“Red, do you have something you need to tell me about that is eighteen years too late? What in the hell were you thinking?” I try to contain my anger, but I have a need to hurt her the way she has hurt me even if it is just with words. I would never physically hurt a woman but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell them what I think or tell them how selfish they are. I wait for Jenna to answer me, but she looks speechless. Then the door opens wider and I see my daughter for the first time.

  “Can I help you and you need to quit yelling at my mom?” Whiskey is a little spitfire coming to Jenna’s aid. Whiskey moves her mom behind her and Ryder steps up to Whiskey’s side.

  “I’m your dad and I’m here to meet the two of you and get answers of why I was kept out of your lives.” Ryder looks at Whiskey and Whiskey looks at Jenna.

  “Why don’t we bring this to my office?” Jenna seems shocked, but Whiskey looks at the men behind me.

  “I’ll bring some drinks in, is beer good with everyone?” I raise my eyebrow at Whiskey. Why the hell is my eighteen-year-old daughter offering men she doesn’t know beer? I hear Ryder laugh to himself, but he looks at me.

  “She could have offered you a shot, with my sister you never know. She’s the closest to a little hellion we have around here.” I see that Ryder is serious, but he’s just trying to lighten the mood.

  “Like you have any room to talk. Let’s let everyone in already.” Jenna steps back to the wall and both Ryder and Whiskey both step close to her but leaves the door wide open for us. I walk in and Tanker, the last one in, closes the door behind him.

  “Water would be fine to drink. It’s a bit early for beer.” I level my eyes on Whiskey and she gives me a little smirk. She doesn’t shrink away from my stare but winks at me. I hear Max laugh. Whiskey turns and leaves us. Ryder grabs his mom’s hand but stops and looks back to us.

  “Mom it’s going to be alright. I need to tell Rance that we’ll be a while so he can go ahead and start working with Charmaine.” Jenna looks at Ryder and smiles.

  “Go ahead, Son. I’ll be fine.” Ryder nods his head and turns to walk out of the room. “This way gentlemen. I have a big office so there should be plenty of room.” This isn’t the Red I remember, but then again, the Red I knew was just a fabrication made by her to entice me for one night. It worked, the joke is on me. I need to calm down, so I don’t lose my temper in front of my children the first day they meet me. We follow Jenna into her office and the woman is right, this room is huge. There’re two long sofas on two walls and four chairs in front of the desk. Jenna walks behind the monstrosity that is her desk and takes a seat. I sit in one of the chairs and I motion to Max to sit beside me. Seal stays by the door and Tanker sits on one of the sofas. Ryder comes in and starts to walk over by his mom, but she holds a hand up and Ryder stops. I then notice she is looking closely at Max.

  “Ryder this is your dad, Elijah James, but I think he prefers Eli, and I’m guessing that the young man beside him is related somehow.” Jenna says the words softly, but they just piss me off. “Please sit beside them, it’s time you get acquainted.”

  “I should be known as their dad, not Eli.” I know my words come out harsh, but my patience has run out. I hear a noise behind me, and I stand up and turn my chair to the wall at my side so no one can walk up behind me. I trust Seal with my life, but I have learned in my life, to not leave anything to chance when it could be a life or death situation. Whiskey hands everyone a bottle of cold water and then she goes and stands beside her mom. Jenna points to the other chair, but Whiskey shakes her head and ignores her mom and then turns her eyes to me.

  “Mr. James, I can understand how pissed you must be, but my mom has just gone through another round of chemotherapy, so if you could please just lower your voice. We can all hear you and we will listen to everything you have to say, but she doesn’t need the dramatics. Ryder and I found out we had at least one sibling in this world when we found some papers from when Mom had a private investigator do some snooping into your past. They were old papers before we were ever born, so we only know what we found there.” I look from Whiskey to Jenna. I can see the dark circles under Jenna’s eyes now that I’m paying attention. I also see her skin is pasty white and her frame is slight. The Red I remember had curves and her hair was lush. Her face is drawn, and I can see she doesn’t have the glow she had at one time, or the night we shared anyway. I know I have every right to be mad about the time I have lost with my children, but this is their mom and she is going through more than any woman should ever be made to. That cools my anger a little. I can’t verbally attack my children’s mother when she’s sick. What kind of man would that make me? I look back to Whiskey and this time I think about what’s important for me to say. My eyes go back to Jenna.

  “I’m sorry for what you’re going through. No matter how upset I am at you right now, please understand, I respect you as the woman that gave me two more children to love. I wish you had let me know they existed so I wouldn’t have missed all their firsts. Now I’m in the position of trying to form a relationship with them now that they are almost grown. We will never get that time back and add in the time that was taken away from Whiskey, Ryder, and their siblings. I have three other sons and two daughters that have all missed out.” I point to Max. “This is my oldest son Max and he was excited to ride out here and find his brother and sister. It was my daughter, Lexi, who brought it to my attention that I have two other children when it should have been you. I have every right to be upset with you, Jenna.” I stop and take a breath to calm myself down before I lose my temper; it’s hanging on by a thread. Everyone has stayed quiet. Jenna looks like she’s deep in thought and Whiskey is watching her mom. Ryder and Max keep looking at each other and then looking away. I know they’re sizing each other up and we’ll have to wait to see the outcome. I see when Jenna decides what to say.

  “Whiskey, go sit down beside your brother. I am and always will be the head of this family and I am stronger than you think. When I made the decision that I did that night, I knew this was a possibility and I am woman enough to take Eli’s anger that is well deserved. I made decisions that night that were unfair to him, Ryder, and Whiskey. She looks pointedly to Whiskey who has made her way over by Ryder. She sits on the arm of his chair but doesn’t give her mom attitude. “I was a desperate woman hanging on by a thread to the sanity I had left. Let’s all get comfortable and clear the air.” I want to argue with Jenna that the two of us need to talk first so we can talk openly, but I see the resignation in her eyes. She’s determined to do this her way and the only way it’s going to change is if I make an ass out of myself and take charge. I need time before I show Whiskey, Ryder, and Jenna exactly how big of an ass I can be. I want the entire story, so I need to let Jenna do this. I’ve never been this cautious of a person’s feelings before and I don’t like it at all.

  “I will listen to what you have to say and try to be open minded, but I can’t see my opinion on what you did changing. I want the entire story from the beginning, and I have questions.” The thought of not demanding answers is not sitting well with me. “Just remember to give me true facts. You’ve given me no reason to trust you, and I will check every detail that comes out of that mouth of yours.”

  “Understood. All I ask is that you let me get the entire story out before you bombard me with questions. I don’t mean that as a jab at you in any way. I know if it were me, that I would have a million questions and I think anyone in your position would.” Jenna stares into my eyes and I hers. We are both determined.

  “I agree.” It’s all the words I trust myself with at this point. Jenna takes a set of keys out of the top drawer of her desk and then bending over, opens a deeper drawer and takes out a thick folder and lays it on top of her desk. She scoots it toward me.

  “That is the information on you and your club that the private detective found for me. I only hired the man so I could put my plan into action with the least amount of difficulty, and it was a very detailed plan.” I see Ryder shift in his seat and he has a look in his eyes that I have no idea of what it means since he is a stranger to me. Whiskey puts her hand on his shoulder in a protective manner. I remain silent and reach over and take the file. I nod at Tanker and he walks over to me and I hand it to him. I know he’ll read through it while he listens to Jenna, but he’ll also take pictures on his phone. I need to talk to the man she had compile the information. “I had lost the man that I thought I would spend my life with and our unborn daughter. This is not an excuse, just a fact. My life was going down the tubes at a fast pace and I couldn’t function. I cut myself off from everyone. Once again this isn’t an excuse, just facts.” Jenna takes a break and takes a long drink of her water. It’s then I notice Whiskey staring at Seal and I turn and look at Seal. He has a big smile on his face. I’ll be nipping that in the bud, but my attention goes back to Jenna. “The first time I remember smiling again was when I was at a park and I noticed children playing. That’s where my plan began. I could never replace Chase and our daughter, but I could fill my life with love for another child. I knew I would never share this child with another person. I understand that I was being selfish. Trust me, my counselor has honed that point to me even if she doesn’t mean to. I won’t apologize for it because that’s what I needed to survive.” I make myself bite my tongue. “I went through a whole makeover to make myself more appealing to a man, and I went to a gynecologist and took shots to make myself more fertile. I chose a town that was nowhere near where I lived. Eli, you could have been any man that didn’t remind me of Chase, and I would have done the same thing. You and I told each other it was one night and then we would walk away, but I walked away with my lifeline inside of me. I have never regretted my choices and I don’t today. I would do it all over again.” Jenna looks from me to our children and my gut tells me she is being completely honest. She takes another drink of her water. “When I returned home, I had the investigator create a file on you just in case our child ever needed you for medical purposes and my revised will is also in that file with a letter to you, Whiskey, and Ryder each explaining my actions.” I look at Tanker and he nods his head. “I also isolated Whiskey and Ryder from my family to protect them from the ridicule of not having a father in their lives. My family either wanted to smother us even from afar or they wanted to talk shit, either way I wouldn’t tolerate it. Our children are only on this earth to be loved and after my parents passed, I cut any remaining ties with the rest of the family. The only place our children have ever lived is right here in this house. We work the ranch and have made a good life for ourselves. The day they turned eighteen, they became my full partners and when I die, they will be equal partners.” Jenna stops for a moment. “I’m ready for those questions now but I warn both you,” Jenna looks at me, “and my children that I won’t sugarcoat anything. Don’t ask the question if you can’t take the answer.” Jenna is just like I remember, direct and to the point.

  “Jenna this is plain bullshit. Everyone goes through loss at some time in their lives, but they don’t go around making life-altering decisions for other people.” I stop myself and look at Whiskey and Ryder. “This is nothing against either of you. You are my children and I have loved you since I became aware of that fact, but I should have been given a choice and I should have at least been told after the fact. I would have been in your lives in some way. I’m not saying I would have been here every day, my home is somewhere else, but I would have been very active in your lives. There’s nothing more important than family, whether by blood, by brotherhood, or by choice.”

  “I agree with him, Mom. If you didn’t want to explain yourself to Eli, then you should have given us a choice when we were old enough to understand. I love you Mom and that will never change, but we have a dad and with him comes another whole family. We all deserve to know each other. Whiskey and I had to find out by breaking your trust on something we should have known about way before that. That’s all I need to say on the matter except I want to get to know Eli as my dad and I want to know all my sisters and brothers. This takes none of my love from you, it’s just opening up to a bigger circle of family and the one thing you have always taught us is to love our family unconditionally.” Whiskey hugs her brother tighter and Jenna smiles at Ryder.

  “Whiskey, it’s your turn and thank you for listening. I know that is the hardest thing for you.” Jenna smiles and Ryder laughs.

  “Ain’t that the damn truth,” Ryder says with a laugh. I brace myself for what Whiskey has to say.

  “What he said.” Whiskey points down at her brother.

  “Are you sure? It’s your time to shine and you’re going to say nothing?” Jenna asks. “It’s time your dad knows the real you, don’t hold back now.”

  “I’m sorry for snooping but I’m not sorry for finding our family. I won’t be calling any other woman Mom so if I have a stepmom, it won’t be happening, and it may take a while for me to be comfortable calling you Dad. I’m not trying to be rude to you Eli, but I need to make it feel right instead of forcing it, because once I say it then it’ll be forever.” Max takes a deep breath. Whiskey looks back to her mom. “You have done an excellent job raising us and my love for you will never stop no matter what. The differences between you and Eli are just that, between the two of you. There I said my peace.” Whiskey looks from her mom to me.

  “Okay then, Max do you have anything to say?” Jenna asks, and both Max and I are surprised.

  “Ma’am I don’t know you, but I know we have missed a lot of time, but we can make up for it now. I also know that every story has two sides and by what I just heard, you were having a tough time and I won’t judge you for that. My dad and mom taught me better than that. Life is what it is, and we deal with it the only way we can. I just hope you won’t interfere in our family getting to know each other.” I’m proud of the way Max speaks his mind but contains his temper.

  “Thank you, Max, that was very understanding of you and I appreciate you not judging me. You have been raised well.” Jenna’s smile is genuine and not something forced.

  “Why Jenna? Just make me understand that one question. Not for one minute that I was with you did I think you were blatantly lying to me. You came across as a strong, determined woman that wanted to get on with her life and that was such a turn on for a woman to put it out there and not apologize for it.” I get interrupted.

  “That is a little too much information if you don’t mind. My brain refuses to go there where my mom is involved.” That comes from Ryder who sounds like he would rather be anywhere but in this conversation.

  “How do you think we got here Ryder? There weren’t two immaculate conceptions on this earth. Moms have sex just like anyone else or they wouldn’t be moms,” Whiskey tells her brother, but she says it with amusement in her voice.

  “Moms and sex should definitely not be talked about,” Max says with a laugh.

  “I knew after the first little bit at the motel room that I wouldn’t want to leave in the morning and that’s the reason I didn’t stay all night. As soon as you dosed off, I got out of there. I just need that answered and then we can leave everything else for later, so you can get some rest.” I’m trying to be discreet but what I really want to do is yell it all out in front of our children.

  “I’ve told the reasoning behind my decisions. It was nothing personal against you. I was trying to keep my word to you about the one night with no strings, but I wanted things to turn out just the way they did. I told you as much of the truth as I could. That’s what makes a lie believable. I’m not the only one that omitted things from our conversation that night. I never meant for you to find out and feel the loss of not knowing your children. I was only thinking of myself and I own that, and there has never been a day that I haven’t given our children all my love and attention. I have not even dated a man in eighteen years, nor have I taken a man to my bed. I have devoted my life to making sure that Ryder and Whiskey felt wanted and loved and they may not have had everything they wanted, but they never did without anything they needed. I hope that answers your question because I don’t have anything else to give you in the lines of an explanation. I won’t say I’m sorry when I’m not.” Jenna stops speaking and I can see the weariness in her eyes.

  “Jenna, I never lied to you. I didn’t answer the question you asked but never did one lie come from my mouth.” I may not have explained everything clearly, but not answering a question that was none of her business isn’t a lie. Then it comes to me that we can go backward and forward on this for days, weeks, or years and I still won’t be getting to know my children any better if I can’t at least let it be. I was no saint walking into that motel room that night and neither was Jenna. We can agree to disagree on the particulars. I am here for one reason and that’s my children and it’s time to get to that. “I’ll never understand your reasoning on this matter, but this will never be about you and me. I want to spend a few days getting to know Whiskey and Ryder and I want them to get to know Max, my club brothers, and me. We’re staying at a motel in town and I would like to take them to eat tonight and visit with us. If they’re more comfortable with you along then you are more than welcome to come along with us.” Jenna looks at Whiskey and Ryder.

  “I have a counter-offer if you are willing to listen,” Jenna says with a smile. I don’t get this woman at all.