactly, am I?

  I sighed. I didn’t have answers for a lot of these questions.

  “Maybe that’s not the most important thing right now. I just want to learn how to safely go to the afterlife, see what's up, and help you all fix whatever has been going on for the last ten years. And maybe the queen can help me figure out the rest when we find her.” I chewed on my bottom lip.

  “You have a choice, Lincoln. I don’t want you to feel like you don't. This doesn’t need to be the life you live if you don’t want it. You haven’t known it or grown up with it. Gatekeepers and deathwalkers get to decide whether or not they want this. You’re allowed to live another way,” Priya said seriously. She tensed, her posture rigid like she expected a blow.

  “Did you ever consider leaving this life?” I stared at her intently.

  This life had caused her great pain and suffering. Her parents, her team, and even her own survival had hung in the balance because of this life. I wouldn’t blame her if she’d been ready to quit. It would be perfectly understandable.

  “I did, after what happened six months ago. I haven’t told you this yet because it’s painful for me and I’m still actively grieving, but my team was comprised of my best friends and my girlfriend. Not being able to remember exactly what happened may seem like a blessing to some, but it’s my curse. I can’t remember how she died, how they died. The most important people in my whole life were murdered because I wanted to pursue a demon that had been haunting me for so long.” A tear slipped down her cheek and she swiped at it quickly.

  “I felt responsible for their deaths, and some days I still do. I want to honor them. I know it’s horrifying, and I’m probably saving myself some heartache by not knowing, but I want to, at least, know what my final words were to them, what they said to me. Amaya and I had been together for two years, and I had been with that team for almost four. After the incident, I was a shell for almost three months. I felt lost and untethered. I barely ate, slept, drank, or went out for those first few months. It was only until month four that I was finally able to go to the bar and bartend. It almost felt like a normal job. I was able to simply exist on the outskirts of our community while I worked through everything that had happened.” Tears were spilling freely now and she let them fall. I wanted to reach out and cup her cheeks in my hands.

  “I slowly started to gain back pieces of myself. It kept my mind and body busy. I was able to help without actually having to take action. After five months, I began training again. Then, about a month later, I met someone who gave me hope again. Someone who made the dark days seem less consuming.”

  She smiled weakly, her eyes shimmering.

  “Priya,” I started but stopped. I didn’t know what to say. Tears slid down my own cheeks in response to hers. We were both filling in the cracks of our own broken pieces.

  “The most important people in my life were taken from me. I’ve had to live life without them and learn how to be me again. It hasn’t been perfect. I’m still working on it, but I know that I have to continue moving forward. I want to love again. I want to fill my life with people who matter again. I loved them, Amaya and my friends. I still do. But I have to try and look to the future. They knew the risks and so did I. I want to find the demon responsible for wreaking havoc on my life and taking away so many of my loved ones. I don’t just want to send it back to the afterlife. I want to end it. I want to find a way to wipe it off the face of every realm so it’s never to hurt anyone else again,” she whispered with steely resolve.

  “I understand that. I’ll do what I can to help,” I promised, grabbing her hand in mine.

  “I know that I still have a lot of healing ahead of me, but I want you to know that I am committed to that journey for myself. I want your support and you, Lincoln. I know that it can be difficult to be with someone who is going through the process of grief, but I also know that I am allowed to enjoy happiness and support where I find it. And I found it with you,” Priya finished quietly. Her expression was wide open and vulnerable.

  “I’m healing, too, and I think as long as we both acknowledge and commit to healing and holding space for ourselves, we can still work towards building something beautiful and joyous together. We are allowed to grow and heal individually as well as explore what it means to love,“ I said, squeezing her hands tight.

  Her eyes widened at the word love.

  “Er, I mean…I wasn’t trying to freak you out. You know what I mean….“ I blushed slightly, stumbling through my explanation.

  “I know what you mean.” She leaned closer. “Lincoln?”

  “Yes?”

  “Will you be my girlfriend? I don’t just want to be exclusive-more-than-friends. I’d like to be yours, and you to be mine,“ she stuttered through her words as if afraid of my answer. Her lips were nearly a breath away from mine.

  “I would like that very much,” I said, smiling and pressing a light kiss to her lips.

  “Me too,” she breathed against me as our kiss deepened.

  “Can we have sex now, please? I’ve never had sex with an official ‘girlfriend’ before, and I feel like I should make sure it’s just as pleasing, if not more so, than exclusive-more-than-friends,” I said, pulling away and smiling wickedly.

  Priya laughed then.

  “You’re insatiable. But yes, come on.” She dragged me up and pulled me towards one of the outer walls to a door with no visible handle, which I was just now getting used to.

  Emir Banks-Haldar.

  “Is this your brother’s office, or something? Why does he need an office at every secret place in the GK society?” I gave her an incredulous look.

  “Yes, this training room is the one specifically for our branch, so he has an office here.” She shrugged like it was perfectly normal.

  “And we’re going to have sex in his office?” I gaped at her.

  “We sure are,” she said, whispering words over the door and pushing it open. I laughed loudly and tumbled inside after her.

  There was a large couch with a coffee table snuggled into one side of the room, and a large desk with two chairs facing it in the other corner. Book shelves and a small bar outlined the walls of the space.

  I smiled wickedly at her. “I would very much like to eat you out while your beautiful ass is on that desk,” I said, feeling cheeky.

  This time it was Priya’s turn to gape at me.

  “Getting confident are we? I won’t complain.” She pulled me in and our lips met in a new dance that was starting to become quite familiar. The way she moved against me, inside me, with me. It was like magic wrapped around my body making my soul feel light, airy, and fulfilled.

  I was completely and utterly spellbound.

  17

  A warm, fuzzy feeling consumed me the entire way home. It felt good, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. It’s weird to have intimacy that’s balanced and focused on my pleasure just as much as Priya’s. I’ve never had that before.

  Many parts of my life were confusing right now, like my ability to have both deathwalker and gatekeeper traits, despite no one else having that. Or the fact that I now have great combat skills for no reason. Or that someone had wanted to keep all that a secret from the GK and myself for the first two and a half decades of my life. Other parts of my life seemed to be sliding into place very well, like my relationship with Priya, which is probably why I was so blissfully distracted while walking back to my apartment.

  Suddenly, I was yanked back by my hair and slammed face-first into the concrete. I screamed and stars dotted my darkening vision as I was dragged by the base of my head. Pain shot through my entire front side and I could feel the scrape of the sidewalk slicing my skin.

  I clawed at the hand, but it didn’t feel right and I couldn’t get a good angle without dislocating my shoulder. The hand was too slick, almost scaly. I screamed again as my lip split open and blood flooded my mouth. I coughed as my attacker released me, only to have a cold, clammy hand slam over my mouth. The hand was too large and spindly to be human.

  I was in a state of shock. The fighting skills that seemed to have appeared with Priya had gone completely absent. I was frozen in space, unable to do anything, as oxygen struggled to reach my brain. I tried not to hyperventilate from the lack of air. Tears leaked from my eyes and I heard something sniff. Blood from my mouth coated my face and the metallic smell filled my nose.

  “Mmmm,” the creature purred.

  I almost gagged except I had no air in my lungs. I grabbed at the hand and swung my legs up, attempting to shove my attacker away, but they only chuckled. “Aw, so you can fight? I wasn’t sure what I would stumble upon,” they said in a gravelly voice. The hand released me, and I was pulled up by my legs to dangle in the air, gasping for breath. My vision returned but it felt like I had just gone on an upside-down rollercoaster, and I could barely determine what was right side up. Everything swung around me as I wiggled and squirmed to get a look at what was holding me. I was being turned away.

  “Let me see you, you bastard!!” I hissed words finally forming in my mouth. I tried to reach up and claw my way out, only to be released and slammed onto the ground.

  “Jesus Christ!” I screamed as my tailbone smashed onto the concrete. My body flopped on the ground as I rolled to the side. More red stained the earth beneath me and I wiped my hand across my face, my palm coming away smeared with red.

  “Earth dwellers and their peculiar jargon,” the demon hummed.

  Lying on the ground, I looked up at a scaly white creature that seemed to have slits for eyes and holes for a nose. It was like Voldemort and something from Stranger Things had a baby, and it was this thing. It was all white with a huge, lipless mouth filled with several rows of teeth. It wore no clothes and had huge claws.

  I gasped as pain shot through my body, and I gritted my teeth. Where are my fighting instincts now that I actually need them? Additionally, I didn’t have any weapons because Priya said getting my fabric would take a few days and, like a dumb bitch, I didn’t think I’d need anything else until then.

  “What do you want from me?” I seethed, and tried to scoot away as it just stood there, tilting its head in curiosity. Black smoke erupted from its body and tried to wrap itself around me. I screamed again, trying to bat it away and not breathe it in, when suddenly, it all disappeared. I shivered as the smoke dissipated, and silently prayed that the smoke wouldn’t kill me.

  No longer was the demon standing in front of me, but a handsome man with dark hair, pale skin, and black eyes. How had he changed his body like that? I could still tell he was a demon because of my sight. It was like an oily aura rolled off of him, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

  “Can you grow wings?” I blurted out, suddenly wondering how anyone could discern between demons if they can change forms. But maybe this demon is the demon that Priya’s after? A girl could hope.

  “What an odd question. Only the gifted have the ability to use wings.” He tilted his angular face to the side. He was handsome, in a villain type of way. He wore all black and when he smiled, his teeth narrowed into sharp fangs. “I wanted to see you for myself, angel.”

  I nearly gagged. “Please do not call me any creepy pet names,” I shuddered, pushing myself up and getting ready to run. My body begged me to stay on the ground, but I was not taking my chances with this thing when it was so interested in splatting me across the sidewalk and, apparently, my body can’t be bothered to remember how to fight when I really needs to.

  “What is a pe—?” He didn’t finish the sentence because suddenly, Elijiah was there and he looked pissed. His eyes flashed with something like fear, or worry, and he roared. He seemed to glow as his icy power punched into me and I fell to the ground again.

  “Goddamn it!” I yelled in pain as my body became all too familiar with the pavement once more.

  There was a snarl and scream as Elijiah slammed his palm into the demon’s chest, and he evaporated back into that black smoke, then nothing.

  “What in the actual fuck is going on?” I snarled, pushing myself up from the ground. Again.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, smirking.

  “We were just talking,” I grumbled as I rubbed my ass. It was obviously a lie, but I didn’t like Elijiah at all, and I certainly didn't want to feel like I owed him anything for saving my life.

  “What did he say?” he asked seriously, turning that icy sharpness to me.

  I squinted at him. There was something not right about him. I just didn’t know what it was. He had saved me from that heinous creature, but why? I felt like Elijiah was one step away from deciding I wasn’t worth protecting. Then what? Would he slide a knife into my back without a second thought and walk away unscathed?

  “Nothing. The bastard grabbed my hair and called me ‘angel,’ which is something I would like scrubbed from my brain pretty much immediately.” I turned around and realized that I was no longer on my path home, but in some abandoned alley I didn’t recognize. What is it with demons and magical beings dragging me off to unknown parts of the city?

  “Where am I?” I asked, suddenly a bit scared. I didn’t like being alone with Elijiah. It felt like I was walking too close to the sun.

  “He transported you here so you wouldn’t call attention to yourself and alert any gatekeepers.” He said it like it was so obvious. I wanted to slap the smile right off of his dumb face.

  “Great. But where am I? I’d like to go home.” I turned to the right and walked towards the closest street. I was getting really tired of getting lost in my city.

  “Lincoln.” Elijiah grabbed my arm. His hand was freezing for a split second, then oozed warmth. It was a very possessive hold.

  “Who are you, really, Elijiah? Why are you here? Who am I, for that matter?” I yanked my arm with little luck of ripping it free. Where is my badass strength and power? Does it just turn on and off like a freaking light switch?

  “Let go of me!” I said frantically. I struggled against him. He let go suddenly, making me fall to the ground again. “I swear to fucking god if I hit this goddamn cement one more time with my ass, I am going to motherfucking lose it!” I growled.

  “I am your protector, like I said before.”

  “But why? Why do I need a protector? Because I’m the last deathwalker ever? Or the only one now? Or because I’m a special deathwalker-gatekeeper combo? Or what?! What makes me so goddamn special that I need a protector?” I snarled, wanting to throw something at his stupid face.

  “Nothing makes you special.”

  I didn’t know if that was actually hurtful or comforting.

  “Why didn’t I have access to my sight until someone opened my mind? Are my parents even my real parents? Why do I need someone like you?” I cried out, determined to get something out of him.

  “Your parents are your real parents.”

  Again, he answered one question.

  “So how am I a deathwalker, then? I was told it was hereditary, and earlier today I had, like, super spidey fighting sense that apparently just come and go whenever it feels like it. So, do I have a little gatekeeper physical magic too? What is actually going on in my body here?!” I folded my arms across my chest and squared my shoulders to him.

  “Deathwalker abilities can be gifted. Yours were gifted to you,” he said cautiously. Again, he only answered one damn question at a time.

  “Why?”

  “Because you aren’t special. You are simply like anyone else, hardly noticeable if you aren’t looking.” He spoke casually, like he was commenting on the weather.

  “I don’t even know what to say to that…besides, it’s sort of rude to say I’m not worth noticing.“ Anger filled my body and I clenched my fists trying to breathe through it.

  “Honestly, if you aren’t going to help me get answers then get the fuck out of my face. I’m done with this. I’m going to the afterworld and speaking with the queen, myself.”

  His eyes zeroed in on me, and he smirked. “I would suggest not going by yourself, Lincoln. Your gatekeeper can't go unless invited, but I can go with you. Just tell me when and where. I’ll escort you there, myself.”

  I swallowed and took a step back.

  He seemed too eager, but I’d be going alone anyways. At least I knew he could pack a punch. Maybe he would give me more answers.

  “I don’t trust you, though,” I said, putting distance between us.

  “You don’t need to. I haven’t hurt you yet, right? I don’t plan on letting any harm come your way. But don’t take me up on my offer. Good luck navigating the chaos,” he said, and started to walk away.

  Fuck. No one knew what was waiting there for me, and if the monsters I had encountered painted any sort of picture, it didn’t seem good.

  “Shit, fine. Okay. I am not ready to go now. But I will be. Soon. How do I tell you?” I frowned.

  “Speak it out loud: ‘Elijiah I am ready to go to the afterworld.’ Don’t take too long because more things like what I stopped will come looking for you, and I won’t always be around to help.” He spoke slyly, like he was in on some big secret.

  “I thought you were supposed to….”

  With a snap of his fingers, he was gone and I was standing in my room.

  “…protect me…bastard. I didn’t get any fucking answers.”

  “Lincoln?” Mara said, knocking on my door.

  “Hey,” I replied as she opened the door and gaped at the blood on my face and body.

  “What happened to you? I didn't think you were home! Did this happen in here?” she looked around frantically, but my room was all in proper order.

  “No, I wasn’t here until about sixty seconds ago. I’m okay, just beaten up and sore, but my body will recover quickly. I met a demon and he kicked my ass,” I pouted, and I glanced at my reflection in the mirror with a wince. Damn, I looked pretty bad. Blood was smeared across my face and my lip was bloody and swollen. The rest of me looked like I had been flattened to roadkill, then dragged for several miles.