“Okay,” she said easily, glancing at me to check my reaction.

  “You wanna come with me to bring the bags out to the car?” he asked, lifting both suitcases.

  “Put your shoes on first,” I ordered hoarsely when Ariel looked at me to make sure it was okay. She raced over to the shoe basket. I’d left one pair for her to wear, her other pair was already packed.

  “I’ll be right back,” Otto’s dad told her as he carried the suitcases past me.

  “Esther wasn’t sure what the situation was up here,” Otto said quietly as we watched Ariel pull her rubber boots on. “You think there’s gonna be problems?”

  I shook my head, but waited until his dad had come back in and grabbed the girls’ bag and basket in one arm and Ariel in the other before I spoke.

  “My husband died last night,” I said quietly, knowing that the words would mean nothing to Diana. “No one knows yet.”

  “Okay,” he said, nodding. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side, the hug as awkward as it was comforting. “You wanna make sure you haven’t forgotten anything?”

  “I’ll make one last sweep,” I replied as he let go of me. “Give me five minutes.”

  “Take your time,” he said as I put on the backpack I used as the girls’ diaper bag and hurried back to their room.

  I looked around the room, taking in the crib and twin bed, the dresser I’d painted with little daisies, the curtains I’d made from a vintage sheet. There wasn’t anything the girls would miss. In my room, I found another photo of Ariel and Diana that I’d forgotten on the top of my dresser and after a few moments of hesitation, I pulled open the closet and pulled out the Moses basket that both the girls had used as newborns. I’d saved and scrimped to get it for Ariel and it made me sad to think of the new baby never using it. The living room didn’t have anything I wanted to bring with me, but in the kitchen I remembered the vintage butter dish my mom had found at a garage sale when I was pregnant with Diana and grabbed that, too.

  When I reached the front door, Otto gently took the basket from my arm and put the photo and butter dish inside. “All set?”

  “All set,” I confirmed, stepping outside.

  Ariel was standing with one of Otto’s brothers, and they were shaking their arms and legs like they were having some kind of joint fit. I glanced around the yard and finally realized just how many men Otto had brought with him.

  “Like I said,” he murmured as he guided me down the steps. “I wasn’t sure what we were walkin’ into.”

  “I’m sorry,” I replied quietly.

  “Don’t be.” Otto shook his head once, firmly. “We were happy to do it. Your sister’s losin’ it. Can’t wait to see you.”

  “Yeah?” I asked, my voice wobbling.

  I’d known that my sister would help me. It’s why I’d memorized her phone number all those years ago and never forgotten it. Esther’s support was as sure to me as the sun rising in the east—but that didn’t mean that she’d be happy that I’d called her in the middle of the night, hysterical. We’d made a plan for me to move in with her when I turned eighteen and I’d never shown up. I hadn’t even called. That changed things.

  “I bet she’s back at the house cooking and pacing and decorating,” Otto said with a small chuckle.

  “Decorating?” I asked as we reached Ariel.

  “Don’t be alarmed if there’s a Welcome Home Noel banner or somethin’.”

  I hoped he was joking.

  “Me and Uncle Rumi are gettin’ the wiggles out,” Ariel informed me, still shaking her arms out at her sides. “It’s gonna be a long drive.”

  “Uncle Rumi, huh?” I asked, looking up at Otto’s brother.

  “Cool?” he asked, smiling gently at me.

  “Cool,” I confirmed, smiling back.

  What was it with their family? I’d woken them up in the middle of the night, with no warning, and they’d driven to a completely different state to pick me up—yet each of them seemed happy to be there. Happy to see me. I didn’t understand it.

  “Car seats are all set,” Rumi said, opening up the back door. “This one’s yours, princess,” he said to Ariel. “I think.”

  “Mine’s purple,” Ariel replied, looking around him. “Yep!”

  “The other one isn’t buckled yet,” Rumi said apologetically as he lifted Ariel into her seat. “Figured we’d do it once you were inside. Doubt you could get in otherwise.”

  “Thanks,” I breathed, glancing at Ariel before I rounded the back of the SUV.

  My heart beat in my ears as I reached the other side and found Titus holding open the door, Diana’s car seat dangling from his hand.

  “Hey,” he murmured quietly, his eyes roaming over my face before finally moving to where Diana had laid her head on my shoulder.

  “Hi,” I rasped. I felt frozen in place. It was so hard to wrap my head around the fact that we were only three feet apart. If I wanted to, I could reach out and touch him. I wouldn’t, of course, that would be completely insane.

  “If you climb in, I’ll help you get this seat buckled in,” he said after a moment.

  “Right.” I hurried forward, the toe of my sneaker catching on the gravel. I stumbled a little but caught myself before he could. “I’m fine.” My voice was high and reedy.

  Climbing into the back of the SUV while holding Diana and trying to look even slightly graceful was impossible. Between my belly, backpack, the lack of space, and Diana clinging like a monkey, it felt like a miracle when I finally dropped onto the center seat.

  We were silent as I helped him buckle Diana’s seat in, the tension between us palpable, and I looked up almost guiltily when Otto leaned in the front seat just as Titus closed the back door.

  “You just let us know if we need to stop,” he said as I buckled Diana in and pulled her blankie out of the diaper bag. “If not, we’ll drive straight through. We’ll be right behind you.”

  “You’re not driving?” I asked in confusion as he moved out of the seat.

  “I’m on my bike,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll see you in a while.”

  Once Otto was gone, a mountain of a man climbed into the passenger seat and Titus settled into the driver’s seat. Our eyes met in the rearview mirror.

  “I like when you sit with us,” Ariel said, reaching for me.

  “Me, too.” I looked away from Titus and smiled as I held her hand.

  I wrapped my other hand around Diana’s, running my thumb over the back of her chubby wrist as the car pulled out onto the pavement.

  “You like this adventure so far?” I asked Ariel. “Pretty fun, right?”

  “Are we going to see zebras?” she whispered seriously.

  I couldn’t hold back a snort and I tipped my head down to hide my face from the men in the front seat. “I don’t think Uncle Otto has zebras,” I whispered back. “Sorry.”

  “That’s okay,” she murmured glumly, looking out the window.

  “We haven’t met yet,” the large man said, turning in his seat with a smile. I tried, and probably failed, not to stare at his piercings. “I’m Bas.”

  “Noel,” I replied. His eyes were warm on mine.

  “The famous Noel,” he said, his grin widening. “Nice to finally meet you.”

  “Famous?”

  Titus murmured something that I couldn’t hear. Bas ignored him.

  “Your sister’s mentioned you quite a bit,” Bas replied cheerfully.

  “Good things, I hope,” I replied nervously.

  “All good things,” he agreed before turning back around.

  The car was quiet as Diana and Ariel fell asleep and I stared out the windshield. As we got farther from the house, then out of our little town, and eventually across the state line, I felt the tension leaving my body bit by bit. I’d been up since three in the morning and by the time we passed through Portland, my eyes were growing heavier and heavier. The baby in my belly jerked and kicked and I fell asleep with the realization that the little person in there was going to join a completely different world than Ariel and Diana had.

  “Let her sleep,” Titus ordered sometime later, waking me up himself.

  “She’ll want to be awake when we get there,” Bas argued.

  “We’re still a few minutes away.”

  “Like…three.”

  “Don’t do it—”

  “I’m awake,” I muttered groggily, lifting my head up from where I’d slumped over Ariel’s car seat.

  “Jackass,” Titus muttered.

  The sight of familiar streets passing by had me sitting up straighter and smoothing my hair out of my face.

  “I gotta go potty,” Ariel whispered, her eyes bright.

  “We’re almost there, baby,” I murmured, smoothing down her hair, too. “When did you wake up?”

  “A long time ago.”

  “It’s been about thirty minutes,” Titus clarified, his eyes meeting mine briefly in the rearview mirror.

  “And you let me sleep?” I asked Ariel.

  “You were sleepy.”

  “I up,” Diana announced. “I up, too.”

  “You’re awake, too?” I asked, smiling huge at my baby’s grin. “Did you have a good nap?”

  “No.”

  Bas laughed.

  “Of course you didn’t,” I replied.

  “We’re here,” Titus announced as he turned into the long driveway.

  Otto and Esther’s house was as beautiful as the last time I’d seen it, but I could barely look at it as Esther walked out onto the front porch, a little girl that had to be my niece standing at her side. My sister was glowing.

  I’d seen her in every mood, sad, angry, happy, frustrated, but I’d never seen her as excited as she was when Titus pulled up to the bottom of the steps and parked.

  And I was stuck in between the car seats. I must have made some kind of noise because Titus’s head snapped up so he could look at me in the mirror.

  “Give me just a sec,” Titus ordered.

  I worked on unbuckling the girls as he moved back toward Diana’s door and threw it open.

  “Come here, princess,” he murmured, pulling her out of her seat like he’d done it a million times. “Hey, Bas, can you give me a hand?”

  I sat with my heart in my throat and within moments, Bas had helped me unbuckle Diana’s seat and pulled it out of the way so Ariel and I could climb out of the car. The moment my feet touched the gravel, Titus was handing Diana to me.

  “Go,” he ordered softly, jerking his head toward the porch. “She’s been waitin’ a long time.”

  My steps were slow at first. Nervous. But it only took a few seconds before I was pulling Ariel with me as I hurried toward my big sister. We were both crying as she met me at the bottom of the steps, her arms around me and Diana, squishing Ariel between us.

  “You have babies,” she cried.

  “So do you. She’s so big! I can’t believe how big she is!”

  “You’re so grown up.”

  “I missed you so much.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

  “Oh my god, you’re pregnant!”

  “So are you!”

  The words mattered less than the feeling. We were babbling by that point, and for the first time in so long I felt pure unfiltered joy fill me. We’d made it. It had taken years longer than I’d thought it would, but I was finally there, with my sister again.

  Esther let me go and carefully dropped down to her knees. “Hi,” she said, her eyes bright with tears as she looked at Ariel. “I’m Auntie Esther.”

  “I’m Ariel,” my outgoing girl replied. “Do you have zebras?”

  “We don’t,” Esther replied, laughing a little as tears rolled down her face. “But we have a cat named Mr. Sir. He’s big and orange and he likes to cuddle.”

  “You do?” Ariel asked excitedly.

  “Sugar, you’re gonna get stuck down there,” Otto said in exasperation as he stomped toward us and reached for Esther.

  “I was not,” she argued, letting him help her to her feet. “Why would you even say that?”

  “I put your socks on for you yesterday,” Otto replied flatly.

  “I wanted to talk to Ariel,” Esther muttered.

  “Oh.” He smiled down at my daughter. “Yeah, I can understand that. She seems pretty cool.”

  “I am,” Ariel replied, nodding. “I’m really cool.”

  “And who is this?” Esther asked, reaching out to gently rub the baby’s back.

  “This is Diana,” I replied, pulling the pacifier out of her mouth with a pop. “Can you say hi?”

  “Hi,” Diana murmured, reaching for the binkie in my hand.

  “You don’t need it right now,” I whispered in her ear. She stopped, grabbing for it with a grunt of annoyance.

  “Hi Diana,” Esther said, her eyes crinkling in amusement.

  “And this is Flora,” Otto said, lifting their daughter—who’d been standing at the top of the steps watching everything unfold—into his arms.

  “Flora Noel,” Esther added, reaching out to smooth my hair back from my face.

  “Hi, Flora,” I breathed, trying not to blubber as I looked at the niece I’d never met.

  She and Ariel could’ve been sisters, they looked so much alike.

  “We have the same name,” Flora said, smiling. “And the same hair.”

  “I know. Pretty cool, right?”

  “Very cool,” Otto answered, putting Flora down next to Ariel.

  “I still can’t believe you’re here,” Esther said, grabbing my hand to tow me toward the house. “Come inside. How was the drive? Titus usually drives like a maniac, but I’m guessing he behaved himself with you guys in the car.”

  They brought us inside and set us down at the kitchen table. There were no decorations, but Esther had clearly been cooking all day because the house smelled like freshly baked bread and my favorite beef stew. It felt like I was in a dream as Ariel and Flora ran off to Flora’s room to play and Otto’s mom hugged me and proceeded to steal Diana right out of my arms. Esther put a bowl of stew in front of me, urging me to eat. She chatted with me about her pregnancy and how well-spoken Ariel was, told me about the bedroom they’d set up for us, and generally kept our conversation light as people came in and out of the room. It was all very welcoming and easy, almost like we’d seen each other only days before—except for the fact that she didn’t move more than a foot away from me at any point. All of Otto’s sisters-in-law had shown up to wait with Esther and the house was noisy and chaotic for a while as they said their hellos to me and goodbyes to everyone. It wasn’t until the house was quiet, with only Otto’s parents left in the living room, that I realized I hadn’t seen Titus since he’d handed me Diana and ordered me toward my sister.

  “Okay,” Esther said with a sigh, shifting in her chair. “Now, tell me what happened.”

  Chapter 3

  Titus

  Three hours of riding hadn’t taken the edge off. I pulled off the highway into a lookout area a few hours north of home, ignoring the way my phone continued to go off in my pocket. I couldn’t even describe the feeling I was trying to escape. Rage, maybe. Absolute fucking confusion—definitely. Sorrow. Excitement. Disgust. So, yeah, pretty much every fucking emotion known to man. That’s where I was at.

  Leaving my helmet on the bike, I walked to the edge. The big ravine with evergreens spread out as far as I could see was probably beautiful, but I couldn’t appreciate it.

  “I was wonderin’ when you’d stop,” Rumi called out, striding toward me. “I’m gonna need fuel soon.”

  “Surprised you’re the one who followed me,” I muttered as he reached me.

  “Drew straws,” he joked, grinning.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, you know, that’s what I was thinkin’ as I followed you halfway across the state—that boy is fine…not sure what I’m doin’ here.”

  “You saw where she was livin’,” I replied quietly, staring at the trees. “That fuckin’ trailer had a garbage bag coverin’ a broken window.”

  “Wasn’t pretty,” he agreed quietly.

  “Why the fuck didn’t she call?” I blurted. It was the same question that rolled through my mind over and over since we’d pulled up in front of that piece of shit trailer. She could’ve reached out at any point.

  “Guessin’ only Noel knows the answer to that.”

  “Three kids, Rum. She has three fuckin’ kids.”

  “Well, not yet,” he hedged with a sigh.

  “The oldest is at least four, right? I mean, she didn’t seem younger than that.”

  “Yep.”

  “So, Noel wasn’t even eighteen when she had her.” I shook my head in disgust.

  Teen pregnancy didn’t bother me on a whole. I honestly didn’t think about it much beyond not causing it back when I was a teenager. Shit happened. But from what I understood, it hadn’t been some couple that accidentally got pregnant—Noel was married. Had been married. The man was dead. From what little Otto had murmured to me—after I’d seen her standing in the doorway with her kids but before I’d completely lost it and did something supremely stupid like ask if the oldest was mine—she’d been married before she even finished high school and I was willing to bet my left nut that it hadn’t been her decision.

  “You know, drivin’ yourself crazy over it isn’t gonna help, right?” he asked, pulling out a cigarette.

  “Gimme one,” I mumbled, snatching the pack out of his hands.

  “Nasty habit,” he said around the cigarette as he lit it. He handed me the lighter. “When did you start smokin’?”

  “I don’t.” Closing my eyes I savored the first drag.

  “Right.”

  “Every once in a while.” I shrugged. “I don’t buy them.”

  “Ah, so you just bum them off other people.” He nodded. “Smart.”

  “This is so fucked,” I breathed, leaning on the guardrail.

  “You know, Dad said the inside wasn’t bad.” Rumi looked at me. “Said it was real homey. Not much in there, but clean and shit. Lived in.”