"This is the fae realm section. The realm is the most diverse in terms of its species and their complexities, so it occupies a lot of room, and the books are bigger. Different species of fairies, leprechauns, elves, unicorns, centaurs, sirens, mermaids, wild magical creatures, and the sea creatures. There are histories of all known creatures here. Their strengths, weaknesses. The lineages, their magic, rarities in the species, legends, and basically anything worth noting." He pauses. "And then we shall move," he points to a section on the middle of the room on our right.

  "The wolf realm, then over there, the dragons, on the other side is the giants." He moves further into the section at the back holds different objects and scrolls in between books. It looks more interesting.

  "This section is for this realm and everything pertaining to the gods and other celestials. Histories of each god, demigods, the Old Gods. Loki and his ranks in the dark realm. Everything known about them. The lord also keeps a few relics here." He eyes me with a bit of suspicion, and I arch my eyebrow.

  He looks away and clears his throat. "I was told you have access to everything here, queen. All of it is available for your perusal."

  I nod slowly. The cogs in my head start turning. Hope blooms in my chest at the possibilities. A plan as clear as the blue sky presents itself to me. I may have found a way after all.

  I follow Bhalar as he drones on and on about the next section which records the history of all war in the realms since the beginning of time. He boasts about his lord and how he is the most fearsome General who has ever existed. And labors on about tales of him conquering in battle. He walks me to more sections, and even the vault of the weaponry. Some magic and some not, but all of them big and heavy looking.

  After about two hours of Bhalar gushing over everything that he has probably seen thousands of times, he finally leaves me and Gary. He is starting to stir in my hands, and I put him down. I spend another hour walking around on my own, noting the books I want to come back to.

  I even get a small cart and take a few of the books, adding them to my planned reading.

  Bhalar walks in as I am making my way to the large desk, pulling the cart with Gary on top of the books. The lazy snag. Bhalar brought Gary a cart of his own that has a few trenchers and bowls with all his favorite foods and snacks.

  Gary rises his lazy head and looks to the direction of the food, then darts his tongue with excitement. His eyes dance with glee, his furry ears vibrating. I smile and so does Bhalar.

  "Lord Vidar said I must bring you your food here." It’s more of a question so I nod. Let it never be said he never gets anything right. I wasn't ready to go down to my room. Or goddess forbid, he asks me to the dining station of this house.

  Bhalar places everything on the desk for me.

  He also pulls Gary's trenchers that have his food. The lucky snag.

  Vidar keeps to his promise to leave me and Gary alone. It feels strange eating by myself. Even though Gary is here slopping his soup, it's not the same without those piercing eyes that hold so much patience and calmness.

  I still don't understand how the man who hand feeds me so gently is the same beast that slaughtered Samson. It makes me feel like I don't know him at all and never will.

  He is a walking paradox. Good and evil.

  Eros and Vidar.

  I miss him again at dinner when he doesn't bring me food. It still feels strange to eat by myself, but I stuff those feelings deep inside, reminding myself of my goal.

  When my eyes tire, I know it's time to get some rest. I put the books back where I got them. I don't want anyone piecing together my plans. Gary and I leave the library, taking the stairs down to my lair, and I read to him. But unlike Vidar, Gary isn’t interested in my reading. He simply cuddles into me and falls asleep.

  I have been going to the library every day for the past two weeks. Vidar has commenced feeding me again, but leaves me alone for lunch per my request.

  Luckily for me, he feels guilty for everything he's put me through, and it seems there is little he won't give me. Though I feel bad for taking advantage of his kindness. Still, he owes me, and I will use whatever I can to secure my goal, even if tricking him doesn't make me feel good.

  I was embarrassed at how happy I was when he walked in with breakfast in the next morning. We all ate together, me, him, and Gary. I couldn't help remembering back when we were at the mistress’ compound, spending days and nights at the cave, dreaming of our future together.

  Now, that future seems sure. And I’ve never been more uncertain.

  We shared an intense moment and it was like everything else disappeared. I stopped fighting for once and basked in the connection and all the feelings that are there. I forgot who he was, and I saw him. Really saw him and I hated what I saw.

  Because I liked it.

  I saw more than his title and his deeds. I saw a man I could love. A man whose eyes held my whole future. I saw my beginning and my end

  I saw the man that I love.

  I stared into his abyss, and he stared into mine.

  But it only left me more sure of what I needed to do. What I had to do, to save myself. To free myself from the vines binding me tighter to him. If I don't do it now while I still have some of my brain not yearning to drown in him, then I'll never do it. My heart won't allow it if I wait, and I will never forgive myself.

  I finally found what I needed in the library today, and I took it to my room and hid it under a book on my bedside table.

  Gary didn't want to sleep in my room today, I guess he is a castle snag now and he doesn't want to sleep in dungeons. It is just as well, as I don't want him present for the plan. Sadness tinges at me. I may not make it through the morning. Once everything is out in the open, I won't be able to undo it. I will be executed.

  But my life ended the day he killed my family. I have been existing on borrowed time since. At least I will bring my family something to ask for their forgiveness when I get to the other side.

  I hide the relic under a book in the bedside table on my side and wait for Vidar. And like clockwork, he comes in with the food for dinner. He places the tray in front of me, and I don't wait for him to say anything, I crawl to him like I'm coming home. I try to hide my tremble and remind myself why this was important, ignoring all the warm feelings I get, trying to focus on everything wrong he has done.

  I read to him end of the piano and the pauper while stealing glances at him as he stares at me.

  When he finally falls asleep, I stare at him, staying up for an hour ensuring he is really sleeping. Watching him brings an uncomfortable calm to me and I feel even worse for what I'm about to do.

  Rising slowly, my mind races on what I'm about to do but I don't need any more convincing. This is the right thing to do.

  For my family.

  For Samson.

  For the mage.

  For myself.

  I pull the dagger out with shaky hands. The only relic for killing gods, specifically, those who have Odin's blood. Crafted by a god named Vulcan, who made the most legendary weapons for the gods.

  Vidar's father gave this weapon to him for safe keeping, since this castle is said to be one of the safest places in all the realms. I wish I could have asked him about all that, but it's too late for that now.

  My heart constricts in my chest as a tear falls, but it's too late now. I am at a crossroads.

  It is all his fault.

  He did this to me.

  He destroyed my life.

  He brought me here.

  He gave me these options.

  He is the one who cornered me.

  He gave me no choice.

  More tears slide down my cheeks, as I raise the dagger as high as I can and bring it down with all my might.

  The Ragna

  Thalia

  His hands fly suddenly, circling mine before the dagger breaks skin. His eyes fly open, and the brilliant green stares back at me.

  I am dead.

  Fear, terror, utter shock washes over and over me in intense waves, my mouth hangs open. I try to let go of the dagger, but his hands tighten around mine.

  "I-I," I stammer over the nothing I have to say.

  "You want me dead," he says with a simple, calm voice. It throws me off and my lips tremble. I want to spit a lie. But what can I say?

  'I was trying to see if you are really as invincible as they say?'

  He sees the dagger; he knows I waited for him to sleep.

  "N-no, I'm n-not. I was jus—"

  "You should do it. I deserve it."

  Sincerity shines through his words and I can't detect a lie. I try to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. Is this a test?

  Fear once again overcomes me, and I start pulling my hands from him. But he holds me in an almost crushing grip.

  "You don't get to run away from this, Thalia. You should do it." He pauses. "I am not saying it because I will turn in the end and stop you. If you want to kill me, then do it. I am giving you permission."

  I take his words in, shaking my head, tears blurring my vision.

  "No." I say with a shaky voice.

  "Thalia, do it. Don't be a coward. Do it." He brings the dagger closer to his chest. The dagger breaks his skin, and I start fighting.

  "No!"

  He halts the descent. The knife is an inch through his skin and he starts bleeding. "Thalia, you will never be free of me. I will never let you go."

  I hear the promise of those words too. "But—"

  "You will remain here as my queen for the rest of your days, a prisoner in my castle. Bound to me, to our connection. To the obligation. To the monster who took everything from you. The beast who killed the love of your life." He pauses as if to swallow the bitterness of the last sentence.

  My eyes blur further as I think about the truth behind his words. If I killed him, I'd be free. Maybe I would be executed after him because his father would never let it stand, but I'd die free. I'd die having avenged the blood of my family, of my community. Of Samson.

  "I will leave a message to my father to pardon you of everything." He looks at me with softness. "If you don't do it now, it will be almost impossible when we perform the union rites."

  I blink so my eyes focus back to his.

  "Union rites?"

  "Yes, in four months. We will be what you call married in your realm."

  "But—"

  "You have no other chance, Thalia. I destroyed your life. I killed the man you loved. I took everything from you. I deceived you for a year and took even more. You are the only one whose hand I want to die by, so if you won't be mine, just take it. Take your revenge, baby bird."

  "I didn't want thi—" I try to fight him.

  "Thalia, you are talking to me here. I know you." His voice gentle.

  I don't want everything he's saying to be true, but it is.

  "You did this to me!" I yell. "Why couldn't you just leave me alone?" Tears fall, landing on our hands locked in a battle for my soul.

  "I will never let you go, Thalia. But I'm going to hurt you one more time. Hopefully it's the last time." He pulls the dagger deeper into his chest and I feel the knife going through his flesh.

  I feel a sharp pain in my own chest, and right then our life flashes before my eyes.

  But what of my revenge? Will I be placated if he is gone? Will I find peace? Will his death really equal all the blood that's been lost?

  Will his death pay the debt that is owed? Is his blood worth the same as everyone else's to me?

  Do I really want him to die?

  "No!" I cry.

  The answer inside of me is an unquestionable no.

  I know then, with absolute certainty that I will never survive his death. Everything inside of me knows he means so much more.

  But he doesn't stop.

  "Vidar, don't do this. Stop please."

  He doesn't.

  "I beg you, stop please." I cry for him, for myself. For his life, and my future.

  "Smile, my love. You will be free soon enough."

  The dagger cuts through bone.

  I only know I can't let him continue. I start pulling the knife up and more blood trickles out as the dagger moves, making the cut bigger. A line of blood oozes out of his mouth.

  He's really going to die.

  My mind goes insane, the pain blinding. I'll die without him.

  I need him.

  I can't lose him.

  "Vidar. Stop. Don't do this,” I beg. “I don't want to be free. Don't leave me!!!"

  His breath is labored. He is losing some of his strength, but still holds the dagger steadfast.

  "Vidar, please."

  "Why?" he wheezes.

  "Because you are my soulmate. I don't want to live without you. I love you. Don't leave me. I beg you."

  His hands stop.

  My head is ringing. My chest feels like someone has stabbed me with burning iron. Seeing him hurt is making me experience the kind of pain I've never thought I'd experience. My very soul hurts.

  I am in pain.

  "Please don't leave me." I shake, trying to remove his hands from the dagger.

  "Y-you can't forgive m-me, baby bird. It hurts my soul h-having you hate me."

  "You are my soulmate, Vidar. I can never hate you." I let out the words that I have been keeping inside. I don’t hate him. How could I? I hated myself for what I felt for him. I thought this connection was a curse. That he was my curse.

  "I am a terrible creature, Thalia. A monster. I have d-done many atrocious t-things and that is the reality of who you are bound to."

  Silence falls between us for only a second before I say, "You are my monster," I breathe out, meaning every letter, every vowel, every syllable.

  My words settle between us for a few moments.

  He lets go of the dagger and drops his head on the pillow, his breath shallow. Panic sets in me and I try to pull the dagger.

  "No, don't p-pull." He trembles in pain, and I draw short breaths as the pressure increases in my chest. His chest rises and falls in strain.

  "What must I do?" Tears won’t stop falling and my heart rate jumps even higher as fright grips me.

  What if he really dies?

  I brush the thought aside. He can't die. He has to live.

  I can't live without him.

  I'd die without him.

  "Bhalar-" he chokes out.

  "Should I get him?" I struggle through the words. "Vidar, tell me please. What can I do?"

  His eyes become unfocused.

  "Lord—" Bhalar is next to us immediately. "What—"

  My hands are still on the dagger, and it looks bad.

  Bhalar moves to push me off him and Vidar grabs him and shakes his head.

  "G-get Fima, and the a-antidote."

  Bhalar hesitates, giving me the evil eye for a second, not wanting to leave his lord.

  "Now!" I shout at him.

  He jumps, more from shock than what I just said.

  "Run and get him help. Run!"

  Bhalar disappears through the mirror he came from.

  "Hang in there, okay? Just hold on for me."

  Vidar’s lips turn with a smile I can tell is hard for him. "I-if I knew y-you w-would react l-like this to my death. I-I would have given you this dagger s-sooner."

  "Don't talk, save your strength."

  I look to the mirror. Where is Bhalar with Fima?

  When I look back, Vidar is staring at me through his haze. Holding this dagger is preventing the blood from splashing.

  "Lord Vid—" Fima spills out from the portal and pauses next to us.

  I don't have to look at her to know she is giving me the evil eye.

  "Queen Thalia," I hear Bhalar say through gritted teeth. I look at Fima who has already started moving her hands.

  "Please move, queen," she says, nearing the dagger with glowing hands, ready to take over.

  I look at Vidar and he gives me a small smile. I let it go slowly, moving to the foot of the bed as Fima takes over.

  Vidar grabs my hands and squeezes me lightly before it falls. His breathing gets more labored and Bhalar gets on the bed with a basin.

  "Think only good thoughts, lord." Fima says before she pulls the knife out and Vidar tightens his jaw, his eyes intent on me, but he makes no noise.

  I grunt as I feel the pressure release in my chest.

  They place the dagger on the bedside table, and carry on. Fima dips her hands in the basin brought by Bhalar before placing her hands on Vidar's chest.

  Something tightens in my own chest, as Vidar's chest glows. I clutch my chest, blinding pains sweeps through me and I stagger forward, grabbing the bed.

  "Queen Thalia, you should take a seat. The treatment is going to get intense for both of you." Bhalar's voice cuts through the fog and I stumble to the chair, trying to breathe.

  Vidar's eyes are on me when I look at him, concern written all over his face.

  He's concerned for me when he is the one injured.

  It takes almost an hour, and Fima is dripping with sweat by the time they get all the poison out. Fima closes the wound with magic binds and gives him lots of concoctions to drink before Vidar dismisses them both. They look at me with suspicion before they scurry out of the room with the almost murder weapon.

  Slow Poison

  Thalia

  We stay there staring at each other. I can't move. I want to say so much, but I don't have a voice at the moment.

  I tremble and my lips vibrate as I stare at him. He doesn't move to do anything, and I fold myself on the chair.

  Why isn't he saying something?

  I hang my head as I sob, placing my face in my hands. How can he look so unaffected after what I've done? How can he still look at me like I am the only thing that exists in all the realms? Like I am his salvation. I shiver as I think about the reality of what I have done.

  But why isn't he shouting?

  Curse my name. Something. Anything, but silence and understanding.

  What have I become?

  What was I thinking? I tried to kill my own soulmate.

  What kind of monster am I? To try and take a creature's life. I thought I could live with it. But I see now I wouldn't have been able to, I can't even swallow this attempt.