I watched her as she drifted off to sleep. Jesus, she was beautiful. Ariel had drifted up the bed until her head was right next to Noel’s, her hair tangling with the strands that had fallen out of Noel’s braids. One of her arms was flung above her head and the other draped across Noel’s throat. Diana was sprawled out between us, her legs straight down and her arms straight up, like she was about to dive into a pool. Her pacifier dangling so precariously from her lips that I knew any moment it was going to fall onto the bed.

  Reaching across the Diana, I let my hand rest on Noel’s belly. The little one in there was completely oblivious to the turmoil they’d been a part of that day. My eyes widened as something bumped against my hand. I waited, and it happened again. And then again. My eyes shot to Noel’s face, but she didn’t stir.

  “I love you,” I whispered into the dark, relief that they were there with me, safe and warm and sleeping, made my whole body relax into the bed. “I love all of you.”

  Chapter 15

  Noel

  The door to my bedroom had been replaced by the time I woke up the next morning and by the time my brother called to let me know that Carl was dead, I was ready to give my condolences without letting any disgust bleed into my voice.

  I knew he hadn’t died in a car accident, at least not one of his own making. I just chose not to think about it because I’d seen his eyes as he’d hit me and ordered me to pack my things and as long as Carl was in the world, we would’ve had to live in fear. I didn’t want that for my girls. So, however Carl’s death had come about wasn’t any of my concern. I was just glad he was gone.

  My feet hurt and my eye was black, but it was nothing in comparison to the contentment that filled me as I’d followed Titus and the girls outside later that day.

  It took a week for me to heal. It took Ariel a little longer. She barely spoke for the first few days and she’d been unwilling to leave my side, but as time went on, she grew more and more like her old self. Sometimes, she’d mention what happened in passing, like she was reminding me or maybe herself, that it had in fact happened. I never knew what triggered the reminders, but decided when it came up to acknowledge them and move on. Yes, I remembered when Grandpa hit me. Yes, I remembered when she and Flora hid in the cupboard. Yes, I remembered when I’d shoved them in the car without even putting them in car seats. Yes, I remembered it all. Now, do you want to play magnet tiles while we watch a movie?

  I was thirty-five weeks pregnant, we had a shiny new alarm system that some man Titus called Woody had set up, my love had finally stopped working from home and had actually gone into the garage for the day, and Diana was currently ordering her sister to play ball with her.

  Titus and I had managed a few more kisses, each one better than the last—but things hadn’t progressed further. It was impossible for anything racier than that to happen when Ariel was following me around like a little duckling.

  Things were calm. Things were good. I was happier than I’d ever been in my life.

  Then someone knocked on the door and both of my children froze, their heads twisting in unison to look at me. I stared at the front door, my palms clammy.

  “Noel, it’s me,” Heather called cheerfully. “I come bearing gifts!”

  “It’s Gran,” Ariel breathed, the tension going out of her.

  “Gran!” Diana yelled, dashing toward the door.

  I reached it just as she did, and we swung it open together.

  “Got some baby stuff,” Heather announced, lifting up a bag. “And some big girl stuff,” she added, lifting the bag in her other hand.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I admonished, backing up so she could come inside.

  I locked the door behind her. I didn’t ever leave it unlocked, not even when the guys were home. I knew it was a pain in the neck for them, especially when they were working outside, but they never complained. Not once.

  “I couldn’t help myself,” she said breezily as she sauntered over to the couch. “Ariel, I think you’ve grown about two feet since I saw you three days ago.”

  “I did not,” Ariel argued, grinning.

  I put a hand on my chest as my heart gave a heavy thump. I didn’t think I’d ever take one of Ariel’s smiles for granted again, not after the days we’d spent without them.

  “Well, I hope that what I got you still fits because, I dunno.” She squinted at Ariel. “You look bigger.”

  She pulled out two nightgowns, passing them to each of the girls. Then little pairs of overalls. Then T-shirts. Sweatshirts. And finally, two miniature pairs of leggings. She grinned over at me.

  “I figured they might want to be in on some legging action, too,” she joked, gesturing at my legs.

  I had three pairs. Two black and one dark red. I’d had to buy maternity leggings, because no way was my belly going to fit into the regular sizing, but I loved them. They were soft and stretchy and felt like freedom. Titus loved them, too. Whenever I wore them, he’d come up behind me and flip up whatever long shirt I was wearing and groan as he squeezed one, or both, of my butt cheeks in his hands. At first I’d laughed, but the longer we went with little physical contact beyond normal affection… well, I’d begun to groan a little, too.

  “And for baby,” Heather announced, pulling out a little gray sleeper with a matching blanket and hat. “I saw this and thought it’s good for a girl or a boy.”

  “It’s so cute,” Ariel said as I reached for the tiny outfit.

  “I got a white set, too,” Heather said, smiling.

  “I love them.” I smiled back. “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcome.” She nodded. “I also left a big box of newborn diapers on the front porch.”

  “Two in diapers is going to be so fun,” I joked, glancing at Diana. She had one of her new shirts halfway on, but she hadn’t bothered taking off the shirt she’d been wearing originally.

  “I bet this one potty trains soon,” Heather replied, pulling Diana over so she could help her take both shirts off and put the new one back on. “So, I was thinking—how would you two like to come over to Gran’s for a while this afternoon?”

  Ariel’s gaze shot to me. She may have stopped following me to the toilet, but she hadn’t been farther than a room away.

  “Asa and Eloise are coming over in a little bit to play outside,” Heather added nonchalantly. “So, I thought you guys might like to come, too.”

  “I go,” Diana said brightly. “Mama, I go?”

  “Sure, baby,” I replied, my eyes still on Ariel.

  Me and Heather had talked about this before. I’d told her that the next time she had the kids over, she could come ask Ariel and Diana. We weren’t pushing Ariel to gain back a little independence, but I wanted to give her the opportunity.

  “Okay,” Ariel said, glancing between us.

  “Awesome,” Heather said excitedly, slapping her hands down on her thighs. “Want to bring anything with you?”

  “Binkie,” Diana crowed. We’d finally started keeping her pacifier in her bed, only to be used when she was napping, going to bed… or riding in the car. Even if the ride to Heather’s was only about five minutes long, she wasn’t going to miss that opportunity. I snickered.

  “Blankie,” Ariel said, a little quieter. She picked her blankie up from the couch. That was new. She’d always had a blankie, and she wanted it when she was sleeping—but after the situation with Caleb’s father, she carried it everywhere. Titus thought it was because it smelled like me. Like home. She’d also started sucking her thumb again.

  We rounded up the girls’ things and I helped Heather bring them out to the car. She kept up a running commentary about all the things they were going to do and what she planned for lunch and snacks, keeping them occupied and engaged while we loaded them into the car. I was pretty sure it was the only reason Ariel hadn’t changed her mind before they left.

  “Call if you need me to come get them,” I called out as Heather climbed into the driver’s seat. “Or anything else.” We both knew that anything else meant Ariel having a major freak out because I wasn’t there.

  “They’ll be great,” Heather assured me. “But, I will.”

  I waved as they backed out of the driveway and then hurried back into the house, but once I was there, I wasn’t sure why I’d hurried. I had nothing to do. I’d never realized how quiet it was when no one else was home. I ambled into the kitchen, but I’d already cleaned up from breakfast and the place was sparkling clean.

  It was the first time that I didn’t have the girls with me since… Ariel was born. I’d gone to the store without them when we’d lived with Esther, but I’d never been home without them.

  I didn’t like it. At all.

  “Shit,” I muttered. I looked around the room and snorted. “Shit. Fuck. Bullshit. Dammit. Asshole.” I laughed at myself. I understood why Esther had started swearing. It felt kind of good. I wasn’t planning on doing it around anyone else, but I had the house to myself.

  “Motherfucker,” I breathed, unable to hold back a smile.

  I headed toward the stairs, still grinning. “Motherfucker. Piece of shit.”

  Since I didn’t have the girls with me, I pulled one of our bags out of the closet and started packing my hospital bag. The girls had gone full term, but each baby was different and we were getting close to the finish line. I could only imagine how Ariel would panic if I started packing an overnight bag in front of her, implying that I’d be going somewhere overnight without her, so I hadn’t even attempted it. I was still muttering swear words under my breath when a door slammed downstairs, followed by Titus calling my name.

  “I’m upstairs,” I yelled back.

  When he found me, I was staring at the items I’d laid out on the bed. A nightgown, a change of clothes, a package of pads, yarn, and a crochet hook. That was it. That was all I could think of. What did you need when you went to a hospital to give birth? I’d always been home with all of my things available if I needed them.

  “Hey, sugar,” Titus said, coming to a stop in the doorway.

  “What are you doing home?” I asked in exasperation, smiling at him over my shoulder. “You said you needed to be there today.”

  “I was there for the meetin’,” he conceded, reaching up to grab the top of the doorway. “All done now.”

  A little sliver of skin between his jeans and the bottom of his sweatshirt and cut came into view. I swallowed.

  “The girls went with your mom today,” I murmured, my gaze darting back to his face.

  “I know.” He grinned, dropping his arms as he stepped into the room. “She texted me.”

  “Ah,” I murmured in understanding as he got closer. I dropped the socks I was holding onto the bed.

  “Baby,” he rasped. “We can just hang out. You know that.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  His eyes were dark on me, his jaw tense.

  “But I’d really like if we could do that naked,” he added.

  I let out a huff of surprised laughter and then he was there, his hands on my face, and my laughter was silenced with his mouth.

  Titus could kiss. I had very little experience, and I still knew he was a master. He tilted my head so he could press deeper into my mouth and I whimpered, my hands shooting out to grip the leather of his vest.

  We’d been waiting so long. Over six years since the last time, when we’d been so young that it had been all fumbling hands and whispers in the dark backseat of his car. This was different. So different, that there was no comparison between the two.

  Back then, sex between us had been the glimpse of the life I wanted. A silent rebellion.

  Now it was sensation. Light. A promise.

  My cheeks blushed beet red when Titus pulled my shirt over my head.

  “Fuck,” he breathed, staring at me. He reached out to run a finger along the edge of my bra and my nipples tightened as I swayed toward him. There had been times since I told him I loved him that he would walk up behind me in the kitchen, surreptitiously sliding his hand into my shirt to slide it along my belly and breasts, but that was affection.

  This was purposeful. Intent.

  The baby stretched, some part of him or her pressing hard enough that you could see it above my belly button and Titus laughed roughly, leaning down.

  “Shh, go to sleep. Mama’s busy.”

  I snickered.

  “We’re not doin’ this in here,” Titus announced. He grabbed my hand and pulled me, leading me briskly to his room.

  “My bed is better than yours,” I teased. I wasn’t wrong. We both had king-size beds, but mine was newer and far more comfortable.

  I hadn’t slept there for weeks.

  “This is our bed,” Titus announced when we reached his room. “I’ll have Bas help me switch out the mattresses if you like the other one better.”

  “I like yours,” I murmured breathlessly as he pulled me in.

  The kiss was deep and hot and made everything inside me tighten like someone had pulled a cord that ran between my nipples and clit. I mewed into his mouth, sliding my hands under his sweatshirt to find the skin there. The trail of hair the led into his jeans tickled my fingertips and my breath hitched.

  With a few flicks of his fingers, my bra loosened, and he ripped his mouth away from mine so he could pull it away.

  “Gorgeous,” he breathed, his hands cupping my breasts, thumbs gliding over the tips.

  I gasped quietly as he bent his head, pulling one of my nipples into his mouth, his tongue brushing against it so lightly that I wanted to scream. The sensation was incredible. Mind blowing. I gripped his short hair in my fists, holding him there.

  He moved to the other breast and reached for my leggings, pulling them along with my panties down my hips. I was so focused on his lips and teeth and tongue on my nipple that I barely paid attention as I kicked them off my ankles.

  I was highly aware when his hand slipped between my thighs, though, his finger sliding and pressing. I shuddered.

  “Look how wet you are,” he murmured against my breath. “God.”

  His fingers pressed harder and my hips jolted.

  “That’s it,” he said, lifting his head to meet my gaze. “Ride it.”

  The words should have embarrassed me.

  They didn’t.

  I jerked my hips forward again, my eyelids fluttering as his fingers rubbed against me. I was so slippery that I could feel the wetness on my thighs, but the calluses on his fingers caused a friction that I felt everywhere. Even my scalp tingled as I rode his hand, rolling and pushing forward until I found the rhythm I needed.

  “On the bed,” he ordered. I jolted forward, a small noise of protest bursting from my mouth as he pulled his hand away.

  “Titus,” I groaned hoarsely, reaching for him as his hands guided me onto the bed.

  I watched in fascination as he dropped his cut onto the floor and ripped the sweatshirt and t-shirt he was wearing over his head. His eyes never left mine as he unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants and boxers down his legs.

  When he looked down to push the clothes off his ankles, I stared.

  He was beautiful. Like a statue that belonged in a museum. There was no bulk to Titus, he was lean, but as he moved and I watched so many muscles bunch and flex, I shivered.

  I hadn’t seen him before. When we’d had sex in the car, we’d barely undressed. It had been almost frantic, the way we’d secretly pulled clothing out of the way so that we could touch each other.

  My gaze dropped lower.

  I panted.

  “You want my cock?” he teased, making me jump in surprise. He laughed. “What? You forget there was another person here?”

  “No,” I rasped, glaring.

  Titus’s smile was slow as it spread across his cheeks.

  “On your knees. Hands against the headboard.”

  I squinted at him, wondering what the heck he was doing, but followed his directions. I rolled onto my knees and scooted toward the head of the bed, throwing the pillows off as I went. Then I wrapped my hands around the edge of the headboard and looked at him over my shoulder.

  His eyes were glazed as he stared.

  Then he was moving onto the bed and only seconds later his hands were roaming down my back, along the crack of my butt, up my sides and around to the front so he could pinch my nipples between his fingers. His mouth was just as busy, kissing my back, my shoulders, my neck. He ran his hand into my hair and pulled out the ponytail so it would fall down my back. My skin was so sensitive by that point that every strand felt like another kiss. His hand tightened and my insides clenched.

  My hips were just barely rolling, my mind a fog, when I felt him move. His hands lifted me at my thighs, bringing me higher on my knees, and then he was beneath me.

  At the first swipe of his tongue between my legs I nearly lost my grip on the headboard. I knew what it was, but I’d never had it before, and I stared blankly at the wall as his tongue circled and tapped and rubbed against me, the sensation so acute that everything was centered on that tiny bundle of nerves where he played. I moved my hips, chasing his tongue as he shifted a little, and his hand clamped down on my butt, his fingers digging in.

  Then two of his fingers were sliding inside me, thrusting and twisting and I screamed as all of the pressure that had been building since he’d first pulled off my shirt coalesced into a feeling so acute that my eyesight went completely blank for a moment. After that first blast of feeling, it came again, in waves, and I sobbed as I chased it, rolling and jerking my hips against his tongue and fingers, desperate to hold on to it.

  When it finally ended, I slumped forward, my thighs shaking with exhaustion as I tried not to fall down and suffocate him.

  He moved out from under me as I panted, trying to get a grip on this new world that had just unfolded before me. Sex had felt good with Titus before, but nothing had prepared me for that—nothing compared. Not even when I touched myself.

  “Good?” he asked, kissing my shoulder as he fitted himself behind me.

  “Uhm,” I mumbled, making his chest shake as he chuckled.