“What happened, Lincoln? How did you get in here, then?” She walked over to me like she was approaching a wild animal.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. My guardian angel poofed me in,” I said, sitting gently on my bed. Mara nodded and said, “Give me one minute.”

  I stared blankly at the door until she came back, wondering how I was going to deal with all this. Why was I attacked? Why did Elijiah even exist in my life? And what, exactly, could I actually accomplish in the afterlife?

  Mara came back in and gently closed the door. She had a wet rag and our first aid kit in her hands. She sighed. “You look like you’ve been through some things, want to talk about it? Or is it super top secret death-stuff?” she asked gently, wiping away the blood on my face.

  I laughed, then winced because everything hurt.

  “My life is weird right now,” I whispered. Mara gave me a sympathetic smile.

  “I know. What extra weird thing happened today?” She offered a soft smile in return.

  “Well, Priya and I are officially dating, and having sex with a woman is much more satisfying than a man,” I said offhandedly.

  Mara chuckled. “I’m happy for you, but I was talking in regards to this.” She held up the bloody rag.

  “Well, a demon attacked me and body-slammed me to the concrete, then Elijiah popped in and saved me. Then he said, and I quote, that I am ‘like everybody else and not special at all,’ which is, like, an oddly specific and weird thing to say. His words, not mine. What do you think that means, exactly? He said nobody would ever notice me if they weren’t looking.” Something about the way he said it was rubbing me the wrong way, like it meant something very specific but I didn’t understand what it was.

  “I don’t know, Linc. Seems like he’s just kind of a dick with a hidden agenda.” She furrowed her brows and applied some ointment to my split lip.

  “Exactly. And I found out that Priya’s girlfriend and best friends died about six months ago from a demon attack. I want to help her kill that particular demon,” I said, a bit detached.

  “Damn, that’s heavy. I thought you couldn’t kill demons, only send them back to their hell-prison?” she questioned.

  I’d been updating her and talking her through the information I was learning. She’s the only one who knows everything about me. I was so thankful that she actually listened and believed me.

  “You’re right. I don’t think demons can actually be fully killed, only trapped back in the afterlife. But I‘m going to go to the afterlife to get some answers about who I am and why these attacks are happening. Oh, and apparently I have an inherent knowledge of how to fight?” I said, still not understanding why my ass had been handed to me today. Why had that ability suddenly gone out the door when I was demon-mugged today? It was like the tether I had to that part of myself snapped. I subconsciously reached for it now, and found it.

  Weird.

  “And you know, the demon attack, which should have been fine but my spy senses got turned off somehow.”

  “Jesus, Linc, this is a weird day,” Mara said, finishing up with my face.

  I looked up at her and burst out laughing. Then whined. Laughing hurt my lip.

  “Actually, yes. Yes it is,” I said as she cracked a smile and started giggling, too.

  I sighed and pushed myself up.

  “‘Anyways, what’s new with you?” I asked.

  “Oh boy, have I got a fun pharmaceutical story for you.” She winked, and I laughed loudly as she proceeded to tell me about her day.

  It felt good to be normal again with my best friend.

  Even if it was only for a moment.

  18

  Priya and I were spending the night at the bar again. It had become like a second home. I had met quite a few gatekeepers by now and it was like going to college again, trying to remember who everyone was, what job they had, if they had any special gift, and other random details. Most of them were kind and accepting, some seemed a bit perturbed by my presence, and others seemed to ooze pity or sympathy for Priya.

  I hadn’t realized before how grief hung around her. It seemed like everyone probably knew and didn’t know how to talk to her about it. Priya was royally pissed at Elijiah and concerned for me when I had walked in with my split lip and marred face. I had filled her in on what happened, and now we were telling Emir, who leaned against the front of his desk rubbing his chin. He had been horrified, too, when he saw what shape I was in, but there wasn’t much to do about it now except let it heal. It seemed like my healing abilities had really been amped up because I cut my leg shaving the other day, and it healed in, a couple of hours. So I was sure I’d be back to normal soon enough.

  “I hate to say it, but it actually sort of makes sense to let him help you, Lincoln. We don’t know what you are getting into but we, at least, know he is invested in protecting you, maybe on orders from the queen herself? Maybe you’re being called to her? Either way I think we should prepare to send you in a month, if you’re okay with that. I was able to fulfill your request for the special silk fabric, and I think training for a month with Priya will prepare you in the best way we know how, especially since you already seem to have an ingrained ability to fight like a gatekeeper. We might finally get the answers we’ve been looking for all these years in just a month’s time,” he said thoughtfully, though his gaze was distant.

  Maybe he was thinking about his parents. Or all the deathwalkers that were lost all those years ago. Or all the horrible heartache that followed him and Priya around.

  I felt incredibly torn in two. The gatekeepers seemed to have this idea that I was someone who could help save them, even though no one explicitly said that. Then Elijiah was over here telling me I’m perfectly normal, totally average. It was a strange dichotomy to navigate.

  “Linc?” Priya asked, concern drawing across her brow.

  “Yeah?” I drew my attention back to them.

  “Are you ready to train today? Or is something on your mind?” She reached for my hand, threading her fingers through mine.

  “It’s nothing. Let’s go practice so I won’t be caught helpless once again.” Smiling, I moved towards the door.

  “I know this is a lot, Lincoln. We are really grateful to have you here and we really appreciate you being patient with us as we navigate everything that’s going on,“ Emir said.

  I’m sure his words were meant to be encouraging, but it made the impending trip to the afterworld seem more anxiety inducing. This was a huge deal and I knew they were trying not to overwhelm me, but they also couldn’t downplay how monumental this was.

  I nodded. “Of course,” I said, trying not to let my panic show.

  They could only help so much. They had never been to the afterworld. They only have what their texts tell them, and no one knows what pandemonium reigns there since shit hit the fan almost ten years ago. I was going in blind, we all were.

  It seemed like the only person super confident in the whole thing was Elijiah, and that thought wasn’t comforting at all. He is suspicious and vague in the most annoying way. Was he actually helping me, or protecting his own self-interest? Or maybe both?

  My head was spinning just thinking about it. Priya deserves answers. So does Emir, Grey, and everyone else. She deserves some damn closure as to why that demon had been showing up every five years in her life, only to rip away the people she loves most, and almost kill her in the process.

  Priya and I walked in silence through the directory hall to the training facility and I gasped as we entered. In the middle of the room, they’d rigged up the beautiful yards of black silk fabric I requested. I was told it could even change colors with a spell.

  “You mentioned that you hadn’t practiced with the fabric in a while, so I thought it might make you happy to get familiar with it once more before we start training in combat and treating it like a weapon,” Priya said with a small smile.

  I walked over to it and let the silky fabric slip through my fingers and closed my eyes.

  “When I started silks, it was the first time I felt like I could really be artistic and beautiful with my body. I felt accepted by the community in a way I never had before. It made me feel strong and magical. Fat and beautiful. That, for the first time, it didn’t matter what size I was because anyone was welcome to the stage despite their differences. It was the first time I really learned to love my body for what it could do and the shapes it could make, despite what society told me I should look like on the outside.”

  I exhaled loudly.

  I don’t often talk about my journey. To get to the point where I loved and accepted myself, it was a constant work in progress. People often invalidated my journey to body acceptance or told me things like “don’t refer to yourself as fat,” as if it’s some horrible thing instead of just a neutral descriptor.

  “Thank you for sharing that with me,” Priya said in my ear as she slipped her arms around me from behind. “The world is misguided and rooted, so deeply, in problematic ideologies. It makes me so happy to hear that this gives you joy and comfort. Your feelings are valid and so are you.” She planted a kiss at the base of my neck, where it meets my shoulder. “Can I see?” she whispered, her breath skating across my skin.

  “Yes, yes you can.” I squeezed her hands with my own and stepped away from her. I went through some warm-ups on the ground and in the air. Then, I took out my phone and started playing a song that I’d choreographed a piece to a few years back. I rolled my shoulders and stepped up to the fabric once more, clutching it in my hands, and began to climb. For the next several minutes, I lost myself to the music and the fabric, wrapping myself in its silkiness as I twirled, dropped, and floated above the ground.

  I moved in ways that called to my body and made shapes that made Priya gasp and applaud. I laughed loudly when I took a drop from the top of the fabric all the way to a foot off the ground catching myself.

  I was sweating by the end and carefully untangled myself, smiling. My body complained, but my heart sang.

  Priya stood back with her mouth wide open and her eyes shining. “That was truly the most magnificent thing I have ever seen! I didn’t know you were so talented. You nearly brought tears to my eyes!” she said, shaking her head and falling to her knees.

  “You know, people do that with chains as well,” I said sitting in front of her.

  “I don’t know about that,” she said, laughing.

  “We could be our own traveling act if this doesn’t work out,” I teased.

  “As long as I get to be with you, I think I could manage just fine.” She leaned forward, kissing me gently. It sent butterflies skirting through my belly as she gently wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, while the other skimmed my arm.

  “Why is it that, every time we kiss, I feel like I’m swooning?” I murmured against her lips. Her loud throat-laugh erupted and I took the opportunity to shut her up with my own swoon-worthy kisses.

  “I could say the same thing about you, my love.” We tumbled to the floor.

  “What else can you do on the fabric?” Her gaze was mischievous. “No wonder you’re so flexible in bed,” she teased.

  I shoved her lightly as giggles erupted. “Just you wait, Priya Banks-Haldar. You haven’t seen anything yet.” I winked and pushed myself up, tangling myself in the silks once more.

  19

  “Are you ready?” Priya asked.

  I nodded as we stood in front of a huge mirror. Today’s lesson is about portals. We were using the mirror to access the afterlife and travel between realms. We had been doing physical training for a while now, but this was my first magic lesson.

  “Just place your hand on it and say, ‘Go in peace.’” We stood shoulder-to-shoulder, facing our reflections.

  “You always speak in another language when you do magic or gatekeeper-y things,” I said, frowning.

  “I speak in Latin because it’s how I was taught. You can say it in any language. As long as you have the power of the sight, it’ll work.” She nodded encouragingly.

  “Well, that’s fucking cool,” I mumbled. “You sound like a badass when you say it. It won’t be nearly as fancy as when I do it.”

  “When we utter those words, it opens a portal into the afterworld that any entity with afterworld magic can go through. Gatekeepers don’t technically have afterworld magic. Our magic was gifted to us, and strengthened, by the mortal realm. Deathwalkers, demons, ghosts, and wraiths all have magic drawn from the afterworld, so it will accept you. This is a one-way portal as well, which is why, when they go through it, the opening automatically closes until you speak the words again. Most ghosts and wraiths are simply in need of a guide because they don’t have the ability to create a portal themselves, so they are excited to see you and connect with you as their energies want to return to the afterworld.” I nodded trying to wrap my head around it all. It seemed simple enough.

  “Demons typically don’t want to be sent back because they’re imprisoned. So instead of ‘Go in peace,’ we have to touch both our hands to the mirror and say, ‘Reclaim what is yours, and bring peace,’ which means you have to have a mirror large enough to place both hands fully on the mirror. It also can’t be glass. It has to be a true mirror, with no cracks. Demons will often try to smash mirrors or crack them as they move throughout the mortal realm. It renders the portal ineffective and, therefore, they can’t be sent back.”

  Unbroken big mirror. Got it. I nodded as she continued to talk.

  “When you say, ‘Reclaim what is yours,’ the afterworld will reach out for the demon and pull them in by force, as opposed to saying ‘Go in peace,’ which is almost like a gentle invitation or a warm caress. One is like, ‘Get the hell back here,’ and the other is like, ‘Welcome nice to see you,’” She said smirking slightly.

  I gave her a thumbs-up. Okay, this didn’t seem too complicated.

  “Want to give it a go?” she asked

  “Yes. Okay, so Test One...Go in peace,” I whispered as I laid my hand across the cool mirror. It seemed to glow, emitting a warm aura. I felt inclined to walk through. I could feel the cool surface start to gently beckon me in, and I pushed my hand through until it was up to my wrist. “Holy shit.” I whispered. It felt like a dive into a beautiful pool of water.

  Priya smiled and pressed her hand an inch from mine but nothing happened. “See, I am not permitted. But you are, Linc.”

  I put both hands on it and said, “Reclaim what is yours, and bring peace.”

  The energy immediately changed and I fell headfirst into the mirror as my hands were aggressively pulled by something on the other side. I screamed as I was sucked through to my waist. Purple smoke, mixed with an acidic scent, flooded my senses. It burned my eyes and throat as my body was yanked possessively. I couldn’t even see my own hands but I felt something wrap viciously around my wrists. It was cold and unyielding as it pulled me even harder.

  The hands around my waist slipped to my hips, digging into my sides hard enough to leave bruises until I felt something cold slither around my midsection. A huge pull launched me backwards as what felt like chains dug into my skin and yanked me away. I sprawled in front of the mirror once again, with Priya’s chains snaked around my legs and hips. She panted, frantically looking at the mirror.

  “Love, are you…?” She didn’t finish the sentence. The mirror filled with that same purple smoke. It beat against the surface like it was trying to escape. Dark handprints dripping with thick liquid pounded in aggressive thuds against the glass.

  I screamed and scrambled back as Priya protectively drew her chains up and around her. She thrust her hand out and her chains smashed against the surface shattering the image in an instant.

  “What the fuck?” I said, standing up.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sure my chains left some bruises. I was so afraid you’d be pulled in. It felt like something was taking you.” Priya turned to me, running her hands down my face and arms in featherlight touches.

  Two angry red marks formed at my wrists like I had been burned by a pair of handcuffs. The pain was slowly fading due to my magic, but I could still feel the grip on them like a ghost.

  “I couldn’t see anything. The smoke was everywhere when I fell in and something was pulling me in, like I might’ve seriously been ripped in two,” I whispered as I leaned my forehead against hers. “What happened?” I asked, pulling away to look into her gold eyes.

  “I don’t know. It pulls demons in, but it shouldn’t pull you in. You could use it as a portal but it’s a one-way door, so you wouldn’t come back and the portal would break whenever your hands leave the mirror from the mortal realm. Once your whole body is in, you can’t come back this way.” She furrowed her brow.

  “So one hand has to stay connected for the peaceful exit and two have to stay connected for the bad one? That seems…not helpful.” I scowled.

  “Agreed, but in order for the afterworld to suck the demon back in, it needs to ground its power in the portal opener and act as a conduit,” she said, rubbing her temple.

  “How do I open a two-way portal? Didn’t you say my physical body would stay here as a deathwalker?” I pursed my lips trying to wrap my head around it.

  “Yes, you have to put both hands up and say, ‘Grant me permission to enter and return.' You choose something to act as a beacon; a small token that your physical body will tether to in the mortal realm as your energy goes into the afterworld. Most people choose something sentimental, like a necklace or family heirloom. We charm it with a spell. Then, a gatekeeper keeps it safe for you. You entrust them with your token and your physical body while you leave to the afterworld. So, essentially, once you’ve gone through the passage, the token acts as a lighthouse. It will keep you connected to your body here. That way, as soon as you enter the mortal realm, you will go to your token, which should be with your physical body if the gatekeeper does their job correctly.”