“Red Rose, that was something else.” Red’s eyes come to me and I know she knows what I mean, and I know that’s why she feels guilty, but then I see the determination in her eyes that she had earlier tonight.

  “Well Whiskey Rider, why don’t we go and get that shower I want to share with you, and then we can make it even more spectacular.”

  I laugh. “That’s what I like about you Red, always setting higher goals. I think I’m up for the challenge, but this comforter is going to need to come off this bed before we’re back in it.” That makes Red laugh. Red rolls out of my arms and gets up and walks into the bathroom. I thought she would be embarrassed by the mess or walking around naked, but nothing fazes her. I know as soon as she is asleep tonight, I’ll be out of here. Red is too easy to get along with and her body is like a siren calling to me. I need out of here soon. I’m a man that listens to my gut and my gut is screaming at me right now. We’ll enjoy each other a few more times and then it’s time to go.

  “The water is ready and so am I. I started without you,” I hear Red yell. What man could pass up that invitation? I get out of the bed and yank the comforter off and toss it in the corner and then turn the bed back. Always prepared.

  3

  Jenna…

  I am half awake, but still drowsy. I feel a chill and my eyes flutter open a crack. I fell asleep. I just wanted to rest my eyes last night and I shut them for just a second. A quick look tells me I’m alone in bed. It's light outside; I can see the light coming from between the curtains through the window across from the bed. I listen for sounds in the bathroom; there are none. I look at the clock and it’s a little before nine. The last thing I remember last night was the sex in the shower and then another romp on the bed. I sit up and look around the room and all of Whiskey’s things are gone. I get out of bed and I feel the soreness in my body. I go in the bathroom to take care of my business and then walk back out to the window and see that Whiskey’s motorcycle is gone. I breathe a little easier. The memories of last night flood my mind. Whiskey kept his promise to me and left me with memories of many orgasms and then walked away this morning. The man has skills when it comes to knowing how to satisfy a woman. Chase and I had an active sex life, but it was sweet, and Chase was a gentle lover. Whiskey had no gentleness in him. He commanded my body and I had no choice but to respond with an uninhibited fiery lust. There were no ‘I love yous’ or sweet promises whispered in my ear, only raw animalistic sex, and I loved it. I feel guilty even comparing Chase and Whiskey. Chase was mine and we loved each other, but Whiskey will never be my man and that’s the way I planned it. To keep that plan on schedule I just need to shower and get checked out of this hotel and out of this town.

  Neither Whiskey nor anyone else will ever know the great lengths I have gone to, to make my life have focus again. I hurry and put everything back in my suitcase except what I need to shower and the clothes to wear for the day. I look out the window one more time to make sure Whiskey isn’t waiting on me to exit the hotel. I'm not sure why I'm so paranoid. Whiskey left me sleeping in the bed as he slipped away without even a note. He did exactly as he said he would. Whiskey may think he’s not a decent man, but I know he’s a good man.

  I tear myself out of my thoughts and go back in the bathroom, start the water, and step in the shower. The warm water feels good on my body. I think over the way I have planned everything, making sure I haven’t left anything out. I checked into the hotel with a fake driver’s license and a prepaid credit card. I used the same credit card for our drinks last night and all traces of it will be gone before nightfall. The private investigator that I hired on retainer told me this was the easiest way to not be traced. Mr. Jinks, the private investigator, isn’t cheap, but he’s good at what he does. He put me in touch with the man that made my fake license. He doesn’t know my entire plan, but I trust him. I will need Mr. Jinks to compile a file on Whiskey in case I ever need to contact him. I finish taking my shower as thoughts run through my head. I need to get out of here. I don't even take the time to blow-dry my hair before I check out. I get in the rented car and drive straight to the airport to fly back home.

  The wait for my flight seems endless, but I’m finally seated on the plane and my nerves have subsided. I know my plan isn’t perfect and some would even call it cruel, but no one will be harmed. Whiskey has his life uninterrupted by my need for a child. I will have a file from Mr. Jinks in case there’s a medical issue with my child, if by chance I did get pregnant. I will love this child enough for two parents and I will start to live my life again, while holding onto my precious memories of Chase and our daughter mixed with my thoughts of my one night with Whiskey Rider.

  No one will ever know that I researched a sperm donor, and it seemed a cold process to me with too many possibilities that I wouldn’t even be a viable candidate. I read all the success stories and I’m happy for the parents that it helped, but I also read the stories that weren’t successful and how some families didn’t make it through the process intact. It’s a stressful process just like infertility. I went to a doctor and I have taken the steps to make sure I was my most fertile and this weekend was the target time. I pray it worked because I don’t think I could go through with this again. This process has taken a toll on me and I still have so much to do. I just keep thinking one step at a time. I take a deep breath and shut my eyes. I just need a short nap to regroup and this plane ride should do the trick.

  4

  One year later

  Jenna…

  Oh, how my life has changed in less than a year. Instead of being blessed with one child, I gave birth to twins, Ryder Jameson and Whiskey Rose Taylor. Both came screaming into this world and I have never heard a sweeter sound I cried, they cried, and I swore I saw tears in my nurse’s eyes. I was alone that night in the hospital and that was the last night I was ever lonely. The twins can be a handful, but when I started over here in Texas it meant building friendships with people I just met. None of my family or friends know where I am. I keep in touch by social media, text and phone calls. I would never have cut ties like that, but I know they won’t accept my children without a father in the picture. They only know I needed to start over where Chase and the memories of the child I lost would not be everywhere I turned. I sold our home, land and Chase’s interest in his business and with the money from Chase’s life insurance, it’s enough for me to never need to work again. I can't sit idle like that though; I would go crazy. I bought a small country home with a barn and some animals, nothing big, but that will change as soon as I’m finished nursing these two babies. I'm going to make this place a working ranch raising cattle. This is and will remain our home; the place I raise my children and make our future.

  I think of the man I called Whiskey sometimes. I still haven't taken another man to my bed. I think Whiskey ruined me for any other man. I had my sweet Chase memories and then my take-charge Whiskey dreams and that’s enough. Those memories and the children take up the rest of my life. My mind wanders to the what ifs from time to time, but I shut that door quickly. I can’t look behind and still go forward. I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything, and I wear that guilt every day. The guilt of not having Chase by my side because I was in too big of a hurry, the guilt of not being able to protect my unborn child and the guilt of not giving her a proper name because her dad and I had not chosen one. Then there is the guilt of not letting Whiskey know he’s the father of two amazing children and depriving my children of having a relationship with their father. May God forgive me because I can’t forgive myself, in any of it.

  I have thought about opening that file on Elijah James and tracking him down, but it all goes back to him keeping his word to me and walking away the next morning, and I won’t go back on my word to him of doing the same thing. One day, fate could step in but for now I am counting my blessings.

  5

  Present Day

  Grinder…

  I sit at my desk waiting for my daughter Lexi to get here while going over business with Eagle and Trapper. Eagle is our numbers man and keeps our books. We’re adding more sleeping quarters in the compound, and we are trying to make sure some of those expenses are going to help us with our deductions this year with the government. My grandpa would raise holy hell if he knew that the Deacons of Peril MC filed tax returns. The shit I had to do to dig this club out when I was made the president took more than five years to get settled. We are now in good standing; anything that could close our club down is gone. I’m not saying we are upstanding citizens but on paper we’re legal. Eagle makes sure of it. He has an eagle eye for numbers, and he knows his shit with a diploma to prove it.

  “Boss, we’re looking good with the addition. All the materials are coming in on time and any subcontractors we have had to use have their paperwork up to date. Seal pulling his crew in has helped a lot, and Chipper has scheduled his two crews for when we’re ready for the trim and windows. I’m just waiting to get a final invoice from the electrician and that’s about a month out, but he’s been close to his bids on each phase of the project.” I think all the brothers have been waiting for the other shoe to drop on this expansion. It has been way too smooth; even the weather has cooperated. I know Eagle will stay on top of it. Our club is growing with our children growing up and new recruits being plentiful.

  The Deacons of Peril MC isn’t the stain on our town’s reputation as it was at one time. People respect us out of necessity. We run this town and we keep it clean of drugs. This town has a sheriff and one deputy, and they are the corrupt kind, so people call the club when they need help. The law we enforce is the old law of the land. You abuse your family, we put a beatdown on you that you won’t forget. Do it again, then you go to ground. You want to steal from hardworking people, then we will burn you down and leave you with nothing. You get the drift, do unto others as you want done to you, because in the town of Peril, Texas that’s what you will get. This town can be a quiet neighborly town in the light of day but when the sun goes down, the scum comes out to play. We are far enough from the big-city lights to stay small town but close enough to commute to the city to work.

  This place wasn’t even a town when my grandpa and some buddies set down roots here. When I say they built this place from the ground up, that’s exactly what I mean. The Deacons of Peril MC was founded here before we even had a gas station and the snooty part of this town needs to remember that, before we decide to turn our backs to the shit that takes place here and let them fend for themselves. We have cleaned up the things my old man took this club into and turned everything back to the way it should have been all along. With the expansions we are making and the small businesses we are putting our money into, Peril will only grow stronger. Yeah, it’s time for some easy for a change.

  “I got a call from Sid this morning and he needs some muscle for a new transport route the end of this month, and he wants extra brothers on the one going to Frisco at the end of next month. He’s having problems with the local cops in Chandler and is trying to find a way around it but wants extra men until he has it all arranged.” Trapper sounds bored.

  Sid has been nothing but a pain in our ass since we started doing protection rides for him. All we are there for is to make sure his men don’t end up dead. We don’t ask questions about what they’re transporting but we make sure that we protect ourselves. Six of our brothers along with his men protect one van of cargo. We have our suspicions on what the cargo is, but we don’t ask. It never comes close to Peril, and if the cops show up, they’re on their own. Our runs go easy most of the time, but we aren’t the only people he has working for him and Sid is an asshole to everyone. He is his own worst enemy. What Sid doesn’t know is there are always extra men on his ride. No one in the club is going down for a stupid mistake that Sid makes, so I have backup always close by.

  “Have Chipper check out the routes, and Eagle,” I look at the man, “check out the problem with the local cops. I don’t want to step in a big pile of shit that Sid caused. We need to find more local investments that will cover what we make from Sid and shut down our business with him. He’s becoming a bigger headache than is healthy and I don’t want any of us to end up in a jail cell because of him.”

  “I agree.” Trapper never has liked Sid. I hear the light knock on my door. Lexi’s timing is perfect.

  “I think that’s everything for now. Trapper, ask Seal to come see me when he’s finished today.” I need to make sure that Seal isn’t having any problems with pulling off his other contracts to help us on the addition. We all have assets and businesses that have very little to do with the club. We learned that lesson fast when the government tried to seize some of the club’s assets in my early years as president.

  “Will do, and I will put feelers out to make sure Sid is being honest with us on his reasons for changing routes.” Trapper is always one step ahead. We have been best friends since we were in diapers and the only way I wanted to be president, is if he was my second in command. Trapper opens the door and smiles at my oldest daughter Lexi as he and Eagle walk out. I’m surprised to see Max with Lexi. He should be in the shop or helping Seal.

  Max, Liam, and Lexi are my children with Deidra. Max is the oldest and in two months he will be twenty. He is just like me in looks and actions. He started prospecting for the club when he was just sixteen years old to the dismay of his mom. I tried to advise him to wait until he was eighteen, but every time I turned around, he was here, so I decided to give him a shot at being a prospect. He has never let me down. I am damn proud that on his twentieth birthday he will get his patch.

  Liam just turned eighteen and he is, well him. He takes after Deidra in so many ways including wanting to be more than he is. Don’t get me wrong, I love all my children the same, but Liam and I have a strained relationship. I think he resents me for divorcing his mom and I can’t blame him for that. Deidra and I decided after Lexi was born that we would divorce and that has a lot to do with the fact that Candy came up pregnant a few months after Deidra found out she was pregnant with Lexi. Not a good situation and it was made worse by all the phone calls from the gossiping people in our small town. Candy let everyone that would listen know I was going to be a daddy to two babies and not one. Then later Trance was conceived. Since Deidra couldn’t save face, divorce it had to be. It was all my fault and I accept the blame. I knew Deidra’s rules and the one thing she would not put up with is people gossiping behind her back. We divorced on friendly terms but that touched Liam the most and he still holds that against me. Liam graduated high school the top of his class and he’s taking this year off to decide his next step. We only talk when I make it a point to make it happen, which is a few times a week. We have brunch every Sunday as a family, then I make sure we see each other at least one other time during the week and a text or phone call. I am a man to tell my children I love them so even if Liam is pissed at me, he hears it. If I can, I send a group text every night to tell them all I love them—I do. Some people find that weak, my old man would say it if he was still alive. I don’t give a flying fuck. My old man never said the words. I am my own man and family doesn’t make me weak, it makes me the man I am—strong and determined. Liam and I will find our way. I won’t accept anything else.

  Lexi is sixteen going on thirty. She has her own personality and has always been so independent. She is intelligent and too beautiful for her own good. She loves to read and always has some book in her hand. She’s sweet and for being a teenager never gives us any trouble. She doesn’t have a rebellious bone in her body. She is daddy’s little girl and better remain that way for years to come. I just wish I could have all five of my children together at one time for a real gathering or even a meal. The two mothers won’t let that happen. Where Deidra and I get along like the friends we are, Deidra and Candy hate each other, and both become screeching and screaming banshees when they are anywhere near each other. They don’t want their children to have any kind of relationships. Now Max, Lexi, and Trace ignore the two women and get along as brothers and sisters should; Liam and Dixie not so much.

  Dixie is fifteen years old and she goes from throwing temper tantrums because she can’t get her way, to sneaking out her bedroom window to date a dead man walking. I can’t even think about it right now, but I have eleven more months to think about the torture I will put him through. He is doing time in state prison for crimes committed while my daughter was with him. He is getting special treatment while he’s inside bought by his dad, the sheriff. The day he walks outside that gate, his days are numbered.

  Trace, my thirteen-year-old son, is another chip off the old block. He’s been playing football since he was in the peewee league and he wants a new dirt bike this summer. We are a big beautiful family and I hope soon we can all fit in the huge cabin I just built. I know it’s time for some of them to leave home, but they can still come to visit.

  I look at Lexi and she looks nervous and my eyes go to Max. “Aren’t you supposed to be either in the shop or helping Seal’s crew this afternoon?”

  “I asked if I could take a late lunch, so I could come with Lexi to discuss something with you.” That has me on alert. I look back to Lexi and she seems almost timid. My children have nothing to be timid about with me.

  “Is Candy giving you shit again about seeing Trace?” Max gives me that lop-sided grin that looks so much like the one I give people.

  “Candy won’t bother us anymore about Trace. The last time that happened, Trace threatened to move in with you and that shut her up fast. I’m trying to be respectful to Candy, but she’s a damn bitch.” That is true, but I can’t let Max and Candy have a yelling match in front of Trace.

  “Just try to stay clear of her and I’ll have words with her. Is that what this is about?” I look at the two of them. Then a thought pops in my head.