Why me?

  Strong hands collect me, and I don't have enough fight anymore. There's nothing I can do anyway. If he can disguise himself for a year, pretend to be someone else, and make me fall in love with him, what else will he do to keep me? He carries me sobbing with my face in my hands never slowing his pace.

  Eventually the sound of moving water invades my ears and I open my eyes to see where we are. There is a thick fog before us, and the nose of a ship pierces through.

  The captain lowers the gangway and Vidar moves us silently forward.

  "I can walk," I say when we near the gangway, but he doesn't respond.

  "Lord Vidar, you are back. Is that our queen?"

  "Yes," is all he says, and he walks further into the ship and sits us down. The others tend to various items.

  I'm not sure what he brought with. We didn’t have any items that were special. But he is a god, maybe he has treasures everywhere.

  My paintings.

  Maybe I should have asked to bring them. Though he would have probably left them just to spite me. Maybe one day I’ll be able to go back to the compound and get them. That's if the mistress doesn't burn anything with my name first.

  The thick fog swallows us as the ship sets sail. I can barely see my own hand, and instinctually lean into him for protection. I regret it as soon as I do it.

  "You are safe, baby bird," he whispers in my ear, tightening his hold on me.

  I remain rigid, and don't respond or move. Closing my eyes to try to calm myself, I hum a lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I was young. It always helps when I get anxious.

  After a few minutes, the fog starts to clear and the other creatures get up from their seats.

  Sliding out of his arms, he lets me get on my feet. When my eyes register where we are, I gawk at the castle the size of a mountain in front of me. I move forward without being told and descend the gangway, Vidar following closely behind me. We enter the large gate with two statues of the gods on either side like they are watching and judging everyone who steps in. The walkway is lined with beautiful flower gardens on each side.

  His hand reaches the small of my back as he leads me forward to people lined on each side of us like they are here to welcome a king home.

  I swallow as all eyes land on us, me mostly. It’s different creatures, but all are two-legged. Most of them look human, but this realm doesn't keep a lot of humans. They host friendly faces, seeming pleased to see me.

  My gaze shifts to the monster next to me, his expression is neutral.

  He looks down at me, as if feeling my gaze on him, and I look away quickly. He rubs my lower back. A comforting gesture, and I stifle any reaction to it. I will not give him any more from me. Not an inch more.

  "Lord Vidar, Queen Thalia." They say in unison and bow their heads.

  Queen Thalia? Don't these people get married first? Or maybe marriage rites are too lowly for the superior celestials of Asgard? I am nothing to this god.

  I bite my tongue, returning a tight smile, as to not be completely rude. I just want to be gone from here, led to whatever prison cell he will lock me in. Hopefully, he will keep me in a room far from his, where I will be given an opportunity to paint.

  I hope he doesn’t take that from me too.

  What Have I Done?

  Thalia

  The castle is cold. Like its owner. It's all black stone, decorated with art from all the realms and portraits of the various gods and goddesses I've never seen before. Dotting the hallways are sculptures of strange celestial beings and ancient creatures.

  He leads me up the wing with the most impressive art. The ceiling alone looks like it took a thousand sculptors, and it’s accented with even more beautifully designed chandeliers.

  At the top of the wing, he opens the impressive doors and ushers me in. It's larger than the house I grew up in. Beautiful but simple. It has a bed with four posters, covered in dark red covers. Minimally decorated, yet still breathtaking.

  I turn when I realize he hasn't moved from behind me, finding his eyes intent on me. Slowly, I turn my back to him again and remain where I am.

  "You will sleep here. And for now, you will remain in this bedroom, you understand?" The warning is clear in his eyes. I mustn't attempt any escape.

  "Is this your room?"

  "It's now yours too," he says simply before he moves around me, entering a room with a large washing basin I have only seen in Samson's father's house, but even then, it wasn't this large. I could fit eight of me there.

  "Get comfortable. There will be a servant at your call if you need anything. I am going down to my cabinet. I need to talk to my right hand."

  I don't respond, choosing to give him my back instead. As hard as it is I cannot forget who this creature is. He is my nightmare realized. The one responsible for all my suffering. He is not my friend.

  After the minute stretches between us, I finally hear him leave. I expel the breath and tighten my arms around myself as I stare at nothing, trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened.

  He was Eros. And he made me fall in love with him.

  He ripped everything away from me, then found me and took some more. And I know now he will never stop. He will never stop until I am just a shell. Hollow and void of everything I once was.

  He destroyed me once.

  But I won’t let him win.

  My feet carry me to the glass door. I open it and the cold air hits me, my body shivers. It’s colder up here. Stepping onto the balcony, I look at the castle.

  There are a few towers, each with its own design but still in-sync. Beyond the fog are mountains that stretch before my eyes and the furthest one seems to be covered in snow. But that’s it. No creatures, no towns. No movement. Just the deafening stillness of this realm.

  I have never had this much time to think in my life.

  A lone tear slides down my face and I don't even bother to brush it away.

  What have I done?

  That monster took the love of my life. He killed my family, my friends. People who had hopes and futures. And for nothing. I am right where he wanted me. All their deaths for nothing. The stain of their blood stains my conscious. It's blood on my hands and I can never pretend otherwise. And for what? So I can warm the bed of my father's killer?

  My knees buckle at the thought of my family.

  What have I done?

  I cry for them.

  I cry for myself.

  I cry for all of us. Pawns in the hands of the gods.

  What have I done?

  I fell in love with a monster worse than Loki. At least Loki kills the virgins after he takes what he wants. That would have been a mercy.

  If I'd had known he’d find me, I would have never run. I wouldn't have allowed to be cloaked.

  After Vidar didn't find me, the stories of his cruelty in the realms and obliterating more villages spread, and that was my fault too. He was angry I ran, so more lives paid the price.

  Goddess, what have I done?

  Guilt ravages through me. How can I repay all that has been lost? How can I go on living, eating, when so many died because of me? He might not care for the lives he's taken but I do.

  The weight of my decisions crush me, choking the life out of me.

  With shaky hands, I eventually grab hold of the balcony’s ledge and rise to my feet. I walk back in the room and his scent is everywhere, taunting me. Urging me to touch everything, anything. But I clench my fists. I will not give in

  Blood drops to the floor and I realize my nails have broken my skin. Yet I’m numb to the pain. There is nothing left to feel. I fell for a monster. I was so lost I didn’t question a stranger who was kind to me for no reason. But I should have known. Nothing good ever just happens to me. I was born to suffer.

  But I can end this.

  I can end my suffering. Maybe I will be reborn as an ant in my next life, and I can die early without having seen the harsh realities of creatures like me. I hope Samson will forgive me for giving my heart to his murderer. I hope my father will accept me. Though I do not deserve it. I hope my siblings, at least are reborn into better lives.

  I turn, resolute then walk to the balcony’s edge and look down at the spiky rocks below. I won't survive the fall.

  Taking a steadying breath, I bow to the Goddess one last time. I hope she forgives my cowardice, but it’s all too much for me. I cannot live with what I have done. How could I go on knowing my heart coddles my father's murderer?

  Gathering my strength, I climb on to the ledge. I draw one last breath, as a lone tear slides down my face. I wish there was another way. I open my arms and let go.

  Because the fates are cruel, I don't make it anywhere.

  Strong hands catch me mid-air and I am dangling in the air. A red-eyed, furious Vidar meets me when I open my eyes.

  "You would choose death over being mine?" The accusation and pain in his tone is intense.

  I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out, tears falling harder instead.

  "Just let me fall. I can't handle it. Please let me go."

  He pulls me up, his eyes turning black. He looks like a beast waiting to tear into me. When he pulls me back in the room, he throws me on the floor and I tumble like a bag of potatoes then he begins pacing.

  A terrifyingly intense growl comes from him and I can’t help but look in his direction. He is shaking his head like he is fighting with himself, still growling like a beast. I crawl away from him as fear kicks in. I shouldn't be anywhere near him right now.

  "You would rather kill yourself like a coward then be my bride! Huh, human?" He growls so loudly the room shakes.

  "You want to be treated like a prisoner? Huh?" He advances on me, and I fold in on myself hoping to make a smaller target.

  "Answer me!!" It’s as if thunder is speaking. His shoulders shake with his quicker breaths, and he looks like every horror story I've ever heard about him.

  I shake my head, not knowing what else to say or do.

  He picks me up and holds me uncomfortably on his side like a sack of potatoes as he exits his chambers.

  I didn't even hear him open the doors. How did he know? Was he watching me somehow? If he can disguise himself for a year, he can do anything. So I stifle vocalizing my discomfort as he descends the stairs. He is vibrating with rage, and I only hope he aims to kill me wherever he is taking me.

  He takes us down further. The halls are darker here. Only lit by a few dim lamps. Taking one of the lamps, he walks down a long hallway to a single door. He opens it, walks in and drops me on the ground. I land with a thud, looking up to see him huffing furiously, his eyes still blazing red, but the green is coming back.

  "Since you want to act like a prisoner, you will be treated like one." He places the lamp on the wall before he steps to the door. He stares me down one more time then turns and closes the door, leaving me alone.

  All the warmth leaves with him, and I immediately shiver at the hollow feeling inside me. I stay for a long time on the floor listening for footsteps out in the hallway, but I hear none.

  He isn’t coming back.

  I get up and look around. The room is dimly lit with the lamp he left and doesn't have much natural light coming in it. Hopefully he brings me another lamp before I am in complete darkness. Looking up I see a window, but the ceiling is so high I could never reach it, and even if I did, I am not lean enough to squeeze out of here.

  So, this is definitely a punishment.

  The bed has thick blue covers, and past it is a door. I pull it open and find an indoor toilet. I've only ever heard rumors of these. I've only ever heard of them in houses of the wealthy. But I guess if you are a god you can afford to have them or just get one of the servants to make one for you from magic. It has a washing basin, much smaller than Vidar's, but still more than big enough for one of me.

  I go back to the room and check to see what's in the chest of drawer. Tunics and dresses, most bigger than me.

  As I sit on the bed, with nothing but my thoughts, I wonder what is to become my life.

  How long does he plan on keeping me here?

  I Will Never Yield

  Vidar

  My fists shake with rage, but there is little left to destroy in the dining hall. My mind races with what would have happened if I hadn’t listened to the nagging feeling that said something was wrong.

  When I opened the door and saw her climbing the ledge. My soul ached in a way I never thought was possible. She wanted to take herself away from me. She wanted to free herself of me!

  Selfish.

  She couldn’t even give me a chance to show her I mean her no more pain. Hasn’t she learned I will never harm her again?

  I know she sees me as no more than a monster who has taken everything away from her, but to take the cowards way like a common creature. Like she isn’t a queen. My queen.

  It was so easy for her to fall for Eros, a man she didn’t even know over me, her soulmate.

  She refuses me, but she went willingly to Eros and to the dead boy.

  I pick up the large vase I got as a gift from the sand giants and marry it to the wall. The porcelain item shatters, and the noise echoes throughout the halls.

  The room shakes as another growl escapes me. My soul is wounded.

  One year with her. A whole year and she still only sees the monster.

  I head out into the hallway and all the servants scurry out like little rats. If I don’t leave, I may go back and if I get my hands on her again, it won’t be good.

  I don’t need to be here where she is and she hates me.

  Sigurd comes from the direction of the war-room where we were working before I abruptly left.

  “Is everything alright, lord?”

  I don’t answer but give him a look to show him his question is stupid.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” He continues like he doesn't see that I'm uninterested in talking.

  “I-is she still alive?” he asks carefully.

  My hands fly and I grab him by the throat and before I pin him to the wall. He chops my tender underarm and I stagger back. I lunge for him, but he is ready this time. My fist sinks into the stone wall as he ducks, leaving a gaping hole when I pull it out.

  I move for him again, but he is standing far, his hands up in surrender.

  How could he dare suggest I would kill my own soulmate?

  “Lord Vidar, I didn’t mean offense. The queen looked distraught when she came in. Is she alright?”

  “She hates me.” The reality of the words squeezes my heart so tightly it almost steals my air. I lean on the wall, defeated.

  My own soulmate hates me. Hates me enough she would choose death just to be free of me.

  Minutes stretch between us before he says, “Give her time, lord. I’m sure for a human like her it’s a big adjustment. After everything that’s happened to her.” He pauses and I don’t miss the ‘by your hand’ look. “She needs time. Time to process. You also need time. Maybe some time apart will do both of you some good.”

  I give it consideration. Maybe Sigurd speaks truth. Maybe we both need time.

  She needs to come to terms with me. But how much time will she need? And can I stay away from her long enough for her to?

  Changing course, I head back to the war-room to continue with the update. Perhaps I can put my focus on the years’ worth of work I have neglected.

  Thalia

  The day after he left, someone portaled food and a book to me. They just dropped it in a basket. The following basket came six more days later with another book. Those first days were tolerable, but by the tenth day the loneliness had begun getting to me.

  The silence was too loud. I banged the door, but no one came. I would wake up and wait for sunrise, which was only good for letting me know whether it was day or night. My skin hadn’t inhaled fresh air or been touched by the sun.

  I kept thinking he would come, even if it was to torture me. Anything was better than sitting with my thoughts.

  I cried. I wailed. I slept.

  And I repeated it all the next day.

  The first month I cried every day. I woke up to nightmares. When my heart started to hurt for him, I slowly lost interest in eating.

  His absence began affecting me more than my guilt after the second month. Being alone gave me time to analyze my feelings. I felt incomplete the longer we were apart.

  I may hate him, but a part of my soul is very much connected to him, and I can never sever that connection. I have heard it lasts even beyond death.

  That was the kind of fate the fates thought was perfect for me. To be connected forever to the one I hate the most.

  And the hate grew into more hate as I sat there remembering everything. Every lie he told me. Every life he took. Every time he made me love him more.

  Some days I’d scream until my voice was raw.

  But even then, he didn’t come.

  It’s now been ten weeks and I feel hopeless.

  No one is ever coming for me.

  Loneliness has eaten away at me so much I began being desperate. Even if it was to see any other creature, fresh air or some sun. I am languishing here. I have never spent so much time doing absolutely nothing. I have read all the books at least three times. They are good books, but it’s not enough to keep me from getting bored.

  My mind is swimming with images I desperately want to purge out of me. But I have nothing to paint with, nothing to paint on. No outlet.

  But the lamp continues to shine like it has the past seventy-four days. It must be enchanted because it won’t go out at all. It just keeps shining day and night.

  The small portal opens next to the door and a basket drops with a thud rousing me from my misery.

  I get off the bed to see what I will be reading for the next week. I find two books this time, a novel and a collection of short stories and poems.

  I take the books, leaving the food and close the basket. Back under the covers, I start with the short stories. Soon I fall asleep with the book in my hands and descend to dream land.