I stop in my tracks. The sheer power and the foreboding collective presence hits me all at once when their gazes land on me. I can't help the flinch and drop my gaze, moving closer to Vidar, seeking refuge.

  "It's okay, my love. Just focus and calm yourself. You are a future queen. They aren't your betters."

  I snap my eyes at him. He’s speaking madness. Of course, they are my seniors. They are gods. And I am just a human. Nothing more than a servant in the fae realm.

  But I concentrate on him, and I find my solace and my heart rate evens. After a few moments, I breathe and square my shoulders, turning to face them again. The wave hits me again, but I hold on this time and I put one foot in front of the other, forcing a smile on my face. Vidar steadies me as always, his hand on my lower back.

  "The queen of Vidar's castle," Thor says with a blinding grin. "We were starting to think he...ahem, did something to you."

  I give him a questioning look, seeing Vidar glaring daggers at his brother.

  "We thought he killed you already," Baldur speaks with a big grin on his face and a small chuckle.

  The goddess with hair as white as snow steps forward first and collects me in an embrace that is much warmer than I expected. She pulls back and holds me by my shoulders, assessing. "You have a strong spirit. The Goddess chose well."

  She smiles kindly at me, and I try to understand her words, but I fail. She drops her hands and steps aside.

  Hodur steps forth and I give my hand to him, and he kisses the back of it. "They didn't do you justice, Queen Thalia," he says, and I pull my hand when I hear the low growl coming from behind me. Hodur just chuckles and steps aside.

  Baldur kisses my hand next. "Finally we meet the creature who almost rendered my brother mad." He grins.

  I try to hide my smile. "He almost went mad?"

  "Oh, yes. We had to stage a whole tour just to keep an eye on him. He would have laid waste to all the realms looking for you if we let him go alone."

  My face falls.

  "Baldur." Vidar's voice comes in a stern warning behind me. I swallow knowing there is some truth to what Baldur says. Vidar would tear through all the realms for me. He would lay waste to everything. For me. Because of me. But that doesn't terrify me as it did before. I clear my throat and give Baldur a small smile.

  "Don't hog the new queen, Baldur." Thor's voice comes from behind him. Baldur rolls his eyes but moves.

  "Queen Thalia, it is an honor and a pleasure to finally meet you. I have heard only great things about you," Thor says with a smirk. I look at Vidar next to me and he gives his brother the evil eye.

  We take our seats and enjoy the food.

  "I must say, Queen Thalia, I wasn't convinced about you at first," Hodur says, almost chuckling.

  "Hodur," Vila warns from next to Thor, but her brother shrugs and stuffs a forkful of meat in his mouth.

  "Vila, you told him?" Vidar asks.

  "You know he's always lurking in the shadows. He figured it out after the visit to the dragon realm." Vila has an exasperated look on her face.

  I look around and it seems I'm the only one out of this loop. I look down, refusing to ask any questions.

  "We know you tried to stab him." Baldur offers after a few beats of silence and my head shoots up.

  Shame and embarrassment fill my face.

  I want the ground to swallow me. How do I run away from this situation? So, his siblings know. Does Odin know? Am I a dead girl walking?

  A hand runs on my back, Vidar tries to soothe me, but it doesn't register as panic sets in.

  "Relax, queen, you are somewhat of a legend now. You did what we all have wished we could for ages.” Thor winks at me. “You went where no god or creature has gone before. Forget the gods, you are whom statues should be made of, and shrines erected for," he says with the utmost amusement.

  "It was nice work with The Ragna." Hodur winks.

  "Yeah, just aim for his heart next time," Baldur says before he takes a sip of fermented grape drink and winks at me too.

  I can't help the smile that graces my lips. They are not judging me.

  "To Queen Thalia." Vila raises her wine cup, and they all do.

  I feel strange raising a cup to myself. It feels like I shouldn't be that conceited.

  Vidar gives me a wink with his raised cup, and they all wait for me. And I raise it with a sigh.

  "To Queen Thalia," they say in unison.

  The rest of the meal goes smoothly. I had imagined they would be uptight and... godly, but they are open and funny. And loud. I can't help that their interactions remind me of my own siblings.

  How old they'd be now. They would be eighteen. Tabitha would probably be engaged for marriage. She would have made a terrible wife always wanting to be outside, searching the wild and running free. Being a wife required the indoors and she would have hated it.

  "You look breath taking," Vidar whispers in my ear, pulling me from my thoughts. He winks after. He is playful and I can't help but eye him with curiosity, a small smile playing on my own lips.

  I bring my cup to my mouth and set my gaze back to the table, finding four pairs of eyes looking between me and Vidar with what I can only describe as gawking.

  "You are a miracle worker, Thalia," Thor says in awe.

  I knit my eyebrows together. I look at Vidar next to me and he's glaring at his siblings. When I give him a questioning look, he shrugs before taking a swig at his drink.

  "They are just being imbeciles. Don't mind them."

  Now it's my turn to gawk. He just called his siblings, gods and one of them the future ruling god of the seven realms, imbeciles. This god truly fears no one. I look down at my trencher, hoping to find something interesting there.

  "He doesn't respect us, future queen. Maybe you need to reacquaint his chest with The Ragna once more. On our behalf this time. We would build ten statues in your name," Hodur says.

  They all laugh. Even Vidar chuckles.

  "They really would," Vidar says to me with a rare grin on his face, not one he normally shows when other people are around.

  Thinking back at it, he used to grin and laugh quite often when he was Eros.

  But as Vidar, he isn't all that warm to others.

  Is he under pressure to present himself a certain way as the god of war? Does he feel trapped? Obligated? Is he free? Is he trapped in the very life and persona he's created for himself? Is he his true self when he is wearing this skin? Or maybe his open and light-hearted personality was all just an act. I mean, I didn't even know the real Eros. But still, all of that couldn't have been a lie. Was it?

  A hand on my thigh steadies and calms me, bringing me out of my spiral once more. Luckily, the others are engrossed in another discussion. Vidar gives me a soft questioning look and I give him a tight smile trying to reassure him I am well.

  But I can't help looking at him, really stare at him. I haven't taken the time to try and look at the man behind the beast, and the beast behind the man.

  Who he is behind all that he is?

  The person I have spent these past few months with is nothing like I thought he was. I just thought he was pretending to fool me once more. But what if that was the real Vidar? What if the real him is the softer side, the considerate side? The honest side, the light-hearted and humorous side. The devoted side.

  The side that is capable of love.

  "This has been great.” Hodur places down his glass giving me a second to re-focus. “Thank you for seeing us, Queen Thalia."

  “Thank you for honoring me with your presence, your graces. I have not enough thanks.” I bow my head politely.

  Vidar rises from his chair and goes behind me to pull mine. I take his hand and stand.

  We accompany the gods outside the castle, and beyond the fog so they can portal home.

  "It has been a pleasure, queen." Hodur half bows his head in respect, and I bow back.

  "I can't wait to see you at your union rites. Keep him in line." Vila pulls me in an embrace, and she winks at me when she pulls away.

  "On my own name, I will try." I grin, placing my hand on my chest.

  "Then we shall see you at your ceremony," Thor says.

  Their sorcerer opens the portal, and they walk into it. The grand halls of Odin, God of all the seven realms, lay before us in their opulence and grandeur before it closes, leaving me and Vidar alone.

  It’s dark but the moon is out in all its splendor and his green eyes almost look like they are glowing. He takes both my hands in his and looks down at me with that softness I have come to get used to from him. Nothing like the man I thought he was before.

  "You have a question, my queen."

  I smile. Coming from him, that title feels like worship. Strange seeing that he is the god between us.

  "Just you. You confuse me is all." I tell him honestly, feeling more comfortable with him now than before.

  "What do you want to know?"

  "Was Eros even real? Were you acting all that time? Eros was funny and light-hearted, devoted and honest." I pause, the next question makes me uneasy. "Was it even real, Vidar?"

  He places my hands on top of his heart. It beats steady and strong under my palm.

  "The man and the beast, you want to know which is real?"

  I nod.

  "When I was with you in those mountains, I had never been freer, and more myself. I may have lied about my name and where I was from, but you might be the only person who has ever seen me." He pauses and with his right hand he brushes my cheek tenderly. I close my eyes briefly, relishing the sensations. "But I can't erase the monster, Thalia. That is me too."

  My eyes open. His heart continues to beat steadily. "I wish the Goddess could have given you someone kinder. Not a savage of war, baby bird. But I'm glad she didn't. You have breathed new life into me. Everything I am belongs to you now."

  His words wash over me, making a home in my soul. I don't fight them this time, but I receive them. I welcome them.

  We continue standing there until I get cold, and he takes my hand, and we move towards the waiting ship.

  To our castle.

  Our home.

  Now Or Never

  Vidar

  I pull the covers from the bed and slide in. After grabbing the book on my bedside table, I open it.

  I realized two weeks ago that I don't even like reading books for myself anymore. She always does it better. I love listening to her read to me.

  The whole day comes back to me. How she ran to me. I could have sworn my heart grew three sizes.

  Although I can't help the nagging at the back of my head that she has no choice in the matter. Because we have spent so much time together, the connection chipped away at her initial resolve to hate me and promise to never give herself to me. That what she feels for me is just imposed on her.

  I thought I could accept it at first, but the more time passes, I realize I want her to love me out of her own free will. I want her to choose to love me.

  The real me.

  Vidar.

  It is greedy of me, but I have always reached far higher than I was supposed to, and I have never been a settler. I want all of her. All her love.

  I don't want her to choose me out of obligation, I want her to choose me above all others because she loves me back. I want her to choose to be mine.

  I don't want her to choose a life of misery because she feels she needs to pay for my actions, atone for my sins. She may not say it, but she feels the need to sacrifice herself for being my mate. And though I made the wrongs, she has to pay.

  I am not ready for her retreating from me again, but it is now or never. I can't perform the union rites with her under missing information. She needs to know.

  And I need to do the thing I have been putting off for over a year. I need to take her to her old village and tell her, her family lives.

  Fear plagues me. If she meets with them and sees her siblings now married, and her father and his wife with more children, will she reject me?

  My heart tightens in my chest realizing my sins are higher than a mountain where she is concerned. I have hurt her more than I have hurt anyone else in my long life. The one person I was supposed to protect from all heartache and pain. And that makes me face myself from a new angle.

  I have been horrible to her.

  I knew it was wrong, but it never really sank in.

  The depth of the hurt I've caused her. The resulting pain of my actions.

  My sins stand in front of me, towering over my soul. Everything I've done, especially to her. My soulmate.

  If I was better, I would let her go to be free. Let her have a simple life without me, back in her home realm, near her family. She could wake up and walk to paint in the mountain every day. She could have a normal life, with human children and a human husband. She could live 100 years and then die a peaceful death in the presence of her loved ones.

  If I was better, I would sever our connection and set her free of the obligation of being hated together with me as my bride. She would be free of paying for my sins.

  But I am not better.

  I am greedy and I want all of her. I am not better, and I will never let her go. I am not better, and I will hold on to her all the days of my life. I will follow her all the days of my life. I may be rotten, but I will give her all my softness.

  I will live where she lives.

  I will die where she dies.

  I touch my chest where only her scar remains. A mark I wear with pride. The only creature who has ever left a permanent mark on my body and my soul. I was ready to hand her, her revenge because my life is hers, and if that was what she needed then I would give it to her.

  But when she told me she loved me, I knew she would follow me. Her confession brought me new life. Her truth, one she wasn’t prepared to admit to anyone, least of all me, or herself.

  We made breakthrough that day. And as much as I don't want to undo our progress, I don't want to keep anything from her anymore.

  I close my eyes, her words ringing over and over in my head. Words I wish she'd tell me again.

  'You are my soulmate, Vidar.'

  'I don't want to live without you.'

  'You are my monster.'

  'I love you.'

  I watch her as she cuts meat pieces for us even though I am fine now. I thought I'd give her a break by not summoning her to my lap. But she sat on her own accord this morning and my heart had swelled with joy. No one has ever made my heart soar like my queen does.

  But even with all that, my head has been away all morning. Last night, I dreamt I took her back to her home and she rejected me. She chose the grave of her deceased almost husband over me.

  I know it was a dream, but I don't know for certain what will come out of her meeting her family.

  What if they tell her to leave me and she can't get over the guilt and all my lies and she rejects me? I can't force her if she rejects me. I would just be left as a husk for the rest of my days.

  My mind snaps to the present when she brings a piece of meat to my mouth. I straighten my face, hoping she hasn't noticed my wandering mind.

  She smiles at me, her beautiful smile that stops my whole world.

  Goddess, she is beautiful.

  I can't help myself, nearing her, I place my lips on her forehead. She doesn't retreat from me, but leans in. When I pull away, we stare at each other for a moment before she picks a bowl of soup. She brings it with slightly trembling hands to my mouth and I drink.

  After breakfast, I take her hand and lead her out of the castle.

  "Where are we going?" she asks when she sees I am taking her on the side of the castle she hasn’t been.

  I squeeze her hand tighter as we walk to the other side of the mountain. We enter an old cave that will take us to an underground river. We take the small boat and I take her to my secret place.

  On the other side of the tunnel, we paddle until we reach the fog, and I speak the spell and the fog clears, revealing a landing.

  Her mouth parts when she sees the garden. I hold out my hand for her, and she takes it. Once she is out, I secure the boat. I find her already taking a few tentative steps, like she is not sure she should even walk. I touch her back and she looks up to me with those pure brown eyes and I want to get on my knees and sing her praises.

  Her gaze wonders my face landing on my lips, desire flashes in her eyes before she looks away. I smile to myself.

  "This is my secret place. I come here to think and to be alone." I fill the silence between us. I've never been one to feel obligated to fill the silence, but I want to talk to her about everything. I want to share with her my wishes, my dreams. I want to tell her everything that swims in the depths of my soul.

  "The cherry tree I got from Aunt Hela. She gave me her special cherry seeds as a gift when I put my roots here. It takes millennia to bear its first fruits."

  Her head snaps to me. "Aunt Hela? As in the goddess Hela?"

  I chuckle lightly. Hela is her favorite. I have no doubt my aunt has been listening in on her prayers more eagerly now that she is to be my queen. I like Aunt Hela. She is strong and never lets anyone walk all over her. Often, I wish Vila could be as strong as her.

  I move my hand on Thalia's back so we can move through the garden and tell her about all the special and rare plants, flowers, and fruit trees. I can tell she wishes she could get her hands on some of these plants for her paint. Perhaps someday.

  Hours later, we finish exploring. She has many questions and I tell her all the stories about the different plants. We laugh, talking as freely as we used to back in the fae realm.

  We finally sit on my bench under the open giant lilac flower providing cover. A rare breed. The scent isn't too sweet like normal lilacs and emits a warm aura that is very relaxing.

  She sighs in utter relaxation next to me. We sit there in a long silence, looking to the mountains stretched before us.

  "Tomorrow, we are going somewhere. I have something to show you," I say, breaking our silent moment. My heart hammers in my chest when I think of all her questions and the answers I can't give her right now.