“Are you talking about your new rabbit or tarantula?” That shuts Whiskey up and she’s turning three shades of red. What did I miss? So, what if she has a spider and a rabbit, and then it hits me?

  “What the hell did you say?” Whiskey stiffens her back as her face turns serious, but the redness is gone. I think I’m going to stroke out.

  “Dad, I’m a healthy eighteen-year-old. I’m not a slut, but I am curious. Mom discussed it with me and explained everything. I’m not ashamed of my sexuality and Ryder had no reason to blurt this out in front of everyone. Him snooping in my room is the only reason he found it. Don’t worry, I will pay my brother back in spades, but I won’t hurt Lurch to do it. Now could we please forget this conversation ever happened and go eat? I wouldn’t mind if we never talk about this again. Sometimes less is best.” Now Ryder is laughing, and Max looks like he would like to be anywhere but here. I wish I could bleach my ears out. That’s when I notice the way Seal is looking at Whiskey, again. I will make sure that discussion happens tonight. Seal is a good man. He’s a hard worker and I could never ask for a better brother. The age difference might make the difference, but he already knows that no one fucks with my children. If he wants something with Whiskey, then he will know if he hurts her that he will die. My brothers are family and I have a love and respect for each one. I would be a delusional hypocrite if I thought I could keep them apart. Seal won’t disrespect my daughter. I’m getting ahead of myself, but I see the writing on the wall, and I need to get ahead of it.

  “I’m good with that and I promise never to talk about it again. That puts pictures in my head that might traumatize me,” Max says, and I don’t think he’s playing. I know how he feels.

  “I second that and don’t put that spider in my bed or it will be dead,” Ryder says.

  “Or at least wait until I’m not here.” Max looks at Whiskey and she has a strange look on her face.

  “I told you I wouldn’t take a chance on Lurch getting hurt but when I was in the pet store this week, I was looking at a couple of those big brown stinging scorpions and I think they would be good pets for me. What do you think Ryder? Do you think they would be good bedmates?” Whiskey is a different type of girl. Lexi and Dixie would have a screaming fit if they saw a spider or even a garter snake. Yes, Whiskey has spunk and no matter how much Ryder protests, he loves her for it. I can’t wait for us all to be together as a family. Liam is going to try and not like Whiskey and Ryder, but Liam has always been the one with lizards and all sorts of crawling animals in our house. His snake has been out in my house more than once because he loves for his sisters to be screaming in terror. This will be our little surprise for him.

  “I’m starving, let’s eat or I’m making a sandwich,” Max tells us.

  “Alright, let’s eat and this conversation doesn’t need to ever be repeated. Do you think we could keep this from Mom? She will be all kinds of upset with Ryder for bringing this up, and I will put Ryder in his place in my own time,” Whiskey says quietly.

  “Don’t try to act like you’re trying to protect me, you just don’t want her to know.” Whiskey puts her hand on her hip.

  “Why are you being such a jerk? This isn’t you and for your information Mom is the one that took me to the store to make my purchase so I would get the right thing. She’s known from the beginning, just like she buys you condoms.” Whiskey gives Ryder a stern look.

  “I’m just hacking on you. You couldn’t care less if someone knows what you have in your room. We’re keeping everyone from eating so to keep the peace, I’m sorry. Now let’s eat,” Ryder says.

  “Thank you for the apology. Let’s eat,” Whiskey says with no anger in her voice. I shake my head, these two amuse me. Whiskey walks through the back door into the kitchen and starts setting the food out. Ryder finishes putting the knives and silverware out. Our first family dinner.

  12

  Jenna…

  This morning came way too early, but I had a burst of energy, until I hit the shower and saw my hair coming out in big clumps. That took the wind right out of my sails. I decided it was time. I took the clippers I used to use to cut Ryder’s hair when he still liked burrs and got rid of the mess my hair has become. If I clip it, the clumping will stop. I take a bite out of the big bitter pill that fate has dealt me, and my hair is gone within minutes. My looks don’t define me. I am strong and I can get through this. I get the job done and I feel better. It was more the thought of what I would look like, vain, sure it is but I’m human. At least I try not to deny my shortcomings.

  I leave the house early with Teresa on a very important mission, it’s time to put ‘project move’ into motion. I won’t stop until I succeed. I need to make it up to my children and Eli for keeping them separated.

  The morning goes by in a blur. One appointment blends into the next and I can’t wait to share everything I’ve learned with everyone. I like it when my days are successful, but I hate wearing a surgical mask everywhere. I don’t need to pick up any extra germs when I’m doing better.

  I don’t see anyone out front when Teresa drives up the driveway. I take my phone out and text the kids to get to my office. It’s time for that family meeting. I have thought long and hard, and the only way I can live with the decisions I’ve made is if I let Eli have control now. I don’t know why but I still trust him just like I did that night eighteen years ago. I have had control for over eighteen years, and it’s time I share that control with Eli. The thought of leaving our fate in someone else’s hands makes me sick to my stomach but I need to do something to make up to Eli and the kids the time they lost, and this is the way to do it. It’s not going to be easy, but I will fake it until it becomes easier.

  Teresa parks my SUV in front of the house. I know this has been a long day for her. I have either left her sitting waiting for me, or I have been lost in my own thoughts all day. She’s done it with a smile, but I know this is tiring. She helps me out of the SUV and into the house. I could use a nap myself, but I want this over with, so it will need to wait.

  “Teresa, thank you for your help today. I know you had to be bored to tears. If this wasn’t time-sensitive, I would have divided it up into two days. You are a dear person.” I take money out of my wallet and hand it to her. She doesn’t even count it, just sticks it in her pocket.

  “I’m just a phone call away anytime you need me. The money that I get working for you either goes to spoiling my grandkids or on bingo cards. I’m getting up in the years and I’m trying to enjoy what I have left. Just call when you need a helping hand. I even do windows and bathrooms.” Teresa laughs. Everyone knows how much she loves her grandkids. They’re all she talks about except for her nights out playing bingo at the community center. “I’m going to get on home now so I can have Steven’s food on the table when he gets home.”

  “Thank you again. You’re always a lifesaver and tell Steven I said hello.” Teresa is gone back out the door and I watch through the door as she walks to her car. That woman has helped me through some dark times. Eli walks in the room.

  “Good afternoon, Eli. I have so much to share with you and the kids. I hope Max is going to join us.” I sound a bit more cheerful than I feel. “Can we go to my office before the children get here? I need to run something by you before they get here.”

  “We can do that. Seal is helping Whiskey with whatever extra work you had her doing today. I think they’re developing something between them, or Seal is trying to. How do you feel about that?” I am leading Eli into my office. I take the seat behind my desk and Eli sits on the corner of my desk. I think only a second before I answer him.

  “Whiskey is eighteen years old and she has a very level head so the decision is hers, and I support whatever that might be.” I trust my daughter.

  “Jenna, the biker lifestyle we live is different from how civilians live. I have been wanting to warn you on some of the things going on at the clubhouse,” Eli says. “There are women there to just fill the needs of the brothers and that is literally. That’s their place in the club life. They don’t care if the brother is married or not. We try to keep the wives, ol’ ladies, and club girls separated. I’ll go deeper into detail later, but I can tell you the club girls have a come one, come all point of view and they dress for the brothers. That means the fewer clothes the better. I won’t let Whiskey inside the clubhouse except to see me or on a family occasion and the club girls keep their distance during family get togethers. I don’t let Lexi or Dixie there either, but Candy is determined to break that rule every time I turn around with Dixie. She thinks it’s alright for a fifteen-year old to in a clubhouse all the time.” Eli is getting pissed at the idea.

  “Can we shelve this conversation for later, please? I have some news I want to run by you.” The kids should be here soon. I need to get this conversation rolling.

  “Sure thing, what’s so important?” Eli asks.

  “I can sell the ranch with a good profit. I have a buyer that has been interested for the last five years and the good thing is that he wants to buy it as it is today, but my attorney and realtor have a counteroffer that I take some of the equipment and stock. The equipment we have have all been updated in the last two years and I don’t want to start from scratch this time, but that’s only if Ryder and Whiskey want to do the whole ranching thing again.” I’m glad to get that part out, but I am nervous about the next part. “I have taken control of everything so far in our children’s lives. I want you to have control of this part. I know we’ll listen to Ryder and Whiskey, but if they come to you and decide they don’t want to do the ranching thing then I want you to guide them through this. I could blame my sickness in this decision but that’s not the reason. I am giving you this to help build your relationships and I don’t want my children making decisions on what they think I want. This gives you the control all the way down to where we will live. How close or far from you. I owe you that.” Eli is shaking his head.

  “You won’t back out of this because I can tell you I want Whiskey and Rider as close as possible. I also have been thinking. How long before you can leave?” Eli asks me.

  “If my doctor is right and all the test come back in positive, then he said he would be comfortable transferring me to another doctor at the end of next week. The buyer also wants to take possession of the ranch in fourteen days from day of sale. First, he needs to accept our counteroffer. I just wanted to run this all by you and not just dump it on you in front of everyone.” I hear people in the hall talking and I look to Eli. He still hasn’t given me his opinion or answer.

  “Are you absolutely sure? Because once I start this, I will finish it. You may not like or agree with my decisions because until we can find an appropriate place, you’ll be staying in my cabin. Everyone will have plenty of room. Building a family bond between all my children will be my main objective. I don’t want you to get butt hurt if you feel left out and I don’t want you to get territorial. I have an ex-wife and a woman that wants my patch. They are like two screaming banshees when they’re around each other. I don’t want to add a third.” I think about what Eli’s said and he’s just as honest as he was the first night we met. He wants me in his life as only the mother of two of his children. I admire his honesty and I have let my mind spin daydreams in my head. I need to suck it up and do what’s best for my children.

  “Agreed.” I try not to show the hurt I feel.

  “Are you ready for us?” Ryder sticks his head in the door.

  “We are. Come on in,” I tell Ryder and watch as he and his sister walk in the door. I wait for the other three, but Whiskey shuts the door behind her. “Where are the other three? Sit down, it’s time for decisions to be made.”

  “I sent them to town to do some things for me,” Eli tells us. That’s all we get. That’s going to take some getting used to. Whiskey and Ryder sit down looking at each other with that twin communication thing going on with their eyes.

  “I know yesterday and today have been hectic and we’re going to be making life-changing decisions, but the only thing I can say to that is think hard before you vote about what you truly want to do. I have always told you both to never let what someone else wants to persuade you to do anything you are uncomfortable with and I say it again today. I trust both of your instincts.” I look at my children and I see they know where this is going. “Your dad has been left out of a lot of decisions in your lives, so I am going to let him take this one. I also want you both to know that I have seen my doctor today and things are looking good. My numbers are better already, so I am only going on his advice. He said by the end of the week, if all my tests come back as expected, then he will be comfortable with transferring me to another doctor, but he will still be consulting on my case. We have a few options to go with, but Eli is going to explain them and what he wants to happen with us in the future.” I stop and think about how that sounds. “I mean, how he would like to proceed with things to do with the two of you. I’m just there because I’m your mom.”

  “I want you both to know that I know this is asking a lot of both of you. It’s going to be a big adjustment for everyone but I want to be clear, I want the two of you living as close to me as possible and if you’re going to be there then that means your mom will be there because both of you have expressed how you feel about that issue. What are your thoughts on selling this place and moving close to me? There’s also the option of staying here and us setting up times for you to come and visit me or me and your sisters and brothers coming to visit you. I could try to find a place to buy close by. This is where you were brought up and I can understand if you don’t want to leave it. Trace, Dixie and Lexi could only come for a visit during school breaks. Then there is the third option to leave things the way they are. Your mom has said she is willing to sell and move. That’s without pressure from me and she can tell you that. She and I have issues to deal with, but we will. You know how I feel, and you know how your brother, Max, feels.” Whiskey and Ryder’s eyes go from Eli to me.

  “Your dad oversees this. I agree with everything he’s said.” I think Eli stated it well.

  “What is the situation like where you live? How would we fit in? Would our sisters and brothers accept us? How is your ex-wife and the other baby mama going to act toward us and don’t blow smoke up our ass, we want the truth because just because we move there doesn’t mean we will stay forever and most importantly, how will they treat our mom?” Whiskey asks the questions, but Ryder is waiting as well.

  “I will be as honest as I can but some of these questions don’t have an answer. Trace and Lexi are excited to meet you two and welcome you into the family. Those two are my easy children. Trace is thirteen years old and he loves dirt bikes and football. He and I spend a lot of time together hunting and fishing when time permits. I don’t think it will be long until he tells his mom that he wants to move in with me. Candy doesn’t want the two separate set of kids to get along. Candy is a different kind of woman than I expect you are used to being around. Lexi just wants a sister she can relate to. She’s been an easy teenager so far and she’s sixteen. It was she that took the class that brought me here.” Eli waits a minute as if he’s searching for the right words. “If there is any flack, it will come from Liam or Dixie. Liam’s mom is D.D., my ex-wife. D.D. also doesn’t like the kids together. She doesn’t think Dixie and Trace are good enough for our three children. D.D. and Candy hate each other. I was married to D.D. when I was with Candy.” Neither Whiskey nor Ryder react. “It was an arrangement that D.D. and I had. I’m not making excuses, it’s just the way it was. Jenna, I didn’t lie to you the night we were together. D.D. didn’t care, with the stipulation I kept money flowing into her pocket and when you meet her you can ask her. She just wanted me to keep it quiet. Candy was a club girl and after she got pregnant with Dixie, she wouldn’t keep her mouth shut in public. That lead to our divorce, but we’re still friends. Candy still wants me, but I don’t want her, and she tries to turn my kids against me. Dixie will do whatever her mom asks of her even if that means trouble. Dixie has been in trouble with the law and has dated older men. She also sneaks out of the house, drinks, and smokes weed. She is my problem child right now.” I’m trying to take everything in, but it’s all a bit much. “Liam is protesting being a member of my family and he’s eighteen too. How anyone reacts I can’t say, but it’s going to be interesting.”

  “Sounds like you have a handful. Why would you want more? I can tell you that neither Whiskey nor I will put up with anything from any of them and we won’t allow it to reach our mom. We can handle ourselves and we don’t need anyone paving a smooth path for us, but we don’t put up with shit from anyone. It’s not the way we were raised. We treat people the way they treat us, and we have boundaries we won’t let anyone cross. If you understand that from the get-go, and agree to it, then I say we sell and move. It’d be nice for once not to have so much responsibility on my shoulders and I know Whiskey feels the same way. I mean that as no disrespect to you, Mom. We have loved our family life on the ranch. It’s just we want to see what else is out there and to be able to go swimming somewhere without worrying about who’s having to double up on chores or work to give us an afternoon off.” I know what Ryder is talking about. This ranch takes a lot of work.

  “I agree. I would love to sleep past six in the morning for a couple of months straight but mostly I don’t care what else happens, I want to move closer to you, Dad. Just don’t forget Ryder’s warning; we will protect our mom from anyone.” Whiskey looks fierce.